Miscarriage - Romance - Nairaland
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She Is Miscarriage Prone!! / She Had A Miscarriage! / My Girl Had Miscarriage (2) (3) (4)
| Miscarriage by rosetinted: 9:53am On Jul 08, 2010 |
Hello Everyone, I am posting on here to get some advice about my Nigerian boyfriend. We had been together for just 2 months when I fell pregnant, he seemed happy, had lots of ideas of how to bring our baby up, what to call the baby etc although he stopped "chasing," me as much. Sadly I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks, for 3 days after the miscarriage I was calling his mobile 1,00000 times desperate for him to visit me, he didn't come to see me in those whole 3 days, he normally visited me every day or every other day  . I explained that I was bleeding and it was hard to be going through this alone and I needed him by my side. He did call and text every day and his excuse was that he was busy working, college work, church ( anything he could say ) I did not take any time off work as I had just moved to a new city and at least being in work I wasn't alone ( although it was hard going into work and nursing people) Basically I told him that I feel that I cannot move forward and forgive him for what he did to me and everytime I think of him I think of how he dishonoured me. He is now claiming that in Nigeria when a woman miscarries the man does not see her for a few days and its in his blood. He said its a tradition. Is this true ? Sounds like a load of crap to me. We have only been together for 5 months and I dont know whether to forgive and continue or move on. When I got pregnant people said that he had got me pregnant for a visa as his work permit expires in April and he would have a better chance of staying in the UK with a baby in the UK. I'm not perfect atall but this behaviour seems totally unacceptable by English standards, can anyone shed any light on the matter ? Nothing can hurt me that you say, I would rather just know the truth , Thanks Rose |
| Re: Miscarriage by Kx: 10:03am On Jul 08, 2010 |
His explanation may not be entirely true nor false. But I recall in those days, when a woman is bleeding, i mean menzes, tradition dictated a lot of things. I still remember in my part of nigeria, a bleeding woman must not pee in the convenience where men pees. Perhaps your man is a traditional man to the core. Although, I still will add that if his own tradition forbade him visiting you in your trying times, he at least ought to have shown care still and at least make it up to you. |
| Re: Miscarriage by paoma(f): 10:18am On Jul 08, 2010 |
dat's very bad of him, he did not show care in your trying moments even as he welcome d pregnancy. tradition or no tradition,we are in a civilised world now, so he is nt supose 2 give excuse becos of tradition. u can give him another chance if you love him. (take heart). |
| Re: Miscarriage by adaybola(f): 10:20am On Jul 08, 2010 |
If i may ask, if tradition forbids visiting, does it forbids calling too?? That is the least he could have done, right?? |
| Re: Miscarriage by Kx: 10:31am On Jul 08, 2010 |
adaybola: rosetinted: |
| Re: Miscarriage by adaybola(f): 10:34am On Jul 08, 2010 |
ok, now i get it. I don't know much about tradition and stuff, maybe he had to stay off but, for me i don't think i will buy that. |
| Re: Miscarriage by Iceugwa(m): 11:12am On Jul 08, 2010 |
adaybola:understand that he is weeping for the lost of his first child as she also is weeping. He needed time to get himself back, so too weeping people cant console each other |
| Re: Miscarriage by browncocos(f): 12:03pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
quote author=Iceugwa link=topic=475476.msg6349636#msg6349636 date=1278583974] understand that he is weeping for the lost of his first child as she also is weeping. He needed time to get himself back, so too weeping people cant console each other [quote][/quote] weeping ko? bawling ni.I dont buy that crap he needs to get himself back from where,which part did he play in miscarrying the baby was he the one that bled,or is he the one going to be emotionally scarred from losing a child n#$$r please! btw which yeye tradition are we talking about here heck my husby was present in the delivery room 4 all our kids,cut d umbilical cords and saw and touched the placenta with all the goeey blood and crap! u guys are being economical with the truth here I suspect hes just using you dearie one word if you choose to be with him freaking PROTECT yourself 2mos is too soon to get pregnant for any man ,u hardly even knew him. also he might have caused the miscarriage sef the traditional way  "mr tradition" hiiiiiiiiisssssssss i know ill get tough harsh responses but pls people lets be real here SMDH |
| Re: Miscarriage by neily(f): 12:26pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
@Browncocos pls throw more light on the issue of him causing the miscarriage. I want to understand what u mean. |
| Re: Miscarriage by rosetinted: 12:41pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
Thanks for your reply everyone  It's very good of you all to take the time, browncoco, i think what you are saying is correct, a man wants to be there when his lady friend is not well, esp if she is miscarrying, even though he can't stop the bleedng he can comfort her, maybe even help her with the shopping etc.I believe God took away this baby for a reason, thank God what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger, for now i will keep my distance and not sleep with him, any man worth his salt would understand. I know two months is too early to get pregnant with someone, I don't think I was smart. |
| Re: Miscarriage by Kx: 1:04pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
rosetinted: Can browncoco be absolutely correct? Your man touched bloody placenta and cut umli cord does not mean every man is permited to come that far,mind u. Most african men get "things" for body which coming near certain things can defile and that is a known fact. In as much as i donot support what the guy did,i wont advise u walk away without seeing things from the guy's perspective as well. |
| Re: Miscarriage by browncocos(f): 1:12pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
neily: ha pls dont quote me o *evil grin* i was being sarcastic there a la jazz Kx: Im not saying ALL men have to be like my husband but pls if hes man enof to stick his "spaghetti" into her "p.u.n.a.@@ then he best be man enough to take darn care of her its his freaking seed that was growing in her for christ sake u talk of defiling right na wa oure a man and have never gone through a miscarriage and I pray ur wife/woman never goes through that! ull be singing a different tune if only u could feel a tenth of the physical and emotional pain enof said! @dont walk away from him if you dont want to,get to know him better( but i doubt if hes up to any good) but watch him and pls PROTECT urself ure probably not the only one he is dangling ihis spaghetti into  |
| Re: Miscarriage by Kx: 1:24pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
browncocos:Dont get me wrong.When i used the word defiling, i was referring to the ojuju "jazz" he must have cooked him self up with.Afterall, the issue here is tradition. |
| Re: Miscarriage by browncocos(f): 1:31pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
Kx: looooooooooolllllll ok gotcha that makes sense o @ poster eti ee melo( how many ears do you have  )it is probable that ur man mightve gone to cook himself a la ojuju "jazz" hmmmmmm run,dear,run! |
| Re: Miscarriage by snthesis(m): 1:42pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
trying to be a bit "Sherlocky" scenario Guy: challenge: visa vs limited time solution:- get married to a citizen get her pregnant sharp sharp(whicheva cums 1st)- den apply for residency UPSET: girl loses baby- kai! money and time don burn- yawa gas! contingency look for alternate Chic and if dat fails go back to the 1st one (poster)- dont take my word for it - there could always be a very real and valid reason for his feckless behavior |
| Re: Miscarriage by spoilt(f): 1:47pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
You got pregnant after two months? Condoms and birth control pills are being handed out for free by the fistful by the govt and NGOs. What is wrong with you? You cant take a new casual relationship and force it to become happy ever after. He's feeding you a bunch of crap. Count your losses and move on with your life. You're better of without him. Im sorry for your miscarriage though. Take care. |
| Re: Miscarriage by meyri: 2:32pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
Tradition my foot! Tradition does not forbid showing empathy. His plan didnt work so he ditch you. |
| Re: Miscarriage by kpolli(m): 3:11pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
the guy just lost his first born, he needed a place to grieve, wats wrong wit u ppl, if he were to cry everytime in front of the girl, u ppl wud call him chicken he went to cry alone, ur now assuming things UP 190's latest policy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UP MEN |
| Re: Miscarriage by spoilt(f): 3:50pm On Jul 08, 2010 |
kpolli: Oh please for the love of Mike! How heartbroken is he that he cant reach out to his woman whose body suffered the actual trauma?  Up men? Seriously? |
| Re: Miscarriage by Nobody: 9:52am On Jul 09, 2010 |
hello dear,this your guy needs to be watched carefully.i dont believe there is such a tradition in Nigeria anymore maybe sometime back but not anymore esp for a naija guy that has stayed there for sometime.please be very careful he isnt just using you many Nigerian men will do u just to get to stay.this is just my own assumption. Sorry about your loss at the right time i hope you make the right decision.Goodluck |
| Re: Miscarriage by kpolli(m): 10:48am On Jul 09, 2010 |
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ hw do u know do u know all the tribes in naija? @spoilt, y wont i defend my fellow man, anything can be going thru his mind so until i hear his own side, then i can judge |
| Re: Miscarriage by rosetinted: 11:34am On Jul 10, 2010 |
Hi Everyone, I went to the hospital yesterday for my check up scan after the miscarriage and he made sure that he was there for me. The scan was fine, he said that in time we can try for another baby but not yet we need a break from losing the first, he said we should also wait until he has his papers. I was still going on to him about how he left me all alone and he only called and text me when I was miscarrying, he said to me it was because of the way I treat him. He said that he is tired of my friends and even me suspecting that he is after a visa. He said that when I lost the baby he felt a million miles away from me and was ready to finish me because he was truly tired of us suspecting he is after a visa. He said that he was going to finish me and then call me when the Home Office have provided him with his documents so that he can stay and then try to make it work with me when I havent got this suspicion that he wants a visa in the back of my mind. I think he was working so many hours in that period when I lost the baby so that he had an escape/distraction. Thanks for reading, |
| Re: Miscarriage by Nobody: 5:08pm On Jul 10, 2010 |
^^^^^why this urgent need for a baby?! who is the desperate one here, you or him?! by the look of what you wrote, you guys barely know each other. shouldnt it be that you get to know the person FIRST before going on having their kids? also, like a previous poster said:" have you ever heard of birth control?" here is a clue: if he is so quick to wanna dump you because you question what he does or because of what your friends are saying THEN do you think that what you guys have is really STRONG?! another clue: no matter how hard he took the miscarriage, the focus was on your well being and he SHOULD have been there with you. . . . . . . . .whether it be after work or whatever! so now history has changed: before the reason he disappeared was down to culture/overload at work/church etc now its because of the way you treated him. watch out for that chameleon . . . . . . LMAO! |
| Re: Miscarriage by rosetinted: 5:16pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
MrBrown Jay. R U Lonely by any chance ? you just come across that way xx |
| Re: Miscarriage by Nobody: 6:38pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
^^^^i guess i must have said something that hurt your feelings, poor cry baby! please, tell me what you want to hear so next time i would just say it and we'll all be merry. . . . . . . . . or better yet, dont post your drama on NL if you are not ready to hear honest and undiluted people's views! |
| Re: Miscarriage by rosetinted: 6:57pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
If your read my original post I ask for honest advice, and that is what I have got read browncoco and others. Yours actually made me smile to be honest when you said watch out for the chameleon, had a little giggle tbh. But I just sense you are lonely somehow ? Pehaps when I get myself pregnant again after two months by some other nigerian,or my current boyfriend if I dont lose the baby , maybe you would consider babysitting for me a little company for you, food for thought anyhow, |
| Re: Miscarriage by bug24(m): 7:13pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
@Poster, I believe by the time it all dawns on you, you will not be happy cos u took a honest advice that was being given to you with levity. I think u already made up your mind on what to do ever before u came on here to make this post. How can someone who usually show he cares just start flunctuating when he's needed most? Definitely, i wont be happy losing my investment and am sure no other man will. Heed the words we are passing to you hear, be careful. and what is it about this baby stuv? like someone here said, seems like ur d one desprate for the baby, I think u've got it all figured out, That gives me comfort that when the milk is finally spilt, you will not cry. TRADITION MY FrEaKiNg FOOT. |
| Re: Miscarriage by Nobody: 7:45pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
rosetinted: i can see that i was spot on saying that "someone" was desperate for a child! i guess thats why you had unprotected s e x 2 months into this FLING (how dare can i call what you and this stranger had a relationship?!). . . . . . . . . . . . . . the fact that you are already planning another pregnancy with the new sucker in your life shows us how childish/immature you are?! counselling should be available near you, i suggest you seek some help urgently and go on a seriously needed "vacation from stranger's dikc"! you wrote "if i dont lose the baby", smart choice of words. . . . .and i will gladly babysit for you as i am sure the unknown baby daddy would have left your desperate a$$ by then. btw: hopefully, its a pregnancy that you may get after 2months and not some deadly diseases. |
| Re: Miscarriage by bug24(m): 8:11pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
*** whinning *** lol, babysitter. lol @MRbrownJAY ur words makes sense. but it seems to me she's not in complete control of herself. love is blind does not apply to cases like this, this is completely common sense. |
| Re: Miscarriage by rosetinted: 8:33pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
@ BUG24 yeah i think love is blind, I'm dead honest and too trusting me, @MrBrownJay , I was thinking before about what a crank you must be to post stuff at the level you have, I thought this guy needs help, it's funny you should say I need counselling as I thought you needed a bit yourself, perhaps you could babysit for me whilst I go to counselling, or maybe we can go together, sometimes they offer group discount I believe  Seems like we both need to sort our heads out anyway, Cheers, Rosetinted |
| Re: Miscarriage by Nobody: 8:44pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
bug24: you meant LACK OF. poster seems like the kind of gal that spreads their legs faster than butter and then complain when they realize they are being used by common deadbeats (or never learn from their stupid mistakes). the "animal" is even planning another one just 2months after being played and flipped like a pancake. i guess some people never learn from their MISTAKES. this is why i believe STD clinics should be free for all and it should be against the law NOT being tested every 3months. |
| Re: Miscarriage by bug24(m): 9:04pm On Jul 11, 2010 |
MRbrownJAY: i think she's tryna help the guy secure a resident permit cos she loves him but unsure if the FAST 9ja guy loves her in return. i'm sorry to be amongst the ppl who'll spoil runz for a fellow country man but this guy, i dont see him meaning well for Rose. besides, why wuld he wanna launch another NUCLEAR ATTACK within 2months again? i undestand an average Nigerian man has so many nuclear warheads under his P.Ants, in short, lets close this chapter, Rose knows what she wants, she's just here to wind us. av got some websites to develop joo. |
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