Except you acknowledge him as King and treat him accordingly, you're by no means his Queen --Postmann


The difference between a man and a woman runs deeper than just their physical make up and appearance. There're psychological and physiological divide that makes each sex completely distinct and unique. So much so that each expresses and reacts to certain gestures, moods, emotions, desires, and situations differently from the other.

On the individual level, most men and women have not invested enough time to study and understand these differences. Consequently, it has resulted in the miscarriage of good motives and gestures when conveyed across gender.
There is no other stage where this is more obvious than the marital front.

For instance, men generally handle stress by not focusing on the stress. They'd rather not talk about it, but prefere to deal with it by watching TV or reading a newspaper. Women on the other hand, handle stress by talking about it. So, the wife may adjudge her husband's male strategy of dealing with stress as "emotionally unavailable" while the husband may see his wife as nagging when she wants them to talk over some issues. The examples are endless.

So how does a wife convey her love to her husband, manoeuvring through the great male-female chasm, without getting misunderstood? How does she speak and act love in a language her husband understands? Remember, a wife's action to show love can be different from what her husband needs to feel loved.

Let's consider 3 factors:

RESPECT: Acknowledge him for who he is. He is your husband and that translates to mean he is your KING! One who sits above your pastor/pope, or boss and yes, your dad (Num 30:6-15).
Except you acknowledge him as King, you are by no means his Queen. Let him lead, and trust his judgment most times and you'll be part of his decision making.

He appreciates it when you seek his opinion and advice on even the little things that pertains you. Be they work-related, health or finance. Again, what a wife may intend as respect in her actions and what a husband needs to feel respected can be two different things.

APPRECIATION: There's nothing that saps out the drive, enthusiasm, and self-belief of a good husband than an under-appreciating wife. A man is hardwired to be a provider for his family. And he gets a lot of fulfillment from doing that and getting his wife's appreciation. A wife who makes him feel inadequate as a provider with constant complaints can make a good, hardworking man grow timid, unmotivated and drained-out.

But sincere, well timed praises for his good works, gestures and sensitivity can boost his ego and make him more successful with greater zeal to please his wife.
Serving him his favourite meal without his asking makes him know how lucky he was when he put that ring on your finger.


Sex is a responsibility


SURRENDER: The sex life of some married couples is nothing close to a hot romantic scene from your favourite soap opera. For some reasons a lot of women lose their sex drive in marriage. This is dangerous!!!

Now, we understand the road to getting women aroused is quite different to that of men. Women need lots of romance, communication, non-sexual touches, cuddling and all that to get aroused, but men can get aroused simply out of nowhere, just straight out of the blue! And he may reach out for his wife in an odd, not-in-the-mood hour.

But let's try to define sex: It's an act of union in intimacy; it is the fusion of two bodies, minds, hearts and souls as they become one in beatitude. It is simply love blossomed. But sex is a RESPONSIBILITY!!! (1cor 7:3-5)

That's the main point, it's a responsibility. Except for illness and some unbearable situation, a wife should endeavour to feed her husband's coital appetite as much as she possibly can.

A husband perceives his wife's regular sexual refusal as an act of rejection, a judgment against his attractiveness . He simply believes his wife doesn't love him. And a sexually starved man is an unfulfilled and frustrated man and can be up for grabs by just any lady that looks good enough to warm his bed.

If a wife gives in only when she's in the mood, then she runs a great risk of leaving her husband sexually unsatisfied most times of his life. A husband feels loved when his wife seldom turns his sexual advances down. Rather than turning him down, take his hands and walk him down the road to your arousal. That's not asking too much.

And you can go a step further to be the reality of his fantasy!!! He appreciates it when you initiate the act at times.
Waking him up from the deep, in the middle of the night with the heat of your passionate desire makes him feel desired like he's still that cute guy you fell for some years back.


N.B This is only a cursory illustration of how a wife can love her husband in a way he understands. It is by no means a scientific delineation on the subject matter.

Nice writeup and I agree fully with points 2 & 3.

As for 1, not clear going by your previous posts.

I also do not understand the need to restrict 'special' meals till a wife needs something from her husband or wants to discuss with him.

I see it as an insult ..... Saying the husband is not worthy of the special meal on a 'normal' day however, I understand it works well for some folks.

Nice one.

This is a nice writeup.


If all couples can do these, the divorce rate might probably reduce, except few ones who are insatiable, unappreciative and those who see their spouses as below them in everything.
My point is that, we should reciprocate the good deeds of each other to make our marriages heaven on earth.

May God help us all.

And counter thread........... "WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LOVE YOUR WIFE" loading.......... I trust Nairalanders.

bukatyne:
Nice writeup and I agree fully with points 2 & 3.

As for 1, not clear going by your previous posts.

I also do not understand the need to restrict 'special' meals till a wife needs something from her husband or wants to discuss with him.

I see it as an insult ..... Saying the husband is not worthy of the special meal on a 'normal' day however, I understand it works well for some folks.

Good morning! I was overcome by sleep that I could only read your post but couldn't reply until now.

@ first bolded sentence. I perceive I must have come across to you as a chauvinist of some sort, if not an outright misogynist, no thanks to my previous posts. But I'll be grateful if you highlight what areas in number 1 you aren't so clear about.

@ the second bolded sentence, I actually was saying that a wife could serve her husband his favourite meals without him having to make the request. Such gestures show she knows her husband so well and pleasing him is her top priority.

I agree with you, esp No 1... Men love respect a lot. .. Even though me and my husband live like siblings, I don't cross my boundary. . I don't take his meekness for granted, I still make him feel like yeah he's the head..

Generally, I would do anything to make my husband happy because he deserves it and a lot more....

PresVA:
I agree with you, esp No 1... Men love respect a lot. .. Even though me and my husband live like siblings, I don't cross my boundary. . I don't take his meekness for granted, I still make him feel like yeah he's the head..

Generally, I would do anything to make my husband happy because he deserves it and a lot more....

I can only say CONGRATULATIONS!!! You definitely are a rare breed, a horse with a different colour. Be blessed and enjoy your marriage!

greatgod2012:
This is a nice writeup.


If all couples can do these, the divorce rate might probably reduce, except few ones who are insatiable, unappreciative and those who see their spouses as below them in everything.
My point is that, we should reciprocate the good deeds of each other to make our marriages heaven on earth.

May God help us all.

When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.

Many people in marriage today compete with each other rather than work together. Trying to make it work seems like forcing,slaving or begging YOUR SPOUSE. Very disturbed minds.

edwife:


When you make the sacrifice in marriage, you're sacrificing not to each other but to unity in a relationship.

Many people in marriage today compete with each other rather than work together. Trying to make it work seems like forcing,slaving or begging YOUR SPOUSE. Very disturbed minds.

Very disturbing indeed!
Marriage without mutual sacrifice equals to selfishness in marriage. Unfortunately, these days, there are more selfish people more than those who are ready to make sacrifices. You see marriages where only one partner is the one striving to make the marriage work, why won't he/she be frustrated. Very sad indeed.

postmann:



Good morning! I was overcome by sleep that I could only read your post but couldn't reply until now.

1. @ first bolded sentence. I perceive I must have come across to you as a chauvinist of some sort, if not an outright misogynist, no thanks to my previous posts. But I'll be grateful if you highlight what areas in number 1 you aren't so clear about.

2. @ the second bolded sentence, I actually was saying that a wife could serve her husband his favourite meals without him having to make the request. Such gestures show she knows her husband so well and pleasing him is her top priority.

1. I agree wives should respect their husbands however experiences has taught me respect means different things to different people. And yes, you come across as a misogynist but again, that's my opinion not necessarily the truth.

2. We are saying same thing in different words. Why do I have to wait till I want something before I prepare his best food (if he has one)?.

postmann:


I can only say CONGRATULATIONS!!! You definitely are a rare breed, a horse with a different colour. Be blessed and enjoy your marriage!

Amen, thanks a lot

bukatyne:


1. I agree wives should respect their husbands however experiences has taught me respect means different things to different people. And yes, you come across as a misogynist but again, that's my opinion not necessarily the truth.

2. We are saying same thing in different words. Why do I have to wait till I want something before I prepare his best food (if he has one)?.

Your number 2 is a die-for. But your number 1 seems to have its tail clipped on some controversy.

Generally, men have a universal concept of respect. It can be roughly, or vaguely summarised in the 3 factors cited above.

Maybe you've tried it out and it didn't yield much. Maybe something else was missing. In most cases, it's the chief of factors-- Love!

If a relationship or marriage has no real love as its foundation, other factors, including the 3 cited above, have very limited chance to create a lasting positive impact.

Why? Must women who see me as misogynistic happen to be feminists or feminist apologists.

There is always a lot to learn from your posts, beautiful. it will take an evil man to still not treat his wife right when she loves her husband the way uve enumerated.

firstEVA:
There is always a lot to learn from your posts, beautiful. it will take an evil man to still not treat his wife right when she loves her husband the way uve enumerated.

I'll break the bank
I'll risk the sack
I'll tell you that which
Has made me a wretch

I've missed you



#Don'tReply

Postman abiakwa ozo ooooo!!!

GodnGold:
Postman abiakwa ozo ooooo!!!

What have I done now!!!

bukatyne:


1. I agree wives should respect their husbands however experiences has taught me respect means different things to different people. And yes, you come across as a misogynist but again, that's my opinion not necessarily the truth.

2. We are saying same thing in different words. Why do I have to wait till I want something before I prepare his best food (if he has one)?.

Exactly, respect means different things to different men. I actually carried out a live experiment to determine this.

byvan03:



Exactly, respect means different things to different men. I actually carried out a live experiment to determine this.

Then pls, don't keep your findings to yourself. Tell us in summary what different men see as respect from their women.

What does it mean for you to be respected by your woman?
We should all learn.

Spot on!

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postmann:


Then pls, don't keep your findings to yourself. Tell us in summary what different men see as respect from their women.

What does it mean for you to be respected by your woman?
We should all learn.

OK postmann let me do this later, my head is spinning .

byvan03:



OK postmann let me do this later, my head is spinning .

ok.

byvan03:




OK _postmann let me do this later, my head is spinning .

You won't believe I've been waiting ever since in the hopes that you would have put out the results of your experiment.

Or should I give up?

postmann:


Your number 2 is a die-for. But your number 1 seems to have its tail clipped on some controversy.

No controversy, Jesus is Lord.

postmann:
Generally, men have a universal concept of respect. It can be roughly, or vaguely summarised in the 3 factors cited above.

So you are saying an average's man's concept of respect is
1. Respect
2. Sex
3. Food

Ok

postmann:
Maybe you've tried it out and it didn't yield much. Maybe something else was missing. In most cases, it's the chief of factors-- Love!

Sure this was to me?

postmann:
If a relationship or marriage has no real love as its foundation, other factors, including the 3 cited above, have very limited chance to create a lasting positive impact.

100% agree. Infact, I say love is all that matters

postmann:
Why? Must women who see me as misogynistic happen to be feminists or feminist apologists.

I guess you mean most. Yes, I am a feminist. Again, that has nothing to do with feeling you are a misogynist. I have non-feminist friends whom I do not see misogynist tendencies in them.

Like I said, my opinion.

byvan03:



Exactly, respect means different things to different men. I actually carried out a live experiment to determine this.

True.

Howdy?

How are you & the boys?

postmann:


You won't believe I've been waiting ever since in the hopes that you would have put out the results of your experiment.

Or should I give up?

Ohh!! You know when you don't have much interest in a topic, the vigour to type much won't be there. To some men, a respectful woman is that woman that nods in affirmation to all there suggestions, never argue with them, calls them Sir, kneels to serve them food, serves his food in a special plate and many more.

To another these gestures are plain ridiculous in the sense that they want a partner and not a subordinate. Respect for such men are usually the mutual kind of respect, you don't yell or curse out each other, he is ready to listen and likes a woman who is opinionated without being overbearing, wants to be appreciated as well as ready to appreciate his woman. He won't answer to Sir and have no interest in being served kneeling because he finds it ridiculous. A woman that seeks his consent in her affairs respects him and he is ready to do the same, a woman that doesn't report him to third parties respects him. This type will not find anything endearing in the first paragraph if a woman exhibits such characteristics as her idea of respect.


How did I carry out my experiment, I asked some friends to try exhibiting some of the characteristics in the first paragraph, the ones they aren't used to. Some of the husbands appreciated these gestures and responded well to it, while some didn't. Of course I tried out some just to get a response and the response wasn't positive at all, it was deemed ridiculous. Different men,different idea of respect . I know am not elaborate enough but I hope you make our some point from here.

bukatyne:


True.

Howdy?

How are you & the boys?

We are good dear. They are on holiday and you know what that means .

bukatyne:






So you are saying an average's man's concept of respect is
1. Respect
2. Sex
3. Food

Ok

Ah! Don't tell me that's your deduction from my well over 2 thousand words on the subject matter. That summation is obviously too simplistic, and draped in sarcasm, I fear.

bukatyne:




Sure this was to me?

Clearly, that wasn't an assertion; it was only an open invitation to explain what you meant by "I agree wives should respect their husbands however experiences has taught me respect means different things to different people." 

bukatyne:



I guess you mean most. Yes, I am a feminist. Again, that has nothing to do with feeling you are a misogynist. I have non-feminist friends whom I do not see misogynist tendencies in them.

Like I said, my opinion.

Your opinion is your fundamental right.

But;

"Misogyny" is cheaply the most common blackmail employed to debunk the truth about feminism.


Your responce time is a little strange.

greatgod2012:
And counter thread........... "WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LOVE YOUR WIFE" loading.......... I trust Nairalanders.

Oya na....

Who else is better to start the thread than you who thought of the title?

Double post

@postmann

The point agenda is from your post, check your previous quote I responded to.

That your line no gel... Like byvan03 explained, respect connotes different things to different men.

Threads like first to greet, asking hubby to do chores, kneeling to greet, saying yes to everything, calling his friends uncle, submitting your salary, changing your phone number/signature etc. clearly shows that different strokes for different folks.

All that matters is knowing who you are marrying & run with it. If una style no flow, do u-turn or live with it.

Well I don't do blackmail. I say it as it is.

@Response time: don't mind us joor. Home & work. Thank God I am not a service provider

bukatyne:
@postmann

The point agenda is from your post, check your previous quote I responded to.

That your line no gel... Like byvan03 explained, respect connotes different things to different men.

Threads like first to greet, asking hubby to do chores, kneeling to greet, saying yes to everything, calling his friends uncle, submitting your salary, changing your phone number/signature etc. clearly shows that different strokes for different folks.

All that matters is knowing who you are marrying & run with it. If una style no flow, do u-turn or live with it.

Well I don't do blackmail. I say it as it is.

@Response time: don't mind us joor. Home & work. Thank God I am not a service provider

No post on the subject matter can address every facet of every individual man's preference of respect from his wife.

And clearly that was never the intention of my post. The intention was to address the basic or common acts of respect that most men can relate with. Not the extreme and strange examples you and your friend submitted which most men would find ridiculous!

" Again, what a wife may intend as respect in her actions and what a husband needs to feel respected can be two different things".

The above citation was an indication that respect is personal in perception. But without prejudice or sentinment most men will find a common ground with the illustrations of this post.

As for the bolded; it is wisdom to sift sentiments from facts.


You could have replied earlier if you had wanted to. Though I understand.