A nun asked her class, What part
of the body goes into
heaven first?
A little girl raises her hand and
says, I know, I know, the top of
your head.
The nun asks, Why do you say
that?
The little girl says, Because when
you die, you go straight up, and
the top of your head goes in
first!
The nun replies, That makes
sense, anyone else?
Another little girl says, I know, I
know, the tips of your fingers.
The nun asks, Why the tips of
your fingers?
The little girl replies, Because
when you put your hands
together to pray, the tips of your
fingers go into heaven
first!
The nun says, OK, anyone else?
Little Johnny is in the back
waving his hand.
The nun says, OK, Johnny, please
tell us what part of the body
goes into heaven first?
Your feet! Your feet do, for sure!
yells Johnny.
The nun, puzzled, asks, Why do
you think your feet get to
heaven first?
Because I was walking past my
parents' bedroom last night, and
my mom was in there, and she
had both her feet sticking
straight up in the air, and she
was yelling 'Oh God, I'm coming.
Oh God, I'm coming!' and if my
Dad hadn't been holding her
down, I think she would have
gone!

Bob goes into the public
restroom and sees this guy
standing next to the urinal.
The guy has no arms. As Bob's
standing there, taking care of
business, he
wonders to himself how the
poor wretch is going to take a
leak. Bob finishes
and starts to leave when the
man asks Bob to help him out.
Being a kind soul,Bob says, Ah,
OK, sure, I'll help you. The man
asks, Can you unzip my
zipper? Bob says, OK. Then the
man says, Can you pull it out for
me? Bob
replies, Uh, yeah, OK. Bob pulls
it out and it has all kinds of mold
and red
bumps, with hair clumps, rashes,
moles, scabs, scars, and reeks
something
awful. Then the guy asks Bob to
point it for him, and Bob points
it for him. Bob
then shakes it, puts it back in
and zips it up.
The guy tells Bob, Thanks, man, I
really appreciate it. Bob says, No
problem, but what the hell's
wrong with
your penis? The guy pulls his
arms out of his shirt and says, I
don't know, but I
ain't touching it.

A young man has always
dreamed on owning a Harley
Davidson. One day
he has finally saved up enough
money so he goes down to the
dealer.
After picking out the perfect bike
the dealer warns him that if he
leaves his Harley in the rain the
chrome has a tendency to rust.
He tells the young man an old
biker's trick is to keep a jar of
Vaseline handy and smear it on
the chrome if the bike must be
left out in the rain.
A few months later the young
man meets a woman and falls in
love. She
asks him to come home and
meet her parents over dinner.
He readily
agrees and the date is set. At the
appointed time he picks her up
on
his Harley and they ride to her
parents house. Before they go in
she
tells him that they have a family
tradition that whoever speaks
first
after dinner must do the dishes.
After a delicious dinner everyone
sits in silence waiting for the first
person to break and get stuck
doing the dishes. After a long
fifteen
minutes the young man decides
to speed things up so he reaches
over
and kisses the woman in front of
her family.
And no one says a word, ! Next
he decides to take a more direct
approach so he throws her on
the table and has sex with her in
front
of everyone. And still no one
says a word, !!! Now he is getting
desperate, so he grabs her
mother and throws her on the
table.
They have even wilder sex. But
no one says a word, !!!!
By now he is getting very worried
and is wondering what to do
next
when he hears thunder in the
distance. His first thought is to
protect
the chrome on his Harley, so he
reaches in his pocket and pulls
out
the Vaseline. And the father
says, Okay dammit, I'll do the
dishes.

The Eighteen Bottles I had
eighteen bottles of whiskey in my
cellar and was told by mywife to
empty the contents of each and
every bottle down the sink,
orelse, I said I would and
proceeded with the unpleasant
task. Iwithdrew the cork from
the first bottle and poured the
contents down thesink with the
exception of one glass, which I
drank. I then withdrew thecork
from the second bottle and did
likewise with it, with the
exceptionof one glass, which I
drank. I then withdrew the cork
from the thirdbottle and poured
the whiskey down the sink which
I drank. I pulled thecork from
the fourth bottle down the sink
and poured the bottle down
theglass, which I drank. I pulled
the bottle from the cork of the
next anddrank one sink out of it,
and threw the rest down the
glass. I pulled thesink out of the
next glass and poured the cork
down the bottle. Then Icorked
the sink with the glass, bottled
the drink and drank the
pour.When I had everything
emptied, I steadied the house
with one hand, countedthe
glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks
with the other, which
weretwenty-nine, and as the
houses came by I counted them
again, and finally Ihad all the
houses in one bottle, which I
drank. I'm not under
theaffluence of incohol as some
thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as
thunk asyou might drink. I fool
so feelish I don't know who is
me, and thedrunker I stand
here, the longer I get.

Jezzybrown:

The Eighteen Bottles I had
eighteen bottles of whiskey in my
cellar and was told by mywife to
empty the contents of each and
every bottle down the sink,
orelse, I said I would and
proceeded with the unpleasant
task. Iwithdrew the cork from
the first bottle and poured the
contents down thesink with the
exception of one glass, which I
drank. I then withdrew thecork
from the second bottle and did
likewise with it, with the
exceptionof one glass, which I
drank. I then withdrew the cork
from the thirdbottle and poured
the whiskey down the sink which
I drank. I pulled thecork from
the fourth bottle down the sink
and poured the bottle down
theglass, which I drank. I pulled
the bottle from the cork of the
next anddrank one sink out of it,
and threw the rest down the
glass. I pulled thesink out of the
next glass and poured the cork
down the bottle. Then Icorked
the sink with the glass, bottled
the drink and drank the
pour.When I had everything
emptied, I steadied the house
with one hand, countedthe
glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks
with the other, which
weretwenty-nine, and as the
houses came by I counted them
again, and finally Ihad all the
houses in one bottle, which I
drank. I'm not under
theaffluence of incohol as some
thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as
thunk asyou might drink. I fool
so feelish I don't know who is
me, and thedrunker I stand
here, the longer I get.

you want my opinion, stick to your own jokes. stop copy and paste!!!!

plagiarism the way forward. . . . . .