His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American - Culture - Nairaland
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| His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 3:47am On May 27, 2011 |
It has been on my heart for a long time that what has been genuinely built between him and I can never surpass the culture engraved by tradition. I spoke briefly with "ife mi" and discussed the matter that holds my mind captive. I am an American of African descent and he is Nigerian. Our relationship is going well and I enjoy the joy he brings to my life. I feel that although there is a language barrier between the two of us, we are able to comprehend the importance of us being together. My concern is that although we are both in college and doing great within our respective majors and careers, I feel that we will never be more than "boyfriend and girlfriend". I'm not looking to get married at the age that I'm at because I'm very ambitious and I have my priorities in line; however, according to research, Nigerian's aren't encouraged to marry outside of their culture. I truly would appreciate any advice. Positive I hope! |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Pweety4me(f): 4:03am On May 27, 2011 |
Hmm |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 4:04am On May 27, 2011 |
ok thanks for the feedback  it was greatly appreciated! |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by BABE3: 4:29am On May 27, 2011 |
You're an American of African descent---A.K.A African American--Isn't that a bit shorter to type?  --lolAnyways, "Ife E" what exactly do you want us to do.? You already said 'you feel you can never be more than B/F and G/F'. You said there is a language barrier between y'alls--- He can't speak English? How did he pass TOEFL? hmmm-- You mean "accent barrier" right? You also said According to reaseach Nigerian men aren't encouraged to marry outside of their culture----lmao~~ |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 4:47am On May 27, 2011 |
no actually i meant "language barrier" being that we can converse in English. I'm not fluent in Yoruba. There are many accent barriers one being that I have a "southern" one. so had I meant that i would understand the reasoning behind your statement. the need for a green card brings irrelevance because he was born here :-) so i can mark that motive off the list! and he has been dying to introduce me to his family but i've been hesitant because i'm not sure exactly how they would react to me being they are very traditional. and you asked what exactly do you want us to do? Well first I would like to interact with open minded individuals so I can learn more about the Nigerian culture. Secondly, I want to know how others feel about Nigerians dating or even marrying outside of their culture. Thanks Sweets,  |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by BABE3: 5:03am On May 27, 2011 |
DistinctMe: But you still converse in English right? Where is the barrier coming from? Anyways moving on~~~ I'm very happy for you!! You're very lucky--lol  Well, a typical Nigerian parents/family will probably not really accept you at first--Honestly speaking. It's all depends on how open-minded and modern they are. But I think you should give it a shot. Go to the Culture and Probably the Politics and Family Sections on the forum! ermmm--- the Romance section? not so good a place to learn about Nigerian culture. Well, I feel dating outside one's race or culture is wonderful! But personally, I find it hard. I'm too 'Nigeria Oriented'. If you get what I mean-- Goodluck though!! |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Pweety4me(f): 5:11am On May 27, 2011 |
DistinctMe:Lol my bad, i hope u ain't mad?i just wanted to give air for others to contribrute, but my "Hmm" implies that i ave read & ave a feel(understanding) of the situation Well you are young like you said, so you shouldn't really be so bothered about it?i mean how long ave you know him?and what exactly is it that you feel for him?"love"and how sure are you of your feelings? If college means Uni over there den i guess your not that young, try and talk about it with him more, what does he feel?cause we are only getting your side of things & your feelings what does he feel?what has he said?does he kow that your worried?does he think that the language difference/barrier is an issue?i mean you said he grew up there & he wants to introduce you to his parents so i guess he feels confident!. Don't let your heart be too troubled about the issue ok?it is well |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 5:12am On May 27, 2011 |
thanks for the advice, it is sincerely appreciated. and the barrier is when I'm unable to interact with him within the means of his own culture. ex: when invited to functions that honor his tradition. Although I know a little Yoruba, I'm still a little unsure of whats going on. But as you've stated, moving forward into destiny, Thanks, |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Pweety4me(f): 5:14am On May 27, 2011 |
Another thing, be mindful of the advise you take on from here, people can be very one-side and selfish with their opinions & perspectives on matters. Goodluck! |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by MsSophista(f): 5:17am On May 27, 2011 |
OP: As an AA also, it can work out any way. I have a friend who is also AA is married to a Nigerian man. They've been married for 15 years. Six months ago I met a special someone from Nigeria. Generally speaking, strong cultural traditions (which I admire) usually take preminence over all else. We really enjoyed conversing; I enjoyed his intellectualism and accent. He is a beautiful person whom I enjoyed profoundly. The problem came about when we were having issues[/b] in our relationship and he confided with a family member. Although the fm is 50 years of age and is a lawyer here in the US, he advised him to find someone from his homeland if he wanted to get married. To make a long story short, he took that advise. It's ok to have a preference in marriage but a negaive thing to discriminate based on geographical location/ideologies/stereotypes. Although he was a christian, he never listened to my defense that good and evil transcends culture and ethnicity. You will find the same women in the USA as you would in Africa and other parts of the world. [b](I was shocked that at his age he didn't have the ability to understand this concept). The red flags I missed: he spoke about being afraid of AA women due to all the stereotypes he heard AND BELIEVED. Although I live a decent life. This is not to dampen your spirit but listen to his what he says. If he is able to balance cultural beliefs/traditions in your relationship-and if you're both christians, filter those beliefs thru the Word of God- there's a great chance he'd commit to you on a marital level. Also, learn about his cultural. Best wishes!!!!!!!!! |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by BABE3: 5:18am On May 27, 2011 |
Pweety4me: Lol--Pweety, see how we double-handedly bashed our own people. Let them wake up and meet us here---heheh |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Nobody: 5:18am On May 27, 2011 |
yoruba families appreciate hardworking women. If you really want to get settled with your beau, know that his mum is the main hurdle. Respect is the backbone of our culture,men prostrate to greet elders while women kneel. Respect is d key,try to learn yoruba and be eager to learn how to cook yoruba dishes,with this you would have won his mother's heart. |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 5:18am On May 27, 2011 |
well he says that he cares for me the way he has never another and he strives daily to make me happy, I know that in my culture women are very headstrong about their feelings and any other beliefs they have in life thats why i have been hesitant in being with family. (not trying to be offensive) but Nigerian women seem to be very resistant to change and especially when it is in reference to their own culture. lol I just figure that my heart beats systematically the same as any other heart so why does my ethnicity contribute to the matter of the heart, I just dont know, I'm very happy though, thanks for the advice ladies! |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Pweety4me(f): 5:20am On May 27, 2011 |
BABE!:Lol na your people?no be my own oo  . . .abeggi na true na make we just give her notification   |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Pweety4me(f): 5:22am On May 27, 2011 |
DistinctMe:RED ALERT! Girl your on your own(b4 nko) as of now, bai bai o! |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 5:23am On May 27, 2011 |
lari, you're a sweet heart! actually I have been "attempting" to cook nigerian dishes. I'm actually pretty good at it. and i'm fascinated with this culture. I've been told to knell down when addressing the mother but I didnt know they were serious. I didnt want to knell and she look at me as if i wasnt being sincere but was googling tribal greetings. but thanks for that confirmation Lari |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Pweety4me(f): 5:24am On May 27, 2011 |
lari03:Lol see schedule |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 5:25am On May 27, 2011 |
RED ALERT? lol why is that? I stated that it was not meant to be offensive. |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by BABE3: 5:27am On May 27, 2011 |
Pls can this topic be moved to the family/culture section? Anyone? Jaybee? Ice? |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Nobody: 5:28am On May 27, 2011 |
@Pweety no b small thing, you never know say marriage matter na heavy damage of independence?lol |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Pweety4me(f): 5:30am On May 27, 2011 |
^^Chei!@ pic se na gate-man you be? |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Pweety4me(f): 5:33am On May 27, 2011 |
DistinctMe:Girl make statements with caution, infact don't even make generalised statements like that, they can be really lethal with plenty hazzards! but sha i can only speak for myself, but for some1 who knows the smallest about a culture or country you gotta hush a bit & learn instead! 'no ofeinse' |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Nobody: 5:35am On May 27, 2011 |
let's not scare the girl with inlaw palaver yet sef,domineering mothers' in law and the numba of kids the family would be xpecting. |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 5:37am On May 27, 2011 |
point taken in consideration, good night loves I have a lecture in the AM, oh and I do APOLOGIZE for blindly generalizing a culture. To my dear Lari, I take it all as love, and humor God Bless |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by Nobody: 5:38am On May 27, 2011 |
that picture was taken during human suffering aka NYSC in akwa ibom |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by MsSophista(f): 5:42am On May 27, 2011 |
DistinctMe: You sound like a classy woman. It shows in how you keep your composure, The main thing is BE YOURSELF! Learn to please and know him but learning should be mutual. |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by DistinctMe: 5:48am On May 27, 2011 |
MsSophista: That I strive to be! I'm glad to know the way I portray myself is the way others perceive me, thank you |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by tpia5: 6:24am On May 27, 2011 |
according to research, Nigerian's aren't encouraged to marry outside of their culture |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by MsSophista(f): 6:58am On May 27, 2011 |
DISTINCT: Hope everything works out in your favor? TPIA: What is the reasoning behind that research? Is there any balance to it like teaching Nigerians to love their wives/husbands and look for the best in people, even people of the same culture? Or, is it solely based on shallow, external factors? Is tribulism an effective way to relate to the world? Has anyone ever questioned this ideology? There should be an intelligent purpose to people continuing traditions for centuries. The world has changed and evolved into a global economy, However, people are people period. How do those Nigerians who profess christianity justify this thinking when Jesus died to for every one and cut across cultural ties (i.e. Jews and Gentiles)? Is this way of thinking helping the culture? Is it causing Nigeria to function at it's highest potential----and it does have high potential of becoming a great nation[i][/i]. Are marriages more blessed with joy and happiness? Don't get me wrong, most of us have preferences in whom we'd like to marry. Culture and traditions are very important, too. The issue I have is when people claim to better based on ethnicity, culture, geographical locations? When it clearly states in God's Holy Word that ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Jesus went against his traditons and cultural belief at times when it conflicted with the bible. Therefore, he was able to transform the world. All great men and women have two things in common----their ability to THINK (outside the box of confinement, limitations) and the ability to swim up stream, whereas most others just go with flow along with school of fish. I enjoy these conversations! |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by tpia5: 11:01am On May 27, 2011 |
Poster i quoted that because i'm surprised you've never heard of any nigerian/other culture marriages. |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by English1(f): 12:49am On May 28, 2011 |
I think you should just be yourself and stop worrying so much about his culture and what his family think. If they are nice people, and you are a nice person, you will get along, without trying to turn yourself into some sort of pretend Yoruba. I've seen quite a few mixed relationships. Funnily enough the ones that work best that I've seen (and last longest) are where everyone is just relaxed, acknowledges each others culture, but still acts within their own. So both of the couple have to be flexible and open minded that 'their way' isn't the only way or the right way. I've also seen relationships where someone tries too hard and starts wearing Nigerian clothes, and learning the food, and so on and those people don't get any more respect, and the relationships are not more likely to work. I've been with a Yoruba man for over 10 years now, I've never worn trad clothing, I've never knelt to anyone, I don't cook Yoruba food, I know about 5 words of Yoruba, but we are happy, and his family totally accept me. I think it may depend a bit on the family. If his family are quite old-fashioned or don't speak English maybe they may struggle with it a bit. My OHs family are all well educated modern people - their culture is important to them but they are open to other ways as well - if someone who wasn't Yoruba started bowing at them, they'd probably laugh. Be true to yourself. Stop trying to find problems everywhere. Just get on with it. It'll either work or it won't. 1 Like |
| Re: His Culture Refutes The Logic Of Our Love: He's Nigerian And I'm An American by pleep(m): 2:37am On May 28, 2011 |
I'm a Nigerian born and raised in the united states, I understand what you mean about the 'language barrier', But it's kinda hard to explain isn't it. |
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