zed7:

If I wasn't married I wouldn't know that marriages are meant to be sweet instead of toxic. After about a decade, I believe I know what a good marriage is.

samuelson06:
Once she's deeply angry /sad, she talks like someone that is possessed with the demon of talking. And she does it with tears. I had to slap her because of that. She's been talking and crying since 12 midnight till now. I seem to be lost.

Maybe she's expecting me to start begging and petting her but I'm not ready for that. She's talking about all the wrongs I've done to her since we met but ignoring what led to our misunderstanding.

Can I live with this kind of human being in the same house as a wife? The more she keeps talking, the more I'm getting angry. She's vomiting all my records of wrong since we met.

Is this normal? How can I handle this nature of human being?

Demigod22:
I totally understand your frustration but never go physical on her. Whenever she is crying and talking, just pet her and when she is strong, try and explain to her about how that behavior affects your psyche.

samuelson06:


Thanks so much. It's not easy for someone to take out so much time to write like this to advise. Thanks again. I'm suspecting she's trying to be manipulative. She did it the first time and I held her to sleep. Another time, I noticed she was murmuring and she does that often. This time she waited for me to be done with my work and the moment I wanted to sleep she started her wahala. I just got mad because I felt like sleeping.

I understand she loves me but this attitude of hers would end up pushing me away from her. Maybe petting is good but it's not something I like. It's not something I want to run in my family. I want to raise children who are emotionally strong and not a type that even at adulthood would be crying uncontrollably as if he or she is a baby and looking up to someone for petting.

That's nonsense to me. Those kind of people are easily used because they don't have their mind or believe in themselves. This has been my fears with petting her. And in her tears, she told me I never used to ignore or touch her when she behaved that way and I knew within me she was driving to something and I won't do it.

Goldencheese:
Marriage no be a walk in the park. If you feel you can't cope, when she sobers, call her attention and have a long talk with her about your relationship with her. It could be that you've not been listening to her feelings. When there's no communication in a relationship, anytime there's a crisis, the weaker party, which mostly is women will pour their hearts out. You have to train yourself to listen to their words. If she is manipulative and it is something she does, it is bad but if she suddenly opens up and it is one of the rare times she does, omo, you need to sit up and listen if you value that relationship.

And why would you slap a woman? You never marry you dey slap her? Omo, you go slap tire o. Never raise your hands against your significant other. I learn patience through my woman. Before I got married, if I see say you be drama queen, I go just withdraw but if a woman is good to you but because you don't listen or create room for communication in the relationship she voices her concerns through her tears, if you love her listen to her. Tears, emotions are not bad o. If you meet those ones wey their mind be like stone, you will thank God say your own they cry o.

The tears of a woman are priceless. They remind you of our common humanity, vulnerability and emotional commitment. They could be used for manipulation, too, but if they are not, they are priceless.

Goldencheese:
Thanks for your reply. The issue is this simple, you have the privilege of knowing who your girlfriend or fiancee is now. If you cannot put up with her manipulations anymore, call a meeting between two of you, could be outside of your house and discuss things with her. Let her know how you feel about her, the murmurings, the tears, the need for cuddling and all that. Tell her the kind of woman you want. For example, you made an important point, after working and coming home to rest, you expect to meet your significant other making the home bearable and a delight to you and not one that you have to start petting when you need to rest yourself. Let her know the vision you have for your family and that there is no room for someone that behaves like her. This communication is important so that both of you can save yourselves the time and look for more compatible partners. This world is not difficult. But keeping her and giving her the impression you will go ahead to marry her and then at the same time suffering in silence won't do any of you any good. That is how I would have reacted. Why should a young woman be murmuring? Did she live with old people? Those are issues to correct in time, and if they can't be corrected, you should know what to do because you seem to me to be an Alpha male.

Wishing you both the best in life.

EmptyGarden:

You have probably oppressed the poor lady into a mute. Every woman talks... It's in their DNA.

zed7:

You have been so abused by toxic women you now feel its normal. Of course a woman expressing herself is different from what the OP is claiming.

There are a million decent women with self worth out there, the problem is most of you are damaged and naturally seek damaged women also. Like attracts like.

samuelson06:


Thanks for your words. I've talked to her that I hate what she did and she was like, "someone must say I'm sorry and she's sorry." It's just tiring for me. However, I made it very clear to her that the day I'd experience such attitude and disobedience would mark the end of our relationship - in or before marriage.

EmptyGarden:
Absolutely normal in marriage... But where that slap come from? You neva even marry you don begin slap, i wonder wetin you go do when you marry o, 'cause women talk no dey finish o, as I'm writing this sef my ear dey pain me.