I really need help dealing with this from people that have ever been in a similar situation.

Stand your ground when summoned and apologize if coerced. Some relatives never see anything good in anyone except themselves but if you tell them one obvious truth, they feel insulted and be forming senior...mtchewwwww!

Listen to the first commenter

MmmS, While I understand where you're coming from, you are wrong to have spoken to her the way you did. She might be very annoying but she is still an elder. In Africa we respect our elders whether they deserve it or not.

There are ways you handle such elders. When they start their negativity you walk away. She was mocking you that you aren't married? You should have told her that it is your choice to remain single and that you will rather be single than ''some people who go to hospitals for HIV tests monthly because of their generous husbands''. (emphasise the quoted part. It will bite her )

After this you tactfully walk away.

Or smile and tell her to give you a husband so that you can be 'happy' like her.

There are several ways to deal with people like her but the way you chose is wrong and has delivered you into her hands for her to further badmouth.

Sure she deserves it but tact and wisdom is required.

You're wrong sis and you will have to apologise because although she is a busybody, she is still an elder.

Tell your aunty to do HIV test in front of everyone if she is negative apologise and if she is positive slap her!

The first two posters have said well.
Speak to your parents n siblings explain the genesis of the situation.
You will be fine.

You said it to her face, trust me that really hurt so just go ahead and apologize. Sorry won't change a thing . U can also fire another volley while apologizing.

Ishilove:
MmmS, While I understand where you're coming from, you are wrong to have spoken to her the way you did. She might be very annoying but she is still an elder. In Africa we respect our elders whether they deserve it or not.

I admitted I acted out of anger, but I have not understood why people would call for an intervention for me. I have always been reserved and this was my first ever misunderstanding with a family member. Maybe I will apologise before everyone else imvolves themselves in such a small issue.

chiddyok:
You said it to her face, trust me that really hurt so just go ahead and apologize. Sorry won't change a thing . U can also fire another volley while apologizing.

You are bad influence, but you are right.

MmmS:
Im a 24year-old graduate and I have been planning towards doing postgraduate studies. Well, what happened was that I was dating a guy for 2years and we broke up a few months ago because he cheated. I have decided to be single and focus on progressing myself because I am not yet ready to be in a relationship because I feel like I'm not at that point were I will be able to completely trust the next guy, until I have emotionally dealt with my break-up, hence I am putting my focus on school.
Okay, moving on to the purpose of the this thread. An aunt of mine who always seems to be in everyone's business decided to pick on me at a family gathering and she mocked me about not being married at my age. I bluntly replied her that i do not want to be like her who goes to the clinic monthly for HIV tests because of her generous husband. Since this is actually true, she got really offended and told anyone who cared to listen that I am rude and disrespectful and I was accusing her of being HIV positive.
Okay let me explain my history with this woman. Before I started my undergraduate I had to stay at her house for a month since she stays closer to the schools i was applying to. She always told me that I was not intelligent enough for the programme I wanted to apply for and some of the schools I was appying to were to expensive and my parents would not afford them. She always had something negative to say. Anyway I actually got a place for my desired programme to every school that I had applied. She kept one acceptance letter from me (i used her address as my mail address). It was an acceptance letter to a school her daughter also wanted to go to but they could not afford and she only told me about this letter after I had already enrolled into another school (this acceptance letter she kept from me was from the school of my first choice).
The only reason why I said what I said to her was because all throughout my studies she always discouraged me and told me I would not make it and when I made it, she decided to shift the focus to marriage. She is the type that always trash talks everyone in the family. If she is at aunty B's house she will be gossiping about aunty C and her kids and when she is at aunty C's she will be gossiping about aunty B and her family.
Some of my relatives have shunned me and they have set a date for an intervention for me. To be honest I feel like everything is being taken out of proportion because I felt like I was just defending myself after years of being bullied by this woman. She really does go to the clinic for HIV tests every month, so I do not why she was offended to the extend of lying that I had accused her of being HIV positive.
I really need help dealing with this from people that have ever been in a similar situation.

Some Nigerian "elders" sef and their entitlement mentality.

Respect is earned. For your aunt to shoot off her mouth like a loose canon speaks volumes about her level of intelligence.

Where are your parents in all of this? They should have your back if you've levelled with them and explained the whole situation.

Who funded your undergraduate studies and who will be funding your post graduate studies? Your parents or this aunt of yours?

don't budge.... repeat what you said...and put everyone in their place if they try 2 bully and blackmail u. Just make sure ur conscience is right with you

Lol, you just acted like me. Just say the half assed sorry that you don't mean and move on. Trust me she won't take on you anymore. It's good you reminded her , I would have done the same .

There r subtle ways of replying pple witout sounding outrightly insultive.
Btw, I quite understand ur response was born out of bottled up anger nd resentment which u av 4 her bt still u shldnt av let it come out dat way.
All d same its good an intervention is in d works, jst apologise to her nd make it look real even if u dnt mean it deep down bcs all dis elders, hmmm

Just apologize this time.
In the future, stay away from all those extended family meetings where all the uncles and aunties all over the world are required to be present.
Such meetings are rarely about you but become about you when they see you.
If your parents are in attendance, that's all.
I no dey for all these uncles and aunties matter abeg.

EfemenaXY:


Some Nigerian "elders" sef and their entitlement mentality.

Respect is earned. For your aunt to shoot off her mouth like a loose canon speaks volumes about her level of intelligence.

Where are your parents in all of this? They should have your back if you've levelled with them and explained the whole situation.

Who funded your undergraduate studies and who will be funding your post graduate studies? Your parents or this aunt of yours?

My parents have always taken care of me. Before i was born, she was even living with my parents before she got pregnant and ran off to live with her husband (who was just a boyfriend then)

Winneygirl:
Just apologize this time.
In the future, stay away from all those extended family meetings where all the uncles and aunties all over the world are required to be present.
Such meetings are rarely about you but become about you when they see you.
If your parents are in attendance, that's all.
I no dey for all these uncles and aunties matter abeg.

I hardly attend family gatherings i only atteneded this one because i felt like i had missed too many of them in the past and I do not want to appear as stuck up. I think I will just stop attending unless its a wedding or funeral.