INTERNAL HOME MEMO
FROM: FATHER
TO: ALL DEPENDANTS & RELATIVES
CC: MOTHER
DATE: May 16, 2016
SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN/COST
CUTTING MEASURES FOR YOUR URGENT
ATTENTION
Due to the current economic situation, all
domestic rules and regulations
Have been revised as below and under no
circumstance is any violation going
To be accepted.
1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared
Restricted Zones. Entry
and/or passage shall require express permission
from myself
upon submission of written request.
2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be
discussed!
3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam,
eggs, bread and milk are
Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such
foodstuff must write to me in triplicate, with
three days notice, giving justifications backed by
a qualified dietician report as supportive
documentation.
4. Bathing in the morning is limited to 5 litres of
water per day per
person while bathing in the evening is banned
unless there are medical reasons.
5. All security lights should be removed with
immediate effect. All
dependants shall abide by an all-night guard-duty
roster I shall make available shortly.
6. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors,
far less attempt to
offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want
their guests to listen to music shall sing for
them.
7. No one is allowed to talk to officials from
police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall
carry an instantaneous penalty of ejection from
the House.
8. Anybody who breaks a glass, a piece of
furniture or any other property in the house, shall
immediately have to seek temporary employment
somewhere to earn money to replace such
broken item(s).
9. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or
more shall
apply in triplicate and give two months notice,
with an endorsement from their town Mayor,
Village Headman, Priest or Imam, giving
convincing
reasons why they can't stay at their homes.
Failure to do this shall result in their being turned
away, at the gate, upon arrival
THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT
TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!
Signed:
DAD
Chairman of Home Affairs
Hot regards,

Disturbing indeed