What an amazing day. I’m at the deeper Life December retreat in Lagos state (DLCC). Earlier this year during the April Easter retreat I spent the entire program hanging out with my ex fiancé. We were engaged to be married in May this year (6months ago) ...
But today I’m spending the entire program with my husband, someone I married last week, Completely different from the person I was engaged to earlier this year. I’m just laughing. I’m speechless

How it all started.
Two years ago my now husband messaged me via dm to say he wanted to share a view with me. He’d been following me on Facebook for some time and thought that a post I had shared at that was contradicting so he wanted to “discuss” it. I didn’t mind since it was not the first time a follower of my page would message me. At the time I was in South Africa running my masters program. He asked for my phone number and gave me a call. 6 a.m in the morning this guy called and I remember we spoke for like 45 minutes straight. The controversial topic was Donald Trump. Since he lived in the USA he didn’t agree with my views that Hillary Clinton should have won. He felt that Trump was the better of the two candidates even though he was also bad. As silly as this topic was, somehow we spoke for that long. After he ended the call I pushed the conversation behind me & continued with my life.
Exactly one month after, he messaged me again to ask how I was doing. He was polite and I was also polite. I responded well and we got talking. That day I realized I could share just about anything with him. I even told him that there was someone who wanted to marry me. He responded so nicely and said he wished me the best.

It was December time so there were reasons to connect with each other again and again. I began to withdraw when I realized I was starting to like him. And also because

And also because I didn’t know what he wanted. Eventually we got so close and started a relationship. Because he was so far away & I wasn’t very comfortable I didn’t put my mind in it.

In South Africa there was a guy that wanted to marry me as well. My parents knows him very well and were close to his parents. They encouraged me to forget the guy in the U.S and marry the one who’s present and available and they know. I returned to Nigeria after my program and this guy returned too from where he was. So it was like confirmed that we would marry. My parents were very excited. But I wasn’t very happy. I tried very hard to love the second guy but my mind kept going to the first. He was very very kind. The second man wasn’t nice at all. He was a doctor but had anger issues and wanted things done his way all the time.
This struggle went on for more than a year. Off and on with each of them. My reasons for not wanting to be with the USAperson was coz I hadn’t met him and he was too good to be true. The second guy, our relationship was just odd and I wasn’t in love with him.

By March this year, my husband hadn’t showed up still. I made up my mind to go with the second guy. We planned to get married in May and had even signed marriage registry with tears in my eyes cos I didn’t want it at all. I just felt I had to settle for one person so I could move on with my life. Despite my struggles, we had a conflict few weeks before the wedding in fact that’s another story in itself. I was in Lagos, my parents came by themselves to pull me out and fly me to their home.
It was then that I realized that God didn’t want us to get married because each time we tried, something just happened to scatter it. I just gave up and told myself that if I will get married I will. Else I don’t care. I was done and tired.
Two weeks after this, my main guy came to Nigeria. The moment I met him in person I just felt peace. I knew this was it. Our churches at uSA and Nigeria got involved and confirmed us to get married. The process went so smoothly and last week we tied the knot!!

Abeg. Help her shout 365 hallelujah

Okay.

Your story makes an interesting reading. It also reveals the mentality of a average Nigerian lady, and by extension, our irrational love and respect for the western world. I think you got it thoroughly perfectly planned all the way. Our preference is our vision. In most cases, what we like we called good; and what we dislike we call bad.

It is extremely difficult to give listening ears to the medical doctor, or seek ways to iron out a workable relationship with the American guy is having regular contact with you. My thesis is: you were completely overwhelmed by the prospects of moving to America with a guy you barely know. In fact, a part of me believes that you dated both of them concurrently. Do not use social media lovey-dovey appearance as a yardstick to measure the propriety of someone's character.

Nevertheless, happy married life!

Congratulations dear, enjoy your new home. Weda you dated both concurrently doesn't matter. What matters is that you are at peace with your choice of man(Nairaland men won't like this sha )

AnonymousBee:
Congratulations dear, enjoy your new home. Weda you dated both concurrently doesn't matter. What matters is that you are at peace with your choice of man(Nairaland men won't like this sha )

Not only Nairaland men, even I don't like this.

AryEmber:
Not only Nairaland men, even I don't like this.

you don't like she is married or what?
According to her, she met her husband two weeks after she broke up with her ex fiance.

AnonymousBee:
you don't like she is married or what?

What Nairaland men won't like

Nothing like peace with whoever you choose to be with...

Where there's a nagging feeling or concern, forget it...That's not where you should be.

Your story is not weird. It's just really sweet

So you would have married the doctor had it been he had no anger issues?


Hml sha

mrblessed:
Your story makes an interesting reading. It also reveals the mentality of a average Nigerian lady, and by extension, our irrational love and respect for the western world. I think you got it thoroughly perfectly planned all the way. Our preference is our vision. In most cases, what we like we called good; and what we dislike we call bad.

It is extremely difficult to give listening ears to the medical doctor, or seek ways to iron out a workable relationship with the American guy is having regular contact with you. My thesis is: you were completely overwhelmed by the prospects of moving to America with a guy you barely know. In fact, a part of me believes that you dated both of them concurrently. Do not use social media lovey-dovey appearance as a yardstick to measure the propriety of someone's character.

Nevertheless, happy married life!

You’re right. I never felt comfortable with someone I had only spoken with and not met in person.

Thank you!

AnonymousBee:
Congratulations dear, enjoy your new home. Weda you dated both concurrently doesn't matter. What matters is that you are at peace with your choice of man(Nairaland men won't like this sha )

I know a lot of people that don’t like it. Seriously even me myself I feel somehow atimes but I also know that none of it was intentional. And everyone is doing ok now

MariaLavina:
So you would have married the doctor had it been he had no anger issues?



Hml sha

It was more than that. I didn’t really love him, just the prospect of being married and the fact that I had my parents support

Ishilove:
Your story is not weird. It's just really sweet

Thanks Ishilove

I’m using this platform to offload my mind and break down my experience but by bit.

On the 24th of October 2017 I dm’ed this to a page that offers counseling. It was posted and I got many comments with most people telling me to marry the first guy since I was close friends with him. Read below:

Hello ma please post anonymously
Please I need advice.

I am in a serious conflict. I accepted a proposal from someone that I loved very much and he loved me too. But I noticed that I was never happy with him. He told me some things that seriously bothered me about his past. Some of the ladies in his life are still around him. I feel very free with him and can discuss anything at all with him. He's very caring, nice and such and amazing man. He no longer pursues any of his former interests and I know he's fully committed to me. But whenever I think of marrying him I became afraid I don't know why.
I told my parents about him and it was the same reaction. My mom told me a kind of fear enters her heart whenever I mention him to her. That she becomes scared. And we can't even explain it. She has vowed that she would have nothing to do with our marriage if we should go ahead and get married. I have no doubt that this man loves me. My dad is also not happy that I even thought of marrying him because he's not a member of our church and my parents are top leaders in our church. They believe it's a shame for me to marry outside the church.

Now this is my dilemma. While this is going on, another guy came through the marriage procedures of the church and asked for my hand in marriage. I don't like this man for many reasons but he's comfortable as a doctor and also highly intelligent (as per bookworm). Because of the whole situation going on with my guy, I said yes to this one because I didn't want to miss out. I'm 29. I decided to give the second one a chance since my parents approved of him and he's very transparent about his dealings. My guy is also transparent but my parents don't want to hear it. The second guy grew up under the same training as me so there's no much differences as far as church issues is concerned. My major problem with him is that we don't flow at all. I'm always frustrated trying to get him to communicate. He can go weeks without talking to me yet he says he is determined to marry me. He's a narcissistic person and doesn't really care for my wellbeing. I've been trying to manage him and tell him what I like and don't like and he's trying to change but it's so frustrating. Besides I'm not very proud of him. I feel ashamed to show him off to my friends or talk about him. I don't like to see his pictures either and keep telling him to change his photos on Facebook. I'm an emotional person but he's strict and commands respect, that kind of thing. He doesn't allow me be free too. It's so stressful.
My parents were very happy when I introduced him to them infact they told me that they have prayed and believed he's the right one for me. but now I'm so confused. I don't feel ok until I have talked to my main guy. He's my best friend and He knows everything that is going on (I don't even know how to keep stuff away from him. I tell both of them everything) my guy still cares about me. He sends me money and continues to promise to take care of me if I choose him.
I'm seriously confused please I need advice from your friends. I know the will of God but it's difficult to follow it.

I don’t think it’s wrong to have pursued the person I loved. I know if I’d gone with person B (my church person) he might have made me unhappy. The man I married is kind and loves me very much. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by how much he loves me. And he’s very nice

Kentrasso:
I don’t think it’s wrong to have pursued the person I loved. I know if I’d gone with person B (my church person) he might have made me unhappy. The man I married is kind and loves me very much. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by how much he loves me. And he’s very nice

The fact that you are seeking validation from a faceless forum like Nairaland shows that a part of you is unsettled about how you deftly manoeuvred your way to marriage.You obviously need someone to talk to; a platform to pour out some troubling thoughts. However, is it really necessary?

Note how people of your gender have quickly leaped to your defence forgetting that nobody wants to be treated badly. Even when they are goading you to move on and pretend as if nothing happened, you still feel duty-bound to explain what transpired even when it reveals the degree of desperation in you. The same quest to get ahead made you to almost marry someone you don't love and not proud of. Well, we all wish good things for ourselves, including the medical doctor whom you never truly loved -- but nonetheless lead on.

Kentrasso:
I don’t think it’s wrong to have pursued the person I loved. I know if I’d gone with person B (my church person) he might have made me unhappy. The man I married is kind and loves me very much. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by how much he loves me. And he’s very nice

But you love your husband don't you?

Hmmn.