slimfit2:

Hello guys, how are you? Truth be told I don’t really care about how you are doing so let’s suspend all pleasantries. I have taken it upon myself to explain the untold stories breaking during this hardship, for us to see beyond pain and see the “light”. Come with me on this voyage.

Impending Marriage- love/lust can be found anywhere, anytime and during the endless wait for fuel I was able to witness some interactions a.k.a chyking. Wonder at your peril if I’m a Pervert but I believe if any of these petromances (petrol+romance) should lead to the altar then the government should take the glory for the matchmaking. For the purpose of our ailing democracy we would ignore all the heartbreaks, unwanted pregnancies, illegal abortions and endless coitus resulting from the petromances. At the reception Rihanna ft Calvin Harris- we found love (in a hopeless place) should be on the playlist.

Dream Big- Even if you live in the lofty paradise of desegregation or you do not believe in social stratification and other vices that seem rife in our land a visit to any NNPC mega station during scarcity should wake you from slumber. Being streetwise is good but having long-leg is better. Naija being Naija some people who came late had their way immediately. This has deeply stirred my drive/passion to make it early in life so I can also perpetrate/visit this oppression on someone else in the nearest future. Please save me the be-a-responsible-citizen bullcrap.

Unity- Not only football unites us as a country, instance of hardship does too. From the incessant chat at the station, with every speaker a pundit, widely acclaimed zombies and notorious wailers were unanimous in acknowledging this as a predicament/suffering. People across religious and regional divide also berated whosoever they deemed fit. Now that is unity: it is a rare occurrence to see Nigerians set aside their differences and even saying “almost” the same thing. I was so carried away by this fleeting moment of unity that I was almost tempted to say may it go on like this but I know it won’t go down well with you guys so never mind.

Audacity- the last time I engaged in civil disobedience was during the Occupy Nigeria protest in 2012, imagine since! Seeing also as successive SUGs of my Alma mater couldn’t engage in the simple business of aluta (nonsense people), starving someone of impropriety, I needed a relief badly. Thanks to the prevailing circumstance my breakthrough to discharge all the accumulated discomfort came. Motorists, bikers and yours sincerely were able to shut down completely a lane of a roadway (an expressway), creating a difficult driving challenge for other road users. Now I don’t care if it was a federal or state road it felt great to be a part of the nuisance.

Alibi- I’m sure compulsive liars have used this fuel situation or the filling station as an alibi. Imagine one of Lucifer’s numerous children, who double as a friend, informed his parents he missed church service because he was at the filling station for many hours, whereas he was yanshing kpetus. I won’t be surprised if he becomes a VIP in hell. Stupid boy! Others I presume to be in this category are cheating husbands, serial debtors, lazy students etc.

Let me stop right here because if I continue we won't leave here today. If at this point you are in rage or feel I have in one way or the other insulted your sensibilities please take heart, such is life, you can explode in the comment box . Also note that I’m disappointed at my inability to post a picture of a snake: the ultimate sacrifice to access front-page.

Add yours.

Samiceman:
This is like the dumbest shit I have ever read on nairaland

truthspeaks:
It makes sense of d fuel situation on a lighter note. Read btw d lines n u get d jokes.

truthspeaks:
It makes sense of d fuel situation on a lighter note. Read btw d lines n u get d jokes.

franugo:


N where exactly do u stay miss?

Quakertellicus1:


Queues dey...but they are reducing in size.

Enoquin:

It isn't outrightly funny but lightly so...don't worry most of those who commented first are too 'angry' or 'overwhelmed', so do not hold it against them

DMLords:


I think it is a humorous representation of what is happening in our country. Truthfully, if you are familiar to petrol queues, anger would be your fist reaction. But when you reread the piece, you will see the creativity, humor and ingenuity of the write-up.

Like you said, some people here are just too troubled, them no get joy again.

swiffy:
Lol u funny oo no b only aliens,all we need now is prayers dats all.