In this society where so many things happen, where people do things based on the societal norms.

I am beginning to ask.

Is it possible to get a girl whom you can have one or two kids with and not getting married to each other? I mean an independent young woman.

Like co parent the kids, you can both decide to live in different houses. But not necessarily getting married. You can both be friends.

Am I the only one that has this type of weird thinking? Are there some girls/ women who also think alike?


Mr A has a lady who works and take care of herself, he got her pregnant, they had a child, they take turns in caring for the child but do not live under same roof, they might be living I. The same city. But they are not married. They are in good terms, they talk to each other anytime they want, hang out too if they want but live their separate lives.he takes care of the child financially and otherwise, child could also be living with him.



Mr B has a lady who also works, they got married, she got pregnant and they have a child together, the co parent, but mr B lives abroad and only comes home once a year or once In 2 years. He doesn’t live with his family.


Please what is the difference between mr A and mr B when it comes to co parenting ?

For every goose,there is a gander.For every wierd thinking man,there is a wierd thinking woman.

However,why would you want to bring children into the world without a home with a present and loving parents?You want to run away from responsibilities?
How do you 'co-parent' as you said when you are not present at those times the child may need you?

To what end? Then both of you decide to fvck other partners then jealousy, hate and all sorts of ill-feelings begin to feature in. Then in the course of training the kids, one partner begins to relent out of anger or hate making the kids suffer for no reason. More so, the lady would be tied with the most responsibility while the only succour the man brings in is money.

God cannot be mocked.

I know that there are pros and cons to all situations.

I only want to know if such thoughts have crossed peoples minds?


I mean, where I am living, I see so many young men living alone but their wives living in Nigeria alone with the kids. That was what formed my thoughts as to “ why marry and have kids and then not live with them”?

I mean, it is just the same as giving birth to kids with a woman you are not married to, after all you ain’t living together as those living abroad.


I am just saying

DON'T DO IT! Irrespective of modernity and civilization,Nigeria is still rooted in culture and traditions. So in the case of disunity and breakup which is bound to happen,who then owns the child/children? From where I come from, a man has no right whatsoever on the child/children begotten to him by a woman on whom he paid no dowry on. The child/children belong to the woman's family. Think 'bout dat. It's a typical case of monkey dey work baboon dey chop. Moreover there is no legal backing to such contract. It is more or less ordinary friendship and anything goes. U can still find a decent girl to marry and u don't hav to break the bank to start a family. Everything boils down to how u as the man plan ur life to be. P.S: OK u live abroad? Still don't do it. History on such cases are not nice.

You're supposed to be asking if it's the right thing to do, not if it's possible.

Baby mamas and baby daddies are everywhere these days.

Only fagg..ots (g a ys) have this feeling. You can't be straight in this ONE life and not desire emotional attachment to the opposite sex at one point or the other.

Acidosis:


Only fagg..ots (g a ys) have this feeling. You can't be straight in this ONE life and not desire emotional attachment to the opposite sex at one point or the other.

.

Lol. I bet all those men living abroad while their wife and kids lives in Nigeria are also gays?

The only difference between what I wrote and such men is that they are legally married.

chigoizie7:
.

Lol. I bet all those men living abroad while their wife and kids lives in Nigeria are also gays?

The only difference between what I wrote and such men is that they are legally married.

Who told you they're not emotionally attached with another?

Acidosis:


Who told you they're not emotionally attached with another?

My point exactly.

Why hold someone down in the name of marriage while you live exactly like what I just wrote up there?

chigoizie7:


My point exactly.

Why hold someone down in the name of marriage while you live exactly like what I just wrote up there?

Matters of the heart. The heart desire loyalty. Home is where the heart belongs. The same independent friend you want, you wouldn't want another man in her bed. It's called jealousy - everybody shows this trait, even God. You don't need marriage or certificate to develop strong emotional attachment.

Acidosis:


Matters of the heart. The heart desire loyalty. Home is where the heart belongs. The same independent friend you want, you wouldn't want another man in her bed. It's called jealousy - everybody shows this trait, even God. You don't need marriage or certificate to develop strong emotional attachment.

Seems you do not understand my question from the on set

chigoizie7:


Seems you do not understand my question from the on set

Generally in igbo culture there is nothing like "independent man" or "independent woman" when it comes children unless it is so in your own community. If my own sister should have a child outside marriage, that child belongs to my family as "independent woman" no reach that side. In a situation where the lady is from where it is okay for a man to be recognized as the father of the children without being married to her, will your kinsmen who never went to the lady's family with you acknowledge the children?

There is a raging case in Kenya involving a Nigerian by the name Charles Emedo, the Kenyan lady who had 2 children with him after living 9 years with him died in September with about $20,000 hospital bill and is in legal tussle with the woman's family who claimed he never married their daughter as no dowry was paid. They were fighting over who would bury her, the Nigerian guy without the woman's family knowledge went to the mortuary yesterday (Saturday) to collect the corpse and cremated it immediately. It is a big case and I am very certain Kenyan government will not allow him to leave Kenya with the 2 children he had with her.

chigoizie7:
In this society where so many things happen, where people do things based on the societal norms.

I am beginning to ask.

Is it possible to get a girl whom you can have one or two kids with and not getting married to each other? I mean an independent young woman.

Like co parent the kids, you can both decide to live in different houses. But not necessarily getting married. You can both be friends.

Am I the only one that has this type of weird thinking? Are there some girls/ women who also think alike?

I have thought worse than this. you need a woman with similar thinking. a strong independent woman.such exist in America.

saintvc:


I have thought worse than this. you need a woman with similar thinking. a strong independent woman.such exist in America.

Thank you.

thorpido:
For every goose,there is a gander.For every wierd thinking man,there is a wierd thinking woman.

However,why would you want to bring children into the world without a home with a present and loving parents?You want to run away from responsibilities?
How do you 'co-parent' as you said when you are not present at those times the child may need you?

he may be willing to provide the house,feeding of child and mother etc, but he still desires freedom to experiment with other ladies , which marriage will not permit. it got nothing to go with responsibility but openness

Cutehector:
God cannot be mocked.

God has nothing to do with this. provided the weird guy finds a weird woman who agrees, chikena. na God dey fucck person?

Pavore9:


Generally in igbo culture there is nothing like "independent man" or "independent woman" when it comes children unless it is so in your own community. If my own sister should have a child outside marriage, that child belongs to my family as "independent woman" no reach that side. In a situation where the lady is from where it is okay for a man to be recognized as the father of the children without being married to her, will your kinsmen who never went to the lady's family with you acknowledge the children?

There is a raging case in Kenya involving a Nigerian by the name Charles Emedo, the Kenyan lady who had 2 children with him after living 9 years with him died in September with about $20,000 hospital bill and is in legal tussle with the woman's family who claimed he never married their daughter as no dowry was paid. They were fighting over who would bury her, the Nigerian guy without the woman's family knowledge went to the mortuary yesterday (Saturday) to collect the corpse and cremated it immediately. It is a big case and I am very certain Kenyan government will not allow him to leave Kenya with the 2 children he had with her.

the man no won pay debt, yet one bury corps and want the children,,greed

Kenoxman:
DON'T DO IT! Irrespective of modernity and civilization,Nigeria is still rooted in culture and traditions. So in the case of disunity and breakup which is bound to happen,who then owns the child/children? From where I come from, a man has no right whatsoever on the child/children begotten to him by a woman on whom he paid no dowry on. The child/children belong to the woman's family. Think 'bout dat. It's a typical case of monkey dey work baboon dey chop. Moreover there is no legal backing to such contract. It is more or less ordinary friendship and anything goes. U can still find a decent girl to marry and u don't hav to break the bank to start a family. Everything boils down to how u as the man plan ur life to be. P.S: OK u live abroad? Still don't do it. History on such cases are not nice.

most africans we dont know the difference between custody of a child and virtue of being the biological father you become the legal father

let me explain by law, it doesnt care you paid dowry or not if you are proved by the likes of DNA you became the legal biological father, whether dowry was paid or not, therefore both the father and mother are required by law to look after that child, whether he was born out of wedlock or not traditional whatever the law doesnt care

then custody issue, law gives whoever fits at that present time of judgement, most of the time its the mother due to few factors eg such battle are usually done when kids are young between 0months to around 10 years this is the interest of the child as biological mother is deemed to give more love and care than anyone, but it also has room for where mothers are found not fit to do

what we call custody in most african culture is, the ruling of culture and tradition whereby varies from from tribe to tribe or custom to custom whereas law doesnt care about your culture

if your the biological father you are meant to look after your child, whether you are married to someone it doesnt matter, its your child look after it, its now one's job


whereas africa cultures, we think having the custody of child strips away the biological parent rights (in a case the child is out of welock)

traditionally denying custody and visits, is usually a way to force the biological father to pay the dowry, iregardless he is going to marry her not

in zimbabwe traditionally we call for "DAMAGE MONEY" if child is born out of wedlock, remember its a culture and tradition, it doesnt override law, whether he pays the DAMAGE MONEY or no, by law he still have to pay maintaince towards the child, eg skol fees clothing, food etc


with sample of most nigerians here you still judge such cases using tradition & culture beliefs

think out side box imagine your sister has 3 kids different fathers and all these guys never wanted to marry her and as per tradition you got custody of the kids, it becames a family problem to look after the kids but if laws steps in the fathers are forced to contribute to their child wellbeing

This one is trying hard to run away from responsibilities and burden. Life is not that simple, I’m so sorry.

saintvc:


he may be willing to provide the house,feeding of child and mother etc, but he still desires freedom to experiment with other ladies , which marriage will not permit. it got nothing to go with responsibility but openness

He wants a freedom that is selfish.Will the kids live with him?If they won't,then he wants a life where he can run away from doings things he ought to do.
If you are a father,then you will understand how kids need you just beyond feeding,school fees and accommodation.

I doubt if any sane woman would knowingly agree to these two scenarios from the jump.

Raising a child is a lot more than paying the bills.

Mr B style is better.

olabrinks:
This one is trying hard to run away from responsibilities and burden. Life is not that simple, I’m so sorry.

This is never about responsibilities.

If you read the post well, you will see that he takes care of all the bills and other things.

AwkaetitiBabe:
Mr B style is better.

Okay.

Don't bother bringing children to this world to complicate their lives. Just leave them where they are.