My dear Jack, you’ve got to summon up courage to
ask her out. You’re going to die in silence wishing
for her if you don’t summon the courage to ask her
out. Granted if she says no it’s going to hurt, and
damage your pride a bit, but what if she says yes!
You keep dancing around her, circling like a wagon in a Western B Movie, imagining all sorts of
scenarios in your head. You’ve seen her going
down the aisle with you, even seen her having a
baby for you. You’re a couple in your dreams. But
dreams don’t produce a wife. And all the desire in
the world will not produce a marriage. Ask her out. If you don’t bite the bullet and ask her out, you’ll be
friend-zoned. She’ll be the wife you never had. You
don’t want to watch another man take her, do you?
You’ll have regrets. Right now you’re like a sub on
the sideline getting ready to come on the pitch as
the referee is about to blow final whistle. If she says no, laugh over the whole thing with her. Make fun
of yourself. Continue your life. What else are you
going to do? And she may change her mind later –
who knows these things! But if she doesn’t, you
have your life to live. Seek another. What I suspect is that you really don’t know how to
approach her. Not many men will admit that. It’s
anti macho. I’ll pretend I’m not giving you a few
pointers in this mail. Let’s keep it between us.
(Wink!) Your greatest asset is your sincerity.
Approach her sincerely. There’s something about sincerity of heart. Sincerity says, I really don’t know
how to say this but I’d really like to ask you out.
Would you like to go to the movies? If not that at
least compliment her and just have a conversation.
Ladies love compliment. There must be a reason
you want to ask her out. Obviously you consider her attractive. Just tell her so. Sincerity. Forget “the
game” – all that trying to talk smooth. At a certain
level it’s actually childish. Just tell her the truth. If
you do all that funky stuff and she agrees, know
she just wants to have fun. It’s not really the
artificial jibe. It’s because she already likes something about you, had made up her mind on
the possibility before you came. Women are always ahead. Truth is, it’s the women
who date us not the other way round. They just
make it seem so. All the toasting in the world will
not make her budge an inch if you don’t fit into her
strategic intent and pursuit. Women are always
miles ahead of men when it comes to the toasting thing. They just wait for us at the bus stop. She
knows if you’re preparing to ask her out. And she
has her answer ready. It’s not your proposal that
elicits the answer. She can only be blindsided if she
has her eyes on someone else. A woman thinks
miles ahead. By the time you’re making your move she’s already made her determinations. Even if she
drags it out. That’s a game. And if she wants you,
whilst you’re still planning first date, she’s already
planning wedding anniversary. Sit down there! So
just approach her. Compliment her in the most
natural way. Tell the truth about her look, something you admire. “I think you’re such a
beautiful woman…I think you’re a wonderful
person…I admire your talent…” Whatever! Just be
sincere. What makes us want someone is a combination of
so many factors, it’s not just looks. Now, what
makes a woman want a man is a combination of
factors too. And most of the time it’s not what men
think. Some of those things can’t even be formed
into words. She just knows the man for her. If you can’t do a fancy date be honest about it. “I’ll like
you to have Coke with me” should do for honesty.
If you blow half your salary for the month on a date
you’re not going to be able to sustain the
relationship. So be honest even with yourself. Cut
your coat according to the tape measure of wisdom. You want to somehow market yourself on
that date. But you can’t be blatant. That’s too
aggressive. She wants to know you’re a serious
guy, that you’re not just looking for thrills and frills.
A woman who wants to marry has no room for
thrill seekers. Only serious guys. Doesn’t want to be confused with amusement park. She wants to
know you’re going somewhere, that you have
drive and ambition. That you have a plan. She can
sense it. She wants to be sure you’re dependable.
She wants to know you care, that you’re a nice
man, a kind-hearted fellow. She wants to know you can both get along, that there’s a chance
somewhere. She wants to be sure she can be
happy with you. She wants to know you respect
her. And that you love the whole of her, not just
fascinated with feminine attributes. It’s why you
sometimes hear beautiful women say they appreciate someone who truly value “me not just
my body.” She wants to know a little bit about your
background – your family, your parents, where
you’re coming from. She’s assessing whether she
can handle your family set-up, whether it’s healthy
and conducive to happy marriage. She wants
assurances on many levels. And that’s your job on that first date. Or you won’t get a second. Just be
yourself. Don’t try be proper and fastidious, you’re
going to be clumsy, artificial. Like someone acting a
script. You’re wise to allow her do her share of the
talking. Have a conversation. She won’t feel
satisfied deep down otherwise. Just have fun! There’s something called fun. Enjoy her company.
Let her enjoy yours. Now, be a gentleman after the date. Take her to her
house or put her in a cab. Ask her to call or text
you when she gets home. That you just want to be
sure she got home safe. Shows you care. Now, I
know your generation splits fares but I’m not sure
you should be splitting bill with a woman you invite on a first date. Even if she volunteers and you’ll
really appreciate her input I’m not sure it’s wise to
take money from her on a first date. Romance is
very old fashioned despite all our modern
modifications. There’s something old in all of us.
And please don’t ask her for transport fare after a date. Not sure you’ll get another date after that. You
cheapened yourself. When she tells her friends
about that you’re going to hear things like, “You
must be kidding!... Don’t tell me he asked!” If she had a good evening, chances are you’ll get a
second date. And it will aid her decision-making.
She has a lot to think about. She’s going to run the
whole evening through her mind, cooperate with
her emotions. And please when you get home, be
kind enough to tell her you had a good time and that you enjoyed her company. That’s actually your
opening gambit for a second date. Unless it didn’t
go well. If after the first date she refuses to pick
your calls or reply your text… Well, you’ve got your
message. Move on. But we won’t know if we don’t
ask her out, would we? So summon the courage. Ask her out. Your mentor, LA © Leke Alder | talk2me@lekealder.com For related letters, search for Sincerity, Toasting A
Woman and The Girl Of My Dreams at http:// jacknjillive.com/

I cannot believe I read it all.

allergic to lng write up

I couldn't read this one