Dear Farouk,

How are you? I really hope that all is well with you. I'm sure that all should be well because in spite of your present predicament you are still entitled to three full meals with complements of juice and assorted drinks (even those who didn't attempt to bomb planes live on less than $1 a day in 9ja). When you are finally convicted, you will still be fed on government expense.

You'll be allowed to play games and participate in sporting activities. If you so desire, you'll be allowed to pursue the Master's Degree that you abandoned. (By the way I struggled to pay the fees for my Masters). My father was never a bank chief (not even a community or micro finance bank). I am struggling to understand your (in) action. Growing up you must have had all and I mean ALL of the things that many of your mates only wished and hoped for. A BMX, Raleigh or Chopper bicycle. Nintendo games and accompanying cartridges, PS2, PS3, XBox, PSP, most definitely a car or cars (I can bet you never entered molue, danfo, okada, keke marwa or BRT) with driver and possibly bodyguard or at least police escort. You've had foreign Ivy League education and to top it all up Farouk; you lived in a 4Mpounds house. Gbogbo bigz boiz!!!!!!. Haba Farouk, minini (hausa), ogini (ibo), kilode (yoruba),

My guy, upon graduation you would have served only if you wanted to and possibly in your janded abode. One hungry hustler would just have been collecting your allowee (less than what you spend on boxer shorts). At the end of the service year, they would just issue a directive to the deegee of corpers to send (did I say send) bring your discharge certificate to your house in Lag or Abj. Even if you decided to wear khaki and obey the clarion call, 'under the sun and in the rain', you would only have gone for parade when you so desired. You are not likely to have gone on endurance trek because you've never had to endure. While in camp many 'ordinary' corpershuns would have tried to attach themselves to you so that after service they could have used your influence to open doors that will better their lives.

After service, jobs were waiting for you (that's if you decided to work). If you wanted a bank job, ba wahala. You wouldn't have started from entry level, you may have settled for GM, DGM or AGM. If you wanted to go into politics (many of your type are in the hallowed chambers) they would have asked the chairman of the party in your state to bring the form to your house only for you to append your signature they'll be the ones to fill in the other information. Any other candidate for the post you are interested in would have been settled. When you are finally sworn in, you wouldn't have to move or second any motions just raise your hands in favour or against when Mr. Speaker or Senate president call for a vote. You would have been chairman of one committee and member of others even though you won't be doing anything.

You would have been a member of many elite clubs, you'll be playing Tiger Wuuds game, and you'd have one of the most expensive horses to play polo. 9ja's version of HELLO magazine would have done a feature on you and your horse. OL boy, after much persuasion your popsie would have arranged the daughter of one of his friends for you as your ameriya (new wife). Your wedding would have drawn the crème de la crème of society; the
weekly soft sells would have carried headlines like WHAT SOCIETY WOMEN WORE AT FAROUK and FAROUKATT's wedin fatiha, with the rider, how they met, and the details of their jewelry. They would have told us about how you proposed to her when you took her for a weekend trip in that mid east country that our countrymen now take out time to go to it sounds like doo-bye.

We would have read about how a former president or head of state was the chairman of your wedding, the reception would have taken place at the international conference centre; it would have been aired on network TV on Sunday nite. (Even though you don't watch local TV).

Farouk! Are you still there? Don't worry I'll soon finish.

I don't know the full details of your travel schedule but you had a number of visas on your paali (passport). You need to know how much dry fasting and prayer some people do to raise money to get a passport before proceeding to prayer camp or redemption city on Lagos Ibadan expressway to receive laying on of hands for breakthrough for visas. Some of these people go along with their passports too and insist that a man of God MUST lay hands on the passport, anoint it with olive oil and wrap it with white handkerchief so that the day the oyinbo (white man) visa officer receives their application God will touch his heart and he will issue them a visa. Farouk let me tell you something some still do not get the visa and for those who do, they have to reach out to family and friends to raise funds for ticket, some are only able to raise the money when the visa has almost expired. Even me when I want to travel I'm always looking for cheap season tickets, I'll start calling my friends who work in airlines even the ones I had quarreled with. You come get visa and ticket money yanfu yanfu you come dey carry banger and knockout enter aeroplane.

Ah okay I remember it was Xmas day so you wanted to do fireworks with other people's life. Or was it because you boarded a Delta airlines planes that the Niger Delta spirit descended on you.




, To be continued.

aah to b continued neva even read am sef n t b continued

ah ah ah!!!!!!!!

i cant find d joke

@tayo check under ur bed, u might find d joke dia

that was a didactic and hilarious letter.

babafe:

that was a [/b]didactic and [b]hilarious letter.

true.

babafe:

that was a didactic and hilarious letter.

the morals? and the joke?

did you read?

na jamb? i just skimmed thru jare

in case u see am let me know

lysaa:

na jamb? i just skimmed thru jare

anyway. its not very hilarious.
just has some funny lines here and there

lysaa:

in case u see am let me know

suckerrrrrrrrrrrrs! bunch of confused suckers!

u are next in line after Umar, understood?!

that also is an order

the one u on?

Nooooo! I ain't taking testosterone pills

she's on G.string pills

Na u be the drug dispenser?

@that DK boy
then it must be some cheaper drug u on

panadol extra perhaps

ok. .

stop that. . .you'll get wrinkles
you're toooooo young for that

now we have heard it from the goat's mouth. .wonders!

thats y i'm hotter than u he goat.

there is nothing funny in that letter please post this in politics