I'm a young lady who loves God and is trying to walk with him as honestly as I can. I have one problem however; i feel extremely carnal when I am around my fiance! we have been together for over five years now and we are talking about getitng married.We made a vow to keep ourselves till we get married and even imposed a no kissing rule, just hugs. however,we have broken that rule a couple of times and its mostly because we both have mad chemistry.A peck can cause as much damage as a french kiss for both of us.
The thing is,when he isn't around me,Im perfectly fine.I feel like Im making progress with God,I read my bible and Im on a lovely spiritual plane.The minute he comes around,I always have to fight the urge to sleep with him.I think thoughts that shock even me when i see him and it bothers me greatly.I don't feel this way for any other person except him.As a christian, does this make me carnal? does this mean I'm not really born again? Is it wrong for me to want him the  way I do? please I need the advice of mature christians,

it does not make u carnal - i have a similar experience myself - if the urge is too great - as the Lord to help you, or stop the guy from coming near you in close confinement in an attempt to prevent intimacy - also pray constanly - best of luck

But it was God who put the urge there in the first place no? Bloody joke aint it?

estrella:

I'm a young lady who loves God and is trying to walk with him as honestly as I can. I have one problem however; i feel extremely carnal when I am around my fiance! we have been together for over five years now and we are talking about getitng married.We made a vow to keep ourselves till we get married and even imposed a no kissing rule, just hugs. however,we have broken that rule a couple of times and its mostly because we both have mad chemistry.A peck can cause as much damage as a french kiss for both of us.
The thing is,when he isn't around me,Im perfectly fine.I feel like Im making progress with God,I read my bible and Im on a lovely spiritual plane.The minute he comes around,I always have to fight the urge to sleep with him.I think thoughts that shock even me when i see him and it bothers me greatly.I don't feel this way for any other person except him.As a christian, does this make me carnal? does this mean I'm not really born again? Is it wrong for me to want him the way I do? please I need the advice of mature christians,

By resisting the urge you are resisting the call of nature and that is a very unnatural thing to do.

The urge is there for a reason, just as surely as hunger is there for a reason: so that we eat.

a five year engagement is way too long

that's why I think this thread is one of those "masterpiece theatre" productions

By resisting the urge you are resisting the call of nature and that is a very unnatural thing to do

most definitely.

Especially when you keep the fiance around you for five solid years while toying with each other, saying you're celibate.

estrella:

I'm a young lady who loves God and is trying to walk with him as honestly as I can. I have one problem however; i feel extremely carnal when I am around my fiance! we have been together for over five years now and we are talking about getitng married.We made a vow to keep ourselves till we get married and even imposed a no kissing rule, just hugs. however,we have broken that rule a couple of times and its mostly because we both have mad chemistry.A peck can cause as much damage as a french kiss for both of us.
The thing is,when he isn't around me,Im perfectly fine.I feel like Im making progress with God,I read my bible and Im on a lovely spiritual plane.The minute he comes around,I always have to fight the urge to sleep with him.I think thoughts that shock even me when i see him and it bothers me greatly.I don't feel this way for any other person except him.As a christian, does this make me carnal? does this mean I'm not really born again? Is it wrong for me to want him the  way I do? please I need the advice of mature christians,

  It doesn't make you a carnal christian, it makes you human. For you to feel attracted to your partner is to be expected, infact if you weren't that would be a problem. You are not the first and will not be the last christian to struggle with intimacy with a partner whom you're not married to.

  That being said, there's a reason sexual sin is the only sin we're commanded to "flee" from because of how complicated it is and how it can affect your life - spiritual, physical and sexual. And there are reasons we're told to abstain until marriage, and if you believe the bible as a christian, you understand that is it for your own good to do that - both of you. I encourage you to limit the opportunities for things to happen, and discuss openly with him about it - if you're both serious about getting married that is (if not then what are you doing with him?). And finally pray, and ask God to help you both in the way you should go. Godbless!

Get married ASAP. 5 yrs is way too long to toy with your emotions.

My dear sister it's a sin before God  Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Heb 13:4  

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 1Co 7:2.

It is better you get married before involving yourself in any act. Doing such thing before marriage is a sin before God. The next thing to do is to ask God for forgiveness.

Ensure that both of you don't meet in secret places.
Always get a friend when ever he is coming around
Be watchful and prayerful, continue to study your Bible to ensure a close fellowship with God and He will definitely see you through.

I guess I have been able to help you a bit.

Thank you

JeSoul:

It doesn't make you a carnal christian, it makes you human. For you to feel attracted to your partner is to be expected, infact if you weren't that would be a problem. You are not the first and will not be the last christian to struggle with intimacy with a partner whom you're not married to.

That being said, there's a reason sexual sin is the only sin we're commanded to "flee" from because of how complicated it is and how it can affect your life - spiritual, physical and sexual. And there are reasons we're told to abstain until marriage, and if you believe the bible as a christian, you understand that is it for your own good to do that - both of you. I encourage you to limit the opportunities for things to happen, and discuss openly with him about it - if you're both serious about getting married that is (if not then what are you doing with him?). And finally pray, and ask God to help you both in the way you should go. Godbless!

What do you define as a sin? ? ?

Does a bare sheet of paper presented as a marriage certificate have any spiritual relevance?

Was there a marriage certificate between Adama and Eve?

Is it nort clear that a couple who are deeply in love with each other and who are committed to each other emotionally and spiritually are already a married couple in the sight of God?

Is your spirituality based on the contents of sheets of paper?

^^ marriage is very much a civil and physical thing, not just butterflies and fairies on rainbows.

as countless women have found out after being replaced by a female who knew the importance of that piece of paper.

the man has relatively less to lose or gain whichever way- the onus is on the woman, imo.

Evang. Olu:


Ensure that both of you don't meet in secret places.
Always get a friend when ever he is coming around

My goodnress, what sort of dreadful advise is this? ? ?

A personal relationship with one's fiance is now to be a three-way-party?

Abeg, three is a crowd. Relationships are meaningless if people cannot even have privacy.

Lawd these terrible Christians with their ante-diluvian notions of morality.

intimacy IS NATURAL. GET OVER IT.

Deep Sight:

What do you define as a sin? ? ?

Does a bare sheet of paper presented as a marriage certificate have any spiritual relevance?

Was there a marriage certificate between Adama and Eve?

Is it nort clear that a couple who are deeply in love with each other and who are committed to each other emotionally and spiritually are already a married couple in the sight of God?

Is your spirituality based on the contents of sheets of paper?

Oga no problem at all The only thing I got is - christians will understand why it is a sin - and I leave it at that.

tpia.:

^^ marriage is very much a civil and physical thing, not just butterflies and fairies on rainbows.

What? ? ? Have you not heard of common-law matrimony? That extensive co-habitation is even legally construed as matrimony in certain legal matters? ? ?

Besides that is not the point. WE are talking about pre marital intimacy here: and you have yet to show me why sane people should struggle against the very natural instincts of their sexual hormones.

as countless women have found out after being replaced by a female who knew the importance of that piece of paper.

If i were advising the lady on how to secure the man's millions legally, i would advise her to get married and even offer her a draft pre-nup.

But we are not discussing that here. We are discusing intimacy before marriage.[quote][/quote]

JeSoul:

Oga no problem at all The only thing I got is - christians will understand why it is a sin - and I leave it at that.

Escapism dear friend.

You have yet to show me why sane people should struggle against the very natural instincts of their sexual hormones.

I define sin as that which runs counter to nature. That which is unnatural.

intimacy IS UNDENIABLY natural.

Thus resisting intimacy is resisting nature.

Thus resisting intimacy is a sin.

Get a box of condoms . . invite him over . . .  test drive the "vehicle" before u commit for life. U may just end up with a jalopy.


I'll be checking the sexuality section for an update  

What? ? ? Have you not heard of common-law matrimony? That extensive co-habitation is even legally construed as matrimony in certain legal matters? ? ?

Besides that is not the point. WE are talking about pre marital intimacy here: and you have yet to show me why sane people should struggle against the very natural instincts of their sexual hormones.

If i were advising the lady on how to secure the man's millions legally, i would advise her to get married and even offer her a draft pre-nup.

But we are not discussing that here. We are discusing intimacy before marriage.

people struggle against the very natural instincts of their sexual hormones for the same reason they struggle against the very natural instinct of eating food to excess- it has an adverse effect on your health and mentality.

I like food doesnt mean I must spend all my time eating.

The OP's position is ridiculous because the alleged relationship has been going on for five years. Not because of the celibacy thing,  . .

Krayola:

test drive the "vehicle" before u commit for life. U may just end up with a jalopy.

That's another thing. People just punish themselves for no reason.

Sexual compatibility is a HUGE component for a successful and happy marriage.

Does it make sense to get married to somebody without even knowing what making love to that person is like? What if you buy into a lifetime of miserable intimacy?

Do your Due-Diligence beforehand and be sure of the goods you are buying.

Deep Sight:

Escapism dear friend.

You have yet to show me why sane people should struggle against the very natural instincts of their sexual hormones.

I define sin as that which runs counter to nature. That which is unnatural.

intimacy IS UNDENIABLY natural.

Thus resisting intimacy is resisting nature.

Thus resisting intimacy is a sin.

Why resist anger, then? Is it unnatural to get angry when provoked? Why resist the urge to knock out anyone that provokes you?

@Deep Sight

Deep Sight:


Does a[b] bare sheet of paper presented as a marriage certificate have any spiritual relevance?[/b]

Was there a marriage certificate between Adama and Eve?

Is it nort clear that a couple who are deeply in love with each other and who are committed to each other emotionally and spiritually are already a married couple in the sight of God?

Is your spirituality based on the contents of sheets of paper?

It is not the certificate that joins them, but the power of God. The certificate is only for government and legal transactions. They are joined by the vows they make in Gods pressence.

You aren't a carnal christian, only shows that you are also physically attracted to him - which is good; it all depends on how each one responds - the choice is ALWAYS YOURS, u can either give in to ur fleshy desires or to the promptings of the Greater One dwelling in u.

1) Five years is too long, What are you two waiting for if u r both meant for each other?

2) Try not to be around each other in a private place, the carnal thoughts may come, but remember: u aren't giving place to the devil, the same Word says flee from every appearance of evil.

I don't know what is delaying both of u, whatever it is, believe God for the best marriage ever & confess it. Remember Mark 11:23.

Cheers,

Deep Sight:

Escapism dear friend.

If it is, then so be it dear sir. Its a christian topic soliciting christian advice. The OP knows its wrong (note we didn't have to explain why to her) and is not here to debate that point.

You have yet to show me why sane people should struggle against the very natural instincts of their sexual hormones.

I define sin as that which runs counter to nature. That which is unnatural.

intimacy IS UNDENIABLY natural.

Thus resisting intimacy is resisting nature.

Thus resisting intimacy is a sin.

But I don't have to show you now? lol. You're not a christian so any "christian" explanation I give you will not fly. I also highlighted the "I" in your response - how Deepsight defines sin differs drasctically from how christians do - and that is okay.

tpia.:


people struggle against the very natural instincts of their sexual hormones for the same reason they struggle against the very natural instinct of eating food to excess- it has an adverse effect on your health and mentality.

I like food doesnt mean I must spend all my time eating.

The OP's position is ridiculous because the alleged relationship has been going on for five years. Not because of the celibacy thing,  . .

You have ceded the debate with your very own words. You said -

"the same reason they struggle against the very natural instinct of eating food to excess- "

Thus it is clear that doing things TO EXCESS is what the problem is.

You also said -

"I like food doesnt mean I must spend all my time eating."

Which further proves my point as i like intimacy myself but do not "spend all my time" having sex!

^^ good points but what I actually mean is eat to live, dont live to eat.

Something along that line.

Excess is relative and in any case its not just about excess but also eating sensibly.

Krayola:

Why resist anger, then? Is it unnatural to get angry when provoked? Why resist the urge to knock out anyone that provokes you?

Bad example. Anger is clearly identified as a negative emotion as opposed to positive emotions.

What is negative about sex, tell me? ? ?

Why resist the urge to knock out anyone that provokes you?

Because they just might knock you back

Deep Sight:

What is negative about intimacy, tell me? ? ?

are you saying sex is the only thing in this world that doesnt have any negatives?

tpia.:

^^ good points but what I actually mean is eat to live, dont live to eat.

Something along that line.

Fair enough.

Excess is relative and in any case its not just about excess but also eating sensibly.

I assume you must perforce agree that it is sensible to have intimacy with a person you are in love with and plan to marry?

^^ intimacy is not about being sensible, do you agree.

Its about emotion.

emotion and sense dont always rhyme.

besides, its not sensible to be engaged for five years, imo.

Deep Sight:

Bad example. Anger is clearly identified as a negative emotion as opposed to positive emotions.

What is negative about intimacy, tell me? ? ?

Because they just might knock you back

hahaha. U be tiff, my guy.

Let's pretend anger is a "negative" emotion.

Y0ur argument was that sexual urges were natural and so should not be resisted. Not that they are positive and should not be resisted.

I pointed out something that was natural and should be resisted and you moved the goal post.

Remind me never to play table soccer with you. By the end of the game ur post will be the diameter of my pinky finger.  

tpia.:


are you saying intimacy is the only thing in this world that doesnt have any negatives?

I AM SAYING, AND HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR THAT S.EX IS NATURAL.

SAS NATURAL AS HUNGER.

WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY THE NATURAL THING TO DO IS EAT. IT IS GOOD FOR YOU.

THUS WHEN YOU ARE HO.RN.Y THE NATURAL THING TO DO IS HAVE intimacy.

SIMPLE.

What would you think of a starving man who stubbornly rejects food? ? ?

^^check out this ad and get back to me:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-F4t8zL6F0c

Deep Sight:

That's another thing. People just punish themselves for no reason.

Sexual compatibility is a HUGE component for a successful and happy marriage.

Does it make sense to get married to somebody without even knowing what making love to that person is like? What if you buy into a lifetime of miserable intimacy?

Do your Due-Diligence beforehand and be sure of the goods you are buying.

the usual red herring we use to justify fornication. I'm no saint by any means but this does not wash. What if you find out you're not sexually compatible with the first 3-5 women you met? How many are you going to "test drive" before you finally decide on one?

Krayola:

hahaha. U be tiff, my guy.

Let's pretend anger is a "negative" emotion.

Y0ur argument was that sexual urges were natural and so should not be resisted. Not that they are positive and should not be resisted.

I pointed out something that was natural and should be resisted and you moved the goal post.

Remind me never to play table soccer with you. By the end of the game your post will be the diameter of my pinky finger.  

WRONG - It was VERY unfair of you to bring something that is accepted as negative and harmful and compare that thing to sex. Sex is altogether beneficial and natural.

Besides i could stretch the argument further. Anger is natural.

You yourself noted the element of provocation. It is natural to be angry whne provoked.

Let me offer you some provocation. You walk into your house and see Abuzola rapi.ng your six-year old daughter.

Will you resist the natural anger that arises withoin you?

If you would not resist that, then why should you resist the equally natural urge for sex? ? ?