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Indigenous telecommunication giant Globacom unveils blueprint and plans it is putting in place to make it impossible for customers browsing on the newtwork not to slam their phones on the ground out of anger due to slow internet speed.

The Network, at its latest anniversary, thanked Nigerians for their support and patronage despite being committed to seeing them frustrated. The telecom giant also unvield a new 64gig for 100naira plan which they assured users that no matter how hard they tried, they would never be able to use more than 5mb out of it due to network challenges.

At a late night gala event that took place after the occasion, the company's head of technical issues and installations, Mr Osaro Igbemudia, assured customers that Glo was committed to making improvements that will ensure browsing or downloading on the network continues to remain a pain in the ass, as it has always been.

He further quelled fears from customers regarding Glo improving their speed anytime soon when he informed newsmen of a specially engineered optical fibre cable the company just acquired from Sony electronics. The optical fibre, he explained, uses the latest discovery in sound bending to heavily throttle browsing and downloading speed, and will run on a specially customised server built in collaboration with Google to maintain Glo's dominance as Nigeria's number one slowest network.

He pleaded with customers to please disregard rumors making rounds that the network was planning to improve it services, assuring them that Glo had no plans of improving anytime soon and 'probably' not in the future either.

He also told a reporter who asked when Nigerians should be expecting the latest changes to be patient, that installations were currently going on Nationwide, and that when it goes live, customers would begin to notice significant changes when the current time of four days it takes to load a single page increases to five and half.

hakinze00:
Hmm I smell lies...Op wich network provider do u work for because dis ur marketing strategy no be for here ooo,How will glo say such thing? No matter how large their customer base is,dey can't say anytin like that the highest tin dey can say will be it works only on edge... If not if it is coming on 3G,meh na to stay in front of their mass dey download be dat nau make I see how network no go fast!

sorextee:
laughing in 3D

elvision1:
This is cool, but am finding it hard to laugh cus it feels old skool and predictable, Dunno why sha. Maybe i've got an heightened sense of humour and uncanny ability to mentally explain jokes till they are no longer funny.

Ksslib:
www.nairaland.com/attachments/4259184_pixlr20160920124932593_jpegd64792d1ca290acf6c40f077f7741889

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source: http://www.klibpaper.com/2016/09/glo-slow-network.html?m=1

elvision1:
This is cool, but am finding it hard to laugh cus it feels old skool and predictable, Dunno why sha. Maybe i've got an heightened sense of humour and uncanny ability to mentally explain jokes till they are no longer funny.