I am not ashamed to say this and i can say it anywhere that i dont have parternal family. What is in a family that dont care about your existence, they are just too wicked, just because my old man married my mum and change to a christian. I hate them all, i refused attending my grand mum burial, because i dont want to have anything to do with any of them. What do u think?

They are still your family. You should at least have some kind of relationship with some of them. Yes, they made a mistake. . .have they apologized? It's better to at least keep in touch with like one or two that you can get along with. you can't forget about them all.

olagold

good for u, if htey dont care for u leave them alone. htey will hurt u before they help u. jus tmake sure that history does not repeat itself, hwen u have ur own family

@ Olagold: Strong emotions indeed. I don't know what your paternal family did to you, but it must have been really bad, if you hate them so! 

Whilst you know best what happened,  I'd say, have a thought at the implications of a total break. It's a shame you didn't attend your gran's funeral, but it's done. I don't know how old you are now, but don't you think it would be best, if you put the past behind you, and show them what you've become, now you're a man?

You'll eventually have your own kids, (if you don't already) and you'll be proud to say, despite all you went through, you've come out on top, with well adjusted children. It IS a good feeling, believe me!

My old man was a bully, but one day I woke up, suddenly, the man I'd looked up to as a kid, used to think he was a big, tough guy, was just a little old man, and could do me no more harm, physically or mentally.

He actually cried when I left Nigeria for the last time, June 1990, said he was going to miss me, and had a feeling he was never going to see me again. Ola, it was at this moment I forgave him, and hugged him. He was right about the feeling he was never going to see me again, because 2 years later, he was dead, eaten up by stomach cancer. I got the news from my older sister, a year before I graduated.

I was sad, but very, very relieved we'd made our peace, and he didn't die, thinking I hated him. Please, think carefully about the relationship you could have with your paternal family, obviously if you don't want anything to do with them, that's fine.

Just remember, it's hard to forgive folk, when they're dead and in the ground, and it's virtually impossible to live with that feeling. Sometimes, confronting the past, and coming to terms with hardships you went through as a boy, could have a positive effect on your destiny as a man.

siena, am sure you are not a small girl
you don advice the guy finish
thank you o jare
GOD WILL GIVE YOU MORE WISDOM O

i agree with everything Siena said.
Hate is a harsh word, but do u really hate them, or are u just angry. It takes a bigger person to forgive, i dont know what ur paternal family did to u, but please find it in ur heart to forgive them, as we are all human, and do make mistakes.

Thank u all for your concern, i've tried so much to be close to them and accept them the way they are, but the more closer i get along the more harmful they become. I think they are hating us the way they hate my mum.
I dont like pretending, so its better to be far away from them than to be closer and pretend as if everything is ok.

Olagold:

Thank u all for your concern, i've tried so much to be close to them and accept them the way they are, but the more closer i get along the more harmful they become. I think they are hating us the way they hate my mum.
I don't like pretending, so its better to be far away from them than to be closer and pretend as if everything is ok.

if you've noticed these things, dont just assume its your imagination.  And dont assume because they are family, therefore things will somehow work out okay. it doesnt always turn out like that. Its true some family members can hate with a passion, and sometimes its just better to stay away from people bent on pulling you down.

Its really bad that people will carry grudges for decades, simply because they have issues with someone's choice of spouse. it does happen.

You can forgive them so you dont live with malice in your heart, but still be careful. You dont really have to force yourself to be close just because you feel obligated to.

Thanks for your constructive advise, bless u all.