The following conversation ensued between me and a drunk friend today:

Friend: I hear say this guy...wetin be im name sef? Ehn ehn Goldberg come naija.

Me: Goldberg?

Friend: Yes! Dat guy wey get Facebook

Me: Oh! You mean Zuckerberg?

Friend: Na you sabi, I follow you dey browse ni? I sha know say im name resemble my brand. Ehn ehn, I hear say na one club for Yaba the guy first land. Dat guy go bad o. He sha wan sample black babe. Chei!

Me: No, his first port of call was CC-Hub not a club

Friend: Ehn Hub and club resemble nah. Your own too much sef. Dem say e even play football on top 3rd Mainland bridge. See levels!

Me: Third mainland bridge? Nooo! On the contrary, he had an early morning jog on Ikoyi-Lekki link bridge.

Friend: Ehn ehn, I for say the guy no even like himself. Say he come leave America come naija come commit suicide. I just hear dis afternoon say dem arrange olosho for am for Abuja dat's why he comot for Kenya quick run come naija. Na true?

Me: I wouldn't know about that o

Friend: You think say e easy make person travel all the way from US come Lagos drink baby oku, alomo, ogidiga, agbara and sabrina make he no go Abuja go test am? Choi! Dat guy go scatter factory o!

Me: I have to go now ore

Friend: Come, come, come. You don dey vex? Oya no vex. Na true say Goldberg wear suit?

Me: For the umpteenth time, he is Zuckerberg!

Friend: Leave story! Dem dey use im name collect money for bank? You sef wey you dey talk, no be "tajutaju" I take master your name ni? If say d guy be Simon now, I go don know say when I remember "Don Simon", I go remember im name. Na Goldberg dey help me. Who Sukabeg epp?

Mehn baby oku 4 heavy kpanachuku..chai

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