Five respect that Nigerian and Oyinbo needs,despite the fact that our belief is only nigerians need and love respect lets look at these five
1. Respect his judgment
A man deeply needs the woman in his life to respect his
knowledge, opinions, and decisions—what I would call his
judgment… many men wished their mate wouldn’t question
their knowledge or argue with their decisions all the time.
{Tweet This} It’s a touchy (and difficult) thing in these
liberated days, but what it really comes down to is their
need for us to defer to them sometimes.
Several men confessed that they felt like their opinions and
decisions were actively valued in every area of their lives
except at home. Some men felt that their comrades at work
trusted their judgment more than their own wives did. Also,
while a man’s partners or colleagues will rarely tell him
what to do (they ask him or collaborate on the decision
instead), more than one wife has made the mistake of
ordering her husband around like one of the kids.
2. Respect his abilities
Another strong theme that emerged was that men want—
even need—to figure things out for themselves. And if they
can, they feel like they have conquered something and are
affirmed as men. For some reason, spending hours figuring
out how to put together the new DVD player is fun. Problem
is, we want to help them—and guess how they interpret
that? You got it: distrust. (It’s a wonder any relationships
work and that the human race didn’t die out millennia ago!)
And, of course, our attention is not all benign. Sometimes
we truly don’t have confidence that our man can figure
something out on his own.
The little things equal one big clue
We don’t realize that the act of forcing ourselves to trust our
men in little things means so much to them, but it does. It’s
not a big deal to us, so we don’t get that it’s a big deal to
them. We don’t get that our responses to these little choices
to trust or not trust—or, at least, act like we do!—are
interpreted as signs of our overall trust and respect for them
as men.
A man might think of it like this: If she doesn’t trust me in
something as small as finding my way along a road, why
would she trust me in something important, like being a
good breadwinner or a good father? If she doesn’t respect
me in this small thing, she probably doesn’t really respect
me at all.
The next time your husband stubbornly drives in circles, ask
yourself what is more important—being on time to the party
or his feeling trusted. No contest.
3. Respect in communication
Women hold an incredible power in the way we
communicate with our men (both husbands and sons) to
build them up or to tear them down, to encourage or to
exasperate. Some things just push a man’s buttons. This
goes beyond what we say—such as questioning a man’s
judgment or his abilities—and into how we say it (and
where we say it, which is the subject of the next section).
The disconnect
In my interviews, a large number of men said something like
this: When my wife says something disrespectful, I often
think, I can’t believe she doesn’t know how that makes me
feel! I had to reassure these men over and over that their
wives probably didn’t mean to disrespect them and were
likely just clueless.
Let me give you several common examples of how a man
might hear something negative where the woman never
intended it.
4. Respect in public
Now we come to one of the most important points of the
book. There appears to be an epidemic of public disrespect
for men, and the biggest culprit is not the television, movies,
or other media, but the women who are supposed to love
their men most.
The most fragile thing on the planet
Dozens of men told me how painful it is when their wives
criticize them in public, put them down, or even question
their judgment in front of others. One man on the survey
said that the one thing he wished he could tell his wife was
that “at a minimum, she should be supportive of me in
public.” That wish was repeated dozens of times on the
survey—it was one of the strongest themes that emerged.
Consider this statement, which I have heard (in essence)
from many men: “My wife says things about me in public
that she considers teasing. I consider them torture.”
Be respectful even when he’s absent
Having seen how important public respect is to men (it is
almost impossible to overstate), I have become incredibly
sensitive to how often we might talk negatively about them
behind their backs. The effects are much the same even
when a man isn’t present: The women’s disrespect of her
husband becomes even more deeply embedded as she
harps on it, and those in listening range may begin to feel
the same!
5. Respect in our assumptions
Unfortunately, in one area men have every right to read
something into what we say—and that is when we have
jumped to negative conclusions about them. When we really
examine our communication, we’ll be astounded at how
often it assumes something bad about the man we love.
See if any of these assumptions ring a bell.
We assume, “He needs to be reminded”
To us, repeatedly asking “Have you done it yet?” is
probably not a big deal. But inherent in the question is our
assumption that the guy needs the reminder—that he is
either incapable of remembering on his own or that he
remembers just fine but needs our prodding to do the job.
What they are accurately hearing is, “I don’t trust you.”
Just realize that his reason for not doing it may be different
from yours. Remember, half the men on the survey indicated
that sometimes they just have different priorities. Or, they
could just be unable to handle one more thing. One man
with a stressful job noted that he sometimes feels like a
computer that will crash if he tries to load one more thing
onto it. For him, procrastinating on something his wife
wants him to do at home is his warning sign that he will
emotionally crash is he tries it.

their knowledge or argue with their decisions all the time.