I agree with you op. I like the way you identified this as problem and are trying to nip it in the bud before it becomes a big issue.
I like that. Your husband refuses for your relatives to live with you but he wants to sneak in his

Talk to your husband that you can't shoulder all the
bills for feeding on your own and he has to step in. He has no excuse nor reason not to and don't allow him to give you one.

I'm being blunt about it, it will cause problems in the family, not that I can't tell her straight to her face that the times her brother refuses to drop feeding allowances then she should be responsible for the upkeep and that of her child,

You don't need to tell her. Tell your husband this. So he'll know that's what you want to do. You should discuss this with him.

. I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I wish I could tell her politely that I may not be able to do everything I do for myself and child to them, but how do I without being tagged WICKED AND MERCILESS..

.

If all fails and your husband doesn't listen, Tell her politely. Explain to her politely. If she tags you wicked and merciless. You've tried.
You have to continue your "wickedness". There's nothing wrong with you being "wicked" in that instance. It's better to be "wicked" and have peace of mind than to be a people pleaser and be frustrated and bitter while everyone else is happy.
Especially people who you've seen won't hesitate to maltreat anyone who isn't the same blood with them (that's you) the second they can.

Wish you the best.

ImaIma1:



We both know that the Op's issue is not just financial but mostly the attitude towards her inlaws. She rightly said that she would do it for her own sister and kids but not for her inlaws. Is the money to do it for her family coming from a different place? She described her inlaws as poverty stricken.

My point is not for her to accommodate all her inlaws but to handle the situation wisely.

The root of her problem is the lack of money. She has said it over and over that what causes friction in her marriage is financial issues. The current fracas is a spill over from that. She is frustrated because her husband isn't pulling his weight for some reasons, and she has had it up to the brink. She doesn't know how to proceed. I think her main problem is with her husband and not her inlaws, especially when she has to cater for them from zero finance.
In a way, I understand her frustrations, as it would have been easier to do the right thing with her SIL facing challenges if the OP earned better, and her husband also could afford to care for his extended family

Daeylar:
I haven't read this whole thread but from the little I've read I agree with you. Nobody should put problem and stress on you. You can't displease yourself to please others.


Can't you divorce your husband, leave him and his family and move on?
You already take care of you and your kid. You said your husband doesn't do much sometimes because he knows you'll handle yourself.
You've seen how wicked your husbands family has been to people who are not the same blood as them when the chips are down.

So why still there?


The kind of stress people go through in one sided marriages is scary.

Her husband doesn't do much, yet pays the house rent, nepa/water bills, fuel for generator/car, school fees for their child.
OP in question confirms she earns only 30k. Saves 10k out of it , and spends only the remaining 20K on feeding and her transport. So at most, she spends 15k of her salary on food.
Is it the 30K she will use in supporting herself when she divorces him with 2 children? Meanwhile, dont forget she is also saving 33% of her earnings. How many adults (married men and women with children) with well paying jobs can afford to save that out of their earnings?

She's not having it as bad as a lot of families out there.
I'm almost certain the husband that earns 100k doesn't have the luxury of saving 10K monthly. He truly may not have the money.

Laeroy, in as much as I sympathise with your financial situation, you are a grown adult with a family. Your husband earns 3/4th of your household income. If he does all the other major things in the home like rent, bills, school fees then kindly face the feeding aspect. The extra mouths he has brought into the home will have to be sorted by him. Keep sending his sister to him for money for her and her child's food.
Once its month end, let the sister know you have only 15k to buy foodstuff in the house for the month (but think deeply about this 15k you're dropping monthly for feeding, as it doesn't sound fair on your husband at all. He is holding the short end of the stick). Ask her if she has any money to add to it from the money her baby daddy drops for them. Let her go and ask her brother too for extra money to add to it so you guys can buy foodstuff in bulk together.
Another thing you can consider is for the sister to help out in the laundry business during her free time away from her apprenticeship.

eyinjuege

My post has long been modified so your response to it doesn't apply anymore. You can read my current post and respond to that if you wish to.

eyinjuege:


The root of her problem is the lack of money. She has said it over and over that what causes friction in her marriage is financial issues. The current fracas is a spill over from that. She is frustrated because her husband isn't pulling his weight for some reasons, and she has had it up to the brink. She doesn't know how to proceed. I think her main problem is with her husband and not her inlaws, especially when she has to cater for them from zero finance.
In a way, I understand her frustrations, as it would have been easier to do the right thing with her SIL facing challenges if the OP earned better, and her husband also could afford to care for his extended family

Yeah. I understand her frustrations especially as her husband is the light in his family. And the financial burden is resting on her plus her sister inlaw he moved in with a kid.

If she was getting emotional and financial support from her husband, it would have been more bearable. But the fact that she mentioned that she would do it for her own sister and kid makes me think that it's not about the money alone

Having inlaws is not always convenient. I have had three adult inlaws stay with me for like 3months and i tell you...it was not easy at all... especially with food. Each with their likes and dislikes. But i didn't want them to leave on a bad note or put my husband in an awkward situation. So i just tried to deal with it.

But i wonder why the op went ahead with the marriage with all these complaints about him and his family. She probably didn't see these signs. At this point, whatever she decides should be what works for her because she is the one bearing the brunt of the problem.

Daeylar:
eyinjuege

My post has long been modified so your mentioñ doesn't apply. Read my current post and respond to tha if you want to respond to it.

I quoted/mentioned you long before you modified it, and responded accordingly. I just didn't submit on time, as I am busy doing multiple things.

This is where i am sure all the wahala is springing up from,wait o,do you WISH it was only your husband that cares for EVERYTHING?it seems to me you are holding a grudge cos of the 20%(as stated earlier) u put into the family,if a man is capable of dropping 100% funds for the family,FINE but if he recieves only over /100k and u said he does 80% of food,find peace with it and encourage him to get better,the inner anger will fuel situations that is not warranted madam!!

Laeroy:


I do love my husband, but when issues like this happen, u refrain from using the word love on him, my husband is human. He has his strength and weaknesses, finance is majorly the cause of the conflict we encounter in this marriage, always telling me that I have to be support at the home front, which I have come to terms, now uve brought extra baggage for me and u expect me to deal with Dat, is that not looking for trouble......

BTW, he will never help out with any of the house chores..... Yet he wants u to help him out with his responsibilities... Cause the last time I checked, the man's duty is to provide for the family

DonTim1:
Op, I tell you sincerely, you are not wicked! And your actions are not insane, the problem is money!!!

When there's enough money, you would even want in laws to come often, worst case, you create their own in law area to avoid 'nuclear family interference'.

Although, hubby broke rule, the woman had the option of returning to family house, I think you should discuss with hubby how long you guys are willing to host her for and how you intend to help her when leaving so everyone has peace.

I repeat, money is the problem, no one is wicked, money has a way of making you kind and show love.

Wow, how did u know this.... Initially when she came to join I had mixed feeling in the sense that I was like hmmm this one she came to join us, I know she will be doing some small small amebo about some certain things that go on in here, but on a second thought, I was happy that I will be able to feed well again under him because he will not love to make his sister go hungry but I lied, that same punishment he was giving the kids and I is what he is doing to us presently, still expecting me to savage the situation..... Iro nla..... I pray next week gets better, if not the famine will continue, make we see person wey go tire......

She was asking if she can buy ewedu and eja didin make we take chop eba... I say it's welcomed..... If she like make she dey feed me.... It's my right, ma their house I dey.

ImaIma1:



We both know that the Op's issue is not just financial but mostly the attitude towards her inlaws. She rightly said that she would do it for her own sister and kids but not for her inlaws. Is the money to do it for her family coming from a different place? She described her inlaws as poverty stricken.

My point is not for her to accommodate all her inlaws but to handle the situation wisely.

Don't I have a right to choose what to do with my money and likewise who to do it for.... My dear if Ive got all the money in the world... Dat which I can do is what I will do..... So u want me to ensure enough provisions dey ground, so she no go see reasons to comot here..... Make we dey here dey drink the garii and concoction rice together.... She naaaa jammmm

Lumpyy:
This is where i am sure all the wahala is springing up from,wait o,do you WISH it was only your husband that cares for EVERYTHING?it seems to me you are holding a grudge cos of the 20%(as stated earlier) u put into the family,if a man is capable of dropping 100% funds for the family,FINE but if he recieves only over /100k and u said he does 80% of food,find peace with it and encourage him to get better,the inner anger will fuel situations that is not warranted madam!!

He pays the house rent, I pay the shop rent (30k difference), no water nor nepa bills, no generator, fuels car to his place of work except on Sunday that he carries is to church, he saves for the kids, I do same (same amount for both kids), u drop money for feeding when u like, u pay child's school fees, I'm responsible for every other thing that concerns her except when she's ill.... U mortgage your finances, to finance ur housing project, education plus helping your family , and rely on the stipends that comes from laundry business (which I set up, I had to stop my involvement in the business' because I was practically feeding the family given my input in the job) to feed the family, u don't help me with any of the house chores plus the baby sitting etc and u expect me to salvage your present predicament...

No I can't......forgive me for ranting.... It's just a way of letting out the steam bottled up inside me....

BTW, I'm putting out my big Gen, geepee tank and washing machine for sale....send me a mail..... And I'll send u pictures of the equipments... Location is ijebuode ogun state.

Laeroy:


Don't I have a right to choose what to do with my money and likewise who to do it for.... My dear if Ive got all the money in the world... Dat which I can do is what I will do..... So u want me to ensure enough provisions dey ground, so she no go see reasons to comot here..... Make we dey here dey drink the garii and concoction rice together.... She naaaa jammmm

Madam as I said in another post...at this point, do what you can afford to do especially as you are not even getting any kind of support from your husband.

Maybe when your husband sees that there's no food for his sister, he will step up, or the sister will leave when she sees that she has to be responsible for herself and her kid.

Swinger60:
Nigerian wives and thier sense of entitlement sha.!!

So, if it was your own sister that is having issues and your husband refuse to accommodate her.., how will you feel?

Or if your husband is being hostile to your sister as you are to his.., how will you feel?

Cant you just tolerate and be kind to that lady.., just for the sake of kindness. Just only 3weeks and 4days and you already opening thread on Nl?

Have you thought of tommrow...? Do you know that your sister inlaw can be your benefactor tommrow.

You are not in talking terms with your husband...? Just because he took his own blood sibling in and also has been feeding her.

Madam Wife.., you are just a wicked person. Thats my opinion..!!

She's not being wicked merely being human. If the same scenario were to be you, you would do worse.
Let's tell ourselves the truth. When things like this happen, issues will arise sooner than later and the husband will be in the middle.

What an elder sees squatting, a child won't see it on top of iroko tree.

eyinjuege:


Her husband doesn't do much, yet pays the house rent, nepa/water bills, fuel for generator/car, school fees for their child.
OP in question confirms she earns only 30k. Saves 10k out of it , and spends only the remaining 20K on feeding and her transport. So at most, she spends 15k of her salary on food.
Is it the 30K she will use in supporting herself when she divorces him with 2 children? Meanwhile, dont forget she is also saving 33% of her earnings. How many adults (married men and women with children) with well paying jobs can afford to save that out of their earnings?

She's not having it as bad as a lot of families out there.
I'm almost certain the husband that earns 100k doesn't have the luxury of saving 10K monthly. He truly may not have the money.

Laeroy, in as much as I sympathise with your financial situation, you are a grown adult with a family. Your husband earns 3/4th of your household income. If he does all the other major things in the home like rent, bills, school fees then kindly face the feeding aspect. The extra mouths he has brought into the home will have to be sorted by him. Keep sending his sister to him for money for her and her child's food.
Once its month end, let the sister know you have only 15k to buy foodstuff in the house for the month (but think deeply about this 15k you're dropping monthly for feeding, as it doesn't sound fair on your husband at all. He is holding the short end of the stick). Ask her if she has any money to add to it from the money her baby daddy drops for them. Let her go and ask her brother too for extra money to add to it so you guys can buy foodstuff in bulk together.
Another thing you can consider is for the sister to help out in the laundry business during her free time away from her apprenticeship.

When you advisers talk one can't but wonder if you people live on trees or the society.

How will you tell her to direct the woman to her husband for food money when its the same food, gas cooker,same pots, same house etc that we are talking about.

For the sister to help out in laundry business and you think she won't feel slighted?

ImaIma1:


Madam as I said in another post...at this point, do what you can afford to do especially as you are not even getting any kind of support from your husband.

Maybe when your husband sees that there's no food for his sister, he will step up, or the sister will leave when she sees that she has to be responsible for herself and her kid.

Except a miracle happens, my sister this condition has been like this for 5 years and counting, for 5 years we have never bought food in bulk, except I buy with my money with the hope that he will return it... NA lie, the other time we had food in bulk was after the burial, but unfortunately or fortunately, it was consumed under 3 weeks during the holidays when inlaws came for holiday, except he changes his thought pattern and begin to set aside some money for feeding from his income, I don't think situations can change except like I said A MIRACLE HAPPENS, sister in law can only leave when the house is renovated and she gets a cp tenants or if there's fund to rent an house for herself.....
Let me get used to the new change.

Laeroy:


Except a miracle happens, my sister this condition has been like this for 5 years and counting, for 5 years we have never bought food in bulk, except I buy with my money with the hope that he will return it... NA lie, the other time we had food in bulk was after the burial, but unfortunately or fortunately, it was consumed under 3 weeks during the holidays when inlaws came for holiday, except he changes his thought pattern and begin to set aside some money for feeding from his income, I don't think situations can change except like I said A MIRACLE HAPPENS, sister in law can only leave when the house is renovated and she gets a cp tenants or if there's fund to rent an house for herself.....
Let me get used to the new change.

Perhaps this is a test for the miracle

Treat the woman and child as you would treat her if she were your sister. Not grudgingly, cheerfully and with love.

See the windows of heaven open unto you.

deltateam:


When you advisers talk one can't but wonder if you people live on trees or the society.

How will you tell her to direct the woman to her husband for food money when its the same food, gas cooker,same pots, same house etc that we are talking about.

For the sister to help out in laundry business and you think she won't feel slighted?

I guess you deliberately chose to be blind to where I said the sister should collect some money from her brother and add to what is in OPs hand and they should buy food in bulk together. Perhaps, out of shame, he would give his sister some feeding money as he has been refusing his wife's entreaties due to their agreement.
OPs husband is her brother, and she isn't just any woman. She is being housed and fed with her child, and helping her brother out in his laundry business for feeding their family shouldn't be seen as slight

All of u saying she should be sending her sister in-law to her husband to collect money so she'll see that her brother doesn't drop money for food are u guys for real? Op pls go home n make ur marriage work if u want it to, dropping every detail of wat goes on in ur home isn't going to help u. Only u can help urself.

Some of us grew up in homes where the man doesn't care if we feed or not but somehow our mothers fed us, we did not die n the whole world did not hear abt it but look where we are now.

Dear poster stop whining and get to work, only u can make ur marriage work. Do wat u can n leave the rest for God. If u hv u share with ur sister in law if u dont have una cry together, if u dont want to share with her make it clear u ain't sharing n wait for whatever consequences that comes with it.


Again marriage is not for everybody

“My husband is from a poverty stricken background “ this op Na real witch, how can you say such a thing about the father of your kids? The audacity!

Laeroy:


Except a miracle happens, my sister this condition has been like this for 5 years and counting, for 5 years we have never bought food in bulk, except I buy with my money with the hope that he will return it... NA lie, the other time we had food in bulk was after the burial, but unfortunately or fortunately, it was consumed under 3 weeks during the holidays when inlaws came for holiday, except he changes his thought pattern and begin to set aside some money for feeding from his income, I don't think situations can change except like I said A MIRACLE HAPPENS, sister in law can only leave when the house is renovated and she gets a cp tenants or if there's fund to rent an house for herself.....
Let me get used to the new change.

Whatever you can do for her without overstretching yourself, do. Aside that, let her be responsible for herself and her child. Of she has to ask her brother, let her ask.

I m really wondering how you got yourself into this marriage as you don't seen to be enjoying the union.

Laeroy:


Wow, how did u know this.... Initially when she came to join I had mixed feeling in the sense that I was like hmmm this one she came to join us, I know she will be doing some small small amebo about some certain things that go on in here, but on a second thought, I was happy that I will be able to feed well again under him because he will not love to make his sister go hungry but I lied, that same punishment he was giving the kids and I is what he is doing to us presently, still expecting me to savage the situation..... Iro nla..... I pray next week gets better, if not the famine will continue, make we see person wey go tire......

She was asking if she can buy ewedu and eja didin make we take chop eba... I say it's welcomed..... If she like make she dey feed me.... It's my right, ma their house I dey.

Quick advice, there is no I or me in marriage, there is only us, the way you going about it may breed resentment from your hubby. You need to be happy in that marriage likewise your hubby, for how long do you want to play the famine game, you already sound like it's tit for tat, please find a way to win your husband to your side, find his mumu button, and look for multiple legal means to earn money, you guys deserve to be happy, either you make more money or hubby recognizes the need to drop more

Triniti:
“My husband is from a poverty stricken background “ this op Na real witch, how can you say such a thing about the father of your kids? The audacity!

I meant to write humble background.....but it was poverty stricken that crossed my mind at that time. .. besides u wey I dey tell I don't even know u from Adam ...so u can only imagine who my hubby and I are.....
Oh yea, I came here to rant and did got some real good advice....Till then, continue to imagine who I am...

UPDATE......

So Because he dropped 2,000 naira for dinner, he began to tell me the story of my life, I said it! he was expecting that I assist him when the house was dry, ranting in front of his sister that if he said he doesn't have money the he meant it but for me I'll have money and pretend like I don't, I replied telling him that he isn't the only one who knows how to mortgage his Salary leaving us to feed on the crumbs that comes from laundry ,infact I said right in front of his sister that he is so wicked and heartless that he brought her and the kids without having proper plans for us expecting me to cover up his financial struggles, I told him point blank that he cant dictate how I manage my finances too, that I can equally use up all my finances too and fold my hands that I have nothing, Oga I reiterated not everybody can be as cold and insensitive as you are, u mortgage all your salary, and always go about with almost empty wallets so that we can see u have no money, he replied asking if he should use all his money for feeding? I said set some aside for feeding, the money from laundry isn't enough....Na so he enter room begin dey iron clothes wey customer wan collect tomorrow....


N.B: Wetin even pain me pass be say he wan paint to his sister say na only him get and dey do everything for the house , say me I no dey do anything, immediately I begin dey list everything I get for the house, say if I go comot here today na so so so and so be my own, i am not leaving here empty handed, make their brother no think say na only am get everything wey dey dat house....IF I NO REPLY AM, SHE GO DEY WITH THE MENTALITY SAY NA HER BROTHER GET EVERYTHING WEY DEY The HOUSE...Na Im make am vex enter room to dey iron clothes.......rubbish and ingredient...


TO BE CONTINUED

OP, if truly, you're earning N30K monthly then I understand why you're acting this way. I think you can also try to see if you can help your sis in law get a job even if it's cleaning job of N20K. She can't afford to be an apprentice for over 2 years while she has a child to feed, that's quite irresponsible of her, supposing something happens to their breadwinner or what if he loses his job? she needs to bring in something in financially too, it's only in Nigeria that a full grown adult will pass on 100% of his/her financial responsibility to someone else in the name of family, it's wrong.

Laeroy:
UPDATE......

So Because he dropped 2,000 naira for dinner, he began to tell me the story of my life, I said it! he was expecting that I assist him when the house was dry, ranting in front of his sister that if he said he doesn't have money the he meant it but for me I'll have money and pretend like I don't, I replied telling him that he isn't the only one who knows how to mortgage his Salary leaving us to feed on the crumbs that comes from laundry ,infact I said right in front of his sister that he is so wicked and heartless that he brought her and the kids without having proper plans for us expecting me to cover up his financial struggles, I told him point blank that he cant dictate how I manage my finances too, that I can equally use up all my finances too and fold my hands that I have nothing, Oga I reiterated not everybody can be as cold and insensitive as you are, u mortgage all your salary, and always go about with almost empty wallets so that we can see u have no money, he replied asking if he should use all his money for feeding? I said set some aside for feeding, the money from laundry isn't enough....Na so he enter room begin dey iron clothes wey customer wan collect tomorrow....


N.B: Wetin even pain me pass be say he wan paint to his sister say na only him get and dey do everything for the house , say me I no dey do anything, immediately I begin dey list everything I get for the house, say if I go comot here today na so so so and so be my own, i am not leaving here empty handed, make their brother no think say na only am get everything wey dey dat house....IF I NO REPLY AM, SHE GO DEY WITH THE MENTALITY SAY NA HER BROTHER GET EVERYTHING WEY DEY The HOUSE...Na Im make am vex enter room to dey iron clothes.......rubbish and ingredient...


TO BE CONTINUED

OP, be calm..
You obviously are tired of the marriage and the husband. I would advise you thread with caution.
Don't make irreversible/ permanent decisions over temporary situations.
This is a partnership, and you should see each other as a team. When one is falling, the other should lift him/her up. You haven't mentioned your husband is spending the little he earns frivolously, just that he's spending it on getting a house, his education, savings for his children and of course other expenses like school fees. Those are laudable projects and I'm not sure why you dont see it that way. If he gets a house, that's your children's inheritance. If he's successful in his academic pursuits, he can get a better job. Only a mad man will have money and watch his wife and children starve. He doesn't have so much for now, and you should understand as his partner.
I know you can equally do same with your salary, but your salary isn't so great to be honest, and you've already put 33% of it in savings (which isn't in itself a bad thing) leaving you with almost nothing to feed.
If by helping in the laundry business augments your family income, why did you stop? You shouldn't cut off your nose to spite your face.
I'm not in support of your husband bringing in more family members when he obviously can't afford to cater for them, but I'm talking about the deep seated resentment you've obviously been feeling over the years (and not the 1month your SIL has been with you).
Marriage is not a bed of roses, and you seem to be facing the "for worse" moments now. How do you want to enjoy the "for better" moments when you've burnt so many bridges?
Anyway, continue to look for a better job yourself as your salary is also obviously not enough to cater to your needs. My personal belief is that every adult (man or woman) should work and earn enough to look after themselves and their children, in the case of any sudden eventuality of death or sickness in a spouse.

[uote author=Laeroy post=78313583]

I want to ask a simple question, is your husband on nairaland?. If he's not I think you need to be very careful with your utterances here. All these your questions and ranting ought to be anonymous, but almost all your personal information are here online, I can already locate your house because I stay in ijebu ode. How will your husband feel if he sees how you expose your private lives online with loads of insults and I don't care attitude. Please you need to be more mature about your personal relationship and dealings. Thank you

Laeroy:
UPDATE......

So Because he dropped 2,000 naira for dinner, he began to tell me the story of my life, I said it! he was expecting that I assist him when the house was dry, ranting in front of his sister that if he said he doesn't have money the he meant it but for me I'll have money and pretend like I don't, I replied telling him that he isn't the only one who knows how to mortgage his Salary leaving us to feed on the crumbs that comes from laundry ,infact I said right in front of his sister that he is so wicked and heartless that he brought her and the kids without having proper plans for us expecting me to cover up his financial struggles, I told him point blank that he cant dictate how I manage my finances too, that I can equally use up all my finances too and fold my hands that I have nothing, Oga I reiterated not everybody can be as cold and insensitive as you are, u mortgage all your salary, and always go about with almost empty wallets so that we can see u have no money, he replied asking if he should use all his money for feeding? I said set some aside for feeding, the money from laundry isn't enough....Na so he enter room begin dey iron clothes wey customer wan collect tomorrow....


N.B: Wetin even pain me pass be say he wan paint to his sister say na only him get and dey do everything for the house , say me I no dey do anything, immediately I begin dey list everything I get for the house, say if I go comot here today na so so so and so be my own, i am not leaving here empty handed, make their brother no think say na only am get everything wey dey dat house....IF I NO REPLY AM, SHE GO DEY WITH THE MENTALITY SAY NA HER BROTHER GET EVERYTHING WEY DEY The HOUSE...Na Im make am vex enter room to dey iron clothes.......rubbish and ingredient...


TO BE CONTINUED

Good that he gave you money.
keep asking. He is the one that brought his sister. He has to provide for her upkeep.


He shouldn't be demeaning and erasing your contributions in the home to his sister. That's very wrong. All because you told him you don't have enough money to feed you all, and you're not lying about that. I'm glad that anytime he tries to paint a false narrative to his sister you stand up for yourself and set the story straight. Keep doing that.

Shauron1:
[uote author=Laeroy post=78313583]

I want to ask a simple question, is your husband on nairaland?. If he's not I think you need to be very careful with your utterances here. All these your questions and ranting ought to be anonymous, but almost all your personal information are here online, I can already locate your house because I stay in ijebu ode. How will your husband feel if he sees how you expose your private lives online with loads of insults and I don't care attitude. Please you need to be more mature about your personal relationship and dealings. Thank you

Thank You Sir.

Laeroy:
UPDATE......

So Because he dropped 2,000 naira for dinner, he began to tell me the story of my life, I said it! he was expecting that I assist him when the house was dry, ranting in front of his sister that if he said he doesn't have money the he meant it but for me I'll have money and pretend like I don't, I replied telling him that he isn't the only one who knows how to mortgage his Salary leaving us to feed on the crumbs that comes from laundry ,infact I said right in front of his sister that he is so wicked and heartless that he brought her and the kids without having proper plans for us expecting me to cover up his financial struggles, I told him point blank that he cant dictate how I manage my finances too, that I can equally use up all my finances too and fold my hands that I have nothing, Oga I reiterated not everybody can be as cold and insensitive as you are, u mortgage all your salary, and always go about with almost empty wallets so that we can see u have no money, he replied asking if he should use all his money for feeding? I said set some aside for feeding, the money from laundry isn't enough....Na so he enter room begin dey iron clothes wey customer wan collect tomorrow....


N.B: Wetin even pain me pass be say he wan paint to his sister say na only him get and dey do everything for the house , say me I no dey do anything, immediately I begin dey list everything I get for the house, say if I go comot here today na so so so and so be my own, i am not leaving here empty handed, make their brother no think say na only am get everything wey dey dat house....IF I NO REPLY AM, SHE GO DEY WITH THE MENTALITY SAY NA HER BROTHER GET EVERYTHING WEY DEY The HOUSE...Na Im make am vex enter room to dey iron clothes.......rubbish and ingredient...


TO BE CONTINUED

Wow! Things have really escalated. Indeed,take it easy with him. I'm in strong support of you making sure he fends for the bread at home, considering the latest addendum he brought in. However, I think you should not allow faces to tear beyond repair while at it.

I hate it when money makes a mockery of people's peace. May God in heaven bless you and your family beyond expectations. 30k for the whole month earning is beyond low fa...small towns have a way of ridiculing ones qualifications when compared to earnings. It is well.

@ op,

This is a phase in your life/marriage and how you handle it will determine how the next phase in your life and marriage will play out. Pray to God for wisdom as each marriage is unique.

The Golden Rule is always good to live by in every situation one finds oneself: do unto others as you have them do unto you ( if tables were turned). Living by this principle will definitely help you to make better decisions and choices as you go through this phase.

Ameeria:


Wow! Things have really escalated. Indeed,take it easy with him. I'm in strong support of you making sure he fends for the bread at home, considering the latest addendum he brought in. However, I think you should not allow faces to tear beyond repair while at it.

I hate it when money makes a mockery of people's peace. May God in heaven bless you and your family beyond expectations. 30k for the whole month earning is beyond low fa...small towns have a way of ridiculing ones qualifications when compared to earnings. It is well.

Amen.... Thanks sis

Laeroy:


Amen.... Thanks sis

Good evening! I wish I had responded to your thread the first day I stumbled on it, nonetheless I hope you get to read this and most importantly I hope it helps!

You’ve received multiple advice here, sieve through it carefully a lot of it is valuable and some just discard.

The situation though dire can be salvaged through patience and prayers!

My dear this life na jeje oh! As inconvenient as the inlaws staying this period can be you can find ways around it.

Some harm has been done by your attitude . Let’s start the repairs from there. Tomorrow when you get up put on a cheerful disposition and pray earnestly for God’s wisdom and patience going forward.
The finances are little but it is what it is! Whatever your husband provides ensure you all eat a decent meal during the day preferably dinner! Begin to work at skipping reducing meals to two and perhaps one for the adults! Keep it at the back of your mind that she will leave one day.
Don’t reduce your savings for any reason whatsoever!
Try not to engage in shouting matches with your spouse in front of third parties no matter how provoked you are! It’s not good for your state of mind and won’t portray you in any good light even if you’re the aggrieved party.
Resume Manning your kitchen yourself! You may instruct the in-law on what to Cook etc but you mustn’t relinquish your position for any reason

As for your hubby. Pack him to one side for now , the brawls aren’t helping and obviously won’t bring solution. Be tactful . If it’s garri what he has provided can “cook”, Serve it in the best bowls you have. Let it be seen that you desire to do more but you’re constrained by funds!

God be with you and hope this helps!