I went to hell and back in my former marriage. My pastor keeps preaching forgiveness, and people are saying I am bitter and unforgiving. Nobody walked in my shoes in that marriage. My ex-husband acted all nice to people in our church and in public places, but when he turns to me, he is very hostile and unbothered towards my needs, our kids, and my family.
He loves people bringing their problems for him to solve and gets angry when he is not called to help outside people or render eye service help. While our concern at home didn't mean anything to him. I paid my children school fees and paid for groceries while under the same roof with this man. He always acted nice whenever he wanted sex, or in need of a favor from me because as a banker, my salary was twice his salary as a Lecturer. But I didn't complain. My major challenge with him was that he was sharing his salary with the public and while I was spending my money within the family.

I fly to his family bi-monthly with gifts even though they live far away in another state without my husband motivating me to do so. My ex-husband won't do the same or even buy 5naira biscuits for my family who lived in the same state as us then. Whenever I discussed the issue with him and tell him to adjust, he will either beat me or insult me or overdo the character which I asked him to amend. He thought my life depended on the marriage and I wasn't gonna quit. Yes, I behaved as if my life depended on it but it wasn't my fault, I gave my all and wanted my marriage to work.
When the marriage crashed he was quick to move on.
Now that I am a branch manager, he is telling everyone including pastors to beg me and preach sermons that make me feel guilty.
They are telling me I have an unforgiving spirit and that my ex-husband is known to be generous to the public.
Does the bible say we should go back to our pain or dwell in hell on earth?

Marriage is just over rated.most people get into marriage because of the society they live in.my sister,if you find peace in the single life you are living,pls stay alone.if that man kills you in the marriage after you forgive him,the same pastor will conduct your funeral service and wedding ceremony for him when he remarries because he will surely do.

The man is broke and needs financial security,he's not begging because he loves you,he loves your money.

If you see a better man,my sister marry him.if you no see my sister stay on your own and enjoy your money.

Just forget about him


Get one small Wizkid that wud be scratching and microwaving your kpekus


Thank me later

madam if ur toxic ex kills u that pastor will still be the one to coordinate ur burial

When a toxic man jam an Egocentric woman.

I have learnt that to judge a matter most especially marriage related, there are 2sides to a story.

Marriage brings out our real character. It is always easy to point at he did this, she did that. Mostimes, it is good to look inward to know what you are not doing right

He acted nice outside, but a monster at home. Something is frustrating him at home.

A broke man is an angry man, and he will feel inferior. Because his incapcities will be displayed by a woman who feels she's better off.

The man is broke with misplaced priority, you got tired of being supportive, you are doing well, he is stagnant.
It wont work if you dont look beyond that.

Let the man go and make money and forget the marriage for now.. make unna discuss that later


Good luck

Lol. They want to drag you back into that pit of hell you barely managed to crawl out from alive.

And if shít goes sideways because it will, they'll all disappear... leaving you to tame your devil.

I suggest cutting off contact with your pastor who's trying to guilt trip you. He's a manipulator.

Start with him immediately.
And slowly walk your way down with others.

Take this seriously. Don't give them a chance.

Zaronxpanol:
I went to hell and back in my formal marriage. My pastor kept preaching on forgiveness and people are saying I am bitter and unforgiving. Nobody walked in my shoes in that marriage. My ex-husband acted all nice to people in our church and in public places but when he turns to me he is very hostile and unbothered towards my needs, our kids, and my family.
He was fond of begging people to bring their problem for him to solve and gets angry when he is not called to help outside people or render eye service help. While our concern at home didn't mean anything to him. I paid my children school fees and paid for groceries while under the same roof with this man. He always acted nice to me when he needed a favor from me because as a banker my salary was twice his salary as a Lecturer or whenever he wanted sex. But I didn't complain. My Challenge was he was sharing his meager salary to the public and why I am spending my money to uplift the family.

I fly to his family bimonthly with gifts even though they live far way in another state without my husband motivating me to do so. My ex-husband won't do the same or even buy 5naira biscuits for my family who lived in the same state as us then. Whenever I discussed the issue with him and tell him to adjust, he will either beat me or insult me or overdo the character which I asked him to amend. He thought my life depended on the marriage and I wasn't gonna quit. Yes, I behaved as if my life depended on it but it wasn't my fault, I gave my all and wanted my marriage to work.
When the marriage crashed he was quick to move on.
Now that I am a branch manager, he is telling everyone including pastors to beg me and preach sermons that make me feel guilty.
They are telling me I have an unforgiving spirit and that my ex-husband is known to be generous to the public.
Does the bible say we should go back to our pain or dwell in hell on earth?

Never ever ever ever ever go back to such a wicked man. Don't listen to all these hypocrite pastors.

If the pastor is in your shoes, he won't go back to endure a wicked person.

Don't say you weren't warned.

So who is fvcking u currently?

Kestolove:
So who is fvcking u currently?

The most under rated question no one care to ask.

You just want the guys on here to swear for Naija Pastors this afternoon abi. Continue...

You better move on before he kills you(with depression). I'm sure by then, you'd move on finally and permanently too

Before anyone quotes me:

I am a Christian who frowns against divorce but when a marriage is life threatening or puts you in a state of depression, you'd have no other choice than to go that route

Nobody prays for such but then again, it's what it is... I can't kee myself...

Keep listening to your human being pastor

Thanks all for your comments.
On a serious note, I need a bible scholar or a religious leader to read my story and advise me in this scenario. Because it seems I am the one been painted as a black sheep. My ex-husband has an innocent face and he is good at gaining public sympathy and pretending.

Pastors! Na there way. Well, u can forgive the man but BUT DONT EVER! EVER! EVER! LET HIM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE.

Zaronxpanol:
Thanks all for your comments.
On a serious note, I need a bible scholar or a religious leader to read my story and advise me in this scenario. Because it seems I am the one been painted as a black sheep. My ex-husband has an innocent face and he is good at gaining public sympathy and pretending.

Na u sabi. Be looking @ people face u here, I pity u, better move on with your life if your story is true.
U don't need any religious leaders on this issue, if u listen to religious leaders u may likely go back to that man, except u don't want to have sense. U need people to be brutally honest with u.

Do whatever you feel comfortable doing. Marriage is overrated. I know so many especially pastors who are good to help those outside but their wives and children are suffering. They do this just to get a good name. Forgetting that charity begins at home.

You survived the first, you may likely not survive the second chance. Some men are so mean. Inferiority complex, poverty, low OQ insecurity, etc all combined has made him frustrated and intimidated. This type of men don't change they can only pretend and show their true colour later.

This is not time for my pastor say, the Bible say, people say. It is WHAT YOUR BRAIN OR INNER INSTINCT SAYS.
Remember life has no duplicate.

my advice to you please don't go back..
you deserve a better man

Please don't go back, flee for your dear life

Zaronxpanol:
Thanks all for your comments.
On a serious note, I need a bible scholar or a religious leader to read my story and advise me in this scenario. Because it seems I am the one been painted as a black sheep. My ex-husband has an innocent face and he is good at gaining public sympathy and pretending.

You cant come here and expect to get the best advice.
You need to talk to older couple that has been together for a long time.
Forget pastors here.

Zaronxpanol:
Thanks all for your comments.
On a serious note, I need a bible scholar or a religious leader to read my story and advise me in this scenario. Because it seems I am the one been painted as a black sheep. My ex-husband has an innocent face and he is good at gaining public sympathy and pretending.

Forget about been a branch manager madam. See it from the angle that people misbehave at some point n once they realize their mistakes and ready to change, we should be able to try and give a change. The only thing you need is to make few people realize the cause of separation and hear from your man a genuine repentance. You can not make everyone believes your side of the story. Take your man and reunite your home madam, your children needs that home again and once the man is truly sorry n apologize n ready to change, please reunite your home.

Biko this word formal that Nigerians often use in place of former, is it a nigerian thing?

Here is a branch manager who may obviously be educated using the same word.

Zaronxpanol:
Thanks all for your comments.
On a serious note, I need a bible scholar or a religious leader to read my story and advise me in this scenario. Because it seems I am the one been painted as a black sheep. My ex-husband has an innocent face and he is good at gaining public sympathy and pretending.

When ur husband was beating you, where was the pastor? When u left, where was the pastor? For the fact that you got promoted, God doesn't want you to suffer. Just take good care of ursef. I'll advise you follow your mind, use ur head and not ur heart. Most importantly, pray to God for direction cos I doubt if ur husband will change or even ready for a change. Don't go to hell when u already in heaven.. Success

I used the prefix" Ex" which means "former". Can you highlight the part in my text where I used the word formal ?

J111333:
Biko this word formal that Nigerians often use in place of former, is it a nigerian thing?

Here is a branch manager who may obviously be educated using the same word.

Zaronxpanol:
I used the prefix" Ex" which means "former". Can you highlight the part in my text where I used the word formal ?

I thought you meant former marriage in your first phrase but I now know you were referring to your formal marriage and perhaps you're now in an informal one.

another marriage problems again

I meant former. Thanks my dear, it was a typo error, It has been amended.

J111333:
I thought you meant former marriage in your first phrase but I now know you were referring to your formal marriage and perhaps you're now in an informal one.

Zaronxpanol:
I went to hell and back in my former marriage. My pastor keeps preaching on forgiveness and people are saying I am bitter and unforgiving. Nobody walked in my shoes in that marriage. My ex-husband acted all nice to people in our church and in public places but when he turns to me he is very hostile and unbothered towards my needs, our kids, and my family.
He was fond of begging people to bring their problem for him to solve and gets angry when he is not called to help outside people or render eye service help. While our concern at home didn't mean anything to him. I paid my children school fees and paid for groceries while under the same roof with this man. He always acted nice whenever he wanted sex, or in need of a favor from me because as a banker my salary was twice his salary as a Lecturer. But I didn't complain. My major challenge with him was that he was sharing his salary with the public and while I was spending my money within the family.

I fly to his family bi-monthly with gifts even though they live far away in another state without my husband motivating me to do so. My ex-husband won't do the same or even buy 5naira biscuits for my family who lived in the same state as us then. Whenever I discussed the issue with him and tell him to adjust, he will either beat me or insult me or overdo the character which I asked him to amend. He thought my life depended on the marriage and I wasn't gonna quit. Yes, I behaved as if my life depended on it but it wasn't my fault, I gave my all and wanted my marriage to work.
When the marriage crashed he was quick to move on.
Now that I am a branch manager, he is telling everyone including pastors to beg me and preach sermons that make me feel guilty.
They are telling me I have an unforgiving spirit and that my ex-husband is known to be generous to the public.
Does the bible say we should go back to our pain or dwell in hell on earth?

Narcissist entitlement and financial abuse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Qrv4FbF5sw

Zaronxpanol:
I went to hell and back in my former marriage. My pastor keeps preaching on forgiveness and people are saying I am bitter and unforgiving. Nobody walked in my shoes in that marriage. My ex-husband acted all nice to people in our church and in public places but when he turns to me he is very hostile and unbothered towards my needs, our kids, and my family.
He was fond of begging people to bring their problem for him to solve and gets angry when he is not called to help outside people or render eye service help. While our concern at home didn't mean anything to him. I paid my children school fees and paid for groceries while under the same roof with this man. He always acted nice whenever he wanted sex, or in need of a favor from me because as a banker my salary was twice his salary as a Lecturer. But I didn't complain. My major challenge with him was that he was sharing his salary with the public and while I was spending my money within the family.

I fly to his family bi-monthly with gifts even though they live far away in another state without my husband motivating me to do so. My ex-husband won't do the same or even buy 5naira biscuits for my family who lived in the same state as us then. Whenever I discussed the issue with him and tell him to adjust, he will either beat me or insult me or overdo the character which I asked him to amend. He thought my life depended on the marriage and I wasn't gonna quit. Yes, I behaved as if my life depended on it but it wasn't my fault, I gave my all and wanted my marriage to work.
When the marriage crashed he was quick to move on.
Now that I am a branch manager, he is telling everyone including pastors to beg me and preach sermons that make me feel guilty.
They are telling me I have an unforgiving spirit and that my ex-husband is known to be generous to the public.
Does the bible say we should go back to our pain or dwell in hell on earth?

this is one sided I think we need to hear from him...
u said u earn far more than him?
u pay the school fees and groceries... who pay the Rent and others
He beats you?? I think u lied based on your tone... or both of u quarrel? can you shed more light
do you respect him as your husband? are you loyal...
begging people to bring their problems?? I think you are exaggerating....
well I may deduce and put it to you that the cause of your problems with him is financial selfishness...
do you want to keep your money and spend only his money when you know how poor his income is..
are you jealous of his good reputation...
nevertheless you seem to nag on him...
leave him if you aren't comfortable spending your money and then look for a man who is richer than you who you will spend his money and then keep sparing yours.

@OP, you don't need a bible scholar or a religious leader, they'd drag you to your grave! Whenever there's an issue in marriage, it's hard to identify the black sheep. The real black sheep would be a good person out there... . Once a man beats a woman, he'd always beat her. Your ex was disturbed by lower self-esteem and that issue would persist if he doesn't double his hustle...he's tasted another woman and couldn't cope financially.
Marriage is sweet no matter what...you miss it forever when you leave one but it's better to flee from life-threatening ones.
No pastor allows divorce and they can't never know what you're passing through.
If you want him back, make sure it's genuine love and not conditional...!!!! It's a must he performs his responsibilities, never allow him shirk them except he's genuinely broke but striving.
Can couple identify the goal of marriage and enjoy peace? Enjoy the goodies of life with oneness

Zaronxpanol:
Thanks all for your comments.
On a serious note, I need a bible scholar or a religious leader to read my story and advise me in this scenario. Because it seems I am the one been painted as a black sheep. My ex-husband has an innocent face and he is good at gaining public sympathy and pretending.

Yoy don't need a bible scholar. You need to start using your own head please.

Stop letting people tell you what to think or do. If you want to know about God , ask him yourself. Abandon pastors and religious people that think they have the say as far as God, and the things of God, are concerned.

You are free. Do not then pick back up the old ball and chains abeg. If not for you, for the sake of your children. Children do not thrive in unhappy marriages period!

You played "nigerian bible wife" for so long, and now you are out, you want another "bible nigerian" in your life? CHHEEEZZUS!!

He's only trying not to take the blame of 'asunder'

You know people can be unreasonable sometimes.

Biko don't listen to your pastor. You deserve a better person. All marriages should be equitable in their sharing of duties.

deolaarc:
When a toxic man jam an Egocentric woman.

I have learnt that to judge a matter most especially marriage related, there are 2sides to a story.

Marriage brings out our real character. It is always easy to point at he did this, she did that. Mostimes, it is good to look inward to know what you are not doing right

He acted nice outside, but a monster at home. Something is frustrating him at home.

A broke man is an angry man, and he will feel inferior. Because his incapcities will be displayed by a woman who feels she's better off.

The man is broke with misplaced priority, you got tired of being supportive, you are doing well, he is stagnant.
It wont work if you dont look beyond that.

Let the man go and make money and forget the marriage for now.. make unna discuss that later


Good luck

did u read to understand that the ex hubby is a lecturer?