DIFFERENT STROKES : A TALE OF ILLUSION AND POVERTY

Artiste POV

At the studio,
Leaning forward to the mic, he sings

Come be my baby ooo
Asa nwa fine geh ooo
I get infinity moni for my account oo
Shut down Escape Club go ask ooo,
Twenty Ciroc for my table ooo,
Twenty models for my bed every morning oo
Na God dey bless me oo

The studio owner comes in, interrupting his verse

STUDIO OWNER: Oga Artiste, abeg, I no dey run charity for here, e remain 3k wey you go balance me for this beat wey I give you

ARTISTE: Oga chill na, I go give you, make I first drop this fire song wey don dey burn for my chest. You know say I go even remember you when better record label sign me o

STUDIO MANAGER: Alaye, no dey put me for 'is coming'. No be 'abeg I go use chop and no be 'abeg' I dey use buy fuel for generator.
Even sef, mama Chikhodi wey dey sell cloth, dey tell me say make you come give am the 3k wey you owe am o

(Incoming call on the Artiste phone)

ARTISTE: Hello
Who be dis?

'Na ur mama, idiot pikin'

Mama, okay

'Wey the 30k wey you carry for my purse eh, this boy. I tell you say na cooperative moni no be so'

Maale, I tell you say I go give you that money na. E get one business wey I quick use am run o. When they pay me eh, you sef go happy for me well well

'Come, OgheneTega, if that money no show for my purse before Tuesday, Eh, i go drag that trouser wey no dey gree stay your nyash then put dry pepper inside your anus. I don tell you now' (hangs up)

ARTISTE: Oga mi, I go give you the bar, abeg. Make I finish this song first.

*The studio owner agrees and lets him finish his song*

He brings out a pure water sachet and drinks to clear his patched throat while chatting on his phone with the video
Director

THE NEXT DAY
*At the scene of video shoot*

Artiste approaches the director

ARTISTE: Oga miii, the boss of all bosses

DIRECTOR: O boy how far na, you wasted time o.
The car wash boy wey I give 3k tey borrow the car, talk say the owner go soon come carry him motor

Wey the bottles them

ARTISTE: (handing the director some bottles)
Bros abeg na supermarket get am o. Make you tell your gehs say no be Mr Patrick comedy I dey shoot here o wey they go pop any drink.

Walahi, if anybody pop anything, I go chuke the person die abeg

DIRRCTOR: Oya e don do, go pose for the motor make I video

ARTISTE: (Sitting on posh seats of vintage Escalande)

Fast cars, fast life, new car everyday, na oluwa dey bless me ooo

Cutttt. . . Director yells

DIRECTOR: (Gesturing to three models)
Oya make una near the guy dey shake waist. Don't pop anything oo.

(Three literal drop dead divas stand on each side of the Artiste with seductive allure)

ARTISTE: (Singing)

Waist 34, Face 24, perfect figure 8 ooo

Sey na so my teacher tell me say I no fit to make am ooo.

Now look, na three opeke dey wake me for morning o oh o

Becky, Sophia ati Nuelle from South Africa oo ohh oo

Thirty Belaires and Moet bottles na everyday popping oo ohh oo

F*ck close up, Na Ciroc I dey use dey wash teeth oo ohh ooo

These haters go just dey hate who oluwa don bless oo ohh oo

CUTTTT The Director yells

DIRECTOR: (To a group of guys standing nearby)
Oya make una wear those Okirika sharp sharp

(The crew of put on fake aba made Yeezus footwear and Pablo shirts)

ARTISTE: (Singing)

Se una no dey see my crew wey I de roll with everywhere oo ohh oo
Na Kanye send us him shirts straight from Yankee oo ohh oo

CUTTTT. . .Director yells

*Gesturing to the wrist watch seller giving him 2k*
DIRECTOR: Oya Aboki, share the wrist watch and the chains give everybody sharp sharp.

*Aboki, distributes the golden watches and chains, goes back and waits patiently for them to finish and give him back*

Artiste continues singing

STOP... Director yells
E don do for today. Thanks to everybody for playing their roles perfectly.

MODELS: (approaching Artiste)
Nice video shoot, Oya pay us our money make we commot for here

ARTISTE: Baby, hang around for like 20 minutes na abeg

MODEL 1: Sorry, but i have to meet up with my fiance

MODEL 2: Idiot, na your type I dey find, biko pay me I get where I dey go

MODEL 3: Alaye pay me my money before I break your head with this Andre bottle

ARTISTE: Abeg No touch that bottle o, bastard like you wan put me for trouble abi you no know say na borrow I borrow the bottles from mama Chinyere supermarket.

He pays them and they all leave

(Going over to the Director)
ARTISTE: My ogaa, Egbon thank you ooo. How much we don spend like this bros

DIRECTOR: Na 45k, but the guy wey go edit the video go collect 2k o

Total monies CLAIMED to have spent: 30 million naira

SEGUN'S POV
At the house with Tega and Mattew

SEGUN: O boy, you see that artiste latest song and video. See how many bottle of Moet the video get,
Imagine that boy wey never reach 25 years, dey shut down a full club. Kaii

MATTEW: My guy, one Andre na 30k for club oo.
And na like 6 I see for the video

TEGA: Olorun mi ooo, See that girl wey dey the video,

(Drawing a circle shape in the air with his two hands)

Big gbaka wey dey burst brain. That that kind babe dey make usher lose focus for church wen preaching dey go on

MATTEW: Na only that one you see?,
omoge Cinderella wey come dey him left side nko,
Mami water face, light skin lepa to bahd.
(Jumping up excited)
Alayee, I go get moneyyyy.


SEGUN: God punish poverty abeggiii .
E never reach two years wey this boy don dey sing, wey Baba God don pick im call

Patoraking no lie when he sing say Nobody wey no fit make am.

(Gesturing to Tega)

Alaye pass that laptop make I run this package for this maga.
Oya mattew give me that format wey that Iowa maga take send you 60k for last week

MATTEW: Sege, the level simple o. I give Sefiu 2k wey he take do one kain fake passport then I show that Iowa guy, come still send am one picture one the oyinbo with 6 naija pickin wey bone full Dia body

SEGUN: How you take get the picture

MATTEW: Na Photoshop tins o, God punish devil.
(Leaving)
Oboy we go jam for evening, one opeke don dey disturb me, make I go run im package small

Chapter 3
Five days later
At Elegushi Bar, Lagos

MATTEW: Oboy aye dun, life too sweet abeg.

SEGUN:
(ernestly narrating)
Dat oyinbo woman, Sophie abi wetin be her name, just dey tell me say na her life savings she wan send give me unto say she love me o
Come later say if i don settle my problem finish, make i send am the money back becos say na im she wan use take dey undergo her chemotherapy sessons
Oru e,
Story that touch the heart ni yen o. Se I know wetin be Chemotherapy abi I resemble opon ifa ni
(Chuckles)

Me sef contine to dey totori her brain say me love am plenty o

Na so the 5 million enter oo
I don sharp sharp land one Venza, as a sure boy na.
(Laughter erupts around)

(To the barman)
Egbon bar man five Ciroc, six don perignon and seven alomo.
Iyalaya anybodi, local ti take over

MATTEW: My guy I happy for you o. Na so we just double our hustle and like Orezi talk
Whether na don perignon or na dogorayo, shayo must shele tonight

SEGUN: (signals to five hopeful runs ladies nearby)

Come over baby


How far babes.
Make we go groove small for Club Rumors

Then make we go do confirm reggae blues for my room for ajah.
*Gesturing to his car*

LADY 1: Babyyyy we are ready to party.
But you will spend oo so we will be the Circe in your kingdom

SEGUN: Circe ke, I no know that one o. Anyway I go give una 100k if una do like good gehs o.

LADY 2: Bae, now you are talking.
(Whispering to his ear)
Woman don ever rape you cus I go play tire for you

SEGUN: (Swooning with pleasure)
Yekpaaa. . .
Wa fe ku la le yiiii ooo baby
Oya make we move


The ladies, His friends enter the car and they zoom off.

Chapter 5
Thirteen years later
At the olokun shrine

Stepping down from the range rover sport, Segun hurries to open the door for Bella, his wife.

BELLA: Bae, am loving my look today, take a selfie with me before that priestess stains my attaire with her voodoo

*Selfie taken, they enter the groove*

IYA OLOKUN: Welcome oooo, my children.
Make una off una shoe for that corner abeg, olokun no dey like dirti.

Wetin bring una come

Bella: (in british accent) Good day ma'am,
I have experienced trauma of unimaginable proportions.
Four times now priestess
(tears welling)
four fucking times, I was at the crux of bringing an offspring to cement my husband's legacy. Four tries, four fails...
(becomes overwhemed by the tears)

(Turning to face the husband) iya olokun speaks

Iya Olokun: Omo o,
Abeg explain wetin your wife talk o.

Segun: Iya Na trouble oo.
Sunday dagboru wan wreck my marriage oo.
Wetin my wife dey tell you be say e don reach four times now wey belle go rise with pikin then like Argentina, when time to deliver go come, na so so blood go dey commot and the belle go fall again

Iya Olokun: Okay.
Well awon iya mi osorunga, apanimawagun, olokiki oru dey play ayo with your wife belle o.

Na so them go carry ten pieces put inside, go round then carry am commot again.

We go beg olokun make e help you
Oya make we go near the river

(Approaching the river, iya signals to the Segun).

Oya bring out money wey dey your hand. Begin spray on top water make olokun know say you dey serious

(Segun brings out loaded wallet containing numerous currencies, selects fifty 1000 naira notes, proceeds to the river.)

Iya olokun: E be like say you no readi o 'iwo omo yi'.
Eh eh... I talk am,
Say the winch for your village dey fan her bodi with your destiny.
Otherwise you no go wan give naira to olokun.
Oya Kia Kia bring out those dollars and spray them.

(Segun obeys)

Iya brings out soap, hands to Bella who feigns a sour look

IYA OLOKUN: Omode yi, gba o jere (thrusting the soap into her hands)

Make you use this soap take baff for 11 for midnight, then you and Segun go do kerewa for 30 minutes o.

(Looking at the Segun)

Wo, you must perform for that 30 minutes o or the soap no go work.

If you no dey perform like that before eh,
Go down the street, buy opa eyin, and agbo jedi wey you go use for morning,

Then before you go to bed ni ale,
take two igo stout and one alomo, you will testify before olokun in 3 month time.
Ire ooo.

FOUR MONTHS LATER
In his home, Segun pacing around while on call with his friend Derele

SEGUN: Egbon o, I no know oo.
Thirteen years now, no child,
I don spend moni taya.
That iya olokun wey Tega carry me go see, na moni I just throway put for river oo.
Imagine, na only dollar olokun dey collect oo.
After everi everi, na one soap she give me make Bella dey use take dey baff.
Still no children

DERELE: Oboy, this kind thing eh, na church get am o.
Na God you go meet make e epp you o.

E get one Redeem church, one good tidings parish wey God dey pick the woman call faster than He take answer Adekunle Gold for that him pick up video.

SEGUN: No wahala bros.

Chapter 6

AT THE CHURCH WITH THE PASTOR

SEGUN: Pasitor olusho aguntan help me ooo.
Na 13 years now I dey wey pikin never show o.
So so miscarriage na im my wife dey get.
I have tried everything, everything and of recent business no dey go well

PASTOR: You are welcome, let's pray...
God is faithful, (pauses)
Sir, I see a cloud of darkness and angels of death hovering at your abode.
Who have you wronged and when have you slighted them?

SEGUN: Pastor I never do anybody anything oo
I am very generous and recently I bought a transformer for my village people.
You know black people na, Anytime them see say you don dey shine, na chain dem go wan use draw you back.

PASTOR: Sir, the forces God revealed to me, are as a result of your handiwork and not witches.
The holy spirit tells me you have swindled people out of their wealth and because they cried to Him,
He has sent this drought and barreness to you.
Soon, the gongs of death will visit your abode.

SEGUN: Pastor, yes you are right oo.
Those days when I was a working boy, I do some parole online get money.
But I later go church and I answer alter call o. E
ven sef, I donated plenty money to God house so how you go come tell me say God still dey vex for me

PASTOR: Alas Young man, you forget that even when you give your life to Christ,
You are not exempted from the universal law of Sowing and harvest.
You planted seeds of curse and you will keep reaping them irrespective of your belief.
But God has prepared this a solution ground for you for your deliverance has come. Please kneel

(Pastor prays for him)
Sir, you must go and restitute for your past misdeeds.
Look for every way to seek forgiveness and pay back for therein your full deliverance lies

THREE YEARS LATER
At the church

On the alter, Segun stood
Mic in hand,

Bella by his side,

Taiye and kehinde, their adorable twins side running around the Bode, the church organist

He opens his mouth,

THANK YOU GOD FOR SAVING ME.

Beloved, not all you see is real. Patience is the best virtue and always remember that that which you sow, you will most definitely reap.
#BASHORUN

Hmm, love this! Riveting and gripping, more ink to your pen sir. Keep up the good work