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He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me - Romance - Nairaland

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He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by blandyne(f): 5:10pm On Jul 15, 2009
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months now. His parents and siblings are in Nigeria, he said he does have family members here in the U.S but they live in different states , so basically i've never met anyone of them. On the other hand i live with my family, from the beginning of the relationship (2weeks) i told him that i expect him to meet my parents that there is no catch whatsoever it's just smthing really important to them and they always insist to know who their daughters are involved with. I ask him to think about it (u know didn't want to push him too much) and he replied that there's nothing to think about that he'll meet them.

Well it's been 3 months now and he never did. He only met my sis.First mostly when he comes to pick me up my parents aren't there so i don't make a big deal out of it but there was this time my father was home and i expected him to meet my dad, that day he refused because he was coming from the gym and he said that he wasn't dressed properly to do so. After that incident, my best friend told me to give him a break and that maybe he's just not ready yet, so I never ask him again.

Now his parents are here in the states and they'll stay with him for a month. Last night I went to see him at his house and his parents were sleeping already ( was late 10:30pm) so i didn't meet them. Stayed there for about an hour and while he was driving me back home i found out that he hasn't told them anything about me, basically i don't exist. Of course I got enraged and really mad,asked him why and he replied that he cannot just go to them and tell them that he has a girlfriend unless they ask him and that's a cultural thing.Of course i didn't believe and told him he's lying to me and there's no such thing, that he's using his culture as an excuse since i dont know anything about it because i'm from the carribean. I haven't talk to him since and do not want to right now 'cause i'm mad.

I don't know what to do. I love him ( even though i haven't tell him yet) and am not happy right now. I know any body reading this post will tell me to break up with him, but am not ready for it. I'm thinking of giving him an ultimatum that he introduces me to his parents or i'll leave. Or should i give him more time ?
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Nautillus(m): 5:25pm On Jul 15, 2009
Galfriend. . .Chill

before i try to explain your BFs situation. . .i have a question

Where is he from? & where are you from( Originally that is)?? ?? ??

Is he American/Nigeria/Asia. . .YOU?
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by blandyne(f): 5:32pm On Jul 15, 2009
@ Nautillus
He's nigerian, and i'm not american i'm from the caribbean.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by funkybaby(f): 5:35pm On Jul 15, 2009
blandyne:

@ Nautillus
He's nigerian, and i'm not american i'm from the caribbean.

thats explains it all undecided
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Nautillus(m): 5:44pm On Jul 15, 2009
Ok . . .Now the picture is clearer.

YES, he isn't lieing to you Per say. . .Yes, its a culture thing for US Nigerians, we don't. . .WE NEVER RUSH to meet the GFs Parents . .NIETHER do we introduce ANY gal to our parents . .Just AFTER 3 months . . .common gal . .please do not throw away the great guy you have as a BF becos of cultural difference . . .we take it very serious here in Africa . .when we take a gal home to the parents . . .IT MEANS we are LOOKING AT SETTLING down with him/her soon.

You don't grow out of that xracter even when you go abroad . . .NO NOWAY. . .its in the BLOOD.

You have a good nam in your hands . .Loving . .Feed him . .Neva leave him . .just kidding grin

Give it time. . .I recommend you try the Parent thingy after 1 YEAR of dating . .Be careful . .you might just scare him away
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Nautillus(m): 5:46pm On Jul 15, 2009
Another thing . . .NIGERIAN parents don't usually SMILE at there sons when they bring a non Nigerian GF home . . .

If you don't like it . .tough luck. That who we are and what we do . .Sorry
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by blandyne(f): 5:48pm On Jul 15, 2009
@ funkybaby
funkybaby:

thats explains it all undecided

I don't understand. You think he didn't say anything to them because i'm not nigerian. That's ridiculous, i mean he knew from the beginning that i wasn't so why would he courtship me then?
I'm thinking he might be a mama's boy, when talking about them mostly he said "my mom" not my parents you know. The guy is a grown man, matter of fact he's 11 years older than me.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by walakolobo: 5:49pm On Jul 15, 2009
@Poster

You are not the type to take home to momma, you are just good for his bed. the handwritting is clearly shown on the wall.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Nobody: 6:00pm On Jul 15, 2009
dont listen to the nonsense the earlier poster wrote. nobody knows why he didnt tell his parents about you but chances are that he is no ready yet. not all parents are welcoming as yours. in Nigeria, unless a person is looking at marriage, they wont introduce the girl to their parents. thats an old fashion thingy. therefore if you have been dating for only 3months, then he is probably not certain of where you guyz are heading and probably needs more time to decide if your are worthy of meeting the parents.
as for the difference of cultures, nobody can truly say. there are parents who will have absolutely no problems with it while others would never allow it. it all depends on how open minded the parents are.
if he is born and raised outside of 9ja then you will have much more chances than if he's just arrived freshly from 9ja.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by TheSeeker(m): 8:42pm On Jul 15, 2009
MRbrownJAY:

dont listen to the nonsense the earlier poster wrote. nobody knows why he didnt tell his parents about you but chances are that he is no ready yet. not all parents are welcoming as yours. in Nigeria, unless a person is looking at marriage, they wont introduce the girl to their parents. thats an old fashion thingy. therefore if you have been dating for only 3months, then he is probably not certain of where you guyz are heading and probably needs more time to decide if your are worthy of meeting the parents.
as for the difference of cultures, nobody can truly say. there are parents who will have absolutely no problems with it while others would never allow it. it all depends on how open minded the parents are.
if he is born and raised outside of 9ja then you will have much more chances than if he's just arrived freshly from 9ja.
Seconded.

@Poster
Doesn't it seem a little too fast to talk to his parents about you? When you say he never told his parents about you, what do you actually imply he tells them? Have you talked marriage? Has he met your parents?
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by theolar: 10:26pm On Jul 15, 2009
Dear poster i tink its to early to meet d parents wit ur attitude i am sure u ave scard him real good. As 4 his referin to his mom,it mite be dat dey have a gud r/ship.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by touchmeder: 12:17am On Jul 16, 2009
i think you need to take a chill pill poster. its just three months. when we talk about meeting and introducing someone to the parents its like saying ''hey this is the girl, this is the one'' you may not see it like that but that does not change how he would view issues like that. give him some time if you happen to visit him again and meet his parents he is likely to say something out of courtesy i guess but just taking you to them and doing the introduction thing might be a bit too much for him right now. that being said i dont understand why he has not just gone ahead to say hello to your parents since to you its not a big deal and its expected in your family. i think he is not willing to get too much into family matter for now. just enjoy the relationship the way it is. if you get too pushy bout this family thing you will scare him undecided
i hope youre not a play thing to him sha lipsrsealed
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Nobody: 1:07am On Jul 16, 2009
Insist on him meeting ur mom at least, if he's got nothin 2 hide.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Kelvinj(m): 1:31am On Jul 16, 2009
C'mon girlfriend, in 9ja u dnt just introduce any girl 2 ur parents jst like dat. U guyz ar jst a few months old, jst chill & make him more confident so he will be bold 2 take u 2 his parents. As 4 d mom tin, dnt blame him dat hw he grew cause i call mine mom 2 or can u tell us wat u call urs.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by daduke2k(m): 2:25am On Jul 16, 2009
2rue talk. All u hav 2 do 2 make him meet ur parents is 2 stage a meeting.tell him ur folks aint at home ,invite him over 2 ur crib and boom dats it. U can always apologise
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by daduke2k(m): 2:28am On Jul 16, 2009
2rue talk. All u hav 2 do 2 make him meet ur parents is 2 stage a meeting.tell him ur folks aint at home ,invite him over 2 ur crib and boom dats it. U can always apologise
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by chyk91(m): 3:15am On Jul 16, 2009
pls dont scare him, 3 months is not enough time. in nigeria, if u take a girl home to ur parents, then u are thinking of settling down with her, so be patient. he might not want to meet ur parents now cos he might think u are trying to trap him to get married to u or stuff lyk that.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by blandyne(f): 3:21am On Jul 16, 2009
So you guys are telling me that he was telling the truth!!!!! I hope i did not scare him away since he hasn't call me at all today, he's the kind of guy that will always try to make me smile when i'm mad.



ziddy:

Insist on him meeting ur mom at least, if he's got nothin 2 hide.
Now thinking about it, last night while arguing with him he did tell me that next time he'll come to pick me up to let him know if my parents are there so he could meet them.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Gabry(f): 5:09am On Jul 16, 2009
Poster, Ill say give him time. Its not like he is cheating on you or anything.

If it makes u feel any better, Im Asian and my bf is Nigerian and when we first dated, my bf did not introudce me to his parents at all for 6 months and I tell my family that this bf of mine is a best friend and he is not my bf at all. After 6 months, we both agreed to come clean and so he told his family about me and I told my family about him. Thats just it
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by rave2u: 5:56am On Jul 16, 2009
Seems to me like your desperate!
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by C2H5OH(f): 7:51am On Jul 16, 2009
Lol it's only been 3 months. You sound desperate. Are you dating each other or are you actually dating each other's parents? Take a chill pill and at least try to enjoy getting to know each other while this "honey-moon period" is still looming like a cloud over your heads.

Silly gal grin .
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Nobody: 8:12am On Jul 16, 2009
people, stop saying she is desperate as anyone living in the real world would know that meeting ones parent aint a big deal, ESPECIALLY if you live at your parents place.
my parents met most of my girls while i was growing up living in their homes. there was absolutely nothing wrong with it as they knew pretty well that we were not going into some marriage plans. parents should have an idea of what their children are doing and meeting their dates/friends earlier on isnt wrong at all especially if that person come to your home to pick you up.
my parents would make a fuss if someone came to our house and didnt come and say hello to them so i can understand the poster.
if i had a girl who came by while we had dinner then she would come and join us, long term gf or just 1week old relationships. its all about how comfortable you are around your parents and who you are hanging out with.
in 9ja people see it differently, it isnt better or worst , it is just different.
if she was talking marriage after 3months then that would be a sign of desperation and "foolishness" but it isnt so.
one of the problem today is that people aint comfortable with who they are and what they do. if you are ok with laying with her and be with a girl then dont be afraid to tell your folks that this is the girl you are "courting" or "getting to know". if your parents are open minded they will understand that it could be something like it could be nothing.
relax.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by C2H5OH(f): 8:19am On Jul 16, 2009
If you take into account that at first she was pushing to introduce him to her parents under the umbrella that she would feel more comfortable with her parents knowing who she's involved with - of course that sounds fine. But then you add on the newer aside that she's now making a fuss about him not yet introducing her to his parents.
All this lobbying to meet the parents must mean there's something else or somewhere else she's trying to go with this.


Poster, if you are hell bent on meeting his parents why not ask him to introduce you to them, since he seems reluctant to do it of his own accord.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by chiejik(f): 8:31am On Jul 16, 2009
chillout gal is too early for that we dont do like that in africa ok dont push him
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by bblacky(f): 8:54am On Jul 16, 2009
xcept he hasnt told his parents after making a proposal to you. but if he has not come up with the topic of marriage den cant u see how early it is to start introducin u to his family members?

well lets assume he still wants to know more about u n ascertain whether or not u are the one to be b4 tellin u to the parents.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by biola44: 9:06am On Jul 16, 2009
MRbrownJAY:

people, stop saying she is desperate as anyone living in the real world would know that meeting ones parent aint a big deal, ESPECIALLY if you live at your parents place.
my parents met most of my girls while i was growing up living in their homes. there was absolutely nothing wrong with it as they knew pretty well that we were not going into some marriage plans. parents should have an idea of what their children are doing and meeting their dates/friends earlier on isnt wrong at all especially if that person come to your home to pick you up.
my parents would make a fuss if someone came to our house and didnt come and say hello to them so i can understand the poster.
if i had a girl who came by while we had dinner then she would come and join us, long term gf or just 1week old relationships. its all about how comfortable you are around your parents and who you are hanging out with.
in 9ja people see it differently, it isnt better or worst , it is just different.
if she was talking marriage after 3months then that would be a sign of desperation and "foolishness" but it isnt so.
one of the problem today is that people aint comfortable with who they are and what they do. if you are ok with laying with her and be with a girl then dont be afraid to tell your folks that this is the girl you are "courting" or "getting to know". if your parents are open minded they will understand that it could be something like it could be nothing.
relax.
this sums it up! cheesy
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Gabry(f): 9:28am On Jul 16, 2009
MRbrownJAY:

people, stop saying she is desperate as anyone living in the real world would know that meeting ones parent aint a big deal, ESPECIALLY if you live at your parents place.
my parents met most of my girls while i was growing up living in their homes. there was absolutely nothing wrong with it as they knew pretty well that we were not going into some marriage plans. parents should have an idea of what their children are doing and meeting their dates/friends earlier on isnt wrong at all especially if that person come to your home to pick you up.
my parents would make a fuss if someone came to our house and didnt come and say hello to them so i can understand the poster.
if i had a girl who came by while we had dinner then she would come and join us, long term gf or just 1week old relationships. its all about how comfortable you are around your parents and who you are hanging out with.
in 9ja people see it differently, it isnt better or worst , it is just different.
if she was talking marriage after 3months then that would be a sign of desperation and "foolishness" but it isnt so.
one of the problem today is that people aint comfortable with who they are and what they do. if you are ok with laying with her and be with a girl then dont be afraid to tell your folks that this is the girl you are "courting" or "getting to know". if your parents are open minded they will understand that it could be something like it could be nothing.
relax.

It depends on culture. I come from the Asian Culture therefore to even introduce your lover to your family / parents is a serious bif thing. My parents or any Asian parents would treat it like u are serious with this person and soon it will take it to marriage. Thats how it is and same goes for my bf's family so it depends on the culture and also individuals.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by smooooooth: 9:46am On Jul 16, 2009
i will suggest you calm down, u are just worrying over nothing. i think he likes you, personally i wont meet the father of a lady i love first time, if i am not properly dressed, i guess thats the way he felt, when he came to your house & your father was home. and not telling his parents about u, does not mean he is playing u, guyz dnt just call their parents and talk about their girlfriend, expecially when they not living around them. but since they are now in the U.S be sure he is going to introduce you with time; definately not waking them up in the middle of the night to meethis gf, and dnt bother about u not being an african. he's parents may not like the idea, but d ''black'' man has a mind of his own, and so he has the final say.

so just chill.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by Nobody: 9:53am On Jul 16, 2009
Gabry:

It depends on culture. I come from the Asian Culture therefore to even introduce your lover to your family / parents is a serious bif thing. My parents or any Asian parents would treat it like u are serious with this person and soon it will take it to marriage. Thats how it is and same goes for my bf's family so it depends on the culture and also individuals.

that is exactly what i am saying. its all down to cultures and therefore people saying that this girl is desperate are wrong for thinking that introducing your bf within 3months shows desperation. in her culture/world introducing your new bf is not seen as a sign of "lets get married".
the more old fashion parents you got, the less you would introduce your new bf.
back in our parents days, the person you dated had to marry you before you could even walk down the street with her let alone date her. nowadays it is different. like i said, its all down to how comfortable you are with your parents, would you expect to see all your children's dates or Just see one of them and make him hide all his dates his entire teenage/early adult life. if my child is comfortable with dating someone then he should be comfortable being seen with her and not hide.
in Asia, the problem is completely different because meeting the parents is like signing a marriage license, even worst than 9ja!
ps, i have lived in Asia(Japan, China) as i told you before. when it comes to dating, asia aint the real world.
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by touchmeder: 9:59am On Jul 16, 2009
i think people may see her as being desperate because they dont understand her reasoning and where she is coming from. i still think she needs to relax on the meeting his parents thing. if she goes to visit him and meets them. perfect at least then he'd have to say something.On the other hand, i dont see anything wrong in the boy stopping by to greet her parents knowing how it means to her family. this matter is so simple
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by daduke2k(m): 10:09am On Jul 16, 2009
She aint desperate .she is right bt al parents are not the same . He needs time .
Re: He Never Told Anything To His Parents About Me by pinkylady1(f): 10:21am On Jul 16, 2009
plz don't push the guy away with this your attitude, cos he might want to really get to know the real you which might explain the reason he hasn't tell his parents abt you.

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