When going through papers online, I love going through problems/counselling sections. While going through the Punch, one in particular caught my attention. Gives much food for thought. I've only quoted the problem, not the solution preferred. Visit the Punch site for that.

Quote:

Dear Agatha, I want to end my marriage for the woman I love

Dear Agatha,


Please help me out of my problem. Three years ago, I got fed up with the woman I dated for seven years. She didn’t commit any sin other women aren’t committing daily in their relationships or marriages. Although I held on to the excuse that she nags, it was just because I got tired of being with her, especially as I thought the new woman in my life was very exciting and the kind I desired to spend the rest of my life with.

All pleas from her and friends to have me change my mind fell on deaf ears. To avoid the pressures from my family members, hers and friends, I decided to marry the new woman in my life. A lot of my friends, as well as my parents refused to come for the wedding ceremony. My mother was particularly bitter at my treatment of my first girlfriend whom my mother has always held in high esteem. Besides, she regarded my wife as an opportunist who saw a chance and took advantage of it. Together with my father, they tried their best to get me to leave this lady but I refused.

I honestly thought I had it all wrapped up until my wife began to manifest her true character. She started by complaining about the absence of my parents at our wedding and insisting it was a declaration of war between her and them. I tried to explain to her why they didn’t come for the wedding but she refused to be appeased. She didn’t stop there, she actually walked my younger sister out warning her never to step into the house again and also sending her to my parents.

When I queried her on why she did that, she slapped me in addition to telling me she wasn’t my former girlfriend who allowed herself to be trampled over by my friends and family. Categorically, she said as long as we are a couple, I must defer to her wishes if I desired peace in the home.

For some strange reasons, I am helpless to do anything about her. It has been one woeful tale after another in our two years of marriage. She insults me as often as she likes, refuses to cook my meals when we have a disagreement, collects gold, shoes, clothes and bags on credit forcing me to pay for them when the owners come to make noise in my house and fights neighbours for perceived insults on her. Frankly, I am tired and want out of this relationship.

Meanwhile, my first girlfriend is still single. To overcome her disappointment she travelled abroad and is back now. Through my sister, I got to know she was actually pregnant for me when I left her unceremoniously and that my parents decided to take on the responsibility of the child without telling me. I know I have made the greatest mistake in my life but don’t know how to end this marriage and go back to the woman I truly love and who loves me.

The worst is that none of my family members and friends are ready to help me. None of them wants to have anything to do with me. They have all left me to my fate. I am confused and dying slowly. I have taken to drinking and smoking, habits I never indulged in since I was born. I come home late, risking my life all because I want to avoid having anything to do with my wife. To crown my woes are her mother and sisters who have taken over my home and all have the same attitude as my wife. Her mother is never tired of nagging me on my non-availability at home while he siblings are always demanding for money. When I don’t give them, they accuse me of being stingy and unwilling to help them.

Help me before I die in this hell called marriage.

Unquote.

The man has sow the wind, he should reap the whirlwind. Just don't divorce this second wife if you don't want a premature death. She may be waiting for you to make the mistake, na poison go end your case.

The evil that men do . . . .

The things men do, women do worse.

Whatever!

Well I guess the saying is true afterall That you don't know what you've got til its gone

This brings to mind the dieters creed. One moment on the lips a life time

on the hips . . . .

A moment in the wrong hole brings a lifetime of cold for the pole.

Nothing you can do . . . except file for divorce anyway . . . she can't stop it

but oh . . she can clean you out.

@poster
if the price to pay to have this demon of a wife by your side is to end your relationship with your entire family then you are paying a too higher price!
get rid of that snake, quick!

^^Why should he get rid of her. They fit each other perfectly.
He should enjoy his marriage.

Shows how wicked some men are. How can he be pleading I mean he left his gf of how many years for someone you barely know. As the say the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.

**Speechless** _{Dude dug himself into one hell of a hole. .}

hbabe:

^^Why should he get rid of her.  They fit each other perfectly.
He should enjoy his marriage.

what he did to gf number one was uncalled for and close to childish but he has been right to the "evil snake" he married. how do they fit each other?! insults, physical and emotional abuse, family and friends disrespected and shunned!

are you saying that he should pay (with her) for what he did in his past?! whats to "enjoy" in this marriage from hell?

One moment on the lips a life time on the hips . . . .

hmm, nice one.



@ topic

you've made your bed, so lie on it.

quit whining and i hope you or whoever isnt stalking the first girl with lame stories like your post.

I don't get this "What crime did this man commit with the first girlfriend by ending the relationship that had ran its course"? Na by force to remain with someone and marry them even if they have been together 12 years? Would the first girlfriend be the first girl to get pregnant for a man who is not in the picture.


THE PARENTS ARE TO BLAME, TRYING TO FORCE SOMEONE ON HIM, THEN FAILING TO ATTEND HIS WEDDING TO SPITE HIM HOW CAN THEY CHOOSE THE FIRST GIRLFRIEND OVER THEIR SON GOSH SOME PARENTS And often times, the silly excuse for this is tribal issues.



I don't blame the second girl for being upset for his parents absence at the wedding, which triggered off the avalanche of bad behaviour she later veered into. Which girl wouldn't?

did he say the second girl slapped him?

well, he had it coming, i must say.

the only help he needs is a divorce.

a lawyer could provide that kind of help.

Yeah, what he needs most is to save himself from his dire situation by dissolving his marriage, not thinking of going back to his former love. His current line of thought could be likened to a drowning man who is thinking of the kind of clothes he'll change into when he is eventually safe - he is supposed to focus his thoughts on survival!

You don't know what you have until you lose it

I quite agree with Chognman; focus on how to get out of the present marriage.

You'd need to reconcile with your parents you may need their support during the divorce process. By the way is there any child from this marriage?

Don't reconcile yet with your girlfriend until you divorce your wife and you are emotional balance to decipher what you want

Best of luck

Serves him right!!!@ topic