ndomadu:

my broooodaaaa,

As an african.traditional marriage is the true identification of your two-becomes-one. Q.E.D

well said

Livvvvy:

l hope you are not running from certain responsibilties?
As africans TM is very important.

Some churches even require that you settle all TM issues first before you take your bride to church.

I'm definitely not running from anything.Let me just say there are a some obstacles that might make the TM thingy difficult (issues that have been going on since i was a kid).I really want to do the TM thing but if some negativity comes into play. . . . . . . (i'm lost for words)

tk22ng:

IF NOT FOR ANYTHING IS OUR CULTURE AND TRADITION AND WHO SHOULDNT THROW IT AWAY.AFRICANS MUST LEARN TO PUT OUR CULTURE FIRST,BEFORE THE WESTERN CULTURE.

Trust me, this isn't a case of me running from culture.

tolly4real:

Traditional marriage is not a do or die affair. But for u to have considered doing the church and court wedding, i think u shld put the personal reasons aside cos most people may not understand and do the tradional rites as well.

From the comments here, it seems TM is the only recognized marriage.

Sums up now! and which tradition are u talking about as though u pple had one there?
[quote][/quote]

I presume this was meant to be a funny ethnic joke.Well, didn't come out that way and i'm not about to let this thread degenerate into a tribal war of words.I do appreciate the time you put in to post though.

Thanks for stopping by.

It's not a do-or-die affair. You can do without.

people should always give sound advice whenever possible. we have kinds of marriages in Nigeria,traditional,Church and Court. All are recognized by the law,and all are valid.one isn't greater than the other.BUT for legal issues, like wills.inheritance, etc you need a Court wedding.

While nobody forces you to take any of the forms of marriage, remember that "marriage ceremony" is really not for you and your spouse. It is the process in which you inform the society and the community permits you to take a mate and accept your sexual association as legal. While many people will disagree, technically, you marry for the society else the people will frown at your relatonship as adultery.

Which one you choose depends on the community you live and operate in? If you and you spouse were already in the western world, I'll say court or church wedding. But if you are an Igbo person and do a church or court wedding alone and live among them, be rest assured that you do not want any publicly acknowledged relationship between the two families in future. Also anytime you come in contact with your inlaws family they will take the time to embarrase and remind you that you have not completed the traditional marriage. Not just you but your sons will often be chided that his mother was not properly married. There is even a derogatory Igbo proverb that says that only a son whose mother's TM was not properly done will not understand a proverb or an idiom. These are the social controls that were used before the white men to enforce proper marriage, while the legal system adds to them, it has not diminished them. I do not know how the cultural control is in Efik or Akwa Ibom.

If you have personal conflicts in your extended family or your mate's, I suggest you discuss with her parents and provide police men for the TM ceremony, if not police men find some bouncers who will be heavily dressed in black to put off trouble makers. That will cost money of course.

@ H202
No!, you cannot do without it, in the Bible there was only one marriage, when Jacob ws given his wife by his inlaw, there was no church or court wedding,

Bible also recognises parental blessings and consent, so u must carry the families along,

white wedding though colourful is a borrowed culture, the real wedding is the traditional.

most churches cannot wed you without you having done the traditional, but can overlook the court if you are a good christian.

when your father in the presence of all and sundry blesses you and hands you over to the man, I tell you God has equally blessed the union

@mccloud24, I don't feel traditional marriage is so important. My advice is this discuss with your wife and In laws. Find out from them what they want from you. If they both feel that Traditional Marriage is necessary the u can go ahead with it.

Most important thing to note is this: Marriage is not an everyday occasion for me, its a once in a lifetime matter so pls do what you and ur bride would love to do.

Congratulations in advance,

@poster

TM,like many has said here is a very important,but not rilly a do or die affair!It depends on both families and the intending couple.Personally,I wld love to have my TM done in my hometown,Y?Cos it goes to show dat I hv gone out der,found a man who's proud to identify with my pple n has agreed to follow me home(my roots),to show n tell my pple dat she's here n she has done wonderfully well for herself.Wht am tryin to say in essence is that,TM is a way of apprecaiting ur wife n her pple,it is a way of expressing ur love n fondness to her esp.Frankly speaking,its rilly a stressful event,but d truth is its worth it!Asides d fact dat its part n parcel of our traditions n culture as africans,we just have to be proud of our ways.If an oyibo,can agree to come back home n marry his ni gerian wife in her hometown,wht more,we the custodians of the culture.Summarily,if u can afford it,I think u shld go for it.Do it for ur wife to be,who am sure u love n cherish,n also for the part of u being a true african/nigerian and outta respect for both families.Am sure she wants to hv her TM,even tho she might agree with u not to,if u dont want to.But deep down in her heart,am sure she wants it.Hell,infact am looking forward to my TM,more than my white wedding.Call me old-fashioned,but its a day,I get to show-off,get all attention,look beautiful in my african ensemble n all.Will rilly feel like an african queen dat day,with my handsome king by my side.All d best!

Taditional wedding is an african culture and therefore should not be ignored by anybody, u can only run away from it if u feel u don't have the money to carry it. BUt if the pay is there, shikina, u do it n carry on.

WHAT WE REFER TO AS TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IS PARENTS CONSENT. IT IS A MUST. THE BIBLE STATED IT SO. CHECK OUT ALL MARRIAGES IN THE BIBLE: THEY ALL INVOLVED FAMILY TRADITIONS. IT NOW DEPEND ON HOW U WANT TO ARRANGE UR OWN BUT U JUST AV TO SEEK UR PARENTS-IN-LAW CONSENT AND THEY WILL DECIDE HOW U SEEK IT. IT MIGHT BE IN FORM OF ELABORATE TRADITIONAL WEDDING. MARRIAGE IN CHURCH IS NOT COMPULSORY AS U CAN INVITE A PRIEST TO UR TRADITIONAL WEDDING TO BLESS UR WEDDING. THEN PROCEED TO THE REGISTRY TO REGISTER UR MARRIAGE WITH THE GOVERNMENT.

I WISH U LUCK

IN CONCLUSION TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IS A MUST.

for sure it's important. as africans we have our on thing. for instance a white guy comes to marry u, u do the church thing and court thing, which automatically is the whites' culture, then tell me wat have u got to show u have a origin and a background. tell me?

Thr r ways whrby cost is cut in TM,thz wht scares ppl away frm it.If u'l jst tel us why u aint comfy doin it,i'm sure thr'l b ppl who'l help u out wt ideas on hw 2negotiate d aspect.TRADMARRIAGE is a Must in d African culture

Bros T.M is the most important wedding you will ever do.reason being dat it brings the two families together ,it is part of our culture .
infact if you do T.m you fit no do church or court but as per xtianity your church go crucify you so you no get choice but to do the two.
meanwhile there are ways to do this things and it doesnt cost much.

Wow I'm shocked by the responses. I go marry oyibo.
No shyt.

@zeedee,no shakes.Just make sure u invite us sha!

Tm is very important no matter what you do, Please do it.

listening,

but the problem is how do you control the greed factor in TM ? For example I know someone in the USA where both the man and woman reside was quoted $50 thousand dollars to pay as bride price by the people back home. That is just plain greedy rubbish

TM is the most important - What a load of Bollocks!!

All part of the cultural crap that should be scrapped. Our culture our culture - borrow to show off, oppress, repress, show off, witching, I am older than you - you must respect me, poverty, you must not succeed, I should be richer than you, man cheating woman, man beating wife, women not working and thinking why man dey sleep with another, TM for family greediness with stupid and expensive list for no just cause, religious follow follow,  help with returns and the list goes on and on, crap crap crap.

The good bits - the food and the music for ever!!

TM is more important than court/church - Complete load of Bull***.

Where is the legal framework behind it: our culture, we are Africans - utter crap!!

Spyker:

How do they want me to get married three times all in the name of marriage. White, Court and Traditional are all marriage. As a Christian, i will only subscribe to White and if the church says court is compulsory, then i will do that. But traditional, i won't do it even though somebody wants to sponsor it. I have already told my parents that even though somebody sponsors it (takes charge of all the expenses) i won't be there on that day. I see no reason marrying thrice all to one and the same person. Marriage is marriage, if i must do traditional, then the Priest or Pastor must be there to do the church wedding. That is my take in this issue and i believe my spouse and her people will respect my decision and allow things to flow my way.

Guy, if I may ask, wia r u frm? Wat is ur reason 4 hatin TM so badly dat even if some1 opts 2 foot d bill, u will reject d offer? Were u pple treated badly @ ur villa? if u ask me, I will do d 3 of them but none will b elaborate so as fit in in d society. US embassy n UK embassy will ask u of court marriage. Ur wife's kinsmen n ur kinsmen will ask u of TM while in d city, u will b askd of white.
Pls my advice 2 d poster is dat he shld embrace them but on a very low key dat his pocket will accommodate. What matters is life after any weddin and not the colour of weddin. Pls use ur wisdom

Pls u jst ve 2 do it for bring the family close nd 4 fateful relatnship. U can jst invite ur parent and his parent and 3 each from both of u jst lik Introduction. Its not conponsry to make noise pls hide ur head espectially in that ur village. wishing u gud luck

IGBO TRADITION & MARRIAGE.

1) If you have baby out of wedlock (traditional marriage) the child traditionaly belongs to the girls family.

3) If the mother of your children dies out of wedlock (traditional marriage) you most pay her bride price (
Ime ego nwanyi) and traditional marriage (
igba nkwu nwanyi ) before you claim the children failure to do so the family of the girl will take thier children.

4) If you have paid a girls bride price ( Ime ego nwanyi
) and havent done the traditional marriage ( igba nkwu nwanyi ) and the girl dies,you most take her corps to your home and bury her.

5) If a man pays a girl bride price ( Ime ego nwanyi
) he is her husband.( for does that does not know how much is been paid in bride price ( Ime ego nwanyi
), traditionaly is less than one thousand naira about $

my dear, its not a must do thing o. please just pay the bride price and continue with your other marriage. except that the akwa ibom's are too tied down with traditional lifestyles.

Tm is the real marriage.
We only go to church to bless the marriage.

it all depends on wat u mean by traditional marriage,doing a trad. marr. could mean staying a parlour to receive d bride price n handing d girl over(like i did) or carrying canopies u dress to killl,invite lots of ppl to eat n drink cos dey r not meant to be thre.
botom line is whicheva way its still a trad marriage small n big scale,but its important 4 d girls ppl to hand her over.

opediileke:

WHAT WE REFER TO AS TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IS PARENTS CONSENT. IT IS A MUST. THE BIBLE STATED IT SO. CHECK OUT ALL MARRIAGES IN THE BIBLE: THEY ALL INVOLVED FAMILY TRADITIONS. IT NOW DEPEND ON HOW U WANT TO ARRANGE your OWN BUT U JUST AV TO SEEK your PARENTS-IN-LAW CONSENT AND THEY WILL DECIDE HOW U SEEK IT. IT MIGHT BE IN FORM OF ELABORATE TRADITIONAL WEDDING. MARRIAGE IN CHURCH IS NOT COMPULSORY AS U CAN INVITE A PRIEST TO your TRADITIONAL WEDDING TO BLESS your WEDDING. THEN PROCEED TO THE REGISTRY TO REGISTER your MARRIAGE WITH THE GOVERNMENT.

I WISH U LUCK

IN CONCLUSION TRADITIONAL MARRIAGE IS A MUST.

My sister God bless for you for this comment.i really appreciate it.NOTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

, i personally think that T.Ms,church weddings are not compulsory, for me,i strongly feel that being joined legally under the law of the land is the most important,acceptable and secured way to go,

come to think of it would'nt one's parents have given their consent/blessings b4 doing either one or all of the marriages

so what's the biggie in just choosing one of the 3 as against doing all 3

it is ok if u can afford the 3 oh,but if u really dont want to its up to u, ur spouse(most importantly) and the family of u both, becos the wedding is just 4 a day and is also really just for people to come and eat free food and make merry and snap pictures in probably their new dresses,but the marriage is 4 a life time,
to cut the long story just,we all are just beingtoo sentimental about the whole T.M thing!!!

Traditional Marriage is the most important. All other ones come after it, including church.

what if a girl grew up in a motherless babies home without parents,who would you seek their consent for the marriage?