I say this as someone who was spanked as a child AND someone who has studied child psychology:

Please, please don't spank your children.

Corporal punishment teaches children to fear getting caught-- they learn to avoid punishment by whatever means necessary. This includes lying and hiding their misdeeds.

Many, many studies of child development have found that corporal punishment is ineffective at instilling internal morality and socially acceptable behavior in children. Children who are spanked are statistically more likely to misbehave when they think that they won't get caught.

If you want to teach children to make good choices, there are hundreds of better ways. Here's a few tips:

Never discipline a child while you are angry. Angry parents don't always make good decisions. You want the child to learn from their actions, not capitulate to appease your anger. Take a moment to calm down if you need it.

Remove them from the situation. If child throws a tantrum at the supermarket, you can take them outside to calm down.

Impose natural consequences. If the child leaves their toys outside overnight, their toys get ruined.

Set rules for behavior and explain the consequences you will impose beforehand. "We always pick up our toys before dinner. If there are still toys on the floor after I ask you to clean them up, I will put them in this box and you won't have them for 1 day."

Talk to the child
Listen to the child's explanation: "I wanted the toy, and sister wouldn't give it to me so I pushed her."

Explain the rule: "It's our rules that we ask nicely for a turn and wait, and that we only use nice touches."

Explain how they violated the rules: "You didn't wait for sister to give you the toy, and you used a not-nice touch."

Help them plan out better behavior: "What should you have done instead? Sister is feeling hurt that you pushed her. What should you do now?"

Implement the plan: "Sister, I'm sorry for pushing you. Next time, I'll ask how long until I can have the toy. Can I play with the toy in 10 minutes?"

Source: https://www.quora.com/Do-you-believe-in-spanking-your-children

Neteller here: www..com.ng

Well done OP!

I don't believe in spanking. Why would I teach my kids that violence is a solution?

Story.

The less you spank
The happier your kid

Thanks op for the info,noted for future use

foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him

Really. Can you really raise a well-behaved and well-cultured child in Nigeria without spanking? I think the way you do it and the no of times would be the issue. 'Spare the rod and spoil the child';I didn't really understand that until I became a mother.

toyeem:
Really. Can you really raise a well-behaved and well-cultured child in Nigeria without spanking? I think the way you do it and the no of times would be the issue. 'Spare the rod and spoil the child';I didn't really understand that until I became a mother.

That a mother or father had to resort to corporal punishment as a means to right a wrong only proves how much that parent has failed in his/her parental duties towards his/her child. Children are humans, and not beasts of burden. Even dogs don't get beaten!

It's easy to beat your child at the slighest offence, but it's energy-draining and much more time-consuming to correct an errant child lovingly by making him/her see the wrong in his/her actions - through words of wisdom and of love. Many African parents lack the patience to follow through that correctional route, and in their defence they'll almost invariably quote the trite bible passage that says: 'spare the rod, and spoil the child'.

Corporal punishment does nothing but instill fear, and fear only makes the child more careful.

I wish it is as easy as that. Environment is important for this to work. A child brought up in a rich home pampered with toys and video games can be threatened with seizing of those toys and video games if he/she misbehaves but what about those in the rural area? How do you correct them?

Yes.

KillerPriest:


That a mother or father had to resort to corporal punishment as a means to right a wrong only proves how much that parent has failed in his/her parental duties towards his/her child. Children are humans, and not beasts of burden. Even dogs don't get beaten!

It's easy to beat your child at the slighest offence, but it's energy-draining and much more time-consuming to correct an errant child lovingly by making him/her see the wrong in his/her actions - through words of wisdom and of love. Many African parents lack the patience to follow through that correctional route, and in their defence they'll almost invariably quote the trite bible passage that says: 'spare the rod, and spoil the child'.

Corporal punishment does nothing but instill fear, and fear only makes the child more careful.

Many were flogged and they took correction while others got used to the rod and even longed for it. Nobody wishes to inflict pain on the child but there are some situations you just have to.
Like I said before the environment matters.

Do I spank my children? Yes.

Yes

A million yes

Op,

Since you were spanked when a child, was the resultant effects on you now an adult, adverse?

If yes, in what ways?

I was spanked myself too, now, I am a better person.

KillerPriest:


That a mother or father had to resort to corporal punishment as a means to right a wrong only proves how much that parent has failed in his/her parental duties towards his/her child. Children are humans, and not beasts of burden. Even dogs don't get beaten!

It's easy to beat your child at the slighest offence, but it's energy-draining and much more time-consuming to correct an errant child lovingly by making him/her see the wrong in his/her actions - through words of wisdom and of love. Many African parents lack the patience to follow through that correctional route, and in their defence they'll almost invariably quote the trite bible passage that says: 'spare the rod, and spoil the child'.

Corporal punishment does nothing but instill fear, and fear only makes the child more careful.

I stated it that spanking is not bad but how you do it and the rate at which you do it matters. Ask any mother that got bitten while breastfeeding their lovely baby if having a heart-to-heart talk with a baby of 13 months will make the baby to stop biting her. A gentle tap on the baby's hand with a finger will work better. I am not supporting unnecessary spanking but I believe a little spanking on the hand or buttocks with two fingers could help mothers a lot.

eph12:

Many were flogged and they took correction while others got used to the rod and even longed for it. Nobody wishes to inflict pain on the child but there are some situations you just have to.
Like I said before the environment matters.

Don't you think it's tad ambitious to use the word 'many'?

No situation(s) warrants inflicting of pain upon a child. Our thoughts have been streamlined into believing that corporal punishment is indispensable in child-raising to the point that it appears to be a normalcy, especially in a typical African setting such as ours. In truth, it's an aberration, and I think it's very sadistic of any parent to indulge in such practice.

There are various, and more loving ways to persuade a child into doing away with bad habits without creating unnecessary animus betwixt the parent and the child. Or don't you know that some adults abhor their parents based on the physical punishment inflicted on them in their childhood?

All it takes is wisdom, patience and having an out-and-out understanding of the child in order to know how to go about in upending his flaws.

This is also why domestic violence seems to have shot into the stratosphere in these recent years. When kids are spoonfed with the warped notion that violence and physical altercations are the way to go about in enforcing change(es) or in handling life issues, then such a child is likely to batter his/her wife/husband and children in a skewed belief of attemting to correct them—thus fostering the intergenerational cycle of violence.

You made mention of the environmental factor involved, and asked what could be use to deter poor kids from bad habits. You're missing the point—it's not about using punishments as leverage to elicit good conduct or behaviour. It's about conveying in no uncertain terms the benefits of good behaviour to the child and inculcating in him/her the importance of being morally upright even when punishment or sanction is not included in the clause.
Morality and punishment are two words that should not respond to the principle of reciprocity—that is, punishments or threats of sanction should not be why people are moral, and that, sadly is all corporal punishment is all about.

KillerPriest:


Don't you think it's tad ambitious to use the word 'many'?

No situation(s) warrants inflicting of pain upon a child. Our thoughts have been streamlined into believing that corporal punishment is indispensable in child-raising to the point that it appears to be a normalcy, especially in a typical African setting such as ours. In truth, it's an aberration, and I think it's very sadistic of any parent to indulge in such practice.

There are various, and more loving ways to persuade a child into doing away with bad habits without creating unnecessary animus betwixt the parent and the child. Or don't you know that some adults abhor their parents based on the physical punishment inflicted on them in their childhood?

All it takes is wisdom, patience and having an out-and-out understanding of the child in order to know how to go about in upending his flaws.

This is also why domestic violence seems to have shot into the stratosphere in these recent years. When kids are spoonfed with the warped notion that violence and physical altercations are the way to go about in enforcing change(es) or in handling life issues, then such a child is likely to batter his/her wife/husband and children in a skewed belief of attemting to correct them—thus fostering the intergenerational cycle of violence.

You made mention of the environmental factor involved, and asked what could be use to deter poor kids from bad habits. You're missing the point—it's not about using punishments as leverage to elicit good conduct or behaviour. It's about conveying in no uncertain terms the benefits of good behaviour to the child and inculcating in him/her the importance of being morally upright even when punishment or sanction is not included in the clause.
Morality and punishment are two words that should not respond to the principle of reciprocity—that is, punishments or threats of sanction should not be why people are moral, and that, sadly is all corporal punishment is all about.

It is very possible to spank a child with love and not anger. I was spanked flogged as a child but it was done in love and I got the message. When your 15 years old brings weed to your house to smoke you will learn. Of course it is not always so. If you say I am creating fear in them by flogging them you're wrong because other days or time you can use to bond and create that closeness but when they cross the line in a big way you don't spare the rod.

Well AL gets spanked in the butt when he does something wrong
So most times I hear him say my mummy will beat me and he runs away from it

But when I don't beat
I threaten with I will not play with you again
I will not take you to cinema/comedy show and he starts crying out loud
Soyi
Soyi
Idaya soyi
I will not do it again

Infact its working more than beating and I just bully him when he misbehaves

Its fun

KillerPriest:


You made mention of the environmental factor involved, and asked what could be use to deter poor kids from bad habits. You're missing the point—it's not about using punishments as leverage to elicit good conduct or behaviour. It's about conveying in no uncertain terms the benefits of good behaviour to the child and inculcating in him/her the importance of being

Maybe when you hear spank or flog what you see is kungfu and wwe but no it isn't! A child can be gently spanked and of course he/she would be taught not to repeat such action or behaviour again.
Those that beat their children anyhow are not doing so because of the offence the child committed but because of the frustration they are facing in their lives. It is not the same thing.

KillerPriest:


This is also why domestic violence seems to have shot into the stratosphere in these recent years. When kids are spoonfed with the warped notion that violence and physical altercations are the way to go about in enforcing change(es) or in handling life issues, then such a child is likely to batter his/her wife/husband and children in a skewed belief of attemting to correct them—thus fostering the intergenerational cycle of violence.

Interesting! We don't even have as much cases of parents spanking their children like we have back then so where is this coming from? Me thinks we have a lot of frustrated people on the streets and that's why

Dyt:
Well AL gets spanked in the butt when he does something wrong
So most times I hear him say my mummy will beat me and he runs away from it

But when I don't beat
I threaten with I will not play with you again
I will not take you to cinema/comedy show and he starts crying out loud
Soyi
Soyi
Idaya soyi
I will not do it again

Infact its working more than beating and I just bully him when he misbehaves

Its fun

And those that have never been to the cinema or whatever nko?

eph12:


And those that have never been to the cinema or whatever nko?

Don't play with them ni


Mothers have diff measures punishing a child
That's mine and its working excellently well
Tease him of your attention and he starts crying, I will tell my daddy for you, I will tel grandma, Tee, uncle, aunty

Tell whoever but I will not still play with you

Now I feel like going home

Dyt:


Don't play with them ni


Mothers have diff measures punishing a child
That's mine and its working excellently well
Tease him of your attention and he starts crying, I will tell my daddy for you, I will tel grandma, Tee, uncle, aunty

Tell whoever but I will not still play with you

Now I feel like going home

Ok o. The bonding is there because of your exposure and how your boy has come to appreciate the good things of life because he has access to. But I believe that once in a while that spanking comes handy abi I lie?

eph12:

Ok o. The bonding is there because of your exposure and how your boy has come to appreciate the good things of life because he has access to. But I believe that once in a while that spanking comes handy abi I lie?

Right on the butt
Wet fingers or his wet black bum
That thing makes him swallows his voice
You know that kain silent cry

Dyt:


Right on the butt
Wet fingers or his wet black bum
That thing makes him swallows his voice
You know that kain silent cry

Lol.. That's how it should be!

I love family section, always educative, thanx guys ♡

It was enough beating that got my brain reset..

My mum being a retired teacher, gave me enough beating to last a lifetime..

At times, I look back, and smile.

eph12:

Lol.. That's how it should be!

Gbabe

LOL

All kids are different,
Some need spanks and some don't

Study your kid and pick the best method of discipline for the kid.

When I have kids, I'm going to spank them if they misbehave but it would be the last resort.

I do spank our last born once in a while, most times it would be after he has stressed my mum so much that she has no option than to report him to me or when he is rude to my sisters.

Any day I intend spanking him, I do it well. I'm not a bully though. .....lol...I'm just an antidote to his stubbornness.

My parents don't spank kids though....in fact I'm the only one among my siblings that my dad has ever spanked, it was a one time thing.

No such empirical/longitudinal studies really exist - after all, it would be unethical to conduct them wouldn't it . What we have are a number of ideologically based, clearly biased exercises designed to make this point, and not the good or necessity of properly modulated corporal punishment.

I'd place a large wager on those categorically agreeing with this of never having given birth and raised children. Especially the responses that are laughably hyperbolic .

Keep on studying - or was it a C&P job? - those who live in the real world will keep on parenting


TV

ItuExchange:
I say this as someone who was spanked as a child AND someone who has studied child psychology:

Please, please don't spank your children.

Corporal punishment teaches children to fear getting caught-- they learn to avoid punishment by whatever means necessary. This includes lying and hiding their misdeeds.

Many, many studies of child development have found that corporal punishment is ineffective at instilling internal morality and socially acceptable behavior in children. Children who are spanked are statistically more likely to misbehave when they think that they won't get caught.

If you want to teach children to make good choices, there are hundreds of better ways. Here's a few tips:

Never discipline a child while you are angry. Angry parents don't always make good decisions. You want the child to learn from their actions, not capitulate to appease your anger. Take a moment to calm down if you need it.

Remove them from the situation. If child throws a tantrum at the supermarket, you can take them outside to calm down.

Impose natural consequences. If the child leaves their toys outside overnight, their toys get ruined.

Set rules for behavior and explain the consequences you will impose beforehand. "We always pick up our toys before dinner. If there are still toys on the floor after I ask you to clean them up, I will put them in this box and you won't have them for 1 day."

Talk to the child
Listen to the child's explanation: "I wanted the toy, and sister wouldn't give it to me so I pushed her."

Explain the rule: "It's our rules that we ask nicely for a turn and wait, and that we only use nice touches."

Explain how they violated the rules: "You didn't wait for sister to give you the toy, and you used a not-nice touch."

Help them plan out better behavior: "What should you have done instead? Sister is feeling hurt that you pushed her. What should you do now?"

Implement the plan: "Sister, I'm sorry for pushing you. Next time, I'll ask how long until I can have the toy. Can I play with the toy in 10 minutes?"

Source: https://www.quora.com/Do-you-believe-in-spanking-your-children

Neteller here: www..com.ng