I had a friend who I loved so much. It was my sincere determination that I will marry her after graduation. Though I did not tell her openly that I wanted to marry her because I was afraid that should I tell her she might mismanage herself for the fact that she had been engaged. She knew quite well that I don't break/fail promises. She loved me so much then, but her change in character started when she got admission. I was in school then too about to graduate. One thing I know was that I tried my best showing her that I will marry her when things gets better through my body languages and indirect speech which I supposed she would have understood.

One faithful morning she called me telling me that somebody will be coming to her house and that she will be glad if I should come around to see the person. My spirits had never deceived me, I concluded that this girl was about getting married. Lo and behold that was it. Enveloped with guise pimple I didn't know how to tell her I will honour the invitation or object. But I concluded that I will not honour it though I didn't tell her. My absence pained her too because she called me weeks later, thanking me for not honouring her invitation. A sign that she was not happy.
To my greatest surprise I was planning on what next to do little did I know that she was pregnant already for the said guy. Few months later she called me telling me that her husband had an accident and died. I consoled her to the best of my ability. She delivered a baby boy two months after the husband's death.

Now, the boy is living with her parents grown and has started bursary schoool and she is not married again I guess. And she is ready to remarry in my own assessment because she has started showing me her brake light again knowing full well that I want to marry. I loved this girl but I don't know whether to propose to her as I now want to marry. My confusion is something like after math, whether this girl will still have feeling to her dead husband which may bring jeopardy to our family.

Nairalanders, please help a fellow who is confused.
Admin can u help me move this to front page for suggestions on what I should do?

I hope you know nothing about her husband's death?

H

donstan18:
r

Omo na wetin..na 5G U dey use ni?

give her time 2 heal. its too early

donstan18:
I hope you no nothing about her husband's death?

Sincerely I didn't. I have never set my eyes on him and she knows that.

ojodombe:


Sincerely I didn't. I have never set my eyes on him and she knows that.

Explain no more!

Just give her time to mourn. If possible, be part of her consoling tool.

Then you can start striking, but this time around, be bold to tell her what you have in mind for her.



Goodluck!

Making someone who didn't make you her priority your priority is a course I call FOOL101.

ojodombe:


Sincerely I didn't. I have never set my eyes on him and she knows that.

Why didn't you make ur intentions about settling down with her in future known to her earlier

Sometimes we are the cos of our own problems.

CaptainJeffry:
Making someone who didn't make you her priority your priority is a course I call FOOL101.

He never told her about marriage, and you don't expect a lady to reject a suitor for someone who she isn't sure if he will marry her.


A wise lady won't gamble someone who wishes to marry and settle with her with someone who wishes to flirt.

Any lady that does that, i'll call her FOOL102

Òburu na nwata ajughi ihe gburu nna ya, ihe gburu nna ya egbuo ya.


Ma mara kwa na nwata n'agba egwu okenye, ukwu ga agbajikwa ya

Ogwu Ka oha m n'onu

ojodombe:
I had a friend who I loved so much. It was my sincere determination that I will marry her after graduation. Though I did not tell her openly that I wanted to marry her because I was afraid that should I tell her she might mismanage herself for the fact that she had been engaged. She knew quite well that I don't break/fail promises. She loved me so much then, but her change in character started when she got admission. I was in school then too about to graduate. One thing I know was that I tried my best showing her that I will marry her when things gets better through my body languages and indirect speech which I supposed she would have understood.

One faithful morning she called me telling me that somebody will be coming to her house and that she will be glad if I should come around to see the person. My spirits had never deceived me, I concluded that this girl was about getting married. Lo and behold that was it. Enveloped with guise pimple I didn't know how to tell her I will honour the invitation or object. But I concluded that I will not honour it though I didn't tell her. My absence pained her too because she called me weeks later, thanking me for not honouring her invitation. A sign that she was not happy.
To my greatest surprise I was planning on what next to do little did I know that she was pregnant already for the said guy. Few months later she called me telling me that her husband had an accident and died. I consoled her to the best of my ability. She delivered a baby boy two months after the husband's death.

Now, the boy is living with her parents grown and has started bursary schoool and she is not married again I guess. And she is ready to remarry in my own assessment because she has started showing me her brake light again knowing full well that I want to marry. I loved this girl but I don't know whether to propose to her as I now want to marry. My confusion is something like after math, whether this girl will still have feeling to her dead husband which may bring jeopardy to our family.

Nairalanders, please help a fellow who is confused.
Admin can u help me move this to front page for suggestions on what I should do?

All these while you didn't see another lady?

Homeboiy:
Òburu na nwata ajughi ihe gburu nna ya, ihe gburu nna ya egbuo ya.


Ma mara kwa na nwata n'agba egwu okenye, ukwu ga agbajikwa ya

Ogwu Ka oha m n'onu

Gini ka onyea na akoeri?

Nwoke'm nyere ya aka gwaya ihe oga eme.

First let me ask you a question, and I want sincere answers.
Question 1: Do you still "love" her, cos what I saw in your opening speech was a past tense.
Question 2: Are you willing to settle with her?
Question 3: what you currently feel for her, is it true love or sympathy?
Question 4: Are you willing to take the boy(her son) under your wings without feeling partial when it comes to a dealing between you kids and him?
Question 5: Are/Will your parents be in agreement with your decision to have a single mother (pardon that) as your wife?

donstan18:


Gini ka onyea na akoeri?

Nwoke'm nyere ya aka gwaya ihe oga eme.

Ilu N' akpalaokwu Ka ndi okenye di Ka mu ji ekwu okwu

Homeboiy:



Ilu N' akpalaokwu Ka ndi okenye di Ka mu ji ekwu okwu

Imakwanu ma onye ina aturu ilu, ma obu okenye?



Okwesiri na iga atupiasiri ya okwu ka owee ghota ihe ina akowa.

Onwugi onye obula na aghota ilu.

baba what if her husband is still alive? what would u have done?.

Godwinfury:
First let me ask you a question, and I want sincere answers.
Question 1: Do you still "love" her, cos what I saw in your opening speech was a past tense.
Question 2: Are you willing to settle with her?
Question 3: what you currently feel for her, is it true love or sympathy?
Question 4: Are you willing to take the boy(her son) under your wings without feeling partial when it comes to a dealing between you kids and him?
Question 5: Are/Will your parents be in agreement with your decision to have a single mother (pardon that) as your wife?

1. Yes I still love her
2. Yes now and that is why I brought this issue here
3. True love not sympathy at all.
4. Sure
5. Can't speak for my parents because I want conclude some preliminaries before relating it with my parents. My mother loved her so much when we were "dating".

after the first 3 lines I stopped

all this fiction and fantasies ...you knew you wanted to marry her (in ur head) ..... that's the first mistake .. no point going any further ..

Sirblunt fall in here, you may have sometin good to say!

ojodombe:


1. Yes I still love her
2. Yes now and that is why I brought this issue here
3. True love not sympathy at all.
4. Sure
5. Can't speak for my parents because I want conclude some preliminaries before relating it with my parents. My mother loved her so much when we were "dating".

Very well... now the ball is in your court, be sure of your decisions, take it to God in prayers, and let him lead you through, BUT,
if you guys aren't meant to be, don't push it TOO HARD.

Godwinfury:

Very well... now the ball is in your court, be sure of your decisions, take it to God in prayers, and let him lead you through, BUT,
if you guys aren't meant to be, don't push it TOO HARD.

Thanks dear

ojodombe:



Thanks dear

You r welcome bro.

guy lets be real here are you sure you're not her side niga all along?
she left you and got married to another guy wait op why did she leave you in the first place for another guy?
you see in the life of every girl there are basically 3 guys in their lives...the guy the hate,the guy the love and the guy the can't live without so where do you stand before she got cos if she claims she loves you she should be able to tell that there is a pressure for her to get married and after all you wanted to marry initially but didin't tell her...so now what makes you think she wont leave for another guy again? you can't force someone to love you and to be candid she has been taking u for granted cos she knows that u have a weak and that u will always come for her no matter what... and op you have been single all this while?something is missing in this story!

I don't want to use vulgar words but to my mind it will be foolhardy for you to consider her,what if she did not lose her husband would she have given u any green lightand to think of it you saw her as a wife but she didn't and was secretly sleeping with some body else that got her pregnant. Now the man is dead and she now wants you so what if somebody else get her pregnant again.See bro leave her alone and move on with your life.You will get a better person.

In this situation, both of you need time to figure out if the connection is real or fantasy. On her part, I think she needs at least 1-2years to recover from her loss while you need to be patient during this period. To be honest, haven't you met ladies since she announced her wedding ceremony to you?

Yes old flames is still in your mind but do you want to marry her out of pity? Are you sure you are not her emotional scapegoat? Again, are you financially capable to take of her and her son?

izaray:
Sirblunt fall in here, you may have sometin good to say!

thanks hun...op has a big heart

ojodombe:
I had a friend who I loved so much. It was my sincere determination that I will marry her after graduation. Though I did not tell her openly that I wanted to marry her because I was afraid that should I tell her she might mismanage herself for the fact that she had been engaged. She knew quite well that I don't break/fail promises. She loved me so much then, but her change in character started when she got admission. I was in school then too about to graduate. One thing I know was that I tried my best showing her that I will marry her when things gets better through my body languages and indirect speech which I supposed she would have understood.

One faithful morning she called me telling me that somebody will be coming to her house and that she will be glad if I should come around to see the person. My spirits had never deceived me, I concluded that this girl was about getting married. Lo and behold that was it. Enveloped with guise pimple I didn't know how to tell her I will honour the invitation or object. But I concluded that I will not honour it though I didn't tell her. My absence pained her too because she called me weeks later, thanking me for not honouring her invitation. A sign that she was not happy.
To my greatest surprise I was planning on what next to do little did I know that she was pregnant already for the said guy. Few months later she called me telling me that her husband had an accident and died. I consoled her to the best of my ability. She delivered a baby boy two months after the husband's death.

Now, the boy is living with her parents grown and has started bursary schoool and she is not married again I guess. And she is ready to remarry in my own assessment because she has started showing me her brake light again knowing full well that I want to marry. I loved this girl but I don't know whether to propose to her as I now want to marry. My confusion is something like after math, whether this girl will still have feeling to her dead husband which may bring jeopardy to our family.

Nairalanders, please help a fellow who is confused.
Admin can u help me move this to front page for suggestions on what I should do?

If she was pregnant before marriage, definitely she was cheating on u and of course, a leopard cant change its spots.any way, d ball is in ur court.

Peteragan:
I don't want to use vulgar words but to my mind it will be foolhardy for you to consider her,what if she did not lose her husband would she have given u any green lightand to think of it you saw her as a wife but she didn't and was secretly sleeping with some body else that got her pregnant. Now the man is dead and she now wants you so what if somebody else get her pregnant again.See bro leave her alone and move on with your life.You will get a better person.

Seconded

guy use head to tink very well don't use ur heart. cos dis lady wz cheating on u while dating she has seen dt some men would not won't marry her because of she has a child I believe dis is why she brought her self to u again guy she will still chart on u

You were obviously just friends and not dating at the onset. You didn't make your feelings known to her so she just saw you as a friend. That said, now she is available again and maybe you guys were meant for each other and fate has given you another chance don't screw it.

Make your intentions known and find out from her if she feels the same way don't conclude.

If she does feel the same way, don't waste time.

Thanks fellow nairalanders. I appreciate your suggestions. And since dis afternoon I must tell u that I have not remained the same. Thanks a lot