Jokes for your entertainment -some you may or may not have seen before.

**************Enjoy***************************

The blonde diary
January
**Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
**Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. Helllloooo!!! Bottles won’t fit in typewriter!

March
**Got really excited…, finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…, box said “2-4 years!”

April
**Trapped on an escalator for hours…, power went out!

May
**Tried to make Kool-Aid….wrong instructions….8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!


June
**Tried to go water skiing…, couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July
**Lost breast stroke swimming competition…, learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!

August
**Got wet and locked out of my car in rain storm…, car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
**The capital of California is ‘C’…, isn’t it?

October

*Returned my new but faulty computer as I could not find “any key”.

November
**Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…, instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 lbs!

December
**Couldn’t call 911…, ’duh’…, there’s no ‘eleven’ button on the stupid phone!

this is simply delicious

A breath of fresh air. *exhales*

lysaa:

A breath of fresh air. *exhales*

u can sae dat again

Nice jokes!!!

Thank you, thank you. Far too kind ladies.

truly delicious jokes ! More please.


AKUNTA longest time

^Sure thing man. More on the way

hey!
we're waiting, u promised us more

Soon,be cool.

kk,

Okay.

What Men Really Mean

Just in case we don't understand one another.

1."I'm going fishing" -
Means,  "I'm going to drink myself dangerously silly and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety"

2. "It's a guy thing" -
Means,  "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

3. "Can I help with dinner?" -
Means,  "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

4. "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear" -
Means,  Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.

5. "It would take too long to explain" -
Means,  "I have no idea how it works".

6. "We're going to be late" -
Means,  "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac".

7. "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind"
Means,  "I was wondering if that hot chic over there is wearing a bra".

8. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard" -
Means,  "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".

9. "That's interesting dear" -
Means,  "Are you still talking?"

10."It's a really good movie" -
Means,  "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women".

11."That's women's work" -
Means,  "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless".

12."You know how bad my memory is" -
Means,  "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday or our anniversary."

13."I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses" -
Means,  "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe".

14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" -
Means,  "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt".

15."Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing" -
Means,  "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon".

16."I can't find it" -
Means,  "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless".

17."What did I do this time?" -
Means,  "What did you catch me at?"

18."You know I could never love anyone else" -
Means,  "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse".

19."I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are" -
Means,  "No one will ever see us alive again".

*************************************************************

;d ;d ;d ;d

what more can we say

Say no more

@ op, u busting guys mehn, making them so so susceptible. but no regrets, guys in their diversifying capabilities will easily switch lanes.
I cant help but giggle to d few which r applicable 2 moi.lol

14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" -
Means, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt".

Does not apply to me

@dammizz: Nah, not busting guys out. But like you said, they'll easily switch lanes, no doubt about that.

@Akuviv: Not applicable to you? You sure about that man.

lol

^Thanks man.

One day Little Johnny says to his father:

I want to get married.
Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johnny: Yes , Grandma.
Father: What? There is a problem now, you want to marry my mother?
Johnny: Why not? You married my mother.



THE MEXICAN
Aimara, a Mexican maid announced to her Boss Mr Blanco and his wife that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, “I’m in the family way.”

The wife was totally surprised and shocked, and asked who it was.

The maid replied, “Your husband and your son.”

Mrs Blanco was mortified and demanded an explanation.

“Well,” Aimara explained, “I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, ‘You are in the way’. I go to the living room to clean and your son say ‘You are in my way’. So I’m in the family way and I quit.”

*************************************
A big tough Mexican man married a good-looking Mexican lady and after the wedding, laid down the following rules:

“Honey, I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want – and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it.

Those are my rules! Any comments?”

His lovely new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at eight o’clock every night – whether you’re here or not.”

lil johnny @ it agaIN