I have started writing a novel. The novel is set in Nigeria and is a story about young people trying to turn the tables in the fetish/religious misbeliefs foisted on their young minds by the society. Please critique my work, give me the reason to drop this pen, having found out that am such a horrible writer.
A scene from the book;

Dibia walked into the large compound with a bounce to his steps. He was chanting incantations as he walked, Mutanga walked behind him, towing the huge ram along and keeping a safe distance from the reputable native doctor
Dibia adjusted his bag, shifting it further up his shoulder, "Come out, oh you spirit of death"
They were greeted by silence, only the gentle rustle of palm fronds as they made contact with each other.
"I say come out now if you are brave, you cannot terrorize the inhabitants of this compound" he shifted the bag further up.
More silence.
Beside him by the left, Mutanga was going to tie the ram on a metal pole supporting the only standing house in the compound. All others had collapsed since the inhabitants ran away from this village fifteen years ago. He was afraid, this is not the type of danger he understands. As a criminal, he was used to the fear of being arrested or shot, but that is nothing compared to this new type of fear.
Dibia lifted his staff and stabbed it into the ground , he made a show of dancing around the staff twice. "I have come to repossess this compound from whatever forces are living here"
"You evil spirit, I command you to leave this", He stopped in mid sentence
It happened so fast, too fast that Mutanga had not seen the start of it. A heavy sound like a large wooden gong crashed in the middle of the compound, just two meters before Dibia, a rustling sound like dry grass being tossed around violently filled the air. Then a huge, ugly creature with bloodied hands emerged from behind the house.
Dibia was the first to react, he uprooted his staff and started running out of the compound. At his heels was Mutanga, who didnt see anything except for the loud sound and the rustle of dry leaves.
"Give way, let me pass!" Mutanga was scrambling to overtake Dibia.
Being younger, Mutanga increased his pace, bolting into the village square and passing it, even running past the car they cam in. Dibia was running as fast as his aging legs could carry him, screaming at the top of his voice.
"Please forgive me, I didnt know you are the one!" he had dumped his staff in an attempt to increase speed, now he removed his bag and flung it into the bush.
"Mutanga, please dont allow me to die here"

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I think you have some talent but it needs to improve. Look for people with the same interest and you will shine. I liked the last lines of this part.

Myne White:

I think you have some talent but it needs to improve. Look for people with the same interest and you will shine. I liked the last lines of this part.

Just to hear you say this is cause for celebration for me. Do you know how I idolize you? Anyway, congrats on your new book, wish to talk with you more.

I planned this book to carry 200 pages, after 35 pages only, am running out of ideas. Writing hard o!

Hi Invisible, thanks for your comments. Writing is not easy, lol.

What you can do is start with short stories and continue from there. Also look for a group like Naija Stories of people with writing interests and as you exchange with them, ideas will flow.

All the best.

Myne White:

Hi Invisible, thanks for your comments. Writing is not easy, lol.

What you can do is start with short stories and continue from there. Also look for a group like Naija Stories of people with writing interests and as you exchange with them, ideas will flow.

All the best.

Thanks Myne White, I still have lots of short stories yet untold (am good at using my imagination to turn form stories) but I still find it difficult to linkthe whole stories to a story. Also, do you mean I should meet people who can help me with naija stories or is there anywhere online where I can meet like minded poeple?
Thanks in advance.

I've not read the excerpt you posted but you don't plan a definite number of pages for a novel. The books I've written were completed in my head before I set out to the task. You must have a firm grasp of the plot of your story, that way, you don't easily run out of ideas. Will read the excerpt later and tell you what I think and maybe give you some ideas. Goodluck.

Naija Stories is an online network of Nigerian writers where they can post and critique each other's work.

invisible!:

Thanks Myne White, I still have lots of short stories yet untold (am good at using my imagination to turn form stories) but I still find it difficult to linkthe whole stories to a story. Also, do you mean I should meet people who can help me with naija stories or is there anywhere online where I can meet like minded poeple?
Thanks in advance.

Myne White:

Naija Stories is an online network of Nigerian writers where they can post and critique each other's work.

yeah! Seen it, it feels cool. Thanks.

slap1:

I've not read the excerpt you posted but you don't plan a definite number of pages for a novel. The books I've written were completed in my head before I set out to the task. You must have a firm grasp of the plot of your story, that way, you don't easily run out of ideas. Will read the excerpt later and tell you what I think and maybe give you some ideas. Goodluck.

Nice advice pal, please remember to go through the excerpt later. Thank you.

Hi invisible, read your excepts, big ups! Hav wriiten several works n wud lik us to compare notes n help each other build our work to standard

Whiteguru:

Hi invisible, read your excepts, big ups! Hav wriiten several works n wud lik us to compare notes n help each other build our work to standard

Thanks whiteguru, my work is still in progress, its up to 40 pages now but I have many chapters still unwritten. Have you ever submitted any of your works to a publisher? I want to have a feel of things from the business end of it.

Now 55 pages; yipeeeeeeeee!
Dont mind me jare, just trying to encourage myself and stay focused. Happy weekend everyone.

And now, the 67th page. 'Wonderfulous'
Enjoy your weekend.

Well done.

I wish you all the best.

I see a talent having a romance with the 'incubator'. You're good, no doubt about that. Practice is required to nudge you towards perfection. . .

They were greeted by silence, only the gentle rustle of palm fronds as they made contact with each other.

. . .did what?
The rustle of the palm fronds, I am sure, should contradict the silence; but you did not clearly write so. Again, you seem to be leaving out the commas and fullstops that should precede the closing quotes in the speeches. These are the major errors I've identified for now. However, they did not, in any way, invalidate the fact that you are talented. Goodluck to you.

slap1:

I see a talent having a romance with the 'incubator'. You're good, no doubt about that. Practice is required to nudge you towards perfection. . . . . .did what?
The rustle of the palm fronds, I am sure, should contradict the silence; but you did not clearly write so. Again, you seem to be leaving out the commas and fullstops that should precede the closing quotes in the speeches. These are the major errors I've identified for now. However, they did not, in any way, invalidate the fact that you are talented. Goodluck to you.

Thank you for the kind comments, I wanted to finish telling the stories before going back to do the corrections, I dont know if that is the right thing to do? Thanks once again.

Hey, like joke like joke me don waka enter page 100 just like that. See me see wahala o! E be like say I go finish this one and look for publisher by month end if I keep up the speed.
Happy weekend all, whatever you do, remember to enjoy yourself.

And now, page 120.
Some things seem very difficult to do at first, but gets easier as you speed up. This thread helps me advance, cause I cannot afford to hear you guys ask me "Why did you abandon the project?"
I must win this war, I must defeat the writer's block.

Good job i am also trying to write a book too , one advice i can say to you is dont be too much in a hurry take your time make some research and most importantly your first draft matters a lot because when you send your book for editing your editors might give you some stress but keep pressing on .

Thanks for your commendation, I will try to go slower, maybe give myself a week break.

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I would suggest that you try short stories first, with time you'll find your voice. Also, you might want to leave more vivid imaginations on our minds. A writer is like a painter, but painting pictures with words, with that understanding, try bringing in more details e.g when you talked about the compound, I'll want to know what was in the compound, the surrounding, was it neat or unkempt? That way your reader will be able to picture what you're talking about and relate with your story better.

tomi

tommi34475:

I would suggest that you try short stories first, with time you'll find your voice. Also, you might want to leave more vivid imaginations on our minds. A writer is like a painter, but painting pictures with words, with that understanding, try bringing in more details e.g when you talked about the compound, I'll want to know what was in the compound, the surrounding, was it neat or unkempt? That way your reader will be able to picture what you're talking about and relate with your story better.

tomi

yea ure right good writers dont throw happening in the book to the face of readers instead readers are meant to figure out whats happening in the book

tommi34475:

I would suggest that you try short stories first, with time you'll find your voice. Also, you might want to leave more vivid imaginations on our minds. A writer is like a painter, but painting pictures with words, with that understanding, try bringing in more details e.g when you talked about the compound, I'll want to know what was in the compound, the surrounding, was it neat or unkempt? That way your reader will be able to picture what you're talking about and relate with your story better.

tomi

I think you have a point there, what I have now is a collection of 8-10 stories in my mind which am sewing together to make one novel, but if I decide to seperate the stories, how commercially viable will it be.?
Like breaking the book into ten stories of 20 pages each.
I am still writing the story and will do a lot of polishing when the story telling part is done, I will add sweeteners and spices to it, I may even add maggi, curry, salt and seasonings to sweeten the stories. Lol.

In 2009, I had just completed my script. Over the last couple of years I have turned it into a labour of love - my book. I wonder if you have finished with your one yet ? If you are thinking of publishing it, remember to get an editor to look for any grammatical or spelling mistakes first.