COMPARE YOUR INDIVIDUAL BACKGROUND

Marriage brings two people from two different backgrounds together to come and live together as one for a lifetime.

If this purpose of oneness and unity will be achieved without stress or friction, then the two parties must compare their background so as to know areas to improve on.

You must compare your age, interests, values, educational status etc. This is one of the things that courtship is meant for.

When you compare background, it gives you insight into what to expect so that you can prepare for the responsibilities attached.

YOU MUST COMPLEMENT AND NOT CONTRADICT EACH OTHER.

During your courtship, you should be able to ascertain, whether you are both complementary or contradictory.

God will bot bring into your life somebody that will be contradictory because, if you as a lady will be an helpmeet to someone, he should be doing something that you will not contradict.

If you as a man will get a lady to be your helpmeet she should not contradict what God has given you.

If you discover unchanging and destructive contradictions during your time of courting it is better to quit. If what pulls you apart is more and higher than what pulls you together, then there is the need to re-examine the union before making a lifetime commitment into sorrow and pain.

LOOK OUT FOR MARRIAGE-ABLE TRAITS.

Every man cannot be your husband and every woman cannot be your wife. This is due to the fact that not all men are husband material.

If you discover that someone does not posses marriageable traits or quality, you have to be careful. Look out for.

- Adaptability and flexibility

- Empathy i.e sensitivity to the needs of other

- Ability to give and receive love

- Communication ability and balance. Not too quiet and not too noisy

- Willingness to yield to a lifestyle different from what they were used to i.e ability to sacrifice.

- Willingness to accept God’s word as the final authority over every issue regardless of how they feel etc.

BUILD PILLAR ONE LOVE

Love is a foundation pillar in every relationship. No relationship can exist without love, talkless of surviving without it.

You must be ready to love and accept each other regardless of your weakness so that the relationship can grow.( Prov. 17:17) we must love each other deeply to overcome every fiery dart of the wicked.

Agape: God’s kind of love that is divine and unconditional

Eros: Love based on passion and sexuality

Philio: Love based on affection and mutual relationship

Storage: Family or blood love within relations for success in marriage, all these four balance kinds of love must be in place.

ALWAYS RE-AFFIRM AND VALIDATE YOUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER

God loves us and we know this, but we still expect God to re-affirm His love for us through fulfilled promises, releasing blessings, answering our prayer etc.

For a relationship to be strong and established, both partners must always, and continually re-affirm their love for each other by verbalising it regularly, validating it with gifts, care and attention.


During courtship, love should be affirmed within the boundary of purity and righteousness.

Even though your partner knows that you love and care for him/her, it does something in them when they hear it again from you consistently.

BUILD PILLAR TWO UNDERSTANDING PROV. 13:15

In all relationships, those involved should aim to come to a place of unity and oneness, and this happens when they understand one another very well. Individuals in courtship should take time to grow to understand each other. Misunderstanding sometimes brings understanding and sometimes you disagree to agree. But in all, let the Lord have His way.

We need to understand our partners,

- The way they talk

- The way they react to things

- The way they treat people and things

- The way they view things etc.

It takes time to understand each other but it is worth the time.
BUILD PILLAR THREE-TRUST

A relationship is only as strong as the strength of trust that exists between the two parties. If there is no trust in a relationship things fall apart.

When we trust God. We open ourselves to His blessing (Prov. 3:5) and when we trust each other at all times, we keep the channels of blessings open.

No matter the whispering of the devil, make up your mind to trust your partner because not everybody wants you to be happy.

A relationship without trust is like a dead man waiting to be buried. Where there is no trust, there will be no unity, and the devil knows this, that is why he fights trust in marriage and sows different thoughts and pictures in people’s mind to bring doubt and mistrust.

BUILD PILLAR FOUR-HONESTY/SINCERITY.

In Prov. 28:13 we see the danger of dishonesty and insincerity. Marriage is the only place where God expects us to be naked and not be ashamed (Gen. 2:25) i.e. to be open, sincere, honest, plain and transparent without any form of hypocrisy, hidden agenda or deception.

Lack of honesty and sincerity of heart brings in leprosy like that of Gehazi. Many people have entered into marriage to discover that their partner has an illegitimate child somewhere, has no womb, is impotent, has married before etc.

Such discoveries can shatter people, so you should be honest with each other. If singles can honestly and sincerely say and follow the faith at all times, all will be well with them and their future.

BUILD PILLAR FIVE RESPECT.

Every relationship that wants succeed must avoid over-familiarity. Familiarity breeds contempt when respect is lacking.

For very relationship that will succeed maritally, there must be mutual respect for each other’s grace gift. Ideas, views and person.

All these pillars that keep relationship strong are not automatic. You have to build them and avoid anything that will destroy them. (Eph. 5:21) where there is respect, there is open door but when respect is lacking many walls will rise.

One thing that has to be noted is the fact that respect is reciprocal, and anyone that desire to be respected must also sow respect.

- this is true in friendship

- this is true in courtship

- this is true in marriage

- it is true in every relationship of life

If respect is in place, things will be correct.

@poster! as much as ur write-up is lenghty, i must tell u that i strongly disagree with some of it. base marriage with the fear of God and it will be well. not education etc u talked about. We tend to help God wen it comes to union between a man and woman (marriages).