Hello Guys,

On my last article on how to file for a divorce legally in Nigeria, some folks thought I was advocating for divorce but that is not really correct. Trust me, there are people out there facing a lot of problems in their relationships and marriages, so I only offer a little assistance on how they can leave such toxic marriages legally.

You can follow up with the thread here: https://www.nairaland.com/6202297/how-file-divorce-nigeria

So today, I'm here with some steps you can take in order to fix an unhealthy relationship. This is not a guarantee but following these steps given increase your chance in changing the status of your relationship for good.

Relationships are very important aspects of your lives. One of the easiest ways to more productive and happier is when you have strong connections with your loved ones, family, friends, or even colleagues at work.
It is important to know that as good as relationships are, they don’t always come as easy as they seem because you may sometimes be required to put in considerable amounts of effort to make them work.

There are times your strongest connections will break leaving you lonely, unsure, and disappointed. Other times, the relationships may not even be giving you the right vibes you wish for or not meeting with your expectation.

Good news! There are steps you could take in order to fix that unhealthy relationship you are into right now. It could be a relationship with your lover, friends, family member, co-worker, neighbor, or anybody at all.

Before we look into the steps to take in order to fix your unhealthy relationships, let's quickly take a look at what defines a good relationship. You will know your relationship is not healthy when you discover you lack some of the following.

How to know a good relationship.
There are different types of relationships as one relationship may be different from the other. However, there are some basic requirements used in measuring and knowing when relationships are still healthy and the connections are still strong.

Let’s take a look at some of the signs of good relationships.

1. Trust
One of the essential ingredients necessary for building a very strong connection in a relationship is trust. Without trust, relationships are likely to become toxic and may not be able to survive for a long time.

2. Good communication
A good relationship will become better when there is proper communication. Being able to communicate with loved ones will allow you to connect more as there is no better way to know how your partner, family, or friend is feeling than when you talk about it.

3. Mutual Respect
In order to maintain a good relationship with another person, there is a need to have mutual respect and understanding of each other’s needs and values. It’s also good to understand and respect each other’s opinions in matters that concern both of you.

4. Mindfulness
When you are still mindful of what you say or do to the other person, know that your relationship with that person is still good. It is important that you don’t let your negative emotion affect others.

When your relationship lacks the attributes mentioned above, know that the relationship is getting worse and you need to save it before it becomes worse.

Steps to take to fix an unhealthy relationship.

Step 1: Communicate with your partner
As common as this line sounds, many people still skip this very important part of fixing their relationships.

Even when you advise them to communicate with their partners, you will hear responses like: I’ve tried but he/she is not listening, I’ve talked about this a thousand times with him/her, I know speaking to him/her about this is not a good idea, so no need.

One thing you fail to understand is that communication is not all about talking alone, it involves listening too. It is usually difficult for us to listen as we always feel we are right.

In order to fix your unhealthy relationship, true communication must begin. These must involve both talking and also listening.

Now since the essence of this communication process is to fix your unhealthy relationship, there will be a need to improve your communication pattern. You can take a cue below.

1. Figure out the communication pattern of your partner: communication is all about using the best method to get your point known. You need to figure out the best way to communicate with him/her. You could make use of text messages, WhatsApp messages, or telephone calls. You should also know the best time to bring up conversations. It should be mostly when the atmosphere is calm and the tension is down.

2. No need to play the blame game: You are supposed to discuss the issue and not point accusing fingers at each other. The essence of the discussion is not to blame who is wrong and praise who is right. It is all about knowing the issue, learn from it, and ensure it doesn’t happen again.

3. Make gestures when talking: There is nothing more comforting to putting your hands on their shoulders when talking things through. This is a way of reassuring them that you enjoy their company and you want the issue to be resolved ASAP. No matter how difficult the situation is, try to get close and attempt to hold hands. Let them know that although things are rough at the moment, you still care.

4. Use a different approach: It is a popular saying that “you cannot be doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result” if talking doesn't work, try getting him/her gifts or suggesting that you go out on a date or a relaxation spot to discuss.

5. You should remain open: Never come with the mindset that you are the right one while they are the wrong ones. Once you have made your feelings known, you should become open to the other person’s response. Try to understand your partner's point of view, even when you don’t agree with it, try to express yourself in a pleasant way. Relationships sometimes are all about compromise.

Step 2: Detect the Issue(s)

The whole essence of the communication process is to know what exactly the issue is and the only way you can achieve this is when you have an honest and productive discussion.

It will be difficult to fix an unhealthy relationship when you do not even know the cause of it in the first place.

You should know that different problems have different ways of solving them. Once the problem is detected, then you are already halfway into solving it. All you need to do is to know the best approach to use in solving that particular problem.

For any problem you have detected, you can easily put out a comment as we try to give you a possible resolution.

Step 3: Seek Help

Although involving a third party in your relationship problems may not be a good idea, sometimes there are things that are beyond your control and you just need to involve another person.

It is advisable that you involve a more mature and experienced third party in order to avoid making the situation go from bad to worse. If possible, you could also seek the help of a professional to help you sort things out.

Conclusion

In all, you need to understand that communication is the sure key to fixing your unhealthy relationship. Try to have a very productive communication with them so that you can be able to know the next step to take in fixing whatever issue you are having.

It is essential you know that some unhealthy relationships may go way beyond fixing especially in relationships that involve abuses of any kind

In this case, after making one or two attempts to fix the relationship and it doesn't work, you could try to talk to someone you trust about it or make necessary plans to separate yourself from such a relationship. This is important for your sanity.

Keeping yourself in any toxic or violent relationship is not good for you and it will affect you both physically and mentally. In the case of toxic marriages, you can seek a divorce legally.

cc: farano, Rocktation, Lalasticlala

Source: https://www.opinions.com.ng/2020/10/steps-to-take-to-fix-unhealthy.html

Relationship wey wan cut go cut .

Add

Hustle hard

Cos with money , nonsense will stop

frubben:
Relationship wey wan cut go cut .

Add

Hustle hard

Cos with money , nonsense will stop

lol. na small true you talk here because even though we all wan make this money, no be everytime the money dey save person.

take 2020 for example

frubben:
Relationship wey wan cut go cut .

Add

Hustle hard

Cos with money , nonsense will stop

wetin go cut go still cut even if u use rope tighten am. Na true u talk. Yorubas would say, owo lo ni lo pe wa.

there is where go reach.e go gba brake

baralatie:
there is where go reach.e go gba brake

Sure, personally I don't like toxic relationship but it is good to try your best to fix it.

if it doesn't work, move