There is this friend of mine, he has no gf but have ova a dozen girls contact he can call wen ever he needs them. he once confided in me that he once had a serious girl while he was in school but she broke up with him n started dating his friend. His excuse was ok 4 me until one day, while we were having a discussion on when to get married, he said he was going to enter into a contract with a woman so she can bear children for him,just like MJ did. at that point it dawned on me that there was more to it than meets the eyes.

Who want 2 marry u sef? @topic ditto 4 sum women.

kinjiggy:

There is this friend of mine, he has no gf but have ova a dozen girls contact he can call wen ever he needs them. he once confided in me that he once had a serious girl while he was in school but she broke up with him n started dating his friend. His excuse was ok 4 me until one day, while we were having a discussion on when to get married, he said he was going to enter into a contract with a woman so she can bear children for him,just like MJ did. at that point it done on me that there was more to it than meets the eyes.

ok so what dawned on you exacrtly what more meets the eyes

Your boy is simply enjoying being a player right now he will eventually grow out of that "phase"

@ mr cocky, what's wrong with getting a wife in 2011? especially when u have all it take.

@ coolbabbie, Hope u re not inclusive?

@ omega, We are all playas about to change phase, but he so serious about getting a contract marriage and that makes me suspicious.

^^^ Do people do contract marriage in Nigeria?

I've seen a man and woman living separately but had 4 children together, I was told they had an agreement but neva witnessed it.

its a thing of life time you dont just wanna get it wrong

@poster
people aspire for different things in life.

@poster. . . When u say "there is more 2 this than meets the eyes", i can safely assume that u are insinuiating spiritual/diabolical reasons. Why do people reason this way and blame anything that is beyond them on the spiritual? More and more men all over d world are turning their backs on marriage and you cant blame them considering the fact that marriage is more or less an outdated institution dat has outlived its usefulness. Can you name ONE thing that a man benefits from a marriage dat cant be obtained without d bondage of marriage? Is it sEXxx,children,friendship,commitment? Which is it? You can get all these without bonding yourself unecessarily in a contract that will rob you of ur freedom,happiness and piece of mind. Till date, i am yet to see one married couple that will make me say "Gee, i wanna be in dat guy's shoes". The world population isnt in danger of extinction and let the truth be said. . .THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE MARRY IS TO MEET UP TO THE EXPECTATIONS OF SOCIETY! There is nothing "ordained" about it except man-made customs. And its not about "love and trust" either else if there is real trust, why marry? Why not treasure the relationship as it is and be together in peace rather than throw exotic/expensive weddings with lots of guests (witnesses), wearing rings (bondage) and signing dotted lines (marriage document that is tenable in the court of law). Shebi marriage is based on "trust"? Then why go through so much wahala if its truly about "trust"? People just keep deluding themselves.

[size=15pt]Who want 2 marry u sef? @topic ditto 4 sum women.[/size]

[size=16pt]
na shakara [/size]

[size=14pt]Tell her to come sit on your lap jooo [/size]

harakiri:

@poster. . . When u say "there is more 2 this than meets the eyes", i can safely assume that u are insinuiating spiritual/diabolical reasons. Why do people reason this way and blame anything that is beyond them on the spiritual? More and more men all over d world are turning their backs on marriage and you cant blame them considering the fact that marriage is more or less an outdated institution dat has outlived its usefulness. Can you name ONE thing that a man benefits from a marriage dat cant be obtained without d bondage of marriage? Is it sEXxx,children,friendship,commitment? Which is it? You can get all these without bonding yourself unecessarily in a contract that will rob you of your freedom,happiness and piece of mind. Till date, i am yet to see one married couple that will make me say "Gee, i wanna be in dat guy's shoes". The world population isnt in danger of extinction and let the truth be said. . .THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE MARRY IS TO MEET UP TO THE EXPECTATIONS OF SOCIETY! There is nothing "ordained" about it except man-made customs. And its not about "love and trust" either else if there is real trust, why marry? Why not treasure the relationship as it is and be together in peace rather than throw exotic/expensive weddings with lots of guests (witnesses), wearing rings (bondage) and signing dotted lines (marriage document that is tenable in the court of law). Shebi marriage is based on "trust"? [b]Then why go through so much wahala if its truly about "trust"? [/b]People just keep deluding themselves.

3 gbosas!

@harakiri
some women only think with their "sell by date" in mind. so these women would be DESPERATE indeed to get hitched to anybody. their whole life would revolve around finding a mate, to the point of not enjoying the everyday lives they got.

they want the big white fairytale wedding etc, thats their goals in life as its synonymous with happiness (rotflmao) even if they aint. its all about keeping with the Jones

most know that this beauty thing aint gonna last long (its all they got) so if they dont hook someone before they get to 40, then it will probably never happen and , unfortunately, society look down on these unmarried, over 40, bitter women!

.

MRbrownJAY:

@harakiri
some women only think with their "sell by date" in mind. so these women would be DESPERATE indeed to get hitched to anybody. their whole life would revolve around finding a mate, to the point of not enjoying the everyday lives they got.

they want the big white fairytale wedding etc, thats their goals in life as its synonymous with happiness (rotflmao) even if they aint. its all about keeping with the Jones

most know that this beauty thing aint gonna last long (its all they got) so if they dont hook someone before they get to 40, then it will probably never happen and , unfortunately, society look down on these unmarried, over 40, bitter women!

.

Spot on Jay!

One time, i dated some lady for about 5 weeks and she was already asking me the usual "so where's this relationship going questions" and i was like. . . WHAT DA PHUCK WAZ DAT! ! !

Personally, i believe marriage is a good but flawed concept. It's a social construct put together by mankind to curb the "excesses" of men! Plain,simple and short. If there's anything that's constant in life (like everyone knows). . .it's change and when that change comes, the marriage contract binds people who are already tired of the union from walking away.

This reminds me of my brother-in-law who married my baby sis last year. The priest/pastor asked the man if he would love her forever and ever, never hurt her and strive to make her happy. . .to this he answered YES and right there, he told him he hoped he would still hold the same view in 10 years time. I WAS COMPLETELY SHOCKED AND TAKEN ABACK. This was a "man of god" who was obviously married making such bold and blunt utterances.

The only reason why people are getting married is to please society and not because of love,trust and any other flimsy excuses people give. There are people who stay together as live-in couples, have kids and live happier lives than many so called "happily married couples". I'll be 31 in march this year and still don't see myself getting married in the next 4-5 years (perhaps have a kid. . .i don't know). Several of my buddies (who are usually years older than me) are married and i am yet to see one of them who can convincingly tell me he's truly happy. The only good thing they can talk about is their kids and even that can come without marriage.

One scary thing about marriage for a guy is that you never know who you really married until she has a kid or two for you. That's when the gift wrapping comes off and you see the goodies from Santa Claus. SeXxx that used to be excessive coupled with blow jObz now become a thing of the past/non-existent. I know guys that consider themselves lucky if she puts out once every two weeks (and this is something that used to be at least once a day). They can't do anything without begging their wives first. Their balls are totally locked up in wifey's trinket box. Men that used to be ferocious lions become domesticated siamese cats within a few years. They are always trying to find middle ground with their wives (which indirectly means succumbing to her wishes or be prepared for hell on earth). It's always about her,her,her and her. Something inside of me tells me i should get married someday but i'm someone who learns from other people's experiences and i am yet to see ONE genuinely happily married man. Two years ago when i was having issues with a lady i was with, a married man (who happens to be a friend of mine) told me this : For every seemingly happy marriage you see out there, there is a man swallowing shyt on a daily basis. Even my late dad who died in 2003 told me that the "joy" of marriage is to LEARN HOW TO SAVOR THE SUFFERING! ! ! It reminds you that you're alive. It's like a cancer eating you up painfully on the inside but each day you wake up, you are reminded that you are still alive.

Is that a life worth looking forward to? Tell me, why on earth would any normal thinking adult male want to give up his freedom all because society says so? What is in it for him that he can't get outside marriage? Hmmm?

Nuff said!

Married just to get a wife? how is it mandatory to marry? i didn't find it in the bible that if u don't have a wife u are a sinner so it aint compulsory in existence, besides many nigerian ladies of this days aint helpin matters 4 real.

Tosinville:

Married just to get a wife? how is it mandatory to marry? i didn't find it in the bible that if u don't have a wife u are a sinner so it aint compulsory in existence, besides many nigerian ladies of this days aint helpin matters 4 real.

I'm not a religious person but i'll tell you this. . .

There's a difference between a religious marriage and a government marriage. A religious marriage is one a couple does before the god they worship. A government marriage involves signing dotted lines on a marriage certificate that is recognizable by court of law. Most people in Nigeria undergo all these marriages (including traditional rites).

Marriage is not mandatory. It's not a must. In my opinion, if a man intends to get married, it's in his best interest to ask himself WHY HE WANTS TO BE MARRIED! Is it because of love and trust? Is it because of kids? Is it because age isn't on his side? Is it because her biological clock is ticking? Is it because he feels obligated to marry her because they've dated for too long? Is it because she threatens to leave him if he doesn't walk her up the aisle? Is it because he feels he might not find someone better if he loses her? Is it because of the pressure from society? Is it because he's financially stable and feels it's the right thing to do? Is it because all his friends and colleagues are married and he wants to join the bandwagon? Is it because religion tells him to? Is it because he can't face people putting him down and bashing him because of his single status? Which is it?

Most times, men marry for at least one or all of the above reasons all of which ARE THE WRONG REASONS to get married in the first place.

Reality check brodas!

I'm out. Peace.

harakiri:

I'm not a religious person but i'll tell you this. . .

There's a difference between a religious marriage and a government marriage. A religious marriage is one a couple does before the god they worship. A government marriage involves signing dotted lines on a marriage certificate that is recognizable by court of law. Most people in Nigeria undergo all these marriages (including traditional rites).

Marriage is not mandatory. It's not a must. In my opinion, if a man intends to get married, it's in his best interest to ask himself WHY HE WANTS TO BE MARRIED! Is it because of love and trust? Is it because of kids? Is it because age isn't on his side? Is it because her biological clock is ticking? Is it because he feels obligated to marry her because they've dated for too long? Is it because she threatens to leave him if he doesn't walk her up the aisle? Is it because he feels he might not find someone better if he loses her? Is it because of the pressure from society? Is it because he's financially stable and feels it's the right thing to do? Is it because all his friends and colleagues are married and he wants to join the bandwagon? Is it because religion tells him to? Is it because he can't face people putting him down and bashing him because of his single status? Which is it?

Most times, men marry for at least one or all of the above reasons all of which ARE THE WRONG REASONS to get married in the first place.

Reality check brodas!

I'm out. Peace.

harakiri:

Spot on Jay!

One time, i dated some lady for about 5 weeks and she was already asking me the usual "so where's this relationship going questions" and i was like. . . WHAT DA PHUCK WAZ DAT! ! !

Personally, i believe marriage is a good but flawed concept. It's a social construct put together by mankind to curb the "excesses" of men! Plain,simple and short. If there's anything that's constant in life (like everyone knows). . .it's change and when that change comes, the marriage contract binds people who are already tired of the union from walking away.

This reminds me of my brother-in-law who married my baby sis last year. The priest/pastor asked the man if he would love her forever and ever, never hurt her and strive to make her happy. . .to this he answered YES and right there, he told him he hoped he would still hold the same view in 10 years time. I WAS COMPLETELY SHOCKED AND TAKEN ABACK. This was a "man of god" who was obviously married making such bold and blunt utterances.

The only reason why people are getting married is to please society and not because of love,trust and any other flimsy excuses people give. There are people who stay together as live-in couples, have kids and live happier lives than many so called "happily married couples". I'll be 31 in march this year and still don't see myself getting married in the next 4-5 years (perhaps have a kid. . .i don't know). Several of my buddies (who are usually years older than me) are married and i am yet to see one of them who can convincingly tell me he's truly happy. The only good thing they can talk about is their kids and even that can come without marriage.

One scary thing about marriage for a guy is that you never know who you really married until she has a kid or two for you. That's when the gift wrapping comes off and you see the goodies from Santa Claus. SeXxx that used to be excessive coupled with blow jObz now become a thing of the past/non-existent. I know guys that consider themselves lucky if she puts out once every two weeks (and this is something that used to be at least once a day). They can't do anything without begging their wives first. Their balls are totally locked up in wifey's trinket box. Men that used to be ferocious lions become domesticated siamese cats within a few years. They are always trying to find middle ground with their wives (which indirectly means succumbing to her wishes or be prepared for hell on earth). It's always about her,her,her and her. Something inside of me tells me i should get married someday but i'm someone who learns from other people's experiences and i am yet to see ONE genuinely happily married man. Two years ago when i was having issues with a lady i was with, a married man (who happens to be a friend of mine) told me this : For every seemingly happy marriage you see out there, there is a man swallowing shyt on a daily basis. Even my late dad who died in 2003 told me that the "joy" of marriage is to LEARN HOW TO SAVOR THE SUFFERING! ! ! It reminds you that you're alive. It's like a cancer eating you up painfully on the inside but each day you wake up, you are reminded that you are still alive.

Is that a life worth looking forward to? Tell me, why on earth would any normal thinking adult male want to give up his freedom all because society says so? What is in it for him that he can't get outside marriage? Hmmm?

Nuff said!

harakiri:

@poster. . . When u say "there is more 2 this than meets the eyes", i can safely assume that u are insinuiating spiritual/diabolical reasons. Why do people reason this way and blame anything that is beyond them on the spiritual? More and more men all over d world are turning their backs on marriage and you cant blame them considering the fact that marriage is more or less an outdated institution dat has outlived its usefulness. Can you name ONE thing that a man benefits from a marriage dat cant be obtained without d bondage of marriage? Is it sEXxx,children,friendship,commitment? Which is it? You can get all these without bonding yourself unecessarily in a contract that will rob you of your freedom,happiness and piece of mind. Till date, i am yet to see one married couple that will make me say "Gee, i wanna be in dat guy's shoes". The world population isnt in danger of extinction and let the truth be said. . .THE ONLY REASON PEOPLE MARRY IS TO MEET UP TO THE EXPECTATIONS OF SOCIETY! There is nothing "ordained" about it except man-made customs. And its not about "love and trust" either else if there is real trust, why marry? Why not treasure the relationship as it is and be together in peace rather than throw exotic/expensive weddings with lots of guests (witnesses), wearing rings (bondage) and signing dotted lines (marriage document that is tenable in the court of law). Shebi marriage is based on "trust"? Then why go through so much wahala if its truly about "trust"? People just keep deluding themselves.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha @ harakiri, I can imaging a married man going tru ur post shedding tears and muttering; I wish i saw this post b4 i got married. Are women really that tough to handle? I dont think so. In a situation where a woman is showing superiority and disrespect for her man in the home, is because the man has failed in his responsibilities (financial, sexx, providing comfort etc) These days, most men allow their wives to work and provide 4 the house, therefore giving her the impression that she can do as much as her husband can. For me, the role of a wife should be; to give birth to children, take care of them and manage the home. The mistake most men make before getting married is that they chose to marry a girl from a rich background, a working class and even those that are already made. so how do u take charge when u've shared ur responsibilities with her? guys wise up! sow ur coat according to ur cloth, even if it means picking a girl from the village as long as u are in control.

@kinjiggy. . . U have great points but those are not often the case. Whether you marry a governor or palmwine tapper's daughter doesn't matter. They all turn to something else once they have you hooked with kids. Its as if it gives them license to do whatever. The guys i know are married to both working and stay at home wives. It doesn't matter. I agree that its worse if u fail in ur duties but i know guys that are role model husbands, doing everything humanly possible to please their wives and they have no peace of mind. The woman gets bored with "peace" and will dig up something to nag about just to create drama. U will see guys you rarely drank alcohol, branching into bars and clubs,spend hours in heavy drinking binges and lose their senses all becoz they dread going home which is hell for them. Do u know how many times i've driven my buddies to their homes because i fear they can pass out on the steering and the thanks i get from the wife are insults for "ruining their husband's life". Dis na me wey dey my house jejeje and guys hola me say e don happen. Dis na small beans compared to wetin oda men dey suffer.

@kinjiggy
i am sorry to say that i disagree completely with what you wrote:

kinjiggy:

In a situation where a woman is showing superiority and disrespect for her man in the home, is because the man has failed in his responsibilities (financial, sexx, providing comfort etc)

what about if the man is a no good rat? what about if he lacks the care/understanding? what about if he thinks/acts like an ignoramus? there are MANY reasons why a woman could disrespect her husband and they have nothing to do with your idea of marriage responsibilities.
if a man cheats on his wife then she should NOT have any respect for his asss since he doesnt have any for hers.

These days, most men allow their wives to work and provide 4 the house, therefore giving her the impression that she can do as much as her husband can.

as much as we all understand that "some" women out there aint shiit, thinking about women like a second class being is ignorant. any smart man would know that its far better FOR THE FAMILY (lil kids ego aside) to have two incomes rather than one. if a man believes that his wife CANNOT WORK for whatever reason then this man has lost the plot and lives in the 17century.
sorry to say but a woman CAN do as much as a man can, just because you dont have the balls/knowledge/employment consistency to handle her  IS another matter. 

For me, the role of a wife should be; to give birth to children, take care of them and manage the home.

i guess you must be living in the jungle!!!!!

The mistake most men make before getting married is that they chose to marry a girl from a rich background, a working class and even those that are already made. so how do u take charge when u've shared your responsibilities with her? guys wise up! sow your coat according to your cloth, even if it means picking a girl from the village as long as u are in control.

this is what men who aint got shiit would say. thats what WEAK, POOR, UNSTABLE, INSECURE men would say!
men should find a woman that is their equal, someone they can look straight in the face rather than below.

low self esteem men like yourself is the reason why there are so many failed marriages around Africa to begin with.
you want to take charge when you have nothing to show for. if your girl is richer than you then use that platform to raise your status and standards in life and better youself and future family rather that wishing for lower standards lifestyle/partner. bwaaaah!

(looking at MRbrownJay with one eye)

^^^^^what you looking at me with one eye for?!
as much as i am fully aware that there are many hoes out there, dismissing all women from having a say in the home or being equal with their man is  .

these low self esteem guys are better off with SERVANTS or SLAVES!
if someone dont want to get married then fair enough but getting married to someone and EXPECTING her to be below you is a waste of life.

Damn Mrbrownjay,

Can I look at you with one damn eye? Don't make me pull out my butterknife!

@OP

Women = Too Much Wahala. WE GIVE UP!

Some are afraid, some irresponsible and some others dont see any need for it.

@ Kimjiggy
Where settle for a village girl, she may marry and decide to better herself and get a degree and begin to earn money and start disrespecting mighty hubby with the money.
Or worse still she may "chop" baba ijebu and begin to opppress you by not knelling down when speaking to you.
Some women can be silly like that they donot know they should only be seen n not heard and in 2011 they are no equal.

My dear bros I reccommend you buy a dog : NO! Even those still misbehaving by wagging their tail when you need them to sit down. So the only choice you got is a warm loaf of bread or vaseline or maybe glue.
I hope you consider my suggestion or simply buy a time machine and go back to 1700. If you marry a woman that only respects your pocket the moment she gets some money you are done for,why not marry someone who truly adores you and you earned respect no matter what since you will respect her too.

it's not by force to marry.

just dont be giving others the evil eye later, when you see them settle down.

Some Men don't consider getting a wife simply because one doesn't like the idea of being tied down to one woman. Marriage, in my opinion, is superficial and only necessary when one devotes their entire life with the other, and vice versa. Even then, that can go wrong. Like my man Harakiri said, people change, and once you live with someone under the same roof for a while, you will start to see their TRUE side. At that point, you may even regret marrying that person in the first place. I don't believe in marriage, but I DO believe in being with someone your entire life. Isn't that marriage in itself? I don't need a ring, some ritual rite, or a document to prove how much I love my significant other.

horny4u:



My dear bros I reccommend you buy a dog : NO! Even those still misbehaving by wagging their tail when you need them to sit down. So the only choice you got is a warm loaf of bread or vaseline or maybe glue.
I hope you consider my suggestion or simply buy a time machine and go back to 1700. If you marry a woman that only respects your pocket the moment she gets some money you are done for,why not marry someone who truly adores you and you earned respect no matter what since you will respect her too.

@ horny4u, In as mush as I respect your opinion, and have learnt some lessons in some of the points raised, I feel politely insulted by some of your comments and demand an apology. "GLUE"? damn! "u hash oh".
If truly there's a woman that "truly adores you" without an eye to your pocket, it may be 1 in a 100 (I think that's fair enough).

@ mrbrownjay, If you are sharing your opinion do so without using provocative words.

@ Mrs Chima, Pls sheath your butterknife.