A Nigerian politician was opportuned to visit Columbia. While there, he met a civil servant who owned several luxury cars and lived in a mansion with several servants.

"How can a mere civil servant be so affluent?" asked the Nigerian.

The Columbian took him to the window and asked, "do you see that road?"

"Yes?"

The civil servant patted his pocket and said, "15%".

So the politician returned to Nigeria. One year later, the Columbian was in Nigeria. When he noticed that the Nigerian now had a more lavish lifestyle than himself, he had to ask, "how manage?".

They went to the window. "Do you see that bridge over there?"

"What bridge?"

The Nigerian pats his pocket and says, "100%".

This is how it's done

A corrupt local government chairman passed away and a new one was appointed to take his place.

When the replacement took charge, the citizens complained that the previous chairman was so corrupt that he got money sanctioned for a community center building, but used the money for himself instead of constructing the center. The new chairman promised to look into the matter and found that it was true.

So he promptly had more money sanctioned to get the building demolished.

A former military president met the current president and was complaining that his political rival is so stingy that he only sends him text messages and never calls him.

And the current president answered "Don't worry, I will flash him"

Now, who is more stingy?

---

An England President went to heaven and asked God, when England will be good and God said in 1 year's time.

A USA President did the same and God said in two years' time.

A Nigerian president did the same and was expecting however God will say in 50 or 100 years' time but instead God shook head and started crying. He (God) couldn't say anything about Nigeria's case.

THE CLEVEREST PRESIDENT



An airplane was about to crash, with 5 passengers on board but with only 4 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said I'm Kanu Nwankwo, one of the best soccer players in the world; you can't afford to loose me! So he took the

1st pack and jumped.

The 2nd passenger said, I'm Daisy Danjuma, the wife of the former Minister of Defense, a Senator and potential future President! She took the 2nd pack and jumped.

The 3rd passenger, OBJ, said I'm the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria; the most powerful man in the Country! I have great responsibility and I'm the cleverest president in Nigerian history. I am indispensable as Nigerians need me for the successful implementation of poverty alleviation, deregulation, privatisation, monetisation, etc and they are even telling me to go for 3rd term.Then he grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane

The 4th passenger the 'POPE' said to the 5th passenger, an 8 yearold school girl, I'm old and don't have long to live. As I'm a CATHOLIC I'll sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute.The little girl turned to the Pope and said 'it's okay there's a parachute left for you.Nigeria's cleverest president has taken my school bag.

Bible researcher interviewed Hausa, Yoruba and Ibo
folks to know what they would rather change in the
bible if they were given the chance.

The Hausa man said:

"Walahi, the adultress Jesus asked to go should have
been stoned fa!"



The Ibo man replied:
"NNA, I can't understand why Judas returned the money
after selling Jesus. In short, he is not a good
business man."

The Yoruba man retorted:

Jesus should have waited just one more day before
raising Lazarus from the dead. We had already paid for
the ASO -EBI. At least he should have allowed us enjoy
the OWAMBE before performing his miracle.

During the september eleven attacks on Trade tower in US, all presidents and leaders were calling President George W. Bush to sympathise with him.

Tony blair called and sent his message.
Others also called, as our Presidoo called the first sound Bush heard was (Cough)Hun! Hun! Hun!

Bush said ha! that must be President of the Fedrarl Republic of Nigeria.

What an identification!

Baba Sege got an invitation from the Queen of England to come and visit her in
England. One afternoon, while drinking tea, he asked the queen her
success
secret.

She told him that she relies on her people a lot and therefore she must
be certain that they are intelligent. She decided to show him exactly what
she meant and phoned Tony Blair. "Now listen carefully, Mr. Obasanjo, I'm
going to ask Mr. Blair a question to determine his intelligence."

Queen: "Oh! hello Mr Blair, I have a question for you: your mother has
a child, and your father has a child. This child is not your brother and
is not your sister. Who is he? "
Tony Blair: It's ME!"
Queen: "Correct! Thank you, bye"

"Did you get that Mr. Obasanjo?" the queen asked. "Yes, thanks a lot,
I'll definitely be using that! "

Once back in Nigeria he decided that he has doubts about Ken Nnamani
and he's going to ask him the question. He arranged a meeting
with him and asked him:"Ken Nnamani I have a question for you; your mother
has a child and your father has a child. The child is not your brother
and is not your sister, who is he?." Ken thinks...... and thinks, "Em......
you must give me some time to think about it." And Mr.! Obasanjo decided to
give him a day to come out with an answer.

That afternoon,Ken Nnamani called a meeting to discuss the question,
but NOBODY knew the answer. They drew up a Nnamani family tree, but to no
avail. The next morning, he realised he has to give Obasanjo an answer
and as a last resort, he decided to phone Jerry Rawlings of Ghana. "
Jerry, your mother has a child and your father has a child. The child is not
your brother and is not your sister, who is he?" Jerry answers immediately.
"Hey, Ken, It's me of course, you dumb Nigerian!"

Ken then rushed to Obasanjo's office, very impressed to know the answer
to such a difficult question. "Mr. President, I know who he is, it's
Jerry Rawlings!"
Obasanjo: "Jerry Rawlings ko , Jerry Gana ni. You are such a
stupid senate president. I'll make sure you're removed from office. The
child is

"TONY BLAIR !"

Have a good Day

Who is Dumber of the two what leaders we have!

A Nigerian Journalist Chats With God

"Dear God, thank you for inviting me to your golden palace. I love it here already. I wish I could stay forever. Maybe, I can get a contract to build one of the streets of gold for you."

"You are welcome my son. Don't get used to this place. You are only here for a chat. Now, what can I do for you?"

"Yes, dear Almighty, I've a burning question on my mind."

"What is it, my dear son?"

"Why did you create the Nigerian?"

"Oh my son, that is a very good question that I, God Himself, cannot answer. I'm not sure myself. Many people have asked me that question."

"Many people?"

"Yes."

"Who are these people?"

"Foreigners who have died in Nigeria lured there by 419 scam artists. Most of them have asked why I created the Nigerian because they believe that you people are all corrupt."

"Why do you say that?"

"You see, my son. There is a joke going around in heaven."

"A joke?"

"Yes, my son, a joke about you people, Nigerians."

"What is the joke?"

"Remember the song you used to sing when you were in primary and secondary school?"

"What song, my father?"

The song about "All things bright and beautiful..."

"Yes, my God, I remember the song very well. But what I don't understand is that how is that a joke?"

"Listen my son, this is the joke and I will sing the song for you."

"Yes, please go ahead, heavenly father."

"Listen carefully:"
All things bright and beautiful All creatures great and small.
All things wise and wonderful And Nigerians ruined them all.

"Oh, that was funny. You mean we Nigerians ruined your creation? "

"Yes, you people are very corrupt to the point that I'm thinking about finishing all your corrupt leaders as I did with Abacha."

"That would be very nice, my God. Our leaders have finished us. I think most common Nigerians would welcome that. These our leaders are all corrupt. Look at what they did to Marshal Harry because of politics."

"Yes, I knew of that even before it happened."

Who did it, my God?

"I cannot tell you now, on judgement day, I will make them pay for their crimes."

"Ok, my God, another question."

"Yes, go ahead, my son."

"Who killed Dele Giwa?"

"Ha, my son, you are very curious."

"Yes God, every good journalist should be curious."

"You know the killer of Giwa."

"Who is that?"

"That is all I can say for now. On judgement day, I shall make sure that the murderer of Giwa also pays for his crimes."

"My God, please tell me, is there a special place for the Nigerian in hell?"

"Yes, it's called Hell-Gate That is the Nigerian ghetto in hell. There are a lot of you people there already causing trouble for me and the angels. Even Satan is complaining about you people. You already have a bad reputation in hell."

"What kind of trouble?"
'You people are sending emails to people on earth from hell telling them that you have millions of brimstones that you want to transfer to earth and asking them to send you money for the transfer. You people took out all the furnace and installed air conditioners everywhere. I also found out that you people installed big speakers and music systems and are having your "owambe" parties in your flowing agbada which I confess has kept the grounds of hell clean.'

"Is that so?"

"Yes, my son."

"Also, some of your senators here are trying to impeach Satan. They have bribed all the demons to vote against him in a special impeachment session."

"Why will they want to impeach Satan?"

"As you know, Satan controls everyone and everything in hell and you Nigerians always want power so you can embezzle."

"But what can they embezzle in hell?"

"The firewood and the gasoline that fuels the fire so they can sell it on the black market in hell."

"So hell has a black market? "

"Yes, and it is run by you people, Nigerians."

"Oh, that is very funny, my God."

"I'm glad you found it funny."

"But, dear father, Nigeria has improved from being the most corrupt country to be the second most corrupt country behind Pakistan. You have got to give us some credit."

"Well, my son, if I were you, I would not say that loud."

"Why?"

"Didn't you Nigerians bribe the Pakistanis to take the first place on the list?"

"Father, I've another burning question on my mind."

"What is that?"

"Please tell me, will an Igbo man ever be an elected president of Nigeria?"

"Yes, my son, but not until after the year 2020."

"Very well. Will an Ijaw man from the Niger Delta ever become an elected president of Nigeria?"

"Yes, my son, but not in your lifetime."

"Hmmm. One more question my God."

"Go ahead, ask."

"When will our National Assembly members stop their corrupt ways and pass a meaningful bill that would actually improve the lives of Nigerians?"

"My son, that is a very tough question. I must consult with the angels on this one. Please give me a few minutes.
Please, take all the time, my dear God."

"My son, I've an answer for you."

"What is it, dear Holy one?"

"Not ever!"

Saint Joe

For once it pays to be a Nigerian

A man dies & goes to hell. There he finds that there
is a different hell for each country and decides he'll
pick the least painful to spend his eternity.

He goes to Germany hell & asks, "what do they do
here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric
chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails
for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and
whips you for the rest of the day".

The man does not like the sound of that at all so he
moves on. He checks out the USA hell ,the

Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are
all similar to the German hell.

Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that
there is a long line of people waiting to get in...
Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told "first they put you in an electric chair
for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for
another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you
for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.

"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so
the bed is comfortable to sleep on.

And the Nigerian devil used is a civil servant, so
he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home
for private business."

FOR ONCE, IT PAYS TO BE A NIGERIAN !!!

OMG y'all got me cracking.

waoh my ribs are aching

A minister was awarding contracts for the repair of a road. He had 3 contractors evaluate the cost and submit there estimates to him. The three contractors were hausa yoruba and ibo respectively. When the contractors came for the interview this is what their diffrent replys to the minister was

Hausa Man; Sir the total cost would be 30 million

Yoruba Man; Sir , his estimate is ridiculous, i dont think that he really wants to do the job honestly. My own estimation, considering the prices of materials in the market is 60 million.

Minister; (to the Ibo man); my friend what estimate did you come up with?

Ibo Man; Sir infact i just reached a new estimate, and it is 90 million.

Minister; How did you come to that estimate?

IBO Man; Sir 30 million is for you, 30 million is for me and the other 30 million is for the Hausa man to do the job

@ makgod u are really good in jokes.
this is real crack ur ribs, u guys are cracking me up

Saintjoe:

@ makgod u are really good in jokes.
this is real crack your ribs, u guys are cracking me up

Thanks saintjoe.
see ya and my regards to saintpeter, saintpaul ,saint banabas and all others.
tell them i won't see them soon, cuz i got no plans to die even in d next 80 years.

Hey! Mak god no use me crack jokes O! even which god self u dey mak, u and god don begin play ball together

we even discuss about girls together.......
howz dat huh huh huh.......

anyway..look at it dis other way..., lets say i got the mark of God.
chaw..

No be only mark of God, it will soon turn to mark of the beast...........

If d send u come..tell them say u no see me..
anyway.. i reject it not to the sea, or fire or where ever..., BUT BACK TO U.!!

Hey man don't be sacred ok......... am only joking..........

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What's politics?"

Dad says, " Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her he Working Class. Now your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him, and he finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to is parents' room and finds his mother fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to to his father, " I think I understand Politics now."

The father replies, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think it is."

The boy promptly answers, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future is in deep trouble."

Wow! Nice make up there. Really really funny!

Verrrry Funny! Really cracked me up!

I like that. It's really intresting. Thumb up Bro!!!!!

Every joke on this thread has cracked ma rib
way 2 go guys

ha ha ha ha ha ha . chei i don laf so tay i nearly piss. huh! u guys are really really funny o. u need to have heard me screaming with laughter. some of the jokes are so so apt. many of them got me feeling so sorry for naija. hey' God help this nation. thumbs up guys! uh.

Yeah We got intresting jokes in here. More Pls!!!!

Hehehe!

Good and Very funny jokes! thumbs up 2 u guys,

Naija