Hi my name is Uche
I would like to tell you how my day went
It starts with a morning call from my sister to wake, 'its 7 and youre still in bed!'
She wakes up at 5, does her prayers and cleans our 1 bed self contained.
I see my sister as the queen that never ruled but could rule so I always give her full respect because you never know...
So I washed up, my bucket although a shadow of its past is mine, things in my area arent cheap so we have to cherish whatever we have.
By 8am my sister was off to the market, her wooden kiok is her pride and joy, the envy of other market ladies. Even when heavy rain pulled down the shacks of her neighbours, hers was intact and her goods were safe. Life is good she says. Well, I made no remark, God is indeed good to his people.
My work was an hour away and I resume by 9, so I competed for a seat on the few jangalovas (big buses) leaving for the inner city with other commuters. This was no time to play 'we are neighbours'; strictly first come first serve, no lapping.
Off the bus went! Iya Baseera was unlucky it seems, the bus just past her and her baby and it was full to the brim.
HMM!! I sniffed. The bus was so untidy this time around, it's like the crusaders of the night before didnt bother to pick up their leaflets spread across the floor and headrests. Also the stench of human odor was extraordinary, anyway what was my own, it is all temporary, I will one day buy my own rickshaw and be free to travel anywhere.
As i was fantasizing about my distant ambition I failled to notice that we were pulling over, what is it now hehh?
Police abruptly boarded, they wanted to search all the passengers for contraband, this is too early for this!
'Oga settle them na' passengers started to groan as early morn frustration began to settle in...
How much am I making, he staunchly replied 'make them search'
Oga our journey is still far o, one lady cried out, just give them 200 and make we go.
"200 ke" the officer retorted, "you think im so hungry?"
'This is serious' I thought to myself while briskly scanning the number of passengers on the bus who all paid 500 for the trip, we numbered no less than 40. But diesel is not cheap for this sort of vehicle
While calculating I watched as the driver reluctantly pulled out a 1000 naira note and handed it to the officer. And without a word he disembarked and we were off again.
'The next one is for passenger to pay..." Hmm! So i started to pray, after return transport I had just 200 naira on me for lunch.
'Kai!' Someone next to me whispered, and as if he had a premonition Kai officers pulled us over
This time the driver was aggressive, we all knew Kai had no right pulling a car over
"Oga this motto too full from where you dey come?"
"My friend that is not a kai duty"
"So you want make we call lastma and double your money ni? Ogbeni this is morning we no want fight na anything is acceptable."
And like that he signalled to his compatriots after receiving 200 naira, this one was a turn by turn arrangement.
Again we were off, by now we were 40 minutes into the journey.
I checked my phone and I had 15 minutes of time, it was only one roundabout remaining.
Thank God we past the roundabout without the usual traffic
"It dey!!" I yelled to the driver to stop for me to get off.
Office entrance was just around the corner the from bus stop.
"KAALU!" I shouted to my colleague, sighting him as he was about crossing the road.
He saw me and came towards my way.
"One trailer don fall for st paul street, na God save me that the driver was able, how body?"
"How far about that thing you promised me last week" I asked with quivering lips
"You still need am?!"
'You sabi freak somebody, I tell you I never need am again?!'
"Noo wahala my guy! Na tomorrow I go bring am, but you will pay small money o?"
"You dey craze, you cant help somebody, but sabi ask for help, make you no give me again!!"
"...I am joking... No wahala I go bring am tomorrow"
As we bantered to and from we reached the security check point of the factory.
"Uche Uche" a familiar face called,
"How far baby" I replied, it was Eniola a replacement security guard.
"You didnt even call me last night, its not good o" this lady is at least 45 and I am 36, what was she expecting, the first time we did it was by mistake, second time because I felt sorry for her situation and the last time I was drunk and I was picturing iya baseera that just gave birth and had very huge breasts.
So what did she want, a casual partner?
"I was very busy but let me see tonight"
She squeezed her face and allowed me to pass
"UCHE leave that woman!" Kalu taunted, 'youre too small for that kind wahala, also her husband will just kill you both!'
Me? Silent killer? I thought to myself
I just nodded as he spoke not minding his reproache
Me that has a BSC in geography listen to an ordinary school drop it? If not for the situation of this country he would be my boy, even though he is older than me.
"You don finish" I finally retorted after a minute of his silence
"I will see you at lunch time, we go talk Chiomas matta" at which he burst out in laughter.
"Chioma na my wife!" He exclaimed smilling as he walked to his bottling post.
I took a big sigh thinking of the labour that awaited me and comparing it to lucifer the lebanese floor manager.
This guy is my junior in everything, he cant even speak a dime of coherent English, in fact I tell him that all the time, but apparently he sees humor in my mockery which ofcourse is a product of his ineptness.
I have been doing this job for five years and so far no mention of promotion! This guy was brought in by management and all he has is an OND equivalent.
If I say Im angry it is an understatement, I am livid, I got a 2.1 certificate lying on my cupboard and here I am earning a measely 25000 a month.
This is why Igbo men dont study, all my uncles have built houses and I am still squating with my sister. KAI!
"Uche? Whats the matter" he asked in his condescending tailored suit jacket and fitted denim jeans
'Nothing lucifer' I snickered
"Your face seems tense, anyways I need you at labelling today, the machine is a bit faulty and I need your expertise there to ensure it works until planned repairs tomorrow."
'Yes lucifer as you wish'
"OK!" And off he dashed
I hate that position! Of all the plants' posts It is the most monotonous, imagine sitting for hours adjusting a tiny blade so it doesnt disturb the cutting pattern of the assembly machine.
Some nogooders will say I always get the easy posts, but what is so easy about being given instructions at 36 with a BSC?

TBC

So as usual work was miserable...
Aside watching the seconds on the Giant clock increment in melodious fashion I pondered life as a floor manager.
With their sort of money I could buy a rickshaw in a month and rent my own apartment in two!
Gosh, Karim I envy you,
If only management knew how better I was for the post! But my black skin is ultimately a major deterence.
Aside the token Yorubu accountant, all the management staff at Khaito Plastics are foreign.
How much was Karim even making? His suits are always tailor fitted and he always smells like a happy day!
The hell with Karim, Khaito and Nigeria as a whole, who dem epp?!
Dwelling on misery was as painful as the misery itself! But at least it kept me distracted..
Uche, Uche, Uche!!
Weeeetin!! Who was pulling my shirt anyhow, spoiling this perfect indulgence!
Alas, it was none other than Chioma, the gist champion of the factory 2020
"What is it, what happened?!" I quizzed with a frown.
"Have you not heard" She jetted out with sparkles of delight dripping from her eyes
I Shrugged in contempt
"UCHE, na dont tell anyone o!! NA begg i dey I beg oo!! EFCC were here last night!!!"
"AND WETIN CONCER..." I was eager to rebuff until she interjected...
"They wanted to arrest Karim!"
"Ah Ah Are You Serious??!!!" I was suddenly intrigued!
"Karim, What did he do??" my interest spiking, heart thumpimg with joy!
"I dont know yet, but I will find out. The cleaner told me, an hour after closing, 3 vans blocked the entrance"
"She said our police thought it was a robbery attempt and they both ran inside!!"
"Luckily it was efcc, like 20 of them"
'Ehhnnn' 'Hmmm!' So juicy! Early morning juice.
"She said they were about locking the place, if not for the general managing who promised to settle their boss"
"They wanted to take Karim as collateral, but later didnt for unknown reason"
"This gist get many levels oo!"
'GOD!' I shouted
"Just dont tell Kalu that I told you"
"Why na work you dey sleep, I called your name like 5 times! Anyways keep your eyes open"
Before I could ask for any more gist, she hopped around the machine and was off to the next listening post.
'Why dont they make pants in her size?!'
Chiomas ass was gargantuan, a pleasing sight no matter the weather. There was a float to her movement that made one wonder if her ass was actually tied to her body, it literally moved on its own.
Indeed Chioma was the cause of many sleepless nights! Certified 18! If not for her walloping of a mouth, her name would have been etched in my ever growing list of bedfriends
But If every girl in the world had a mouth like Chioma, molestation would be a thing of the past
'What an ass!' I murmored watching her seed her chaos,
And she knew it too, she once caught me staring intently and laughed so loud! It was that laughter that killed the errection.
'I wonder what incentivised the efcc to pay our factor such a visit?' I whispered to myself.
I hope this my job would not suddenly come to an abrupt end, wouldnt be the first time but who is praying for such?
'May the devil be cursed!' I need this job, its literally the last mile between sanity and destitution,
'Should I start job hunting for the umpteen time?'
Suddenly a spontaneous wry smirk started to develop on my face, as if I had divised a solution to my problem, but I didnt, Karim was passing by.
"Youre looking much more cheerful Uche! The morning drab has worn off I see'
Morning drab?? Who is teaching this fool english? Wetin be drab?! The idiot was clearly trying to say distress.
'Ehnn, I know say sadness doesnt pay bills so...'
And with a slight grin, he said
"Youre not suppose to know this so early..." Wait! Was this arrogant foreigner overlord about to trust me with information Was it to do with the efcc?? Epic!!
"But management have been in talks with another company, we want to sell the factory..."
"Youve been here more than 5 years and I feel you ought to know, incase you'd consider job hunting just as a counter measure"
"And if I am replaced I will put in a good word for, youre one of our longest serving employees, been here longer than all of management"
As if lightning struck my bleeting heart, I couldnt mutter a response, my leggs could give way any time from,,, let me grab this oscillating fan, nooo the table!
I gulped and continued listening,
'He's gone' Someone behind me screeched
'You've been in that position for more than 2 minutes, Uche I hope no problem...'
Profanity was never my thing, but if it was, this yapping fool was well deserving!
"Oga free me jare, what is your business if i pose like a mosquito or a fly on the wall?" I replied with my back facing the fool.
'Dont vex, it never reach'


Tbc