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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How To Start A Fight In The House (1184 Views)
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How To Start A Fight In The House by almsofgold: 11:53pm On Apr 22, 2017 |
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ________________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... ________________________________ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ________________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office... She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." Ane trouble started... 9 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by Tazdroid(m): 11:56pm On Apr 22, 2017 |
Cofy and faste |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by SuperSuave(m): 12:17am On Apr 23, 2017 |
Classic!! Well done op 2 Likes |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by sisisioge: 12:22am On Apr 23, 2017 |
Oniranu of iranuland |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by Dreyl(m): 12:31am On Apr 23, 2017 |
What is this? 1 Like |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by Nobody: 12:43am On Apr 23, 2017 |
E be like say dz op dey smoke igbo
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Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by TonyeBarcanista(m): 6:26am On Apr 23, 2017 |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by Viking007(m): 8:33am On Apr 23, 2017 |
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she 4 Likes
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Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by Nobody: 9:05am On Apr 23, 2017 |
Funny copy and paste. |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by almsofgold: 12:52pm On Apr 23, 2017 |
folarinmiles:oshogbo strain |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by almsofgold: 12:53pm On Apr 23, 2017 |
NotOfThis:at least it's funny dear. thanks 1 Like |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by eherbal(m): 1:43pm On Apr 23, 2017 |
I'm so gonna try one of this methods. Lalasticlala |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by Nobody: 1:44pm On Apr 23, 2017 |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by SirVintageCock: 4:04pm On Apr 23, 2017 |
Thanks op. You made my day. Needed to laugh so badly 2 Likes |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by mastermaestro(m): 7:08pm On Apr 23, 2017 |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by almsofgold: 3:02pm On Apr 24, 2017 |
NotOfThis:your profile is incomplete |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by almsofgold: 3:03pm On Apr 24, 2017 |
Lalasticlala Pls do the needful |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by poshest(f): 12:30am On Apr 25, 2017 |
very funny |
Re: How To Start A Fight In The House by staplesearch(m): 7:48pm On Apr 27, 2017 |
What an awesome! Keep it UP! 7UP!! |
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