ZIM DRILL:

you are crazy

am homewrecker is someone who wrecks his/her marriage or home

s/he must be committed to his home/marriage if s/he strays then s/he is a homewrecker becoz s/he is wrecking his/her home



people just blame the other part through out as if it is his/her marriage  one who strays from his/her is a homewrecker

Are you ok?

@Tink

Do not allow anybody derail your thread. Report to the mod if necessary

Cool, thanks.

jennykadry:

Are you ok?

@Tink

Do not allow anybody derail your thread. Report to the mod if necessary

what do you mean am i ok ?

who had derailed the thread ?

Tink_sh:

Huh?? I know. I said i know what a home wrecker is but not what it had to do with jennys comment. I was agreeing with you.

sorry i did quote the wrong person

ZIM DRILL:

sorry i did quote the wrong person

Exactly the reason why I asked if you are ok

ok, that makes more sense, I was very confused, more than normal, hehe.

jennykadry:

Exactly the reason why I asked if you are ok

but you should have noticed if you had follwed the whole conversation

ZIM DRILL:

but you should have noticed if you had follwed the whole conversation

I read through the whole convo and refused to reply Mobo cos I did not want to derail this thread. He is an attention seeker and will do anything to get it. What I did not understand(and the reason for me asking you if you are ok) was that you called the original poster "crazy" when all she did was concur with what you posted.

But it is all clear now since you mistakenly quoted her

jennykadry:

I read through the whole convo and refused to reply Mobo cos I did not want to derail this thread. He is an attention seeker and will do anything to get it. What I did not understand(and the reason for me asking you if you are ok) was that you called the original poster "crazy" when all she did was concur with what you posted.

But it is all clear now since you mistakenly quoted her

you did read through

if you had you would have known that the crazy thing was meant for the person who blamed the 3rd person

ZIM DRILL:

you did read through

if you had you would have known that the crazy thing was meant for the person who blamed the 3rd person

Mr man i said I read through, what is it? how was I supposed to know it was for mobo when you quoted tink? when I saw it I felt you misunderstood tink's earlier response . period

Tink:

First, If it is TRULY OVER I agree with Jay Bee - change your email address - he has your information, you will be blocking forever because he will continue to change his email address so he can keep contacting you.


On Another Note:

It sounds like he doesn't communicate well verbally the feelings, frustrations, emotions that he has for you - to you and it sounds like you "shut down."  I don't know if it is because you are "afraid" of what might or might not happen because he is "expression-handicapped = inability through no fault of his own, to calmly express himself to you while his emotions are high".

He is probably not understanding your culture and has cultural expectations from you that you aren't understanding either.  This would be a reason that he would approach your dad - because in Africa this is what he would do and he is doing what "he knows and understands."  To you, approaching your dad might seem obsessive - but in many cultures, it is normal when there is a problem.

For instance it is normal and natural for him to expect you to definitely accompany him to America and he is offended that you won't do this, He sounds frustrated.  Were you aware of his expectations from a cultural point of view prior to becoming his woman?  Did you thoroughly investigate his expectations in the beginning?

You are on NL so you are healing by exposing yourself to opinions from Nigerians but your presence in NL also suggests somewhat that you will also date "another Nigerian" once you are ready to date again.  Which means that another Nigerian male "could very well have similar expectations of you."  I am dating and will soon marry a Nigerian man who lives in Nigeria.  I am familiarizing myself on a deep level with his culture and his personal expectations that he has of "women" and of "me" so I can be well aware of what is expected of me as I go deeper into this relationship.  I want to make sure our expectations match so he isn't frustrated and I'm not frustrated either and there isn't this blowup that can be avoided had either of us truly investigated the other.

Wherever he goes, I go and wherever I go he goes.  If I had kids, they would go too.  I understand that we are all different and I understand your reluctance to leave your family.  But you will have to face one day the same scenario.  Once you marry and/or are in a very serious relationship that would lead to marriage - your mate is NOW YOUR FAMILY.

Tink_sh
i dont think you loved him more than he did. I go mad myself when somebody i love choose to ignore my calls. That's the worst thing anybody can do to me. It enough reason for me to be mad. He would had ignored you too if he had no feelings for you. He was nt thinking bad of you when he suggested that you should come over. But,if you hate him that much and still want to punish him,ignore him forever then.

Tink_sh You will be dealing with this situation for sometime, I'm still going through it with my ex, I used to let it stress me out, But now i just ignore it, Try your best to ignore the emails, or just delete the emails without reading them, Hope all goes well for you,

Shy-One:

Tink:

First, If it is TRULY OVER I agree with Jay Bee - change your email address - he has your information, you will be blocking forever because he will continue to change his email address so he can keep contacting you.


On Another Note:

It sounds like he doesn't communicate well verbally the feelings, frustrations, emotions that he has for you - to you and it sounds like you "shut down."  I don't know if it is because you are "afraid" of what might or might not happen because he is "expression-handicapped = inability through no fault of his own, to calmly express himself to you while his emotions are high".

He is probably not understanding your culture and has cultural expectations from you that you aren't understanding either.  This would be a reason that he would approach your dad - because in Africa this is what he would do and he is doing what "he knows and understands."  To you, approaching your dad might seem obsessive - but in many cultures, it is normal when there is a problem.

For instance it is normal and natural for him to expect you to definitely accompany him to America and he is offended that you won't do this, He sounds frustrated.  Were you aware of his expectations from a cultural point of view prior to becoming his woman?  Did you thoroughly investigate his expectations in the beginning?

You are on NL so you are healing by exposing yourself to opinions from Nigerians but your presence in NL also suggests somewhat that you will also date "another Nigerian" once you are ready to date again.  Which means that another Nigerian male "could very well have similar expectations of you."  I am dating and will soon marry a Nigerian man who lives in Nigeria.  I am familiarizing myself on a deep level with his culture and his personal expectations that he has of "women" and of "me" so I can be well aware of what is expected of me as I go deeper into this relationship.  I want to make sure our expectations match so he isn't frustrated and I'm not frustrated either and there isn't this blowup that can be avoided had either of us truly investigated the other.

Wherever he goes, I go and wherever I go he goes.  If I had kids, they would go too.  I understand that we are all different and I understand your reluctance to leave your family.  But you will have to face one day the same scenario.  Once you marry and/or are in a very serious relationship that would lead to marriage - your mate is NOW YOUR FAMILY.

I appreciate what you wrote and agree with most of it. I came here as part of my learning about his culture. I am still here cos i enjoy it. I am not looking to date another nigerian or anyone for that matter. I just enjoy visiting here.

With the moving to America thing, Would that be expected even for a bf. We are not engaged or married and i didnt feel right doing it for a guy i was dating. My problem taking my son is i cant imagine his father allowing me to take him to the other side of the world and not see him. I would need good finances there so we could come back here so my son could see his father. The only other option was to wait til he was older.

I was learning about his culture but felt he needed to understand that i was raised in a very different culture. When we met he was in Malaysia and i was packing up and moving there this year when i got the news he had decided to go to America. I had no choice and no say so tried to deal with my life here without him. I really appreciate your advice. It means alot.

kenis:

Tink_sh
i dont think you loved him more than he did. I go mad myself when somebody i love choose to ignore my calls. That's the worst thing anybody can do to me. It enough reason for me to be mad. He would had ignored you too if he had no feelings for you. He was nt thinking bad of you when he suggested that you should come over. But,if you hate him that much and still want to punish him,ignore him forever then.

I was the one texting, emailing, calling him. I dont hate him, i wish i could but i cant talk to him. He will not open his mind. He has his idea of whats happening and wont listen so there is nothing i can do. I do not believe you can love someone and say such hurtful things. I think his suggestion of me coming there was very selfish. He knows my situation with my child and he chose to go there without any consideration. I explained the difficulty we would have before he left. I told him my side of it but he chose to go. He was going to have us with him but went to America. Thats way to far.