1.why do girls like nylon during rain as their best padi(friend)

2.my girlfriend ditch me yesterday and I was appointed as a NEPA today so I went to her house and tell her I dey pity your street.

3.why do witch suddenly appear and start laughing,has they won lottery

4.a professor made a calculation about my result and say I going to fail and I prove his calculation was all wrong by asking him to solve this equation:
x*0=2

5.if you ever had a chance to save one thing,would you choose to save your iphone 11 pro max with your atm of all your money over your life? Smart guys only.

1.has anyone wonder by the way Nigeria goat look at people as if it had met one in an important occation

2.in a class
teacher:what is photosynthesis
student:photosynthesis is the ability of a phone to capture a picture synthesis by sunlight produce from the sun to make it more beautiful.
/chaii/

3.a guy dump me last year by collecting #50,000 from me and telling me I would recieve $500million and has not been picking my call,pls what went wrong

4.I saw a flock of chicken having an accident on the road and I'm hoping an ambulance would come and pick them

5.pls,I lost my atm card last week.
the name is "chicken",password is "micky5mouse" account number is "0NIGERIA4DEBT"

Oga weldone,
that atm i done see am o just send me small airtime i no go tell anybody d password, abeg just try.

Thanks here is the card: 8654633252546645234656664562323256456464636432326548547464

I know every one will be lazy to read this numbers

Which network, because Airtel, glo, mtn or etisalat. No like this card, now which network be this.

Na Nigeria new sim card

A teacher is asking his student question in home economics

_teacher:what do we use to cut food in the kitchen?
_student:knive
_teacher:now Chicken what do we use to turn off fire?
_chicken:carbonate drinks
_teacher:what!
_chicken: our elementary science teacher told us that carbon(ii)oxide is use to turn off fire and it is use in the preparation of drinks
_teacher*chaiii*

ha ha ha

God go bless you

FUNNY JOKE OF THE DAY
1.if Nigeria ever want to be a like China permit me to choose one of my best chicken to run for Government

2.wonder shall never end o! I saw a girl on facebook posting:today is my birthday so you should come and celebrate with me
so I come and she dey be like:ekaro evibodi shey well for you
I comot japa

3.AMERICA
B:hey babe
G:whats up
CHINA
B:how are you
G:fine
NIGERIA
B:hi babe
G:wetin!


4.
It is found out that ant can transfer corona virus so are we sick or dead

5.I lost my #10 yesterday at Sokoto and I'm in Lagos and I went back to pick it shey be I do well

Hello folks

1.wife:I have a dream about you giving me a diamond
husband:go back to dream and wear it

2.soon in Nigeria you would be hearing pay your tax money for your well

3.last week I was going to America to meet my friend as I hear the flight money I commot board a bike to America.I don't have time for rubbish

4.For the next year candidate for presidensy my chicken Chuckieschicken has decided to contest for CHICKEN DEMOCRATIC PARTY CDP Let us celebrate kuku give him money to contest

5.COVID 19 NEWS:it has been confirmed that 50,000 rats,19,550 chickens and 152.023 ants have been tested positive for covid 19
me on my way to isolation centre

••••••Conversation between a Rat and Man•••••Rat: (with tiny voice) hello.Man: hello, who am I speaking with?Rat: Na Mr. John be this abi??Man: Yes you are speaking with Mr. John,who is this please?Rat: So you no recognize my voice abi? Name your room mate.Man: You say what?Rat: Your room mate Rat. I dey your roomnow...Man: I beg your pardon?Rat: which yeye beg you dey beg me. Inever eat since yesterday,were you wakacomot? I check that place wey you dey putfood I no see anything. I check the kitchen,nothing. I even check your fridge,no singlefood there. E be like say you wan kill meabi... No problem, I just say make I let youknow say That your certificate inside yourwardrobe wey dem write LAGOS STATEUNIVERSITY I don eat the LA comot.Remaining GOSSTATE UNIVERSITY. Let mesee which work you go take GOSstateuniversity find.....Nonsense (rat ends call)

1)If you introduced me to your parents and later dump me, I will continue coming to your house, I can’t leave your parents because of you*����������2)Oh God, the smell you gave to Goats, some of your sons have Stolen it*����������3)some of us, our girlfriends will neverpost our pictures even if we get missing.*����������4)I was in a taxi and there was this weirdlooking muscular guy at the back seat with 2 other guys. His phone rings and he answered, ‘boss, I’m in a taxi with him now, I will shoot him when he gets off’*We’ve been in the taxi for 2 days now and no one wants to get off����������5)We UGLY Guys Don’t Usually Change Our Profile Pictures *Because We Know How We Suffered To Look Handsome in The Previous Photo!!���������6)Are you going to ask me to be your val or should I call your name three times and break the egg like baba told me to?*����������7) If her armpits are hairly let her sleep outside since she want to be a wild Animal����������Some girls will Zoom your picture justto see if you have money in your pocketsbefore replying your message….If I mention tribe nowThey'll say I hate Igbo people����������9) Girls, best way to punish your boyfriend is to reject his “Money”.I swear it is very Painful.Boys am i communicating??����������10) I don’t give my number to strangers but you can give your account number to strangers, thief.����������11) Nothing hurts more than buying a new Exercise book and getting zero on the first page����������12) So The Situation Where Fine And Rich Girls Fall In Love With Ugly Broke Boys Nu, Does It Only Happens In Movies?Because I Meet All The Requirclick ement. I’m Broke And Very Ugly But Still Naa!!Why !!!����������

Girls with small breast are scared of hanging their bra outside cos it looks likenose mask ��I come in vawulence

Short girls cheat a lot because they thinktheir boyfriends will not see them�

Girls with small breast are scared of hanging their bra outside cos it looks likenose mask ��I come in vawulence

Short girls cheat a lot because they thinktheir boyfriends will not see them

SOME LECTURERS FROM A UNIVERSITY IN NIGERIA, FACULTY OF ENGINEERING BOARDED A PLANE.WHEN THE PLANE WAS READY TO TAKE-OFF, THE PILOT SAID......"WELCOME ON BOARD LADIES &GENTLEMEN MAY I PLEASE INFORM YOUTHAT THIS PLANE WAS MANUFACTURED BY YOUR STUDENTS IN THE UNIVERSITY AND THIS IS THE FIRST TIME OF FLYING".IMMEDIATELY THEY HEARD THAT, EVERYONE RAN OUT OF THE PLANE EXCEPT ONE PROFESSOR IBRAHIM YUSUF WHO SAT COMFORTABLY.PEOPLE WERE SURPRISED AND WENT TOHIS SEAT TO ASK HIM WHY HE DID NOT RUN OUTOF THE PLANE LIKE OTHERS?HE SMILED AND REPLIED..."THERE IS NO NEED TO RUN OUT BECAUSE IF IT IS TRUE THAT THIS PLANE WAS MADE BY OUR STUDENTS, THEN WITH WHAT WE TAUGHT THEM, AM VERY SURE THE PLANE WILL NOT EVEN MOVE".Pls don't laugh all alone. Just to put a smile on someone's face���

Ekaitte went to the store to buy a parrottrained in the USA and asksthe sales person;"What's so special about this parrot ?"Sales person says:"This parrot is a genius and can answer anyquestion"Ekaitte asks the parrot;"How do I look?"The parrot replies;"You look like a fuckin slut?"Ekaitte gets pissed off and tells the salesperson that its a very rudeparrot and she cannot buy it despite itwas trained in the USA.The sales person tells Ekaitte to wait for 2mins...The sales person takes the parrot to the backof the store andshoves the parrot into a bucket of waterand when he pulls theparrot out he says;"if you disrespect the lady out there againi'll soak you back in water" and takes theparrot back to the store.Th sales person apologized to Ekaitte andsays she can ask theparrot another question.Ekaitte: "If I come home with one manwhat would you think?" Parrot: "He's yourhusband"Ekaitte: "Two men?"Parrot: "Your husband and his brother"Ekaitte: "Three men?"Parrot: "Your husband, his brother andyour brother" Ekaitte: "Four men?"At this time the Parrot turns to the Salesperson and says:"Bring back the bleeping bucket of waterI already told you she's aslut!!!"

Chicken went to an electronic store, he asked the storekeeper "what is the price of thisTV?"The storekeeper answered "we don't sellourproducts to Chicken." Chicken again came nextday by cutting his beard and asked"what isthe price of this TV?" The storekeeper replied"we don't sell our products to Chicken". The next day Chicken came with a different face and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The shopkeeper replied "we don't sell ourproducts to Chicken." Finally Chicken got irritated and asked the shopkeeper "how do yourecognise me every time?" The storekeeperreplied "because this is not a TV it is Microwave Oven!"

Real Stress? You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl. Suddenly she loses consciousness and you take her to a hospital. This is STRESS! In the hospital you are being told that she is pregnant and doctors start congratulating you with the future newborn.You explain that just an hour ago you have seen her for the first time in your life, but she starts telling that you are the father. This is a BIG STRESS already. You require for a DNR analysis and they make it. Then the doctors tell you silently, that actually, you can't be a father since you are genetically sterile (genetically cannot produce children). This is a STRESS, combined with a relief. On your way back home you remember, that you have three kids. That's what the REAL STRESS is. P.S. What do you do to your wife when you get home?

One day Chickenstar and John were watching T.V when the news came on, showing a man standing on a bridge about to commit suicide, suddenly Chickenstar said "I'll bet N500 that the guy won't jump off", John said I bet N500 that he will jump. Unfortunately for Chickenstar the man jumped off the bridge,Chickenstar accepted his fate and stretched forth the money but John didn't take it, saying "I can't take the money coz I cheated, I already saw the news this morning" but Chickenstar insisted and said "no you can take it, I cheated too, I also watched the news this morning, I just didn't know the guy will be stupid enough to jump again!"

Laugh out loud Hausa songs are always in a hurry... That makes me wonder if the artist is using a stolen guitar. Please be careful of who you help oooo, I was bathing my neighbor chicken in hot water. Now I'm being called a thief
I've deleted all Eminem's songs on my phone , even my mom doesn't shout at me like that.
I no longer see primary school pupils wrapping their books with Newspapers or calender.Our culture is really gone
My life is so private that no one even knows tomorrow is my 3 years old son's 7th birthday.
My mom kept fish on the table I ate it,now she said I should check under the table if the Rat is dead. Please,which rat is she talking about??

Mr & Mrs Wesley, an elderly couple are attending church services. About halfway through, he writes a note and hands it to his wife. It says, "I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?" She scribbles back, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

two lovers decided to commit suicide. they got to the mountain top and the lady suggested that the guy jump first being a man, the guy jumped. the lady closed her eyes walked away and said love is blind. the guy released his hidden parachute, shook his head and said true love never dies

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start". The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email." "I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job." The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US . He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email ". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!" The man thought for a while and replied, " Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!" Moral of the story 1. Internet /email is not the solution to your life. 2. If you don't have internet / email , and work hard, you can be a millionaire. 3. If you received this message by email, you are probably already an office boy/girl, and not any close to being a Billionaire. , Cheers and stay real, P.S - Do not forward this email back to me, I' m closing my email & going to sell tomatoes?!!

One day.A very young pretty lady decided to paint her room by herself. When she noticed that her dress got stained so much ;she put off her wears.Leaving nothing on her. Some minutes later,she heard a knock on her door.The followings are the conversation: Visitor:Knock!knock!!knock!!! Lady:Yes,Who is it? Visitor:The blind man! Lady:Ok.Come in, hearing that the man is a blind man Visitor:Could not believe his eyes sighting the lady .Oh!You look very great Lady:Looked very furious.But you said you are a blind man? Visitor:Yes, I mean the window- blind man!!!

A lady was in the delivery room
starting to deliver her baby. As the
head came out it was dark and had
an afro. The doctor said, "Madam,
have you ever slept with a black
man?"
"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.
Then the torso came out and it was
yellow.
"Madam, have you ever slept with
an oriental man?"
"Well, yes" she said, "but only
once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.
When the legs came out they were
red. The doctor asked her if she
had ever slept with an Indian.
"Well, yes" she said, "but only
once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.)(
He finally pulled the baby all the
way out and held it upside down
and slapped its bottom to make it
cry. As it started to cry the woman
exclaimed "Oh, thank God, at least
it doesn't bark!" [color=#006600]

A lady was in the delivery room
starting to deliver her baby. As the
head came out it was dark and had
an afro. The doctor said, "Madam,
have you ever slept with a black
man?"
"Well, yes, but only once."
"Once is all it takes" he replied.
Then the torso came out and it was
yellow.
"Madam, have you ever slept with
an oriental man?"
"Well, yes" she said, "but only
once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.
When the legs came out they were
red. The doctor asked her if she
had ever slept with an Indian.
"Well, yes" she said, "but only
once."
"Once is all it takes," he said.)(
He finally pulled the baby all the
way out and held it upside down
and slapped its bottom to make it
cry. As it started to cry the woman
exclaimed "Oh, thank God, at least
it doesn't bark!" [color=#006600]

A girl invites her boyfriend over for dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner she wants to have sex with him for the first time.The boy is ecstatic, but nervous because he's a virgin. He goes to the pharmacy toget some condoms. He tells the pharmacist his situation and asks for advice. The pharmacist tells him everything there is to know about sex. Atthe register, the pharmacist asks how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-packor a 10-pack. The boy says he feels lucky and insists on the 10-pack.That night, the boy shows up for dinner a little late. His girlfriend meets him at the door leads him straight to the dinnertable where her parents are already seated. The boy sits down, quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still silent with his head down. Five minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 10 minutes, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boy, "I had no idea you were this religious."The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

There was this Yid from Brooklyn who decided to go to Russia for a visit. Why not? Must be an interesting place. However when he tried to do some business in the black-market. He was quickly arrested by the police and imprisoned.When he was brought before the judge, he was informed that doing business with the black market was a terrible crime to society, since the people suffer from the inability of the government to collect taxes and the punishment was well known, death.Although the Yid protested that he was aforeigner, his protest fell on deaf ears. The judge refused to reduce the sentence."The government is trying to stamp out the black market. We have no mercy on people who come here and disregard our laws. However, since you are a foreigner, and we do want to encourage foreigners to come here as tourists and to do business, legally, of course. We want to show the world that the Russian legal system has mercy. Therefore we will allow you three wishes. Any thing that you desire, just ask and you shall begranted them. The only condition is that you can not request to commute your death sentence. After your three wishes have been granted, you will have to pay for your crime.""O.K., if that is what I have left to do withmy life, my first request is to go skiing in the Carpathian mountains.""What?" the judge remarked, "skiing? This is the summer! There isn't any snownow!""Well," the Yid answered, folding his arms across his chest, "I'm prepared to wait. Because that's my first wish""Let it be so!" The judge banged his gavel on the desk and called the police."When the snow falls on the Carpathian Mountains, you are to fetch this Yid and let him ski to his hearts content, from sunrise until sunset. Afterwards he is to be brought to me to complete his sentencing."Six months later the police came to the man's house and took him up to the most beautiful ski resort high up on the Carpathian Mountains. The Yid skied all day and after night fall the police whisked him to the judge."All right, the state has granted your firstwish. What is your second wish?""Well, I always wanted to swim in the Black Sea. That is my second request.""What?! The Black Sea is frozen. It's winter now!""Well," the Yid answered, "I'm prepared to wait.""O.K.," The judge said banging down his gavel, "the police will come to you on a beautiful summer's day and escort you to the ocean where you will swim to your hearts content from sun rise until sunset. Then you will be brought here to complete the sentencing."On a beautiful summer's day, the police came to the man's house and took him to the nicest resort area on the Black Sea. The Yid swam and swam the entire day and then after sunfall, was ushered in front of the judge."The state has kept it's word. Now you may have your last wish, after which youwill be executed! What is it?""Well," the Yid began, "nothing could please me more than to be buried in a cemetery along side of you.""What?" the judge said, "but I'm not dead yet. How could we do that?""I don't know, but I'm prepared to wait"

The Rabbi and his WifeThe Rabbi and his wife were cleaning up the house. The Rabbi came across abox he didn't recognize. His wife told him to leave it alone, it waspersonal.One day, she was out and his curiosity got the better of him. He openedthe box and inside he found 3 eggs and$2000. When his wife came home, headmitted that he had opened the box and asked her to explain the contentsto him.She told him, every time he had a bad sermon, she would put an egg in thebox. He thought to himself, "In twenty years, only three bad sermons,that's not bad." His wife continued, "And every time I got a dozen eggs,I would sell them for $1."

A Yoruba Man was sitting with an Ibo man and a Hausa man in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel ofbeer, when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them. They were initially given a death sentence but, as it was a national holiday, the sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the sheikh said, "It's my firstwife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping, but you cannot wish not to be whipped!"The Hausa man thought for a second then said: "Please tie a pillow to my backbefore whipping." This wasdone but the pillow lasted 10 lashes.The Ibo man saw this and said: "Please tie two pillows to my back before whipping." This was done and lasted for the whole 20 lashes.The Yoruba Man saw this, but before he could make his wish, the sheikh said: "Asyou share the sameethnicity with the president of your country, you are permitted to have two wishes!"The Yoruba Man thought for a second, then said: "Thank you, most royal and merciful highness. My first wish is to receive 100 lashes with the strongest, toughest whip available." "If you so desire," the sheikhreplied with a questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?" "Tie the Ibo man to my back."

I just got this from a friend! He said his Landlord summoned an emergency meeting yesterday.Agenda: 50% increase in rent.For what? Relief to Haiti earthquake victims!Question: when did Lagos landlords become good samaritans