I am non-Nigerian and have been dating a Nigerian for 3 years in the UK. I’ll be going to Nigeria to meet his extended family (I already know his immediate family) and has indicated that he wants to relocate to Nigeria in 18 months and says he wants me to go with him. I’ve indicated to him that I can’t go with him unless there is some commitment (ie. Marriage/engagement) and he says its fine, that will be sorted and we have started briefly discussing marriage plans. The problem is that I am not yet ready to leave the UK as I am undertaking some studies which I would literally just have completed in 18 months, and would want to further my career in the UK before leaving. How do I bring this issue up with him and not come across as if I don’t want to commit to him? Also don’t want to be putting so many conditions on him that he will just give up because I know its very easy for him to find a wife when he gets to Nigeria if it gets too complicated. The issue is not that I don’t want to relocate to Nigeria, I[b] will happily do that but feel his timing is not right for me.[/b]

all too familiar tale, just tell him no pussy-footing,

"The problem is that I am not yet ready to leave the UK as I am undertaking some studies which I would literally just have completed in 18 months, and would want to further my career in the UK before leaving. How do I bring this issue up with him and not come across as if I don’t want to commit to him? Also don’t want to be putting so many conditions on him that he will just give up because I know its very easy for him to find a wife when he gets to Nigeria if it gets too complicated. The issue is not that I don’t want to relocate to Nigeria, I will happily do that but feel his timing is not right for me."


You sound a bit desperate there! What do you mean by how do you bring this issue up with him? You've got life time goals, has he got one? have you both sat down to discuss the future or you are just assuming things? whats his opinion about your career goals? Has he told you his long and short term goals and do you see yourself in the picture? if not, stop wasting your time. Moreso, you have answered your question in the last line "I WILL HAPPILY DO THAT BUT FEEL HIS TIMING IS NOT RIGHT FOR ME", Whatelse are you waiting for? do the right thing, get talking with him, i mean serious talking about your future together,

"I KNOW ITS EASY FOR HIM TO FIND A WIFE WHEN HE GETS TO NIGERIA", Girl, go work on your self esteem! Is there something you ain't telling us?

DESTINYJ has basically hit it as hard as posible. U need to have a serious talk with him, stop shaking like my granny's teeth. Its your life, if u relocate to Nigeria without any qualification u may get stucked.

After marriage then what? House wife? Talk to him now and stop sounding desperate.

Simply open up to him and let him feel your plight. . . If he truly loves you then he would surely understand. . . Its simple

JUSTWISE THANKS FOR YOUR ELDERLY ADVISE,

@POSTER TRUTH IS BETTER OOO

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LIVE IN PAIN, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT

BYE

they said it all really. . .
if y'all have started talking marriage,
aint none wrong in telling him that u'll move with him but not anytime soon

Thanks all for your replies, I guess the key thing here is communicate.

I am not desperate for him at all, trust me. Do I love him - yes? And am I afraid to lose him - yes. I dont think that can be misconstrued as being desperate.  Him finding another woman in Nigeria is absolutley nothing to do with my self esteem.  I dont believe in long distance relationships and dont want to mislead myself thinking he will wait for me there if he goes before me and i follow after - the fact that i am not Nigerian does not make this any simpler. I'd rather be realistic with myself but obviously this is worst case scenario.  His father has retired and wants to hand his businesses down to him as the first son (this is the reason for him wanting to go back to nigeria soon), which i completely understand but i believe there must be some compromise.

Thanks for your replies, much appreciated.

chaircover:

@poster; you’ve hit the nail on the head; The key is communication and compromise.

Sha, I didn’t know parents these days still expected their children to drop everything and travel half the world to come and run their business for them so they can retire.
I thought that only happened in Nollywood.

I have my doubt abt that excuse, i have heard that b4.

@ chaircover : Thanks for your reply.  It's a little different - he came here to study and never intended to settle in the UK and this is something we had discussed and I was well aware of.  He wanted to be here for another 3/4 years (and I wouldnt mind going then) but it seems his relocation is happening sooner than anticipated because of his father's retirment.  I thought this was normal practice (taking over from the father) , esp for the first son

sit and wait till the right timing. my dear, better look b4 u leap. or else u go meet ur self for one village. abeg think.