This article was taken from a Blogster- the website is-www.Gbemispiece..com   I thought it would be a interesting topic for Monday.  I personally do not see the big deal and I don't think it is necessarily humiliating or be belittling. Whats your take on it?( I DID NOT WRITE THIS BLOG- nor do I know the owner)~ You can try and contact her via that website and try to get her to defend her writings!


Kneel Down and Feed Your Husband
"I have been having conversations with people all around me about the Nigerian (Yoruba mostly) tradition of the wife kneeling down to feed her husband cake at their wedding. My sister and I like most women of our age group love, love, love attending weddings. Especially Naija weddings. That's where we get to mix with other Naijas, check out people's fashion sense or lackthereof and pretty much have a good time. One thing that drives us both crazy is the Naija or is it Yoruba tradition of the bride kneeling to feed her husband a piece of their wedding cake. It just drives me crazy. What's that about?

In all of the weddings that I attended where the bride knelt down, there has never been a move on the groom's part to join her (indicating that they are partners) or even dissuade her from the discomfort of kneeling down in her gorgeous gown. They usually smile smugly and enjoy the attention. Guys I have talked to say it's about submission. It is humiliating more like it. One of the reasons given by older people is that it shows that the girl has been well brought up. I just plain don't like it. However, it is a personal choice. If a woman wants to be submissive, then it's up to her. I just don't like the way it is portrayed as an act of respect. There are many ways to show respect without belittling a human being.

At my wedding, I was nervous about being asked to do it. Sometimes, the person or persons overseeing the cutting of the cake (usually friends of the parents) will not ask the bride to show this sign of respect but guests at the wedding might yell "kneel down, kneel down" and she'll end up doing it. Anyhow, at my wedding, I was all tied up in knots because I didn't know whether or not I'd be asked. As we were making our way to cut the cake from our table, I kept telling DH "I'm not doing it, I'm really not". We had already had the discussion. Several times. Yet, I was nervous about having to disobey the officiant. Luckily, she didn't ask me to, neither did his aunt and uncle standing behind us, nor our guests. All that nervousness for nothing. In fact, contrary to the typical kneeling down, she asked us to seal it with a kiss. Nice."

http://gbemispiece..com/2006/06/kneel-down-and-feed-your-husband.html

Will you lie on you back and him on top of you during intercourse later that evening? Will it be termed submission because, in this instance, you lie down, raise your two legs and spead it out as opposed to kneeling down. Which one is more demeaning or humiliating?

^^^ True!! It's not a big deal- its your husband- that you just vowed too!

Kneeling down to feed your husband cake on your wedding day is not just the issue. You need to ask yourself these questions:

Will I still be kneeling down when I serve him his meals?
Is this going to be a one time thing just for the sake of the wedding?
Is kneeling down a sign of submission on the woman's part?

Someone can kneel down physically but her heart won't be submissive. I don't agree that one should kneel down just one time when one is feeding her husband on your wedding day for the whole world to see and when you get back home you stop doing it. If you want to kneel down to feed your husband cake at the wedding then continue the same. Don't stop.

Just be yourself if you don't feel like kneeling down then don't if you want to then do it. Don't do it because people want you to do it because you want to.

If it's Yoruba custom for a woman to kneel in her wedding gown to feed the husband a piece of cake,then let her kneel,it's just a few seconds anyway.
Why would you want to offend the elders around and perhaps start on the wrong footing with your new mother in law because of a simple harmless traditional gesture?
Is it worth it?
Igbo women kneel at the traditional wedding to offer the cup of wine to the husband
I did it
Every Igbo woman I know did it
It doesn't take a thing away
It is part of the traditional ceremony and that's about it.
The was the first and last time I knelt before him in public,the rest of the kneeling is done privately and I'm not complaining about that

That is more or less a show for the whole world to see whether you will submissive to hubby at home when others are not there. so if at the beginning you have started feeling that way then one can imagine when both of you have stayed for one year in marriage.
So what i personally think for any to begin to think that way at such occasion, the home front will not be easy for the man.

One day some ladies will complain about being banged while they lie down. As a sign of equality, you have to stand up and 'do' with him. Why must you subject yourself to being ridden for 30 minutes while you can get pregnant in 2 minutes standing up? Its unfair and men should learn to do it while standing up. Lol.

^^^^ yes but they have to allow the man a minute a month to know if they will get pregnant. I don't want our men to put the women in submissive positions, so I suggest artificial insemination. This will free the man from sweating at nights. Una agree?

The practice of kneeling down to feed one's husband during the traditional ceremony may be tradition, but it is clearly meant to signify a woman's submission to her husband going into the marital home. The husband/his family prostrating to her family in meant to signify their respect, and show deference to the family of the woman they are taking from them.
I don't see many women complaining about the gifts, food items, lace, yams, etc, that the groom gives to the bride and is displayed at the wedding. After all, this is meant to signify that he can, and will take care and provide for his wife.

All these things are meant to symbolise principles that should be carried over and practiced in the union.

sey women who dont even kneel down to greet their parents, or cannot even cook then you ask them to kneel down for one man they dont even respect, abeg leave matter jor

funny thing is all this talk about african tradition and kneeling to groom. Has it always been a tradition to have cake at the wedding? Seems to me a lot of your traditions have been washed out with Western ideals.

Romeo4real:

The practice of kneeling down to feed one's husband during the traditional ceremony is tradition, but it is clearly meant to signify a woman's submission to her husband going into the marital home. The husband/his family prostrating to her family in meant to signify their respect, and show deference to the family of the woman hey are taking from them.
I don't see many women complaining about the gifts, food items, lace, yams, etc, that the groom gives to the bride and is displayed at the wedding. After all, this is meant to signify that he can, and will take care and provide for his wife.

All these things are meant to symbolise principles that should be carried over and practiced in the union.

You see Romeo, the real issue is that the campaign about women empowerment are not properly channel by most of the campaigners and majority of them are misunderstanding what the whole thing is all about. Therefore, it has gone into their head and they want to be equal in all ramification which cannot work and thereby generating so much problem in the society and in the marriage front. Otherwise how can a lady who is on her way to the alter be complaining about mere kneeling down as a symbol of respect to her husband, just a symbol not the real thing. Do you know what they suddenly forget about their creator and the position He gave to them and want to re-order everything for Him (God). God bless them

invisible!:

One day some ladies will complain about being banged while they lie down. As a sign of equality, you have to stand up and 'do' with him. Why must you subject yourself to being ridden for 30 minutes while you can get pregnant in 2 minutes standing up? Its unfair and men should learn to do it while standing up. Lol.

I'm posting this on Oprah's website!

To be honest the only reason that the woman is told to kneel in to remind her that she is beneath the man. There is no other reason. I personally did not do it. My older sister did it for their traditional wedding but her husband also knelt down to take the cup from her. To each their own

To be honest the only reason that the woman is told to kneel in to remind her that she is beneath the man.

Submission is about acknowledgement of authority, and not about subservience.

I really don`t understand, why we are trying so hard to cast away what others are trying to retain.
Look at the royalty in Europe for instance or noble families. All the ladies learn the knick and the men how to bow.
If you marry into such a family you get taught for hours how to do it. You even learn how to behave with your husband in public.
So why do we not cling unto what is ours and uphold it. A woman that refuses to kneel down at the marriage is giving a signal and has made her first blunder.
As many have said, it is no way to start a marriage.
A woman can force her husband to do just what she wants by going down on her knees.
When her knees go down, his heart melts and he gives in.
Kneeling down is the joker card for a woman.
And the shortcut to getting what you want, solving serious issues or asking for forgiveness.

So because the british royal family does it makes it not be the same thing? It is probably even worse. The whole reason america was formed was because of the way england treated her "subjects". I have no problem with respect. We do not do the whole bowing and kneeling thing in my family. If someone gets offended that I did not kneel then I can think of a million and one things they can do to make them feel better. Thank God I come from a family were people are more focused on improving their lives than worry about if the kneeling part of the ceremony was done. The only part I remember clearly that my husband and I knelt was when the pastors prayed for us.

0hsisi:

If it's Yoruba custom for a woman to kneel in her wedding gown to feed the husband a piece of cake,then let her kneel,it's just a few seconds anyway.
Why would you want to offend the elders around and perhaps start on the wrong footing with your new mother in law because of a simple harmless traditional gesture?
Is it worth it?
Igbo women kneel at the traditional wedding to offer the cup of wine to the husband
I did it
Every Igbo woman I know did it
It doesn't take a thing away
It is part of the traditional ceremony and that's about it.
The was the first and last time I knelt before him in public,the rest of the kneeling is done privately and I'm not complaining about that
[.

NO mind dem!some fools are tryin to change things.

Its no big deal.

Whatever rocks ur boat.

Soon enough this topic will turn into another debate about submissiveness. SMH

she better kneel down that day . . .
Its good training for all the kneeling she will be doing till we're 90.

chika98:

Soon enough this topic will turn into another debate about submissiveness. SMH

I know.

And the bible-quoters would also emerge. The word 'submission' must be giving some people some type of pleasure.

@topic, never heard of this feeding the cake business. If this is a so-called tradition, when did it start because I'm sure they were no cakes in the olden days.

chiogo:

I know.

And the bible-quoters would also emerge. The word 'submission' must be giving some people some type of pleasure.

the "bible quoters" are here.  Honestly this is an absurd statement to make. You can simply ignore the bible, you're not forced to model your marriage along its principles. Its funny how the advent of feminism has spawned a sudden increase in the number of failed marriages. Here was i thinking "partnership" was the way to go. I must be old school!

The interesting thing is that foreign women (those who supposedly brought us feminism) perfectly understand the art of submission!

chiogo:

@topic, never heard of this feeding the cake business. If this is a so-called tradition, when did it start because I'm sure they were no cakes in the olden days.

when were you born? 2005? Are you exposed?

davidylan:

the "bible quoters" are here.  Honestly this is an absurd statement to make. You can simply ignore the bible, you're not forced to model your marriage along its principles. Its funny how the advent of feminism has spawned a sudden increase in the number of failed marriages. Here was i thinking "partnership" was the way to go. I must be old school!

The interesting thing is that foreign women (those who supposedly brought us feminism) perfectly understand the art of submission!

And you came to this assertion how exactly? Any empirical evidence because y'all claim this but no evidence.
As for ignoring the bible, that's not the issue. The issue is that the bible-quoters assume everyone is a Christian and start going off on a tangent quoting the bible without considering the readers. Are christians the only ones in marriages? No. So, why not make valid points that even an atheist won't be able to rebut without quoting the bible?

davidylan:

when were you born? 2005? Are you exposed?

2010 actually.  I only know about kneeling down to serve the wine in the Igbo culture. I ask again, was cake always used in this tradition?

chika98:

Soon enough this topic will turn into another debate about submissiveness. SMH

I've never seen that kneeling part in a white wedding before. I thought you only do that in traditional weddings. I don't see it as a big deal in traditional weddings. It's just formalities to me. My dignity is not placed in my knees.

I don't think its necessary for any liberated woman to kneel for her would be husband. You are equals and in some cases you are more equal than the poor man, why do you people bother to marry? All these arguments will not be necessary if you all decide not to live in the same room with the man. Buy your vibrators and service yourselves and leave the men alone.

Traditions are not important for those that have lost their roots, those people don't need to know why they have to kneel down to give cake to their husband. And they still desire to live with the man. The chichidodo hates feaces, but loves maggots.

it is for this reason and many other iritating so called tradition dat i dont think i can marry a nigerian man
kneel down to feed the man, for wat now, its symbolic for submission and subservience----tank u very much outstrip---dat is the only blooooody reason

0hsisi:

If it's Yoruba custom for a woman to kneel in her wedding gown to feed the husband a piece of cake,then let her kneel,it's just a few seconds anyway.
Why would you want to offend the elders around and perhaps start on the wrong footing with your new mother in law because of a simple harmless traditional gesture?
Is it worth it?
Igbo women kneel at the traditional wedding to offer the cup of wine to the husband
I did it
Every Igbo woman I know did it
It doesn't take a thing away
It is part of the traditional ceremony and that's about it.
The was the first and last time I knelt before him in public,the rest of the kneeling is done privately and I'm not complaining about that

Your post reassured me that there are still some reasonable women out there. . . . . Adaigbo o ga adiri gi mma!!!