Doctor to a patient: "I have good and bad news for you. Which one would you like to hear first?"
"The good one please."
"I found the diagnosis of your illness, it means you have two days to live."
"And the bad one?"
"I’ve been trying to reach you for two days."
.
Person 1 : Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl ?
Person 2 : It’s a girl . She’s my daughter.
Person 1 : Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father.
Person 2 : I’m not. I’m her mother.
TBC

When young, I decided to go to Medical School. At the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who said SPINE are doctors today.
The rest of us went to flight school..
.
Akpors was caught red handed by his principal writing "MAY
GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL".
Principal: What nonsense are you writing? (about to Slap
Akpors).
Akpors: Sir, i have not finish it.
Principal: (angry) what do you mean. You are abusing me and you
said you have not finish.
Akpors: This is not what i wanted to write.
Principal: So what did you want to write?
Akpors: I wanted to write that "MAY GOD PUNISH MY
PRINCIPAL’S ENEMY"..
Akpors was given a free scholarship.

Girlfriend : hey
Boyfriend : Who's hey? Don't ever call me dat
Girlfriend : sorry! Ma love, hw are u dowin??
Boyfriend : i'm fyn nd u??
Girlfriend : i'm fyn, bt i need somfin from u
Boyfriend : wat?
Girlfriend : pls, could u send me 15k?
Boyfriend : 15k for wat?
Girlfriend : 5k for ma clothes, 7k for ma hair nd nails and 3k for my shoes
Boyfriend : Awwww sure ma love.. Here...
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
K
Count it, it's complete nd take diZ extra 2k
K
K
Datz for ur perfume, I love u

One spelling mistake in a hurry can make life hell..
Husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his business trip and missed an "e" in the last word...now he is seeking police protection to enter to his own house....
He wrote, "Hi darling, I'm enjoying and experiencing the best time of my life and I wish you were her!
.
You lavish 300k in a club and give a prostitute 15k. But you give your girlfriend 1k after washing your clothes and cleaning the house for you then you say you're testing her to find out if she is after your money.
Brother, the thunder that will fire you will be like Drug prescription; 3 in the morning, 3 in the afternoon and 3 at night.

If a girl dumped you because you don't have money, my brother when you don make the money please forgive her, promise her marriage, tell her family that you want to renovate their house, Then remove their roof and disappear.
.
Wife: Darling, give me your phone for a second.
Husband: Wait, let me switch it on. Delete videos. Delete pictures. Delete music. Delete private folder Delete number. Delete sms. Delete out going calls. Delete incoming calls. Delete mms. UNISTALL Whatsapp. Delete... Delete... Delete... Delete... Delete... Delete... FORMAT Memory Card. Reset phone to Factory settings...
Husband: Here you go honey, i have nothing to hide from you.
Wife:Thanx love... I just wanted to check the time.
Husband: Oh my God!

When you buy a phone of N640,000 and a SIM card of N50.
Few days later the phone gets missing and all you can say is " it's not even the phone that is paining me, it's the SIM card".
Alaye......, if I slap you eh, your ancestors will feel dizzy.
.
I never knew our house has a lot of corners until my mum said Ayo go and bring me those fried meat dat is inside the home theatre carton at d back of d cupboard near d visitor's room.
.

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference btwn the two words "COMPLETE" and "FINISHED". Some people say there is no difference between "COMPLETE" and "FINISHED​", but there is. When you marry​ the right woman you are COMPLETE​ and when you marry​ the wrong woman,​ you are
FINISHED!​ When your wife catches​ you with another woman​ you are
COMPLETELY FINISHED​ and when your
wife​ likes shopping​ so much you are
FINISHED COMPLETELY!

Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital. When he got home, he called the Psychiatric Hospital on phone and asked; “Is there any one in Room eight at Ward one?”
The Receptionist on phone replied; “Just a minute sir hold on let me check.”
A while later the Receptionist came back on the phone and said; “There is no one sir.”
Akpos exclaimed; “Wow! Okay my dear.”
The Receptionist said; “But why did you ask sir?.”
Akpos replied; “I want to be sure that I’ve escaped.”
.
Ochuko and Akpos were approached by a zoo owner to get lions for his zoo and that he would pay $50,000 for each
lion.
The two men went into the forest in search of lions.
At the end of the day they found nothing and decided to make a camp in the bush.
The next morning Akpos woke up and saw 300 lions surrounding them.
Excited, Akpos shouted: “Ochuko wake up! WE ARE RICH!!!
(What do you think will happen to them)

In Bed: It’s 6am. You close
your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s
7:45am. At Work: It’s 1:30pm. Close
your eyes for 30 minutes, it’s
1:31pm
.
.
Akpos was fond of putting his wife's photo in his
wallet so one day d wife asked Him
WIFE: why is my photo always in ur wallet?
AKPOS: wen am in trouble...i just look at it and d
problem disappears.
WIFE:hmm...do u c how miraculous i am in ur life?
AKPOS:...I just look ur picture and say to my self
"wat problem could be bigger dan this"?..
.
.
Akpos escaped from Yaba Psychiatric Hospital. When he got home, he called the Psychiatric Hospital on phone and asked; “Is there any one in Room eight at Ward one?”
The Receptionist on phone replied; “Just a minute sir hold on let me check.”
A while later the Receptionist came back on the phone and said; “There is no one sir.”
Akpos exclaimed; “Wow! Okay my dear.”
The Receptionist said; “But why did you ask sir?.”
Akpos replied; “I want to be sure that I’ve escaped.”

watch what they did to this fake corper
he lied to the girl that he is a corper but the girl caught him selling ice fish
click on the link to watch and dont forget to subscribe for more

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWejOYNMHTk