I recently tried something new,

Girl, you are into a new relationship and you are already thinking the guy is a fraud! We Nigerian men have different tastes in women, and we are of all shades of characters like every nation and tribe of the world. You seem to have a good guy and all you are worried about is if he is a fraud! That is just plain insulting and mistrusting right there.

What if he was to come to this forum and ask everyone if you, as a black american woman, are a slut? Would you feel good about that?

He might just prefer black women to white women! Or maybe he doesn't care about skin color. But if you don't trust him, please leave him alone. Someone more deserving will get him.

He is an american citizen. He doesn't need your green card. He is a student with a bright future, and possibly a rich family. He sure doesn't need your money. And you still wonder what he wants from you?

@ Deniyor I am very sorry if I offended you. We all have fears that we have to overcome and being that I've never dated an African man it is very new for me. I am by no means saying that he is a fraud! In fact, I don't think he is at all. It's simply that he is pushing things so fast that it a little scary and overwhelming at times.

If he were to come to this forum asking if black american women were sluts, then I would know it was because he had some fear that we were, but that I was showing him an example of someone who was not, hence his confusion and desire to seek other people's opinions. Get my point? Either way, MY POINT IS I am just falling head over heels for him and I don't want to be hurt.  I would rather you told me you don't believe he is a fraud and that I should go with my heart than say I don't deserve him. I don't think it is crazy for me to be cautious. I am cautious with any man I am dating, especially if I am still getting to know his heart and his intentions.

You met David on CL? Girl, RED FLAG!!! You're worried about him being a scammer because he's Nigerian; how about worrying that he'll slit your throat because he could be a maniac you met on CRAIGSLIST! No offense but how desperate were you to actually meet a dude off that site AFTER all of the media blitzes surrounding those CL murders? I want to slap you and hug you at the same time. Ugh.

Now that that's out of the way, if you still think David's (for some reason, this is ringing a bell in my head and I don't know why) the man for you, then take it easy. To be fair, David being American-born doesn't make him American as we understand it; as in, he may not see things the way a kid raised in the US would. You say he was raised in Nigeria and I think that will play a part in how he approaches you and the subsequent relationship. Don't worry about how his family will respond right now but focus on how the two of you get along. As time progresses, get to know his family. Be weary if anyone refers to you as 'akata'; if you hear that. . .have fun while you still can, I guess.

@ Travelista, OMG I know you are so right, BUT I figured if we met out in public first it would be the same as me meeting a man out, exchanging information, and then going on a date. This would be our 4th date coming up, do you still fear for my safety. He has me so swept off my feet I don't even know what to think.

What does akata mean?!?!?!?!

And by the way, I honestly don't think it could be a scam because he is Nigerian. I thought he could be a scammer because we met online which is where a lot of scammers find their prey AND because he seems to say and do all the right things. Of course, he could just be a good guy and in that case I don't want to ruin it.

pinkriver:

@ Travelista, OMG I know you are so right, BUT I figured if we met out in public first it would be the same as me meeting a man out, exchanging information, and then going on a date. This would be our 4th date coming up, do you still fear for my safety. He has me so swept off my feet I don't even know what to think.

What does akata mean?!?!?!?!

And by the way, I honestly don't think it could be a scam because he is Nigerian. I thought he could be a scammer because we met online which is where a lot of scammers find their prey AND because he seems to say and do all the right things. Of course, he could just be a good guy and in that case I don't want to ruin it.

'Akata' means Black American and it's meant to be condescending; if anyone tells you otherwise, they're lying. As for your safety: be cautious until you're fully aware of who you're dealing with. 'He seems to say and do all the right things'? PinkRiver, you're making me very nervous right about now. At the very least, Google the guy and/or find out if he's really a citizen. If you find anything off about him, I'd say END IT; if he's started misrepresenting himself so early on, things aren't likely to get better down the road. Depending on where you live, you shouldn't have a hard time finding a genuine African man (if that's what you want). You have to be really careful in a situation like this and I don't mean to scare you; for all we know, David might really want to find a woman to settle down with and settle down quick but you have to protect your neck in situations like these. Having a misunderstanding because you were unsure of his initial intentions is better than nursing a bottle of Grey Goose in a dark corner because you were taken for a ride by a charming man. As they say in Nigeria, 'Make you shine your eye well-well o!'

Travelista I did google him and NOTHING!!!!!!!

I don't necessarily want an African man, I just want a good man! How do I find out if he is really a citizen?

All these questions are too much.
If you feel uneasy, walk out now while it's still day.

My bad, I am very passionate and sensitive to stereotypical issues involving Nigerians. And there are stereotypes involving frauds and scams. Being a Nigerian in a western world, I feel it personally lots so my apologies if I went off on you.

Yeah, we all hv our insecurities in relationships, even after yrs. Get to know him, know his friends too. A serial killer will not involve you in his life, cos it will be traced back so easily.

The thing I can say for you is simple, any relationships is a risk. I am sure he is not your first relationship, so you already know that part. Then again, No risk, No gain.

PS I do not think akata is condescending. It refers to black american (esp women). And I see it been used admiringly. That's my personal opinion.

Forget about confirming his citizenship status. It is not important, and you have to learn to trust also. If he is lying to you, these things hv a way of coming to light. But don't compromise a good relationship with lack of trust.

Who is the loser called Travelstupid. . .trying to make another loser by very useless advice? Look, poster, even when you get advice (from strangers) use your brains first, then your heart before believing everything you read especially if it is overly-negative or overly-positive! I am a guy who is from the same area as the man in question, I  have my native name but I use an English name here where I live. I have made more legitimate earnings than you have, completed more advanced university education than you in a field a lot of "Americans" will only dream of and struggle to get into. These I have done while I am young and the future is bright. What if the man is treading that same path? He anticipates your desires well enough and seems "too perfect" and he is your first African boyfriend, and that scares you? If indeed you're 27, you must be really silly with that kind of thinking! So, if he is way too smart than the ones you have been dating, how is that his fault? Yes, it is good to be cautious not to be scammed but use your brains. . .has he asked you for money? If he has by the 4th date then your worry could be legitimate. If he does ask you for money in future, you will see if you have been together long enough and close enough to ask you something like that. Not some low-life scum.bag giving you some very annoying advice! It just makes guys like me mad!

Did I hear you or someone say citizenship, to hell with your citizenship, who cares? Any man who works hard enough, smart enough, knows what he is doing and stays doing it will be waaaaayyyyyy ahead of you in America even if your generation has been 1000 years in America! There are many Americans who will be failures in their lives while so called "foreigners" (Africans) will be much more successful and will get all they want (including the citizenship you are so fixated upon). Like someone suggested, if you are too insecure/afraid, date your advisor (Travelista) instead as it is known that most of the loser women in America will never be married in their life anyway! Let him find a better person now before you make him a loser, okay?

CyberG:

Who is the loser called Travelstupid. . .trying to make another loser by very useless advice? Look, poster, even when you get advice (from strangers) use your brains first, then your heart before believing everything you read especially if it is overly-negative or overly-positive! I am a guy who is from the same area as the man in question, I  have my native name but I use an English name here where I live. I have made more legitimate earnings than you have, completed more advanced university education than you in a field a lot of "Americans" will only dream of and struggle to get into. These I have done while I am young and the future is bright. What if the man is treading that same path? He anticipates your desires well enough and seems "too perfect" and he is your first African boyfriend, and that scares you? If indeed you're 27, you must be really silly with that kind of thinking! So, if he is way too smart than the ones you have been dating, how is that his fault? Yes, it is good to be cautious not to be scammed but use your brains. . .has he asked you for money? If he has by the 4th date then your worry could be legitimate. If he does ask you for money in future, you will see if you have been together long enough and close enough to ask you something like that. Not some low-life scum.bag giving you some very annoying advice! It just makes guys like me mad!

Did I hear you or someone say citizenship, to hell with your citizenship, who cares? Any man who works hard enough, smart enough, knows what he is doing and stays doing it will be waaaaayyyyyy ahead of you in America even if your generation has been 1000 years in America! There are many Americans who will be failures in their lives while so called "foreigners" (Africans) will be much more successful and will get all they want (including the citizenship you are so fixated upon). Like someone suggested, if you are too insecure/afraid, date your advisor (Travelista) instead as it is known that most of the loser women in America will never be married in their life anyway! Let him find a better person now before you make him a loser, okay?

'Travelstupid' abi? So, because you felt attacked because you're a foreigner, a Yoruba guy or possibly a scammer that tries to lure in girls through charm, you decided to attack me for giving my opinion? So be it. While you're foaming at the mouth, acting as if I anally assaulted you, why don't you go and swallow broken glass? You're worried about the OP taking a stranger's advice but you (in the very same sentence, no less) rush to do the same. You're a slowpoke and I doubt you've accomplished anything in your useless life.

Why don't you research Craigslist and see if that's a place you'd find a legitimate relationship? She has every right to be weary of the guy and I stated that. I also said that it's better for her and David to have a misunderstanding over his intentions than for her to lament down the road; did you even see that part or was your desire to exert your masculinity too much for you to control? You brought nothing to the conversation but confusion; go back to your life of bogus advanced degrees and legal profits.

@ Deniyor: if you don't get why David's citizenship would be important, then I don't know what to tell you. If he lies about something so simple, what won't he lie about? How does PinkRiver know the man isn't trying to lull her into a relationship under false pretenses? And, yes: 'akata' is a condescending word for Black Americans. In all my years, I have never heard that word used as a term of endearment, so don't even go that route.

wtf. if david was said he's frm chicago, u wunt be dis worried.
if yu dnt like wah yu see then let him go.

and watz all d rave about citizenship, ya'll so called african americans think ya'll better than the real africans, i wish ' david ' can see dis post.

my advice to yu is =
know wat u want, who knws if u go'nn find anotha perfect gentleman. and yes african men are.

@travelista and poster
His citizenship is not important and should not be a critera to date someone. If he lies about his citizenship status, then there is trust issues and like you say what other lies? But she has no reason to believe he has been lying about it so far. What you are saying is, she should investigate something he claimed to have. Without any reason  to disbelieve he has it , other than he might be scamming her or after her citizenship. That is just plain wrong, and mistrusting. There has to be trust, the lack of trust is a relationship killer anyday. I am a very open person in my relationships and I do not believe in lying.  

^^^^ I really wish he would see this post.

deniyor:

@travelista and poster
His citizenship is not important and should not be a critera to date someone. If he lies about his citizenship status, then there is trust issues and like you say what other lies? But she has no reason to believe he has been lying about it so far. What you are saying is, she should investigate something he claimed to have. Without any reason  to disbelieve he has it , other than he might be scamming her or after her citizenship. That is just plain wrong, and mistrusting. There has to be trust, the lack of trust is a relationship killer anyday. I am a very open person in my relationships and I do not believe in lying.  

^^^^ I really wish he would see this post.

His citizenship isn't important in the way you think; it's an issue of whether he's telling the truth. If he starts out the relationship with a lie, then he has to continue to support the previous fib. The main thing is that he's a man she met on Craigslist and (unfortunately) Nigerian men have a bad rep in this country; it's a shame but it is what it is. She has to protect herself and I suggested googling the guy but PinkRiver says she's tried to no avail. I really wish some of you men would stop being so sensitive and be rational. She's met a man on a portal that has been the stomping ground of men looking to kill women; I'm going to be worried whether the man is Nigerian, Apache, German or from the lost city of Atlantis. It's the decent thing to do, so stop acting as if you've been personally slapped and give the girl some useful advice. Damn!

This would be a lot easier if u hadn't kissed him yet. He could be for real and he might not be. Now everything is clouded. Can't speak for Ur man, but like it is with the Americans it is with the Africans. There's the good the bad and the ugly. U have to stay sharp.

@ Deni and Travel THANK YOU for both of your posts. I appreciate your honesty, compassion, and thoughtful answers. And just a thought, I don't think it would be so bad should he see my post. Afterall, I spent half my time talking about how much I am falling for him and what a wonderful man he has been thus far. I spent the other half questioning if this is too good to be true and talking about some of my fears. I wish people could get past the fact that some of the issues we are talking about have to do with ethnicity but they have more to do with the fact that it feels like he is pushing me to committ to him after a short time and it makes me question his intentions. GEEEZZZZ!

@Cyber and Maka all I can say is WOW! Both of you seem to be so caught up in your own issues that you couldn't see that I was only trying to gain some perspective and insight into the man that I am starting a new relationship with. Giving an opinion is one thing. We don't have to agree, but you don't have to be mean and hateful. You can keep your negativity to yourself.

@Onch you are right, kissing him made things confusing, but oh well. I couldn't resist. He is very sexy and super sweet. Only time will tell now.

pinkriver:


@Cyber and Maka all I can say is WOW! Both of you seem to be so caught up in your own issues that you couldn't see that I was only trying to gain some perspective and insight into the man that I am starting a new relationship with. Giving an opinion is one thing. We don't have to agree, but you don't have to be mean and hateful. You can keep your negativity to yourself.

lol - yu ar nt d 1st of all yu guys i've seen.
goodluck wit life.

is the guy a nler?

or some other nigerian site.

lord knows they had kissing tutorials here and besides, most of these guys are experts at wooing women.

I learned that he was born in America (so he is a citizen), but raised in Nigeria, and moved back to the states for school (and plans to stay here).  
Poster i have d feelg u made the above statement because u feel or hav heard dat any african marrying an american is doing it to become an american citizen, and i believe dat such belief is d beginning of d end of a relationship in d long run.

your new boy friend is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice becos your relationship just started, but i think dat as time goes on, u will know is character. Goodluck.

@pinkriver, u bringin commotion into d midst of nigerian niggaz nd its beta to hold da Bleep up nw. Man it aint mandatory u shld be with an africa dude, if u don't trust da guy enuf then let go of him, besides u aint d first blk american woman who's gettin married to nigerian dude nd u aint gonna be d last folk so y d stress?¿¿ Its crazy upon al d whole time u guys spent together u stil havin dis stupid doubt dat he may be a scammer to post shit abt him here but if he's an african-american dude would u think dis way dat he's tryna cheat on ya? Besides, wat so special abt u? If u r ophra winfrey u gon use ur money to announce on cnn to turn against africa 4 d americans to stop communicatin wit d continent u hail from. Its unfortunate ur david who trusted u aint seein dis nd dnt knw me, i would hv use ma yoruba lingo tell me him dat he shld  X u outta his memory and look forward 4 a girl who'll also appreciate him in his absence without dis dumbfcuk feelings in her mind.

Tosinville:

@pinkriver, u bringin commotion into d midst of nigerian niggaz nd its beta to hold da bleep up nw. Man it aint mandatory u shld be with an africa dude, if u don't trust da guy enuf then let go of him, besides u aint d first blk american woman who's gettin married to nigerian dude nd u aint gonna be d last folk so y d stress?¿¿ Its crazy upon al d whole time u guys spent together u stil havin dis silly doubt dat he may be a scammer to post poo abt him here but if he's an african-american dude would u think dis way dat he's tryna cheat on ya? Besides, wat so special abt u? If u r ophra winfrey u gon use your money to announce on cnn to turn against africa 4 d americans to stop communicatin wit d continent u hail from. Its unfortunate your david who trusted u aint seein dis nd dnt knw me, i would hv use ma yoruba lingo tell me him dat he shld  X u outta his memory and look forward 4 a girl who'll also appreciate him in his absence without dis dumbfcuk feelings in her mind.  

respect.

^^^^ Relax guys, cut her some slack. Can't blame them sometimes, our reputation preceedes us.

@poster
Have you met his friends or family. Or people he has ties with. Knowing him in his entirety will let you know how real he is. Fraudsters (and killers) don't include family or friends in their scams. But if you ask me, I will say he sounds real enough.

PinkRiver, Relationships take time to build. You need to know this guy well enough to allay your fears and that takes time.
We still have good people out there. Take your time ,  don't rush. (I can see u are being swept off your feet already)

Travelista:

'Travelstupid' abi? So, because you felt attacked because you're a foreigner, a Yoruba guy or possibly a scammer that tries to lure in girls through charm, you decided to attack me for giving my opinion? So be it. While you're foaming at the mouth, acting as if I anally assaulted you, why don't you go and swallow broken glass? You're worried about the OP taking a stranger's advice but you (in the very same sentence, no less) rush to do the same. You're a slowpoke and I doubt you've accomplished anything in your useless life.

Why don't you research Craigslist and see if that's a place you'd find a legitimate relationship? She has every right to be weary of the guy and I stated that. I also said that it's better for her and David to have a misunderstanding over his intentions than for her to lament down the road; did you even see that part or was your desire to exert your masculinity too much for you to control? You brought nothing to the conversation but confusion; go back to your life of bogus advanced degrees and legal profits.

Reading your asinine comments only want to make me puke! Your opinions don't affect my achievements and since your life is really useless as you mentioned, you can just go kill yourself. Never mention or reference me again on this issue or any issues as your ilk are the ones who destroy men - husband or girlfriend! You and the poster can go after your slave-masters and lick their balls. . .good that ~40% of you will never be married in your pathetic life!

What's the fuss about?!?!

@ OP, I'm really offended about your views on Nigerian men. Last time I checked, there are PLENTY of American [black Americans to be exact] that commit fraud as well. For to speak of Nigerian men as though their all out to get you is very disrespectful. I've dealt with my fair share of idiotic African American but I'm not going around acting like every African American man is a bad guy 

CyberG:

Reading your asinine comments only want to make me puke! Your opinions don't affect my achievements and since your life is really useless as you mentioned, you can just go kill yourself. Never mention or reference me again on this issue or any issues as your ilk are  the ones who destroy men - husband or girlfriend! You and the poster can go after your slave-masters and lick their balls. . .good that ~40% of you will never be married in your pathetic life!

Are you a scammer that chases women on CL? If no, you need to calm down and use sense. There's nothing 'asinine' about wanting someone to be careful about meeting a man online, let alone on Craigslist of all places. I never mentioned you in the first place; a shot in the dark hit it's target and you came charging like a hit dog calling me names. Grow up and get a functioning pair!

I don't need to worry about any slavemaster or their balls, so you can take me place and get to slurping. I can't believe how personally you took all of this! Talk about being overly sensitive. I'll eat my hat if you ever find a woman that will love and put up with your misogynistic behavior; I guess I fall into the majority that will get married, huh? Send me your address and I'll mail you an invite; you have 6 months to scrape together enough pennies to buy a ticket and witness our wonderful day. I'll even be sporting and spot your hotel bill (because your type can't cross my parent's threshold). Let me know.

Urgh, people quit being so dramatic, I don't blame her for being weary, it's all down to reputation and stereotype, sure it's not good to generalize, not all nigerian men are scammers, not all people you meet online will kill you etc but it's better to be safe than sorry.

pinkriver:

Travelista I did google him and NOTHING!!!!!!!

I don't necessarily want an African man, I just want a good man! How do I find out if he is really a citizen?

I guess u believe Naija guys want to date and marry American girls cos of their citizenship? So if he aint one he doesn't qualify to date u right? you girls want to always treat a guy as guilty b4 being proven innocent thats why you lose the good stuff. Am from where dis guy is and despite what your dumb media tells u, we are definitely very good guys, some of the best you can come across. We were coached by our mums on how to care 4 and treat a lady right and we truly value our African queens. Ive got this attitude once from an American chick i met online and i backed out cos of this same kinda attitude! Naija guys are some of the most educated, dedicated and focused individuals i have met. so if u think he aint good enuff 4 u step off. girls run like busses he'll catch another pretty soon.

@travelista u scared me for a mo wif your replies, i kinda felt like i was culled up in the corner of my bed watching FRIDAY THE 13TH . . . .  an interesting thread though, i enjoyed going through the replies especially the ones from the PEVERTS . . . . . . cmon the world would be nothing without those guys around . . . . ok now back to the topic, i really dont have nothing to say cos i suck at giving relationship advice but ima tell u wat @pinkriver hmnnnn funny name there, anyways every relationship is like doing business with known or unknown associates, any1, anything can screw you up, and if u get screwed, get your sh1t together and move along with life. . .  thats all about it. . .  all im trying to say is going into a relationship is a risk, no guarantees. . . . . so give it a sh0t but be careful c0s we do n0t know who's playing JASON. . . . jokes

I dont like this post The guy sounds too much like me!

Well ma'am, your basic prob is simple - many of you american women (especially the black ones) are NOT used to men who treat you like a woman, who doesnt yell at you, has a good job, a sense of responsibility and isnt looking to leech off you. This is a new experience for you, for once you're with a man who isnt all about sex, sagging his pants, cursing and having issues with the police or 20 kids by 16 baby mamas.

The problem isnt that this guy is too perfect or may be a scammer, its just that you have a warped idea of what men are based on your culture.

By the way the david here is NOT me.