I have never for once had a desire to be closer to a lady like now. within me i don't seem to have the courage to `break the ice`- tell a lady that i am interested in her. although some have clearly shown in the past to have been interested in me.

I can really be outgoing and have good relational and leadership qualities: that i know. sometimes i just tend to think that starting a relationship now is almost like telling the lady its marriage. this i am scared off, i need things to grow and mature naturally and possible don't how to manage the situation.

I have never been in a relationship before and would love to experience one, at least to grow wiser for the future. by the way i aint talking about sex here i am talking about the real thing. Sometimes i just wish i could see a woman of my dreams walk up to me and just initiate it because i know i can't. What's really my headache here? could it be i am shy or what? i hate to believe i am.

i think you just need a little bit of  self confidence and courage..... you need to over come that inferiority complex in you.....

fancidiva:

i think you just need a little bit of self confidence and courage..... you need to over come that inferiority complex in you.....

thanks i will add more of those qualities to mysef

aqua:

This same old story. walahi, guyz are losing their grip on boldness. My friend you say you have leadership quality hen hen are you applying for job. Go take kian kian (hot drink) now go toast the babe with this boldness enhancer victory is guaranteed.

you are making me laugh! i guess i would rush to that if thats the only solution i have.
HahaHa

i like to hear more on this, and atleast learn from u all experiences.
both how u got to overcome this and how u guys do manage your situation.

dnt worry brick, cld be u've nt yet met da gal of ur dreams

Do you have good female friends? If not, then you are definitely shy. Check out the shyness discussion.

brick
I beg no mind this guy,you are not alone in this kind of situation as I am overcoming mine gradually.

What does "I beg no mind this guy" mean?

The good Lord said 'it is not good for man to be alone". This is a normal part of life. Infact I believe you are ready to fall in love. but the question is who are you going to fall in love with?my 2 cents is keep doing good things u enjoy doing. if it is going to library,work,  volunteering, church, skool, mosque, etc u may see someone u like. if yu  like her u could be urself and start small talk and move on from there. I am no relationship expert but I believe this works very well. u may go through her friend or just find oppurtunities to bring up casual disscussions like the weather, the teacher, the job, and u could drop some compliments and just test the waters. from what I read in ur post , you are looking for the real thing . I must say that the real thing is step by step . for some its oneday thing for some it takes time. the summary is be casual , let one thing lead to another. it may totally blow a lady off if u say "I am interested in u", to me it would be better to say "hi , d'u know the way to the library? or lets say 'hi , that sermon was good ,what d'u think about it?' u know just casual, every day talk. let one thing lead to the other. my 2 cents.

Like some of the things roses has said already, you need to carry on doing what you like doing. If you have good female friends who you're close to, you never can say, it could be one of them. I ain't a relationship expert but this is what I have to say.

If you see someone you think you like, just compliment every little thing she does for instance, "I love your new hairstyle", (eventhough the hairstyle isn't wonderful) , if you see her down, ask her what the problem is and try as much as possible to listen to her. Give her advices on possible ways to ameliorate her situation. After about 2 times of such advice, she would start drawing close and from there, you'd start to learn her kind of person and see the "true" her. You could then know whether to initiate a move or not from what you've seen so far.

I wouldn't really say you're shy like some already said. That virtually everyone is doing a thing at a particular point in time and you're not doesn't mean you're not up to it. Maybe you don't want to and when it's time, it's natural to be nervous and feel that way since it's going to be your first.

If you're really serious about the real thing, I would advice that if you believe in God, just tell it to Him before you make any move.

Take care.

iginla:

brick
I beg no mind this guy,you are not alone in this kind of situation as I am overcoming mine gradually.

Haahaha De bobo no fear admin!

self confidence if you see the girl you want to be with you go get that courage from anywhere and most times they just waiting for you to make the move hardly do you see a girl so openly going for a guy thou it happens and always be your self

bricks,

cmon, just to share what i was advised of, sometime ago, twas that once the right person comes along, the confidence comes along too

Sounds like you're just scared of being rejected. Send me your home address so i can beat the hell out of you and show you that there is nothing to be afraid of. Stop watching movies that place women on high ground like they are godesses and see them for what they truely are, our equals. You said some showed interest so i believe you still have hope. Women work with emotions so you just need to know how to trigger the right emotions. If you are generally boring and shy you'll never get a girlfriend. Try this, i want you to act like the guys they always complain about, i'm not asking you to look in the "what turns women on and off" thread but remember their complaints about some guy who is always obnoxious but in reallity they just don't want anyone to know they are attracted to him. You should know SHAKARA is all they have cept for the career type who still have shakara. Go out and try talking to different ladies you see on your street and go totally crazy, say all kinds of things but nothing offensive just for practice and when you get rejected just know you have nothing to lose since guys do it all the time. And stop hanging out with your geeky friends sitting all day with a PC and a PSP dangit!

i hope to get the best out of him i am new here and i hope u guys dont mind

He's got leadership abilities. Doesn't seem so to me considering he's scared of ladies.

Talking to a lady about a relationship can be one of the hardest things for a guy. Espescially if he is a newbie so dont jump on him. It doesnt take leadership skills at all. Nope.

U gotta be smooth and real. Das all.

Except if you're Italian.

Of course you need leadership skills. I mean, how then will you make her do what you want?

.

I believe when you meet the right girl, these feelings of shyness should pass or lessen, I mean you are gambling losing a potential match for feelings of insecurity, which are natural by the way.

Just try and talk to more women, get to know them, give them the benefit of doubt but be smart, don't over invest yourself, lay your ideas and wants down, when you start talking to your female friends about how you truly feel the ones who feel similarly will gravitate towards you.

Don't worry it should get easier with practice, and who knows a lady who feels a strong connection with you might just walk up to you. I hate all this game playing stuff, if either the guy or girl has feelings, they should express them, obviously not in a stalkerish way but just laying them down.

Also, why do guys always think that a serious relationship means they have to marry the person, I think what you're truly afraid of is falling so crazily in love that you can't control yourself like you used to do. That's what most men fear, they fear being controlled by their partners when they don't realise it's not the woman controlling them (in most cases) it's the desire to want to show their affection and please their g/f that makes them do things like cancel nights out with the boys, try and quit nasty habits, smarten up and become serious.

it's not easy to "toast" o.
i have read some gud advise here, think they ll be of great help to you.
i viewed ur profile, you r not a baby. no girl is going to slap you for complimenting her. start with compliment and always look for ways to spend sometime with her.