Collins’ first child was celebrating his 5th birthday. Collins and I sat at a corner observing proceedings. He tapped me on the arm and said. “I was the only male child and the last of eight siblings. My father died when I was four- so I was told. From that moment, there was a race against time to get me in a position to start producing successors to keep the family name going. The initial plan was to get a wife for me at 18. But I resisted every bit of the plan because I wanted to advance my educational career. I didn’t want to have some human luggage tagging along, as a form of distraction. It was a fierce fight though. Elders from my maternal home had to be invited for a serious family discussion. In the end, I had it my way- but, it was just the official launch of round 2 of the struggle.”

He continued, “At 24, after my graduation, the struggle was resurrected and it was a hair’s breadth away from breaking point. The pressure, this time, was massive especially after I was nearly killed by armed men while traveling home from school right at the end of that semester. They all thought it was a narrow escape and believed it was time I tied the knot. I succumbed to their emotional blackmail and took a wife to quell the tornado that was forming in the family. But you see, life has a way of humbling humans. My wife couldn’t get pregnant in the first 7 years. When she did finally, it ended in a stillbirth. She took in again and was delivered of a baby girl. The frustration of not having a male child and the urgency to have one connected all of us to some doses of desperation. When we were trying to adjust for another baby-making marathon, we lost baby Jessy to pneumonia. We were back to square one.”

He went on. “Meanwhile, I had this cousin in the same situation as I was. But his parents who were both alive saw things differently. They had better spiritual dispositions than my people. My cousin took all the time in the world to further his education and then got a job. He got married thereafter. Even though mine happened 6 years before his, his wife bore him 4 lovely kids while I was still hoping. I looked at the futility of throwing me, right in the ring too early, and realized that no matter what we do in life, nature would always run its course. The same parents and siblings that pushed me into early marriage now wanted me to dump my wife, for another, or go for adoption. I looked at my wife and what she had been through and vowed never to add to her woes. I felt for her and swore never to let people play God in my life anymore.”

He concluded, “My wife was 45 when she took in and bore us some triplets: two boys and a girl.”


REFLECTION

It is our expectations in life that put pressure on us. It deletes the register of ‘the right time’ from our emotional dictionary. We sacrifice hope and perseverance on the altar of impatience. When things happen at the right time for the right reasons, our lives become punctuated with the beautiful moments we all cherish. Collins started the race early but his cousin who started off late got ahead of him on the same issue that drove the need to go early. So, it’s not about starting early nor about how strong you are.

Waiting for the right moments has always been the common denominator in life. The only difference is our tolerance level for perseverance. While Collins was racing against time, his cousin spent time focusing on doing the necessary things at the right moment. The time hardly comes wrong for someone who trusts in God and patiently waits. It is worthy to note that ‘waiting’ is not the same as shuffling your feet against the floor just to while away time.

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