Hello guys! I'll try to keep this as straight to the point as possible. I welcome all advice and constructive criticisms.
I've been in a 2year relationship with my girlfriend and for the better part of this time spent we've been good. She asked me a couple of days ago if I see us been married in future. I told, her I see us dating in the near future with prospects but not a full marriage picture because it's something we hadn't yet discussed.
Now, note that we are both 22 years old. Am in my final year she is in her penultimate year.
She then mentioned that she new as a guy it would probably take me another ten years to gain some stability and be capable of financial responsibilities in my chosen profession law. She said she's not willing to wait beyond 5 years as she needs to get married, start a life an start making other plans in life.
I told her I can do all it takes to be ready in 5 years but there is no guarantee that things would work out as planned.
I went on to tell her that I loved her and I needed her to be able to trust me and stick with me. She said she feels the same way too but she can't wait so long.
At this point I felt there was really not much I could say to change her mind as regards her '5 year ultimatum'. So I asked her to do what she felt was in her best interest and she shouldn't let me stand in the way even if it meant quitting us as it seemed rather inevitable she would do same in 5 years if I'm not ready.
At this point she began saying I was always quick to not wanting to fight for our relationship. And I told I could see very little she wanted me to fight for when out of the blues she gives me an ultimatum as though I'd been carefree the whole time.
I really do love her, but since we had this discussion our conversations have gone sour and have been very mechanical. I really do have concrete plans for her in future but it's disheartening knowing am an option that will be dropped in 5 years if im not stable enough to Wed her.
I really need you all to understand how far the average 21 year old would have progressed in 5 years still faced with the hurdles of the law school and N.Y.S.C.
I understand perfectly the pressure on her to get married in a society that places so much importance on a lady been married before she can be respected. But then again I feel if she really does want me to fight to keep her it shouldn't be with all of the ultimatums.
I'm 22, I believe really do believe there's more to life and more to be achieved than bending to society's eternal pressure of 'settling down'. This is a view she seems not to share rather obviously though I haven't mentioned it.
So I ask, do I go on investing emotionally and financially into a relationship with someone who has a timer for our relationship?

over 98% of school relationship doesn't ends in marriage no matter how much you love each other, am talking from experience.
The 5 year period you are giving yourself is only theoretical in an economy in a nation like Nigeria. Focus on how to build your career and watch things fall in pleasant places by then you can discuss marriage.

The relationship will not end in marriage, don't stress it, that's why I don't do school relationship.

Jesus, So at 22 you have started discussing marriage when you are still in school, there is time for everything

MEGA4BILLION:
over 98% of school relationship doesn't ends in marriage no matter how much you love each other, am talking from experience.

Tnks bro but what's your advice?

I and jumoke had this discussion in my 100 level






I also had it with
Seyi
Tope
Tina
Darella
Tinu
Ngozi
Chidera
Elohor
Francesca
Rosemary
Omoze
Faith
Ada
...........the ones I could remember.

If you know what I mean

Dont Put Pressure On Yourself Just Do Your Own Thing And Stick To Dream To Achieve A Goodlife.Make Her An Option,when All Is Set You Will Always Find The Right One For You.

dnt let/allow anybody to stampeded/put u under duress to do anything for them.When u rush in,u"ll rush out.U dnt need to fight over a relationship. Focus, get employ/have means of livelihood.U dnt need to look for dem,dey'll com knocking ur door mouth(hope u understand).Free her

charleff512:
Dont Put Pressure On Yourself Just Do Your Own Thing And Stick To Dream To Achieve A Goodlife.Make Her An Option,when All Is Set You Will Always Find The Right One For You.

Tnks alot, I understand

ipobarecriminals:
dnt let/allow anybody to stampeded/put u under duress to do anything for them.When u rush in,u"ll rush out.U dnt need to fight over a relationship. Focus, get employ/have means of livelihood.U dnt need to look for dem,dey'll com knocking ur door mouth(hope u understand).Free her

tnk u

Don't engage yourself in any serious relationship that will consume much of your finance,emotions and otherwise while in school,it doesn't end well,98% of school relationship doesn't end in marriage unless your people are already made and are willing to help you attain a level of financial security fast after school,talking from experience.

Bros you too speak English...haba! On top woman matter?? You go dey alright lass lass.

cummando:
I and jumoke had this discussion in my 100 level






I also had it with
Seyi
Tope
Tina
Darella
Tinu
Ngozi
Chidera
Elohor
Francesca
Rosemary
Omoze
Faith
Ada
...........the ones I could remember.

If you know what I mean

BOSS

Keep her. But change your orientation about the relationship. Don't be too invested.

THE GIRL IS RIGHT
1 you are too young to be discussing anything serious with a gal right now. only entertain such thoughts once u over 30..
2 the girl is too old for you. even thou you are the same age.that automatically makes her your senior,coz she matured ages ago ahead of you. (remember gals mature faster and are on avarage more than 5 yrs ahead of boys )

allow her to dump you.find a more laid back/ less serious relationship.and let that push you till you finish school.
as a rule never marry before you reach 30.coz of 2 reasons
1.what the gal said: you are still to achieve your best. you will find a higher quality gal after you get your life in order first.time is man's best friend.we get better with time.but time is a woman's worst enemy.her life is always on fast forward.she is milk. you are wine
2.you are still getting to know someone very important in your life; and thats Yourself.you are still getting to really know your likes, dislikes etc and havent yet really found your own "voice" i.e you havent reached that level of maturity where you can tell the world to "fvck off" and do things your own way in a way thats true to yourself.
only think of marriage in your 30s bro.and then marry a gal her age. thats why she is telling you she needs to get married.coZ her age is the prime/best age for marriage.but you are not at your prime/best age yet. u first need to get ready coz man must get his sh!t first before he marries.
that way you will run your life at your own pace.not on someone else's pace.

ubunja:
THE GIRL IS RIGHT
1 you are too young to be discussing anything serious with a gal right now. [s]only entertain such thoughts once u over 30..[/s]
2 the girl is too old for you. even thou you are the same age.that automatically makes her your senior,coz she matured ages ago ahead of you. (remember gals mature faster and are on avarage more than 5 yrs ahead of boys )

allow her to dump you.find a more laid back/ less serious relationship.and let that push you till you finish school.
as a rule never marry before you reach 30.coz of 2 reasons
1.what the gal said: you are still to achieve your best. you will find a higher quality gal after you get your life in order first.time is man's best friend.we get better with time.but time is a woman's worst enemy.her life is always on fast forward.she is milk. you are wine
2.you are still getting to know someone very important in your life; and thats Yourself.you are still getting to really know your likes, dislikes etc and havent yet really found your own "voice" i.e you havent reached that level of maturity where you can tell the world to "fvck off" and do things your own way in a way thats true to yourself.
only think of marriage in your 30s bro.and then marry a gal her age. thats why she is telling you she needs to get married.coZ her age is the prime/best age for marriage.but you are not at your prime/best age yet. u first need to get ready coz man must get his sh!t first before he marries.
that way you will run your life at your own pace.not on someone else's pace.

You're not talking about him getting married at 30 but entertaining marriage thoughts at that time. I never knew there is an official age for a man to start thinking of settling down.

@cakez, we all had undergrad romance at some point in time and the feeling was more of the Romeo and Juliet type. Sadly, she's right. Don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. You're barely out of school and might end up not getting set in the next five years, knowing full well that Law school and the NYSC would take two years or so to complete.

It would have made a whole lot of sense if you are already working. That way, you'd be the one waiting and not put a leash around your neck.

The feeling would pass.

Sanchez01:

You're not talking about him getting married at 30 but entertaining marriage thoughts at that time. I never knew there is an official age for a man to start thinking of settling down.

dont qoute me when you dont have anything to say.
you admit you never knew there is an official age for a man to marry.
so why are you qouting me?

If u hv concrete plans, tell her the concrete plans. If she dosent understand that plans are subject to change i.e she wants you to promise her marriage right now, well.... deres no point going on with the relationship. Cos an expiry date means that she'll be looking around while you guys r dating, searchin for who to jump ship to

ubunja:

dont qoute me when you dont have anything to say.
you admit you never knew there is an official age for a man to marry.
so why are you qouting me?

I quoted you because your opinion is warped. So there's an official age for men to get married where you're from

He should ONLY THINK of marriage in his 30s and probably get married at forty or near forty?

I used to think this mindset affected those who haven't been exposed from your side. Sadly, it is a general syndrome.

For the record, certain factors are necessary when considering marriage as a male;

Financially mature/stable
Emotionally mature
Psychologically mature
Spiritually mature

So you're saying a 28-year old dude with the above should not think of settling down because he is not in his thirties? Again, sir, your mindset is warped.

Sanchez01:

I quoted you because your opinion is warped. So there's an official age for men to get married where you're from

He should ONLY THINK of marriage in his 30s and probably get married at forty or near forty?

I used to think this mindset affected those who haven't been exposed from your side. Sadly, it is a general syndrome.

For the record, certain factors are necessary when considering marriage as a male;

Financially mature/stable
Emotionally mature
Psychologically mature
Spiritually mature

So you're saying a 28-year old dude with the above should not think of settling down because he is not in his thirties? Again, sir, your mindset is warped.

how exactly does someone think of marriage at 30 then get married at 40?
how does that work again?

This is why you should never take school relationships serious. Imagine, she set a timer for the relationship. I understand she's a girl and the Nigerian society isn't helping matters either.

Like someone said earlier, just look for one who isn't considering marriage now, because I can tell you, she(your girl) has option 2,3 and 4. I don't know which position you come in as.

Don't let her make u take stupid decision when youbarent ready, and don't also hold her down with a future that isn't certain.

My advice; just let her go. Come back when you've gained balance and search for the right girl. My last census said there are over 5 million single girls to choose from