Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,154,852 members, 7,824,551 topics. Date: Saturday, 11 May 2024 at 12:23 PM

Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . - Food - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Food / Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . (3172 Views)

Poll: Can You Drink Guinness?

Yes: 25% (1 vote)
No: 75% (3 votes)
Ocassionally: 0% (0 votes)
I'll give em a try: 0% (0 votes)
This poll has ended

How I Survive Every Month As A Bachelor / NAFDAC Hits Guinness Nigeria With One Billion Naira Fine / Please, Teach Me How To Make Toast Bread (2) (3) (4)

(1) (Reply) (Go Down)

Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 12:52am On Jun 07, 2011

[size=13pt]Most visitors to France can’t wait to try a real pint of Guinness.

They are right. It’s the only country where you can get a real pint. The foreign stuff is the piss they scrape off the top. They have to get rid of it somewhere.

However, your first pint is potentially the most lethal trap you will have to encounter. 99% of tourists give themselves away on this one. So here is how to do it. . . .

Enter the pub. Look nonchalant. Don’t look as if you are about to have a life changing experience. Walk casually to the bar and wait. Don’t call the barman. Don’t rap a coin on the counter. He’ll come to you.

If he speaks with a foreign accent, get the bleep out of there. He won’t know how to pull a pint.

He’ll ask you what you want. Just say “pint, please”. If he asks “a pint of what?” then scowl at him and snarl “Guinness, of course”. Most barmen won’t ask anyway, as Guinness is the ‘pint’ by default.

He will then take a pint glass and fill it about two thirds to three quarters full and place it on the counter.

First Trap: LEAVE THE DRINK THERE. DON’T TOUCH IT! The barman will probably walk away. Don’t mind that. Just stare into the distance. Go have a pee or a quick gay. But you must wait.

After a minute or two, he will come back and top it up to a full pint. Again DO NOTHING. Just wait. He will tinker around with it for a moment, and will eventually bring it over to you.

If he has engraved a shamrock in the head of the pint, then I suggest you sit down and write out your Last Will and Testament. You are as good as dead. The barman has spotted that you are a tourist and has flagged you. The locals look for this and will be quietly loading ammunition into their guns.

Second Trap [assuming you are still alive]: DON’T TOUCH THE PINT. It will still be settling. You have to wait until there is a crisp demarcation line between the black and the white. The longer you wait, the better. At this stage, it is perfectly acceptable to stare at the pint.


Third trap: The locals will be watching you to see how you approach the pint. If you try and slurp the white head off [or even worse, blow it off] you have signed your death certificate. The chances are that you will be hung off the wall and the locals will use you as a dartboard for the rest of the night.

Another fatal error is to sip the pint. Sipping is for nancies and their glasses of wine. This is Guinness, for bleep’s sake. You grasp the glass firmly in your fist and gulp back at least a quarter, if not a third of the contents. Act like this is the first drink you’ve had since coming out of the desert [which it is].

At this stage, the locals will begin to relax. You are quite entitled to burp at this stage [actually, it's unavoidable], but don’t do it too loudly.

If you are a wimp, and don’t like the taste, DON’T SHOW IT. Keep calm. Nip up and order a whiskey. That is acceptable. It’s called a Chaser. But you must finish the pint before knocking back the whiskey. [Which would you rather? Drinking a Guinness, or being shot?].

The chances are, you will like it. You can relax now. You can now savour it a mouthful at a time.

To really convince the locals that you are not a tourist, wait until you have about two inches left in the glass. Then catch the barman’s eye and raise one finger. This is the signal to start processing the next pint. This should arrive just as you finish the first.

Of course this now means that you have to continue ordering pints. Don’t worry about it. You have survived, and that is something to celebrate [if you need an excuse, that is?].

All this has made me thirsty. I think I’ll go and have a pint or five.

It is, after all, Puppychild’s third birthday.

It is time she was introduced to her first pint.
[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by firestar(f): 10:55pm On Jun 07, 2011
Yeah, well exert yourself afterwards, Guinness stays in your gut for three days. undecided
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 9:09am On Jun 08, 2011
and the blotchy smell of your urine at the loo does you no good either! sad
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 2:39pm On Jun 08, 2011
[size=13pt]My girlfriend is French and before visiting Paris for the first time I made her undergo strict Guinness ordering-and-drinking-training for 6 months grin . I, never mind her, would have been sent back to Marseilles on the first plane if, when her father asked her “So, what are you having?” she hadn’t said a pint, and thereafter followed all the steps i taught her. If only I’d had this 4 years ago- I guess I can save it for the next girlfriend. . . . grin grin wink[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Araboy(m): 4:31am On Jun 09, 2011
Tu vis a Marseilles c est une belle ville j espere que tu t amuses bien Labas
French tend to drink more than average European  but mainly beer and wine and since Guinness is an Irish beer most of them don't fancy it much I hate going to the bars since I don't drink or smoke but sometime one can get a good hook up especially in  Nice and Marseilles
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 10:54am On Jun 10, 2011
[size=13pt]Oui, mon cher i basée à Marseille. De la Corse, c'est toujours agréable journée et la nuit et ce pour cela que j'aime les gens tant la France. . . je amuses tre bien ici mon ami . . .et toi? grin grin smiley[/size]


Araboy:

Tu vis a Marseilles c est une belle ville j espere que tu t amuses bien Labas
French tend to drink more than average European  but mainly beer and wine and since Guinness is an Irish beer most of them don't fancy it much I hate going to the bars since I don't drink or smoke but sometime one can get a good hook up especially in  Nice and Marseilles
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Araboy(m): 7:43pm On Jun 10, 2011
I m good I hope you enjoying yourself and make sure you improve your french spelling while you still have a chance  grin
    A bientot mon Pote  Amuses toi bien et  a la prochaine
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 10:27pm On Jun 10, 2011
[size=13pt]LOL grin

. , but there's nothing wrong with my French spelling . . .i did the school over cheesy cheesy
[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 1:34am On Jun 11, 2011
[size=13pt]iice dear why did you move this thread to the food section . The reason i created this conversation is because of romantic talk not in the kitchen .[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by CrazyMan(m): 2:53am On Jun 12, 2011
smiley
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 7:58pm On Jun 12, 2011
[size=13pt]Crazy man why are you smiling. . . hope you know how to drink guinness ? grin[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 11:44am On Jun 13, 2011
drink water instead. it's better for your health trust me.
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 9:32pm On Jun 14, 2011
[size=13pt]George_D this is not where you belong. . . Please , search for the gentle-men Organizations around . - It is good to Drink water but how long shall you keep drinking ordinary water when there are so much nice drink to Rock your World?[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 10:57am On Jun 15, 2011
ogaga!!!!!
na wa for you oooooo! how can you be talking of enjyoying something that makes you
lose your senses? something that make you reason upside down after drinking?

drink water, my brother. doctors advice you drink plenty of it to maintain a healthy
life.
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 3:21pm On Jun 15, 2011
[size=13pt]George you can say WA! for me . . . Have you ever drink guinness before? sound like you not good in drinking. . .well , It's good for my body and makes me feel cool .

One mans food is another man's Poisson i can see now. .
[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 10:48am On Jun 16, 2011
ogaga,
not me alone, even the doctors say so. just look at the fine print under the bottle which
says "drinkers are liable to die young!" grin
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 10:51am On Jun 18, 2011
[size=13pt]You know? grin I agree with Doctor but on this case I'll say doctors give bad advice sometimes . . . . grin grin

LOL- Drinkers are not liable to die young but leave older , i guess you mean to say the prints on most of the Nigeria cigarettes that say: The federal ministry of health warns that smokers all liable to die young. - Cigars and Alcoholic Drinks aren't the same my dear. . . smiley
[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 5:32pm On Jun 18, 2011
ogaga!!!!!
how can you say there is a difference btw cigars and alcohol?

let me tell you, both of them are one and the same thing.

what happens to a young man who drinks your guiness and gets drunk?

if he enters the car to drive, will he survive it?
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 4:54pm On Jun 20, 2011
[size=13pt]Yeah i said Cigars and Alcoholic drink isn't the same and that's right. . . grin grin

You can drink one bottle og guinness but can't drink one stick of Cigar. . .difference is clear .

Well , pretending as if i dunno understand or grab your points given but the truth is , smoking or drinking alcoholic drinks isn't really that bad or dangerous .

Those that drink and get drunk should quit! that's not their callings, . . . cheesy cheesy
[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 5:38pm On Jun 20, 2011
ogaga!
how do you know when to stop? does your guiness bottle have a meter? undecided
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 7:40pm On Jun 20, 2011
[size=13pt]George you giving me bad advice to stop drinking! wink

Anyway , you can't discourage me from drinking. . . how many years now? cheesy cheesy
[/size]
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 5:18pm On Jun 21, 2011
ogaga!

believe me, its never too late to stop.
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 6:01pm On Jun 21, 2011
[size=13pt]George now that another bad advice from you---Alcohol is Good for Health man , i can see you're missing the enjoyment in drinking guiness. grin grin

A medical journalist Robert Kowalski points out that throughout history physicians have prescribed alcohol for its health benefits. They practiced without the benefit of science. However, “today, we have the scientific proof that drinking in moderation is actually good for most people.” He explains that
In most cases, one can find research studies that back up one side of an issue and other reports in defense of the opposite. , Rarely do investigators come to the same conclusion in study after study, with little or no equivocation. But that’s the situation with alcohol and heart health.

“Data have come in from all over the world. Studies have focused on both men and women, various age groups, and people of many ethnic groups. The conclusion remains the same: those who drink moderately live longer and have less risk of developing heart disease than those who abstain from alcohol. Published papers now total in the many hundreds.

“Still, some naysayers had their doubts. Perhaps the teetotalers previously drank excessively and had undermined their health, thus explaining their high levels of risk. In response, later studies excluded all but those who had avoided alcohol for their entire lives. The conclusion remained the same: alcohol confers protection against CHD (cardiovascular heart disease), and drinkers live longer than nondrinkers.” 1


As well known medical authority Dean Edell, M.D., asserts that “you would have to be living on another planet not to know that alcohol -- in moderation -- is good for your health.” 2 grin grin
[/size]





George_D:

ogaga!

believe me, its never too late to stop.
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 11:33am On Jun 22, 2011
ogaga,
you still have not answered my question: how much alchohol is really 'moderate'?

and how do you know when you're drinking above your moderate limit?
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 7:50pm On Jun 22, 2011
[size=13pt]I can see you really need us to talk about the whole things here~ Yeah , i was having in mind not to answer your question thinking you aren't serious with em but now i have scent you're asking for the motive to share knowledge on this issue together. . . grin -Well, It sounds like a mixed message: Drinking alcohol may offer some health benefits, especially for your heart. On the other hand, alcohol may increase your risk of health problems and damage your heart.

So which is it? When it comes to drinking alcohol, the key is doing so only in moderation wink . Certainly, you don't have to drink any alcohol, and if you currently don't drink George -D dear, don't start drinking for the possible health benefits. In some cases, it's safest to avoid alcohol entirely i know this but won't really be so easy for me to quit grin — the possible benefits don't outweigh the risks.

Here's a closer look at the connection between alcohol and your health.

Health benefits of moderate alcohol use

Moderate alcohol consumption may provide some health benefits. It may:

cool * Reduce your risk of developing heart disease
cool * Reduce your risk of dying of a heart attack
cool * Possibly reduce your risk of strokes, particularly ischemic strokes
cool* Lower your risk of gallstones
cool* Possibly reduce your risk of diabetes which is so common in Nigeria and other nations today.

George honestly speaking i dunno want to prove stubborn to my addiction in alcoholic drink- I mean that doesn't mean i should play partiality with ma brain and the knowledge I've acquired so far. . .I should share with you what i know so well and i always hope You'll also share with me what you know so well likewise. . . grin . You know? Even so, the evidence about the possible health benefits of alcohol isn't certain, and alcohol may not benefit everyone who drinks i have to point this out - grin
[/size]




George_D:

ogaga,
you still have not answered my question: how much alchohol is really 'moderate'?

and how do you know when you're drinking above your moderate limit?
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by GeorgeD1(m): 12:41pm On Jun 23, 2011
ogaga,
you're certainly posting like an alcoholic! grin
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by Ogaga4Luv(m): 5:28am On Jun 24, 2011
grin grin grin

George_D:

ogaga,
you're certainly posting like an alcoholic! grin
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by faragai24: 1:57pm On Jun 03, 2012
So, firstly, all Muslims must not consume Alcohol at all. It is amongst the Major Sins and will have to be accounted for on the day of Judgement. Besides the Islamic ruling, we all know too well the harms of this evil. This is one of the main roots of corruption in society. Violence, family tragedies, suicides are a few of the fatal results of this disease. May Almighty Allah save us all. Ameen.
http://www.inter-islam.org/Prohibitions/khmrmk.htm
Re: Let Me Teach You How To Survive Your First Guinness . by mrmofasa(m): 10:04am On Jun 08, 2012
[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][size=8pt][/size] Found the thread educative and interesting too. Can't wait to go to Ireland or France for a taste of the real Guinness

(1) (Reply)

See The Beautiful Cake My Mom And I Baked And Designed / See Scary Yam In Human Shape / What's The English Name Of This Fruit?

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 54
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.