Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,160,462 members, 7,843,404 topics. Date: Wednesday, 29 May 2024 at 02:49 AM

I'm Confused - Romance - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / I'm Confused (1589 Views)

Help A Student: I'm Confused My Neighbor Wife To Be Is In Love With Me / I'm Confused. I Need Help / She Is A Complete Wife Material Except That She Is Not Beautiful, I'm Confused (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (Reply) (Go Down)

I'm Confused by Nobody: 7:19am On Oct 11, 2019
Hello N'landers, I created this account for this purpose. Please I need matured advice. Bash me if you want to too, no hard feelings but I'm in a dilemma right about now. It's a long read by the way.

Here's my story:

I am/was in a serious relationship, been in it for four years. Got engaged and we had plans to do the introduction next month November. As agreed by the both of us, I got pregnant (I found out two days ago). I informed oga that I was pregnant, he didn't sound too excited so I felt he was in shock.

He came over to my apartment to see me cos I invited him over. I noticed he was quite moody. I told him we needed to talk cos I didn't understand his demeanor. Initially he said he was fine that he was just tired. I knew that wasn't the case so I pressured him and he opened up. He said he was still wrapping up the whole situation in his head. I was confused. Oga I don't understand.

We got talking, he started explaining that this was not the right time. My eyes lit up (like are you kidding me right now?). He went on and on, that the timing wasn't right, if it was in January it would have been perfect. That we have to agree on a decision, going home in November hasn't changed but not with the pregnancy (chai! Kuku kill me)

I inquired why cos to me I don't think money was the problem (mind you I'm in my late twenties and I've got a job earning over a 100k, oga is in his late thirties earning close to 500k).
His reasons were what will people say? (Are you for real?) What will my parents say, he's a church worker and he will be suspended in church, church won't wed us, bla bla bla, who fucking cares! for crying out loud. Who even wants a white wedding? Cos we already said we won't have one and no loud trad either. Jeez I was livid. Oga we had this all planned before now, infact we made sure it was my ovulation period. Oh my God, I couldn't believe it.

I told him I can't raise the child all alone and can't cope with all the morning sickness wahala all by myself. Infact the restlessness and all the nausea has started. He even said, you're here in your apartment, I'm over there at mine, I can't be leaving my office to come stay with you, this is not the right time, we're not ready (mokun, mogbe, modarun!). Said he's mind is made up, we can't have it.

Oga, you don't expect me to terminate this pregnancy and then continue with this relationship or the marriage plans cos I'm done. I am so done with you. So unbelievable. I broke up with him. He was pleading with me to understand him as he was doing the right thing for us, right thing my ass. I told him to leave as I never want to have anything to do with him anymore.

I've informed his uncle, his brother as his parents are late. But right now, I don't know what to do about this pregnancy. Please I need your candid advice.

Thank you.

2 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Ladylite: 7:28am On Oct 11, 2019
Wow, for realzzzz?

OK here is how to play it. Stop picking his calls, if you can go and stay with a friend for a while simply do that.

Here what his uncle has to say and so you know who is on your side... Most men are scared of such things but you both are mature enough to handle this.

See my sister, your introduction and all that will still hold next month o. He just is understandably pissed that people will sneer at him. So calm down, he is still your man and loves you.

Since you both are doing well financially then pls go ahead and buy your baby things, God will not forsake you, and even the church will understand... If possible change church. Because most times church people are the worst hypocrites,

Give him some weeks.... His head will come around. No tears o, just be strong.

8 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 8:12am On Oct 11, 2019
Please i plead with you do not terminate the pregnancy!!! It is same as murdering your unborn child,it obvious he's not ready to take the responsibility of a father even at his age!!! That's is a red flag!!
Just take care of your baby yourself nd make him pay child support!!!
Bt i think he might consider you later if you go ahead nd have the baby!!

5 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by sanity12(m): 8:13am On Oct 11, 2019
Try to let him see d reason u have to keep the baby,dont terminate the baby,it was not the baby's fault u guys had sex so don't make him/her pay for it

1 Like

Re: I'm Confused by Restructure9ja(m): 8:17am On Oct 11, 2019
I can assure you of one thing... You won't regret keeping that child...is not gonna be easy but the troubles will pass. Still keep an open heart for the father...not all men have such strength to accept responsibilities initially.... Above all make peace with God. Solidify your relationship with God. God bless you

6 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Sunnymatey(m): 8:30am On Oct 11, 2019
If you are ready to be a single mum then go ahead and have the baby.
Dont think that guy is still interested in you or the marriage.
Re: I'm Confused by Raydans: 8:54am On Oct 11, 2019
You broke up with him because of a simple misunderstanding that you both can collectively come to a mutual understanding.

Your loss. Wasted years of courtship, You loose someone who is ready to wed you, you loose the pregnancy.

You should have looked for someone he respects or hold in high esteem to talk him out and assure him there is nothing to worry about rather than harshly taking a random decision.
Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 10:04am On Oct 11, 2019
After four years of dating, a mature, responsible man in his late 30s would accept your pregnancy with excitement [that is, if he's about to be a father for the first time], a pregnancy you both agreed to make. Perhaps he already has a kid or two that you don't know about.

This is why pregnancy out of wedlock isn't advisable but Nigerian women keep allowing themselves to be deceived by these men who ask for pregnancy before marriage.

2 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Kaycee54321(m): 10:11am On Oct 11, 2019
The man is what red pillers will call a Beta male or a simp

He wants to abort his own baby because of what his church people and parents will say

What was he expecting when he was cumming inside you...a bag of rice?


Men of this generation are so weak.

Oluwa, may I not have a daughter with a Penis. Amin.

5 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 10:54am On Oct 11, 2019
Thanks to everyone for your pieces of advice so far. I appreciate, I am keeping my child.

2 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 10:59am On Oct 11, 2019
Raydans:
You broke up with him because of a simple misunderstanding that you both can collectively come to a mutual understanding.

Your loss. Wasted years of courtship, You loose someone who is ready to wed you, you loose the pregnancy.

You should have looked for someone he respects or hold in high esteem to talk him out and assure him there is nothing to worry about rather than harshly taking a random decision.


I did speak to people who he respects but he called afterwards, angrily on the phone, that I was reporting him to everybody, why was I calling them, they can't live his life for him, bla bla bla, he has decided not to put the cart before the house and has made his decision. What else?
Anyway, I'm doing this alone, thanks for your comment.

1 Like

Re: I'm Confused by Charis15(f): 12:00pm On Oct 11, 2019
I understand with you my dear. From my personal experience I have only one advise for you
DO NOT ABORT THE PREGNANCY.
I repeat do not ooooo abort that pregnancy.

1 Like

Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 2:17pm On Oct 11, 2019
That man is a weakling who just used you. I'm sorry about your plight, real men never ever shy away from responsibilities. I wish I could smack him, however what has happened has happened. Women should never think pregnancy is enough to keep a man (I know you're both engaged).
Anyway, don't abort that pregnancy. Thankfully you have a job, it's unfortunate you might have to be a single mum, that is what life sometimes throws at people, no guarantees anywhere. Sorry once again.

1 Like

Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 3:07pm On Oct 11, 2019
Raydans:
You broke up with him because of a simple misunderstanding that you both can collectively come to a mutual understanding.

Your loss. Wasted years of courtship, You loose someone who is ready to wed you, you loose the pregnancy.

You should have looked for someone he respects or hold in high esteem to talk him out and assure him there is nothing to worry about rather than harshly taking a random decision.

Hello,how do you do? My Nairaland email ain't functional, kindly send a mail to michellekabod@gmail.com....kind regards
Re: I'm Confused by Kendumazy(m): 3:51pm On Oct 11, 2019
Seems this is the problem. Your guy issue is being religiously upright. Doing sex before marriage yet religiously upright hence giving mind to what the religion bodies will say. Try and talk to him to adopt a kind of i don't care attitude this time. Time is ticking away. He is not getting any younger.
Re: I'm Confused by fastjett: 3:56pm On Oct 11, 2019
For the guy to be afraid of what the church will say means he's a big fool no apologies. Just tell him if he does not come to do the right thing that you will go to the church yourself and tell the pastors what he did he can not make you to go through this pain and shame all alone. Don't abort, keep the baby.
When he was bleeping you and ejaculating he never remember what church people will say, Rubbish.

3 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Fountainofyouth(f): 3:58pm On Oct 11, 2019
Foolish man, after saying you should get pregnant b4 wedding, he probably just wanted to know if you're fertile, asshole, keep your child honey and forget the schmuck angry

2 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Esthered: 4:00pm On Oct 11, 2019
Dear OP, don't you think you over reacted? Allow him to come to terms with the whole situation and the societal consequences after which they'll come to accept it. Some people hold dear their perception in the eyes of people and tend to live their lives to be in the good books of people of which he may be that kind of person. Give him time and if he doesn't want to proceed, fine. I think it was too early to call people.......
You're overwhelmed, likewise him. I don't think his age should be a deciding factor here as it boils down to his choice. If he were truly keen on having children, he would had a baby mama as they're easy to come by.
Inasmuch as you both agreed earlier, call him and apologise and work things out. You still have more challenges and battles to conquer as an individual, would you always call it off and escalate without taking time to resolve between the conflicting party?
Blissful pregnancy journey I wish you.
Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 4:11pm On Oct 11, 2019
Keep the pregnancy and take it easy on him. He may come around.
Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 4:48pm On Oct 11, 2019
Esthered:
Dear OP, don't you think you over reacted? Allow him to come to terms with the whole situation and the societal consequences after which they'll come to accept it. Some people hold dear their perception in the eyes of people and tend to live their lives to be in the good books of people of which he may be that kind of person. Give him time and if he doesn't want to proceed, fine. I think it was too early to call people.......
You're overwhelmed, likewise him. I don't think his age should be a deciding factor here as it boils down to his choice. If he were truly keen on having children, he would had a baby mama as they're easy to come by.
Inasmuch as you both agreed earlier, call him and apologise and work things out. You still have more challenges and battles to conquer as an individual, would you always call it off and escalate without taking time to resolve between the conflicting party?
Blissful pregnancy journey I wish you.

Hi, I appreciate your comments thanks. The truth is, I couldn't have held back such a situation like this to myself thinking I could handle it when actually I felt a sense of relief speaking out about it. Yes it is a sensitive issue, I wept cos I was hurt but after I spoke out to the people I did and the comments in here, I started speaking positivity to my being. Our child is here to stay, I will give him time to come to terms with the whole situation. Hopefully we'll resolve this.

3 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Esthered: 5:02pm On Oct 11, 2019
ineedyouradvice:


Hi, I appreciate your comments thanks. The truth is, I couldn't have held back such a situation like this to myself thinking I could handle it when actually I felt a sense of relief speaking out about it. Yes it is a sensitive issue, I wept cos I was hurt but after I spoke out to the people I did and the comments in here, I started speaking positivity to my being. Our child is here to stay, I will give him time to come to terms with the whole situation. Hopefully we'll resolve this.
You're welcome Ma. It's good you opened up though. It is well dear. All the best.
Re: I'm Confused by Raalsalghul: 5:09pm On Oct 11, 2019
Op wanted to hook the "rich dude" with pregnancy and the plan backfired!

Re: I'm Confused by Raalsalghul: 5:13pm On Oct 11, 2019
Kaycee54321:
[s]The man is what red pillers will call a Beta male or a simp

He wants to abort his own baby because of what his church people and parents will say

What was he expecting when he was cumming inside you...a bag of rice?


Men of this generation are so weak.

Oluwa, may I not have a daughter with a Penis. Amin.[/s]
Thrash!
Re: I'm Confused by babyfaceafrica: 5:15pm On Oct 11, 2019
you are both right!!!...
Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 6:05pm On Oct 11, 2019
Raalsalghul:
Op wanted to hook the "rich dude" with pregnancy and the plan backfired!

Like I said, bashing is allowed. Lol you actually cracked me up. Your sense of humour is amazing.
That being said, try reading up again. Dankë

2 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Raalsalghul: 6:14pm On Oct 11, 2019
ineedyouradvice:


Like I said, bashing is allowed. Lol you actually cracked me up. Your sense of humour is amazing.
That being said, try reading up again. Dankë
Nothing wrong with your plan though!

You for use juju supplement!

Re: I'm Confused by Nobody: 6:18pm On Oct 11, 2019
lesson

always use condom

dont get pregnant when the deal hasnt be sealed so that we would be hearing stories that touches on nairaland.

simple advice

A man that likes you, wont tell you to abort a child, ready to carry your cross alone.

3 Likes

Re: I'm Confused by Rosay15(f): 6:27pm On Oct 11, 2019
ineedyouradvice:


Like I said, bashing is allowed. Lol you actually cracked me up. Your sense of humour is amazing.
That being said, try reading up again. Dankë
... Please keep the baby, it might not be easy but trust me you will never regret it.
Please, don’t mind the fool you quoted
That’s NL for you, stay strong.
The lord will lead your path.

1 Like

Re: I'm Confused by Kaycee54321(m): 6:38pm On Oct 11, 2019
Raalsalghul:
Thrash!

No go find work.

If work no dey, find dictionary.

Wetin be Thrash?
Re: I'm Confused by Raalsalghul: 6:54pm On Oct 11, 2019
Kaycee54321:


[s]No go find work.

If work no dey, find dictionary.

Wetin be Thrash?[/s]
Thrash!
Re: I'm Confused by Kaycee54321(m): 6:57pm On Oct 11, 2019
Raalsalghul:

Thrash!

grin All these craze people for here sef


Oya you win. Come and do your job.

1 Like

Re: I'm Confused by Raalsalghul: 7:23pm On Oct 11, 2019
Kaycee54321:


grin All these craze people for here sef


Oya you win. Come and do your job.

(1) (2) (Reply)

Read This If You Don't Want To Depend On Salary Again / What Is Your Greatest Mistake You've Made This Year? / British/nigerian Woman Dumped By Pakistani Asks This Question

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 59
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.