Hello, everyone. How is your day going? I want to pass on a message to us and I hope we can imbibe it.

Everyday, we hear stories of abuse from parents to their children, to their maids, to their stepchildren, etc. Most times when we read such stories, we fail to see the impact these vile actions are making on these young ones. Our harsh words, our name calling, our transferred aggression -whether we are conscious of it or not- are more than capable of ruining these young ones before they are grown. Can you imagine a sixteen year old thinking and believing suicide is a better option to living? These trend will become more rampant if we are not careful and proactive.

Why I am raising this topic? Because I witnessed a somewhat abusive situation and I'll narrate it here.

It was December 2018, and I wanted to get home in time for Christmas before bus prices hike. Eventually, I ended up going to Iyana Ipaja busstop on days before Christmas (lol). Anyway, I got to GIG by after 7 and first bus had just left, so I had to wait for second bus. While waiting, I bought food and sat in the lobby eating. On my left was a woman with two girls (probably ages 6 and 5) eating biscuuts. What drew my attention to them was her behaviour. As I continued to watch, I saw her scold (this is closer to shouting) the 6 year old for dropping crumbs on her dress as if she was dropping palm oil on a white gown. I've seen parents scold their kids for spilling stuff on their cloth but this sounded harsher. And I got my proof later.

What touched me about this scene was the girl wore glasses (people on glasses are intelligent to me, always. Lol) and I felt she didn't deserve this. Anyway, after the scolding, the girl cleaned off the crumbs and sat quietly next to her sister.

Barely fifteen minutes later, I decided to use the restroom. While in there, I heard noises. Initially, I thought it was two women gossiping but on closer attention, I realised someone was scolding another. Now, I could pick out words like:

"You'll be embarrassing me everytime. Can't you eat without spilling?"
"Are you still a child that you don't know how to behave in public?"

I suspected I knew who was speaking but I wasn't sure. Then she continued with some other sentences, but a particular line stood out to me: "Other kids dads stayed and looked after their kids, but yours abandoned you."

At this point, I was already through with what I was doing and just wanted to see who they were. Lo and behold, it was the lady and the 6 year old. Inside the cubicle, I was prepared to caution the woman, but once I saw them, I knew she was passing out her anger on the girl and I didn't know what I could do to help. I guess I ended up sympathising with the woman over her plight.

I walked out of there, with her scolds sounding behind me. Soon, my bus arrived and I boarded. The ride home was cheerful and I soon forgot the incident, although I related it to a friend sometime in early 2019. And then randomly remembered it again today.

Like I said earlier, we should learn to check our words. Just because we were forced to study Medicine while our passion was in arts; or that we had to marry a man we didn't love just to elevate our family from status doesn't give us the right to project our anger on this new generation.

My mom calls them "the indomie generation" and she is right. They are not as thick-skinned as we are, that's why they think 'sniper' is the best way. We understand now that course studied doesn't guarantee success, they don't. We understand now that needing our crushes/lovers attention all the time is stupid and childish, they don't. They are easily influenced by their peers and already burdened with the need to be child stars and all that razz without your cantankerous, frustrated ass being added to the equation.

Help them, encourage them, love them, teach them, but allow them to be their own person. Let us do better than our parents.

Thank you.

Lol, it's a social epidemic.

The effects are not only observed among the "indomie generation" because people of varying ages deal with other people mostly through a prism of projections.

It's not just parents doing it to their kids, it happens between married couples, dating singles, colleagues, family members... everyone seems to be projecting things based off their previous experiences.

The solution, though, like I always repeat at the risk of sounding like a broken record, is to discover yourself.
A simple phrase like this with a seemingly simple interpretation, but in fact, can only be understood by one with a mind developed enough to grasp complexities.

Very few things are ever as they seem, and the way things affect us depends completely on the meaning we attach to them.

crackkhaus:
Lol, it's a social epidemic.

The effects are not only observed among the "indomie generation" because people of varying ages deal with other people mostly through a prism of projections.

It's not just parents doing it to their kids, it happens between married couples, dating singles, colleagues, family members... everyone seems to be projecting things based off their previous experiences.

The solution, though, like I always repeat at the risk of sounding like a broken record, is to discover yourself.
A simple phrase like this with a seemingly simple interpretation, but in fact, can only be understood by one with a mind developed enough to grasp complexities.

Very few things are ever as they seem, and the way things affect us depends completely on the meaning we attach to them.

I wish I didn’t have to agree with you on this one.

Very apt, OP. Transfer of aggression, mirroring ourselves in our children, trying to live out our lives/dreams with them should be a NO NO!

PrimadonnaO:


I wish I didn’t have to agree with you on this one.

Very apt, OP. Transfer of aggression, mirroring ourselves in our children, trying to live out our lives/dreams with them should be a NO NO!

Must be my lucky day.

I don't know why people react in such manner...
Parents be acting like James bond without emotions...

They get angry when they claim you are spoiling their name..but they don't care about their children...

Their lots of stuffs I'll love to say ..but I cant cause'

I guess it is often driven by frustration and immaturity on the part of parents. Age doesn't signify maturity and many people get married for reasons that are not right and little challenges they voice and pass it on the innocent children.

I witnessed a situation one Sunday on my way back from church by the road side. The father gave his daughter of at most eight years of age a resounding slap, I cringed where I stood and felt pained because he is someone I know and all I could read from his actions was the poor girl suffering the effect of his frustration.

When you become a parent you will understand. Verbal and physical abuse is bad but sometimes children provoke you. I occasionally 'dash' my kids some slap when I'm pushed to the wall. I was that guy who said I will dialogue with my kids, no spanking, no harsh words. It doesn't work.

Am i a loving father? Yes. Will they trade me for anyone else? No. Let your kids know why you react the way you do and then give them a hug and correct them. Balance is the key.
Our forefathers are wise, no one was dying of suicide in past, it's this over pampering that is making kids drink sniper.

Western kids are suicidal also, yet it's a place where we want to emulate their ways of raising kids. A lot of them are dysfunctional.

Like the famous African saying, spank with one hand and embrace with the other. That's the best way to bring up disciplined kids.

Though I caution against using harsh words like failure, hopeless etc.

Mods do the needful... Need I remind y'all...

Parenting is very difficult, sometimes you use those harsh words out of anger. Everyday you talk about same thing, it is really frustrating. God when I utter words about my kids, you know I don't mean them but I just want them to understand the extent of the hurt. Raising teenagers is strength draining but we will get there

Katier00:
Parenting is very difficult, sometimes you use those harsh words out of anger. Everyday you talk about same thing, it is really frustrating. God when I utter words about my kids, you know I don't mean them but I just want them to understand the extent of the hurt. Raising teenagers is strength draining but we will get there

Anger is not an excuse. Control your anger! The effects are quite damaging.

craleonic:


Anger is not an excuse. Control your anger! The effects are quite damaging.

Are you a parent