This is the third time Emeka will be going late to work in just 3 consecutive days of his fresh employment at the Coca-Cola Bottling Company. As he lathers his body in the bath, the words of his ever nagging Supervisor, who has never been contented with Emeka’s skill in driving the Forklift echoed in his mind __ like a room with no single material to buffer sounds, thereby making it shrilling and lasting.
“If you come late to this Company tomorrow again,” He paused, Shook his head with a frightening scowl, in the same rhythm he tilted his index finger pointed at Emeka “I’ll make sure I sign your Sack later with Joy!”
Now, Yesterday’s ‘Tomorrow’ is today, and Emeka’s ‘sickness of late coming’ is about to ruin his chance of survival in this hard Lagos. Same sickness that earned him suspension from Secondary school 5 times. Same Chronic sickness that made him missed writing his Maths, English and Government Exams in WAEC. Hence, the reason why his Father stopped his schooling and enrolled him in a Forklift Driving School. His ever supportive Mother always blamed Witches in the village for infecting her beloved Son with this endemic lateness, but his monochronic Father, a Superintendent in the Nigerian Police Force, attributed it as one of the offshoots of laziness and over pampering Emeka enjoyed from his Mother.
It hurts Emeka seeing how time and nature always cheated him. He once cried as a teenager when he was made to stand in front and full glare of the class to do what is called the “Latecomer dance”, a raucous session filled with humiliating boisterous laughs of mates who obviously enjoyed his forced body swings to a song not dedicated to love, happiness or success, but to Members of the Late Comers Association all around the world. A Rubbish Song sung by rubbish people___ he called it!
“Latey Latey Comer! Wetyn you dey do for House? You dey chop Amala. You chop Ewedu. Our Teacher go flog you, Shame!” The blend of Tenor, Soprano and the Jagajaga hoarse voice of those Yoruba boys from (only God knows where) all converged in making this music more humiliating to Emeka ears, and he always wished he could turn back the hands of time, and probably call Mr. Daniel, his class teacher__ a stupid goat with no single brain in his head, not even the smallest amount of Choco Milo’s size!
Emeka suddenly jerked up into reality after Mama Ifeoma yelled angrily from outside the bath, “Broda Emeka, you wan born for Baffroom!’ he suddenly realized that he had spent more than required time in the bath thinking on what could have been.
Hastily, he threw the remaining water left in his bucket over his head, unbolted the algae infested green door and rushed out of the bath. As he stepped out, he was muttering ‘Sorri Sorri’ to Mammi Ifeoma for wasting her time, but she stood there with surprised lines etched in her forehead and mouth slightly opened, scanning Emeka with her eyes, from the head to a prolonged stare at the middle, and continuous advancement to the toe as if he had bathed with the watery poo of a Baby rather than water. Emeka noticed this weird gaze but was unbothered about it, he said to himself “Wetyn dey my front pass dis one!”, and hurriedly walk towards his room.
A few steps from Mama Ifeoma, he met another shocking gaze of Faith, his beloved crush, he smiled seductively at her, but Faith’s eyes were fixed on something else. Unlike Mama Ifeoma who was speechless, Faith at the sight of Emeka screamed ‘Jesus!’ and covered her eyes with both palms. Emeka recoiled with two steps back, spread both arms downwards and shrugged his shoulders in a manner that says ‘What!’
Like someone who just saw a friendly ghost, frightened but with a smile on her face, Faith lifted one palm off her face while spreading the other vertically in a way that covers both eyes, and pointed the index finger of her freed hand towards the middle of Emeka’s legs, as answer to the big ‘what!’ reaction.
Emeka dropped his stare towards the pointed direction, what he saw increased the tempo of his heartbeat to the drum beating of an Atilogwu drummer, his eyes widened with a million megawatts of shock on realization that he had walked out of the bath naked without his towel. He joined his thighs together in a way that created the ‘X’ meeting point at his knees, and covered his ‘PowerHorse’ with both hands. He swiftly conducted a scan around to see how many people must’ve seen him in this condition, apart from Mama Ifeoma and Faith. His eyes counted Teenage Bisi, Pa Adebayo, Mama Akara, and the feminine Daniel, who was rumoured to prefer doing it with guys rather than ladies__ winking at him with a somewhat seductive smile. A smile Emeka would rather term malevolent.
The thought of all the eyes on his unclothedness made him rotate his eyes in search for any available cover, clothes, bowls, or anything that could just shield his noble ‘Knight’ from his neighbours who were enjoying a free show without buying tickets. Seeing none in arms reach, he ran back to the bath to grab his towel, and his enthusiastic neighbours all cheered as he ran with his manly buttocks reddish with blush from all the attention it has garnered in just few minutes__ a real star!
The cheers all died down as soon as Emeka hid himself the closed doors of the bath, he took a deep breath to make up for the already lost ones, and straightened himself in preparation for another grand walk out of the bath, not as a celebrated nude Emeka, but the same Emeka whose stylish demeanour commands respect amongst the neighbours. He raised his hands up to reach for his towel which he hung on the wall separating his present abode from the other washing rooms, but it was nowhere to be found.
At this point, Emeka need to choose between remaining in the bath until help comes, or give his neighbours another grand walk to save himself the repercussion of going late to work. After weighing the two potions, a considerable large amount of value rested on his job rather than his neighbour’s perception. He said to himself;
“If I perish, let me perish”
And he unbolted the door, held it for seconds enough to last for the complete recitation of Psalm 23, and he let go to the boisterous cackles, cheers and boos of neighbours who seemed to have called on more people to come and enjoy Emeka’s grand walk.
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Written by: Bako Abdullahi
2020