Pls bear to read my true-life tail. Here i am in a fix of valley's decision. Ok i met this girl about less than a year ago. well i knew all the while that there was this guy she was going on with, but she said there was nothing romantic going on and that he was only a church brother. she however admitted once to having been wooed for marriage by the guy but she told him she had taken a vow of marriage-abstinence having been abused before. somehow however, things started working mutually between us emotionally and it turned out she developed love like me. since i have been working now for more than half a year now and have my house and all that, i thought marriage was the next. i got my parent's approval which is however rare as she is from edo, a place my father personally has the chills about. he just strangely approved of her. throughout the relationship however, i have been uncomfortable with the other guy who she still goes out with. in all honesty, the guy has been all there for her before and after i met her. but she doesnt want me to conceive an emotionally presumption as regards she and the guy. i had reason to believe many times that she was into more than an ordinary relationship with the guy. we had some fractures in our relationship when once she reacted she was going back to the guy since he had done nothing wrong to deserve all the treatment she was giving him. apparently she had cut all affiliations with the guy because of my insistence and for the fact that we had started planning marriage. I became suspicious when she wont always hint me on her whereabouts all the time and all that. not that i am an overprotective or too jealous a person, but i felt it wasnt too much for your love to tell you her whereabouts. at the moment, she has returned to the guy to apologise according to her. she returned once to me smartly trying to buy her way back. i almost gave in for it but i saw her once or twice with the guy. i dont know what to do cos i really love her and i need someone i can call my own. i may not be desperate but i need a companion. if she comes back genuinely, should i accept her? can she ever be faithful to me? as for love, i know i can easily develop the crumbled love, but will i be acting ok? guys pls contribute.

You asked whether she can ever be faithful to you? Do you have any proof that she was ever unfaithful to you? Maybe she doesnt feel comfortable cutting out someone who's always been there for her long before you came around. You shouldnt give her ultimatums,just try and make her see that she needs to limit her friendship with this guy,not neccessarily end it. If both of you do get married,YOU should be her best friend,not some other guy. Third parties can be very dangerous in any r/ship.

Well atreus,
the last time she came, i told her to give me time to really think things over. i decided personally that i was going to watch events until next year. although even my parents asked me to give her some time if i love her, but they have started getting stunned at the time lapse. i just told them to leave me to take my decisions. so i want to watch and see how she goes with the guy. i am convinced beyond doubt that the guy cant marry her cos she said she had caught him before with a lady but he explained that he was already disengaging from that relationship, but my poor girl doesnt have her two eyes open to see this man is not meant for her. i really get confused why a girl will prefer to cling to some other guy when there is this one who loves her and is ready to settle with her. as a matter of fact, i am religious and cool headed and all that. i just dont seem to understand. a close friend has tried to so discourage me about the relationship saying she was not trust worthy, but i dont know whether to say i made a mistake falling in love with her in the first place cos only recently did her thoughts start fading gradually, and i am relieved much by that as i am always deeply in love whenever i am.

It clearly means she prefers the other guy. Don't put ur life on hold and wait for her to get filled wit fooling around, could be dangerous! You are just her plan B and it aint right

", You shouldnt give her ultimatums,just try and make her see that she needs to limit her friendship with this guy,not neccessarily end it, "

And atreus come to think of it. why do you talk of limiting the friendship and not necessarily ending it. For God's sake this is someone i want to settle with for life. i dont think it is proper to even have the guy around. if she may be in love with him which i dont consider impossible, i really think it will be a risk for the guy to still be sticking around. i have told her to take her stand and just bar the guy out, but she is a shy type and you cant always tell what is on her mind till she does it. i dont really know cos the whole thing has made me go through a lot.

"It clearly means she prefers the other guy. Don't put your life on hold and wait for her to get filled wit fooling around, could be dangerous! You are just her plan B and it aint right"[/color][color=#990000][/color][color=#990000][color=#990000][/color]
You have a point. I dont know what to do whether to just forget about her cos that has been a problem, although of late i think my love has started declining. however, she is the first girl that will be approved of by my parents and that is one of the reasons why i dont want to lose her cos for previous relationships, it was war, and incommunicado for some time with my parents. i dont want to go through that again. my mother kind of just likes this girl eventhough she hasnt seen her. they have talked on phone and she said she like her. so folks, i dont really know again!

d choice is urs, ur happiness or her messing around

why i you asking such a question cant u see she is playing with u.

o boy u beta move on or she go put u 4 trouble u re not in her plan

@AIRMASHA
well you wont be wrong to say she is probably playing on me, but hold it. i knw love is fast declining and if i find someone today, it will help me forget her, but do you think i will be sick to accept her if she returns after say 3months and quite seemingly genuinely?

@biola44
how do you mean my happiness, cos i dont think i have been more happy with her leaving. besides she is not messing around. she's just stuck to this guy who i know is not faithful to her. dont you think if she learns her lesson after some time she will become remorseful enough and better refined to maturely handle a relationship? cos i feel immaturity is contributing to all this. i really dont understand why a lady will have the prospects before her and choose another thing rather.

"o boy u beta move on or she go put u 4 trouble u re not in her plan"

Trouble? How abeg

heart trouble or u know understand

thanks to all who have commented.

The basic fact is that she doesn't feel as attracted to you, as she is to the other guy. And whether you wanna hear it or not, she is not into you! Majority of the girls don't know how to call off a relationship. They feel alot of pity for the guys involved - even the guys they may not love so much.

Now, they are two options:

Option 1 - Leave and forget about her completely. I mean, dissolve the relationship so you don't end up in divorce later.

Option 2 - If you still love her and can't afford to lose her yet, then you have to play the game with her. You have to establish basically an attraction to you from her (that is if there was never one before). To make her become attracted to you again is nothing magical. It's just a little understanding of how the psychology of love works. Trust me, she'll be under your willing cage in no time.

Hit me up for a chat (follow my profile), okay? Cheers!

@NGELOV3

You know you are making sense to me. Pls let me know the details of the second option as i cant log into yahoo site due to restrictions. pls just hit me details now.

Read through your post, and like I always say,every post made much sense,but here's my take on the issue: Let her be. No matter the psychological gymnastics you engage in to woo her she can never really really "love"you the way you want her to,save you are one of the guys that believe in that ole she'll grow to love me after we are married, which I personally feel is horses@#t.
When a woman's heart is set on another,it takes the grace of God to make her love another, women, so so complex,you can NEVER be as good as the other guy, fine she likes you in a way,but her heart is not yours. You said your feelings for her is on the decline why suffer yourself by resurrecting past feeling for her. He treats her like dirt, but you've heard the saying, "why do good girls love bad guys", let her go for both your sakes, don't tempt her to doing something foolish such as cheating on you later on,let her go.

@EMPEROH
she wants to see how far she can go with eating her cake and having it. Here is what i mean. She loves the other guy but not being so sure where it will lead to she still wants to hang on with the one that promises her a future. make no mistakes, she knows exactly what you feel for her.


I really really appreciate your comment too. but dont you think as in your lines above, the girl would be mean enough to be taking me for second option? the truth i must tell you however is that the love used to be as strong as not minding whatever she took me for so long she is mine at the end of the day. but then i only felt the level of attachment should be stronger as we started planning marriage. on the other hand however, i am scared of imagining my wife going out to see another man secretly after marriage. moreover, i have personally taken a vow that i will never divorce my wife no matter the occasion, not even on the ground of infidelity! GOd help me though. So emperoh do you get the issues? i really know that ultimately with time i can get her off my mind especially if i find someone new today that i am attracted too. my fear however is that if that doesnt happen, after some months if my girl returns, i really cannot tell what might happen. i really feel i may be inclined to accept her back though not before some shakara. i really like this girl. do you understand? i guess the confused person is just me. maybe i need to have my head clear or cleared so i can think straight. i hope time will help me move forward.