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I was surprised to receive a call from my girl Friday noon @ work that my mum told her to leave the house with her things & not come stay over until we are legally married

Dude your mum was right. The situation would have been even worse off if it was my Mum!

@ Poster our mum did the right thing. That even shos she has respect for your GF, when she told her to come back when you guys are married,
Why imagine it was her daughter do you think she would let her stay with a man without marriage. She treated both of you like her kids. You both should have done the right thing by not letting her sleep in the house with your mums knowledge.
Why should you use a woman as a wife anyway, if you are not married to her. Why don`t you take steps towards marriage that would solve everything.

dude! somehow your mama is right. you must have been sending some signals back home thus she (mama) paid you a surprise visit.

your girl should not take it as a humiliation, its one of those things she will appreciate in future.

as for you dude, remove that rubbish of asking your mum not to visit from your mind. it is a favour she did both of you.

lastly, ask your girl to focus on her education and future more rather than coming around for a five-day weekend.

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Dude, u 're on ur own oooooh. Ain't u matured enough to position each of dem,and let each one knows where she belong? ur ability 2 handle dis lil situation determines whether u 're due for marriage or not. lol, Anyway, guess ur girl has some homework 2 do in order 4 her 2 be fully welcomed by mom.

poster

you know how some of our mothers are, they are very old school. But your mum crossed the line with that one you are a grown man and she run your girl out like nothing. you need to make your self more unavailable to her so she wont make anymore surprise visits and explain to your girl that she meant no harm she is just old school.

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Bro your mum did the right thing, even though she might have been too cautious, and even though you are old enough to take your own deceision. Dont look at it from a negative point of view. She is ur mum, she ain't gonna deceive you.

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@ Poster this questions cannot be answered generally. You need to look at the circumstances.
The girl in question is still a student and has to face her studies and also make her own life. What you are doing is strictly speaking morally not okay and why do you want your mother not to stand to the truth.
Before my son informed me that his girlfriend spends the weekend at his place he had introduced her to us formally and we questioned them both on their intentions. In this case the girl is through with her studies. It is also at the stage that they are getting ready to be married. Even at that, I would never spend one night in his house with her there if they are not married.
I have also made it clear to my girls that I have no problem with them spending a night at their BF home, provided he is branching at the marriage registry first.
Your gf should understand that your mother is also protecting her.

Besides did your mother not tell you her opinion before she walked the girl out of the house?
Yes you are a man and have your own home but you still have the benefit of the wise guidance of your mother, heed it wisely it will not lead you astray.
I also want to give you sincere advise. Make it clear before marriage how important your mother is to you. If you start now, with your gf castigating your mother,the day will come when you see it differently. There are many decisions my parents took that I never understood till I had my own kids. What happens if later your gf then wife still has a negative attitude to your mum? Do you know how much that can affect the family?
Please just talk to your gf in a mature way and explain to her that your mum is actually doing the right thing in both your interest.
You may think that you are now in a modern age and things are different, but these are issues that have never changed much. The world keeps going round in a circle.
Please sit down and try to remember what a mother is. How she held you in her arms and loved you so much since your very first breath.
The one person on earth who would here, now on the sport forfeit her life to save you.
This is the way of the world once she was strong and you were weak. Now the picture is turning . She grows weaker, you grow stronger. Do not be cruel or vain when dealing with her, but show her love and compassion. That way she keeps praying for Gods blessing for you and believe me God listens to the voice of a mother.
Sorry if this is getting intense but you asked the question and I am giving you the answer I would give my child.

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Well I did not know this part of it. Well you are right in many things you wrote. She does not spend much time with you. No I will not have reacted so drastically but then I also am not your mother and do not have such a rigid approach.
Since you are already that old and you seem to have things in control. If you have tried talking to her respectfully and it did not work, the only other step would be to get some older family member involved. Maybe you need to be diplomatic and ask her not to come unannounced because you would be doing a lot of travelling in the future. That way you can avoid such problems.
You know with her CV I just do not see any hope of her bending to became more flexible.
We mothers sometimes find it hard to let go.
Your gf fears are justified, in the sense that ML can be difficult to handle but she must know that already by now. That is how it functions in our tradition. One day she will be at that point too of being a mother in law. She will learn with time. If she loves you she should learn to adjust to your strict mother and accept her the way she would accept her mother.
When I was much younger, my inlaws visited for the first time and told my husband that I should serve him his food on my knees. My husband wanted to kick against it, but I told him not to worry. We could do it when they were there, it did not take anything out of me. Well after some time they never bothered again. I think it was just important for them to exercise control.

Maybe the mother was right to do what she did but no man can receive such a treatment and not loose face.

Your mama is right, She does not want the girl to get preggy while you are not yet ready. She believe that living together now violate the foundation of marriage.

Girls sef 
If i were your GF i wud Thank God that i got a motherly and caring woman as a wud be MIL.
You mum did not insult her or throw her out she only said what she expects of a well brought up lady.
Times have changed and its NOW norm to fool ard and sleep together b4 marriage but Common,_{im assuming u are in 9ja} your babe need not be told to accord herself and mama a lil'respect and quietly give space when mama was ard.Some things need not be said out nowwwww.
If she decides to spend 2 weeks at your parents house,Im sure your mum wud not bat an eyelid.If your girl really saw this as an insult then she get issues ooh.
Mama is actually telling her to easy with the weekend-ing and sleeping overs,just incase things go wrong and she sees that as an insult 
I believe what u said abt stoping ur mum from visiting cos of this non-issue is a Joke ?

I'm sorry but I think your mum went a bit too far as to walk your fiancee out of your house when you weren't there. If she is the girl you are planning to marry, it might cause a bit of a strain in mother - daughter in law relationship in the future. What your mum could have done was to sit the two of you together and voice her fears/feelings then your lady would understand and you guys would laugh it off later.  that way your girl won't feel she's walking on egg shells when next she sees your mum and relationship between them will still remain intact.


What she did wasn't wrong, it's just the way she went about it that is wrong.

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apocalypse:



@ ifyalways :

The point I'm getting at is the fact that I don't think she should still[b] boss me around[/b] in my own home. I don't think you get it , she wants to order me around as if I were still a kid in my own home , tell me what to do or not and ENFORCE IT. This incident just happens to be the breaking point. I just don't want to relate how she sent her packing but it wasn't in the nicest of ways , and believe me my girl isn't one to get angry over such an issue but the way she did it would make the meekest person get hot , if not inflamed. I recall a name my friends used to call her back in my uni days : Honda Halla.

Being strict has its advantages , at least I turned out well amongst my peers who had a more laxed  upbringing but it still wasn't the best overall. I couldn't garner enough street sense and I generally was unaware of a lot of things.

How did she boss u ard  
Omo,u narrate ur tori,i said my bit ie how i wud react to that if it was done to me.
Your confessed u knew ur mum was one of the few direct no-nonsense ppl _{well-meaning deep down,if i may add} so why are u acting like she had another thing in mind and blowing things out of proportion as if she did it out hate  or anything.
she came on thurs,expected ur girl as a wise girl to take style leave on friday morn but she did not,she decided to have a mother-daughter talk with ur girl _{as usual using her direct no-nonsense approach} and u guys are acting
anyway,its ur problem,ur life,u can see and handle it anyway that suits[b] u[/b] best.

my mum told her to leave the house with her things & not come stay over until we are legally married

harsh no doubt but even beyonce said put a ring on it.

Mutter, you are too much. Too much sense.

@Apocalypse, honestly IMO I think your girlfriend should have left as soon as your mother arrived WITHOUT BEING TOLD. So was she planning to be going up and down the house while your Mum was there? Your Mum would fry chicken and she would fry plantain abi? What kind of setting is that?

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^^^

But you will agree that overnight, unrestricted intimacy is the best. And that is hard to accomplish is she aint sleepin over

If you think you are going to get any reasonable person to go against your mom in this case, you are making a mistake. That is what mothers do.

- What you need to do now is to assure your girl that your mom really cares for her and takes her as her own daughter - that is why she did what she did.

- Then talk to your mom as well. Let her know how you feel about this girl and that you are both matured people (tell her this in a nice way though). Then let her know you would have preferred if she'd let you get the evacuation notice across to her girl.

Your mom will be cool as long as she is confident that you will do the right thing and make the right choices. 

But for your own good and that of your relationship, you must agree with her (your mom) that it is not right for the girl to be staying with you b4 marriage. At least give your mom that feeling. 

Good luck

if your mum arrived on thursday morning or afternoon, then shouldnt your girlfriend be out of there by 8pm thursday evening. She can come around everyday, just not to stay the night.



you can get your groove on elsewhere if una no fit holdam for the duration of your mum's visit.

I don't think you've ever mentioned to your mum that there is a girl in your life whom you intend to marry maybe
she wouldn't have reacted to that extent.

Maybe she had another impression about you and saw otherwise

Your mom should have told you that she doesn't approve instead of shaming the girl. It should have been your task to tell the girl to go home until your mom is gone.

In the future, when your moms visit and you have a woman in the house sleep in seperate quarters (if mom comes at night) and tell the female in advance to go home at day break until moms leave. Moms need to let you know inadvance that she's coming.

mutter:

@ Poster this questions cannot be answered generally. You need to look at the circumstances.
The girl in question is still a student and has to face her studies and also make her own life. What you are doing is strictly speaking morally not okay and why do you want your mother not to stand to the truth.
Before my son informed me that his girlfriend spends the weekend at his place [b]he had introduced her to us forma[/b]lly and we questioned them both on their intentions. In this case the girl is through with her studies. It is also at the stage that they are getting ready to be married. Even at that, I would never spend one night in his house with her there if they are not married.
I have also made it clear to my girls that I have no problem with them spending a night at their BF home, provided he is branching at the marriage registry first.
Your gf should understand that your mother is also protecting her.

Besides did your mother not tell you her opinion before she walked the girl out of the house?
Yes you are a man and have your own home but you still have the benefit of the wise guidance of your mother, heed it wisely it will not lead you astray.
I also want to give you sincere advise. Make it clear before marriage how important your mother is to you. If you start now, with your gf castigating your mother,the day will come when you see it differently. There are many decisions my parents took that I never understood till I had my own kids. What happens if later your gf then wife still has a negative attitude to your mum? Do you know how much that can affect the family?
Please just talk to your gf in a mature way and explain to her that your mum is actually doing the right thing in both your interest.
You may think that you are now in a modern age and things are different, but these are issues that have never changed much. The world keeps going round in a circle.
Please sit down and try to remember what a mother is. How she held you in her arms and loved you so much since your very first breath.
The one person on earth who would here, now on the sport forfeit her life to save you.
This is the way of the world once she was strong and you were weak. Now the picture is turning . She grows weaker, you grow stronger. Do not be cruel or vain when dealing with her, but show her love and compassion. That way she keeps praying for Gods blessing for you and believe me God listens to the voice of a mother.
Sorry if this is getting intense but you asked the question and I am giving you the answer I would give my child.

The highlighted is my red flag in their relationship

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^^^ Do you present yourself as a born again and now she sees otherwise?