Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man - Romance - Nairaland
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| Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by goldygirl: 11:33am On Aug 02, 2009 |
Hi, I will get married in 1 year with a Ibo man. Is the best man I ever meet in my life is handsome and romantic. The problem is, I never go to Nigeria, I don't know is family, and we will get married next year in USA. I'm really jealous and I'm scare that he have a wife in is country, I don't know what to do to make sure that he don't have nobody waiting for him in Nigeria. I ask him if we can do the traditional marriage in Nigeria before the wedding in USA, and he said it cost to much money!!!! And I fell is parents don't want me to come to do this traditional marriage, I don't know what to think about all this, help please.  Thanks for reply! |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by manmustwac(m): 11:49am On Aug 02, 2009 |
Well i suggest you get to know his brothers sisters cousins or any of his relatives he has in the US and get to know about his past thru them. You may even be able to contact his parents thru them and jokingly ask them ''what about his ex wife?'' That way you'll findout about his past. Good luck. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Kelvinj(m): 12:17pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
Were ar u 4rm? |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by goldygirl: 12:20pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
We are fiancé and we are living together since 1 year and a half. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by goldygirl: 12:21pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
I'm french, born in Paris and raise in Paris and now living in US. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Abuzola(m): 12:45pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
Why not follow mamustac advice, i think its a good one |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by illusion2: 12:46pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
goldygirl:Your concerns are indeed valid. The problem is that if he indeed wants to keep this from you,you have little options in the matter,short of breaking off the relationship. 2ndly,although not entirely legal,Nigerian men can and do have more than one wife at the same time. If you really love him,care about him & want to be his wife and remain happy ever after,I'll suggest you work at having children(after marriage) and develop a career for yourself. If on the other hand you'd really want to get to the root of this matter,you may not be entirely happy at the end of it all. The choice really is yours. . .  |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by scemchee(m): 1:20pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
@poster from ur typo, i find it hard to believe your are in the states, don't mean any harm. but if you are, the solution to the problem is that as a US citizen, the ibo man in question does not want to get married to you but needs you to help him secure a stay. then divorce you later. now that i av given you the solution to the problem, confront him with what i just told you,and if he admits it help him out,but then you already know ur stand. I can't believe i just did this to a dear broda, but just av to keep to my promised to help any body with problem in NL , no matter the cost. I hail all NL brothers and sisters. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by topup: 1:34pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
I would also be worried if I was planning on getting married to a person whose family I was never allowed to meet. I mean you're right for being slighyl suspicious, I mean he's probably met your family or at leats they know about him. I would insist on meeting his parents, unless his family is completely out of the picture (he doesn't relate with them), then you deserve to meet them, because there is no such thing as a 'wife on the side'. Are you sure that this is the man you want to marry and whether he's a sincere and trustworthy guy? Just make sure you find the answers to your doubt before you proceed or your doubts will worsen when things get more serious. All the best to you, just remember your worth. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Rebarobyn: 1:50pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
scemchee: only Americans in the movies speak good English, a good number of them speak really bad English and another percentage are uneducated, can't read or write. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by TheSeeker(m): 1:59pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
Your situation can be pretty tempting; but the truth may be the guy loves you. Not necessarily any Nigerian that involves with an American have fiancees/wives back at home(Some have fiancees but don't just trust them the moment they've stepped out the shores). In this kind of situation the Nigerian gets used to the environment he finds himself, meets new people, somewhat he might think they are much more advanced than his fiancee back home, or otherwise he loses interest immediately in the relationship. In other instances, the guy doesn't have a fiancee back in Nigeria but a girlfriend -- a relationship where they've not really specified where it'll be landed. So the best option they opt for is break the relationship. That's why if you get to Nigeria, girls will tell you not to trust your boyfriend the moment he's out of Nigeria because it's believed they end up finding someone else, however, I can't blanket all Nigerian guys to be that way. Also when it comes to Africans' involvement, Nigerians' especially, with foreigners more likely the women -- or so I've seen-- families back in Nigeria are mostly leery. This is because parents always want their children and grandchildren home at least once a year. It's to be noted though that, when Nigerians are married to foreigners, they rarely come home; this is one fear that parents(especially the caring and concerned ones) can't work or get over. It constantly taunts their minds. Relate that fear to the the manner by which these parents dote on their grandchildren. So far as I remember, parents care most about their grandchildren more than anything else. They always want as often as they can, see their grandchildren. This can be seen from the mode with which grandchildren are pampered and spoiled by their grandparents(I personally love my grannies). This is the second fear. These two fears are predominant in Africa, especially Nigeria like I've mentioned earlier. Hence, some family crackdown on their wards not to get married from outside the country; even in some situations when such men may have married a foreigner their parents will still pressure the weak ones into marrying from home. All this is owing to the fact that most foreigners don't like letting go of their kids to visit their fatherland --- as it's usually presumed in Africa. People want to be close to their cousins, grandsons and granddaughters, nieces and nephews, but there's a strong segregation of these kids because their mom(foreigner) doesn't want her kids to visit Nigeria, neither will she allow the husband to; basically might be financial problems as to why but it'll not strike them like that in Africa. Foreign countries, to many Nigerians, is like an ATM machine where you can withdraw money anytime you want. So if the guy hasn't made you meet his family, it might be one of the above reasons. But I still feel he can communicate it to you if it's one of those. He might not be married back home. Maybe he doesn't want you bothered by the pressures his family will put on him when he introduces you to them - or he wants to have got married to you before he breaks it to his family. Nevertheless, I'm can't deny the fact that there are so many dubious guys out there who will have been married back in Nigeria, then still go ahead to marry a foreigner but you shouldn't ride freely to think so unless he has proven so with his actions. Talk to him that you'd love to meet his family, know his friends, etc., and take it from there. The response he gives you tells you the next thing to do. 1 Like |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by nex(m): 2:01pm On Aug 02, 2009 |
@Rebarobyn I keep telling Nigerians this but they won't agree. @goldygirl I don't know how expensive it is for an Ibo man to marry a non-Ibo lady, unless he wants to spend lavishly. Marry him all the same, but just make sure there's some kind of pre-nup that says if you get divorced or the marriage is annulled because he has another wife, then every other thing benefitted from the marriage gets annulled too. However, I believe there are a lot of African men who want to marry women from other countries just because It's their desire with no ulterior motive. Again, his age matters. If he's less than 33, I very much doubt that he would have already gotten married. But that he's divorced, I hardly believe. Anyway, I think if you type this in French, I'd understand better. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Recoverd(f): 11:20am On Aug 03, 2009 |
How can you settle down with a man, you dont know his family? U get mind o!! I doubt u even know d name of hs village or LGA. U better start communication with his family and if possible, come down to naija to know hs roots. How old are you sef? |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Ben13: 11:26am On Aug 03, 2009 |
This is serious. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by goldygirl: 11:39am On Aug 03, 2009 |
he's family don't want us to show up in Nigeria, they said we must be married first!!! |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by justwise(m): 12:55pm On Aug 03, 2009 |
goldygirl: Now i smell a rat, just be careful |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by amebono11: 12:57pm On Aug 03, 2009 |
arrggg i see another use and dump i see another green card abi PR marriage i see another heartbreak poster, think with your head and not your heart |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Nobody: 1:05pm On Aug 03, 2009 |
Wow, this won't end well!  |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by galatico(m): 1:19pm On Aug 03, 2009 |
Don't even think about getting maried to someone whose family you don't know, that would be share stupidity, I won't advice my enemy to do such a thing, |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by nex(m): 1:21pm On Aug 03, 2009 |
@goldygirl It is absolutely unAfrican for anybody to get married before introducing their partner to the family. In fact, every culture down here regards that as an insult. In as much as I want to give this guy the benefit of doubt, I also don't want you to get hurt. His family could be very poor, they could be totally against him marrying a foreigner, or he may be the black sheep of his family in which case he believes they'll never support anything he does. These are just the genuine reason I feel anyone who's African would want to get married without introducing their partner to the family. So you need to ask him for the truth. But the story about it being expensive is a lie. The story about his family wanting you to get married first is a lie. Ask him for the truth, and whatever he says, post it in here. If we can confirm that as another lie, then avoid him. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by russellino: 1:27pm On Aug 03, 2009 |
@goldygirl His family should NOT be giving you conditions for coming to Nigeria. Why are they so eager to make sure both of you are married before you both come down. Africans and Igbo people in particular dont like their children especially their men marrying without first approving of the intended wives.What is your fiance's immigration status in America? Tread carefully dear. E get as e be sha |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Recoverd(f): 8:06pm On Aug 03, 2009 |
Porter, please listen to yourself, how can you believe that story? Nothing like benefit of a doubt here. He is FAKE!!!!!! |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by chiejik(f): 1:24pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
he is using your brain.dont fall for his game ok. use your brain |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Divab(f): 3:32pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
Goldygirl, my candid advice to you is this, find out whether this guy has his full citizenship papers, If he doesnt hve, d likelihood of ur being used to legalise his stay cannever be ruled out, you hve to protect urself if this is his game plan by; 1. having atleast 1 kid for him so that he will pay alimony and child support 4 18yrs, d price & sacrifice of citizenship papers,  2. Protect yourself - have a career and save up money for yourself to fall back to incase of divorce 3. delay d process of his getting his papers, test the waters before you dip in, His family has no right to give you the conditions of marrying him first b4 coming to nigeria, also d traditional wedding to a foreigner here is not expensive, I smell a rat and its poison here, use your brain, see beyound the love he profess to have for you. I also suggest if you hve the money, suggest to foot part of the bill to see his reaction, The issue of talking to him or gettng closer to his family to find out about his marital status in nigeria is baseless, his family will not tell you, if all are working as a team to confuse u, they will tell you lies that you want to hear, its a roller coaster ride they gonna take you, On another angle, if you are convinced that he loves you which i doubt or he has his papers, you hve to learn the culture of ibos like preparing ibo dishes, learn african culture on how to treat a man right. which ever way, he will come home one day to marry his ibo sister, just be ware, shine your eyes, there's no true love between iboman and foreign babe oh, if he wants us green card or french card or whatever, let his entire family sell all their lands and settle you first, let it be a contract thing my dear, let them pay for it, Na we nigerians dey advise you, |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by TheSeeker(m): 4:51pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
[Quote] Goldygirl, my candid advice to you is this, find out whether this guy has his full citizenship papers, If he doesnt hve, d likelihood of ur being used to legalise his stay cannever be ruled out, you hve to protect urself if this is his game plan by; [/Quote]It's so saddening that you all label every innocent guy who wants to marry a foreigner to want to use her for citizenship papers like it's some coveted prize. That idea reeks of plain unintelligence. Not all Nigerian guy that gets married to a foreigner does so for papers. Are you saying a Nigerian guy can't possibly love a foreigner unless for her papers? Please come with a better starting line of argument. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Nobody: 4:55pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
TheSeeker:Can't exactly blame her, not saying that every Nigerian guy wants to marry a foreigner for papers, but it happens so often that one cannot help but to be at some point worried, better to be safe than sorry  |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by TheSeeker(m): 5:19pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
ibkaye:Well, Nigerians abroad are changed now and are seeing things in a better light. I know a lot of men from Nigeria who are married to foreigners and have kids. Lots of them. We need to start seeing us in a different better light and that's it. I don't like some people coming on here castigating Nigerian guys for every step they take. What about the ladies who get married to foreigners? They're hooking up for papers too? It's time we get realistic and re-evaluate who we are instead of branding our image in what the whole world wants to see it as. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Nobody: 5:29pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
It's better to be safe than sorry. As much as there is a chance of Nigerians not marrying foreigners for papers, there is also a chance that they are, I still don't blame her for being worried. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by TheSeeker(m): 5:43pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
ibkaye:And you've successfully aided her in seeing Nigerian guys in a bad light. There are always two sides to a story but as you're all cut out to be, you like telling only a part. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by TheSeeker(m): 5:48pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
[Quote] if he wants us green card or french card or whatever, let his entire family sell all their lands and settle you first, let it be a contract thing my dear, let them pay for it, Na we nigerians dey advise you,[/Quote]The stupidest comment I've read on NL this week so far. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by Nobody: 5:50pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
TheSeeker:I'm not putting all Nigerian guys in a bad light, just not suprised that the OP would be weary, it's called being smart. |
| Re: Im A American Girl With A Igbo Man by TheSeeker(m): 6:19pm On Aug 04, 2009 |
ibkaye:Smart LMAO  Smart my black a$$ |
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