Somethings that pilots won’t tell you…
Of course they can do this stunt when the plane is parked on the ground )

That there are no parachutes or ejection seats available for pilots in the cockpit like in fighter jets. ( Although they know the plane is going to crash soon, they won’t simply abandon you alone in the back. They will fight till their last breath using best of their experience and skills . (Respect!).

That pilots are kept constantly under pressure by airliners to carry less fuel than they are comfortable with. For obvious business reason - the plane burns more fuel to carry more fuel and costs more! But in case of worst weather at destination, they cannot stay long in the air, and have to land nearby alternative airports. As this happens rarely, so airlines take a chance.
That there is no such thing as “Water landing”! It is known as “crashing into the ocean” or more formally “ditching”
That pilots dims the interior lights while take-off or landing, so your eyes should get used to darkness outside in case of emergency evacuation.

That pilots tell you or Flight Attendants (FA) to put up the window shades while take-off or landing. So that the FAs can see outside in an emergency, to assess which side is better for an evacuation. It also lets light into the cabin if it goes dark and helps passengers get oriented if the plane flips or rolls over.

That one of the engines just failed. They will just say we have some blah blah technical issue and we need to land nearby airport. A plane can be landed with only one engine, before passengers or even FAs notice it. Unless it is on fire or smoking!

That they didn’t sleep properly or, the break between two flights was not enough or sufficient for refreshment. They will put a smile on their face so passengers and FAs feel comfortable and confident about flight.

That morning flights are smoother (attention passengers having flight phobia!) than in the afternoons or later. Because latter causes bumpier air and thunderstorms occur mostly in the afternoon.
That if they tell Flight Attendants to sit down, then assume that there is serious turbulence ahead.
That smoothest seat to avoid bumps is the seat over or near the wing. Just imagine a plane like a giant seesaw. The bumpiest is of course the seat at the back.

That a plane moves on to active runway by mistake - 1000 times a year! WTF…
That your coffee is made from the same water that comes from the same potable water holding tank that supplies water to the bathroom sink and contain bacteria 100 time more than standard limits.

That some pilots (being human just like you and me) get distracted by their laptops and cellphones in cockpit during flight e.g. in Oct. 2009 two pilots busy with their laptops flew past their destination by 110 miles! Hurray!!!
That pilots don’t wear their hats in the cockpit. Gotcha )
That pilots spends a quarter million on their education and training

blackbriar:
Somethings that pilots won’t tell you…
Of course they can do this stunt when the plane is parked on the ground )

That there are no parachutes or ejection seats available for pilots in the cockpit like in fighter jets. ( Although they know the plane is going to crash soon, they won’t simply abandon you alone in the back. They will fight till their last breath using best of their experience and skills . (Respect!).

That pilots are kept constantly under pressure by airliners to carry less fuel than they are comfortable with. For obvious business reason - the plane burns more fuel to carry more fuel and costs more! But in case of worst weather at destination, they cannot stay long in the air, and have to land nearby alternative airports. As this happens rarely, so airlines take a chance.
That there is no such thing as “Water landing”! It is known as “crashing into the ocean” or more formally “ditching”
That pilots dims the interior lights while take-off or landing, so your eyes should get used to darkness outside in case of emergency evacuation.

That pilots tell you or Flight Attendants (FA) to put up the window shades while take-off or landing. So that the FAs can see outside in an emergency, to assess which side is better for an evacuation. It also lets light into the cabin if it goes dark and helps passengers get oriented if the plane flips or rolls over.

That one of the engines just failed. They will just say we have some blah blah technical issue and we need to land nearby airport. A plane can be landed with only one engine, before passengers or even FAs notice it. Unless it is on fire or smoking!

That they didn’t sleep properly or, the break between two flights was not enough or sufficient for refreshment. They will put a smile on their face so passengers and FAs feel comfortable and confident about flight.

That morning flights are smoother (attention passengers having flight phobia!) than in the afternoons or later. Because latter causes bumpier air and thunderstorms occur mostly in the afternoon.
That if they tell Flight Attendants to sit down, then assume that there is serious turbulence ahead.
That smoothest seat to avoid bumps is the seat over or near the wing. Just imagine a plane like a giant seesaw. The bumpiest is of course the seat at the back.

That a plane moves on to active runway by mistake - 1000 times a year! WTF…
That your coffee is made from the same water that comes from the same potable water holding tank that supplies water to the bathroom sink and contain bacteria 100 time more than standard limits.

That some pilots (being human just like you and me) get distracted by their laptops and cellphones in cockpit during flight e.g. in Oct. 2009 two pilots busy with their laptops flew past their destination by 110 miles! Hurray!!!
That pilots don’t wear their hats in the cockpit. Gotcha )
That pilots spends a quarter million on their education and training

Is this a poem?

That pilot’s lingo -

George: Autopilot e.g. “I'll let George take over, I gonna take a nap.” )

Blue juice: toilet or lavatory water. So if a mischievous flight attendant offers you a blue juice cocktail, then don’t fall for it. )

Pax: Passengers.

Deadheading: When an airline employee flies free of charge as a passenger for company business, because they are currently in the wrong city for their next scheduled flight. Just the way United did recently by kicking 4 passengers out of the plane to accommodate their deadheading crew.

Two-for-once special: The plane touches down on landing, bounces up, then touches down again. Bumpy landing )

Crotch watch / Groin scan: The required check to make sure all passengers have their seat belts fastened.

Time to dangle the Dunlops: Put the landing gear down

Tarmac: Paved areas at airports. (short for Tarmacadam, or tarpenetration macadam named for John Loudon McAdam who invented an effective and economical road construction method in the early 1800's based on crushed rock. Although nobody use it now for airports, the slang just persisted for years until now.)

Apron: The section of the tarmac that is not a runway or taxiway; this is whether planes park or are serviced.

Contrail: Short for Condensation trails, these are the long, thin clouds that form behind aircraft; most often triggered by the water vapor in engine exhaust.

So, keep calm (!) and enjoy your flight…